"Hello?"
"Hi!"
(it was a chick!)
"Who is this?"(me)
"Nicole's friend"(her)
"Nicole who?"(me)
"Nicole ********"(her) (I bleeped out the name cuz Nicole's my friend and I'm not gonna put her on the spot)
"ummm, ok? and who is this?"(me)
" I can't tell you, I'm shy...."(her)
(freaky or what?)
"ok......"(me)
"I like you, Richard"(her)
(at this, I was mildly excited, I confess)
"uh, yes?"(me)
"yeah, I've seen your nice little ass in DHS"(her)
(my ass is nether nice OR little for that matter)
"hehhehheh"(me)
"why are you laughing?"(her)
"its good that you say my ass is nice.....but....I don't wanna be your boyfriend"(me)
"yes you do!"(her)
(whoa!)
"no I don't"(me)
"yes you do, you NEED a girlfriend"(her)
(true, but I wasn't going to be the boyfriend of a vidictive little ho-bag)
"what I need is spiritual elightenment"(me)
"wha...whats that?"(her)
"Buddha"(me)
"BOOT?"(her)
(snicker)
"Buddha!'(me)
"whos that?"(her)
"Tibetian god"(me)
"oh, I can give you that!"(her)
"no you can't"(me)
(who does this slut think she is?)
"I'm sorry, but if you don't tell me your name, I won't be your boyfriend"(me)
"You'll know me, on monday,I'll walk up and give you kiss"(her)
(at this time I got angry and said...)
"JUST TELL ME, WHO ARE YOU!?"(me)
"ah....ok...fine.....I'm Crystal Loomer"(her)
(Crystal is a friend of mine, and I know from the sound of her voice, this wasn't Crystal)
"You're not Crystal"(me)
"yes I am"(her)
"no, you're not....I know Crystal and she would be a little more....what's the word....SPUNKY!"(me)
"I'll beat you up if you won't be my boyfriend."(her)
(at this point, I used the "KAIN" card on her)
"HAHAHA! WHAT NEED I FEAR OF DEATH!?"(me)
"This was amusing...'(me)
"I'll get my boyfriend on the phone"(her)
(at this point,I knew something was fucked up about this whole thing, so I laughed, said thanx for the laughs and hung up)
I told mom what happened, thankfully that person has not called back yet.....and hopefully never again. It was the single most scary thing in my life to date......I hope I never have another screwed up phone call like that, EVER again....