Reaction vs. Choice

Ok alot of this belief of mine comes from my training as a certified hypnotherapist and personal observation. You see what I learened as a certified hypnotherapist is that we human beings are nothing but a bunch of bags of preprogrammed responses based on past experiences. Most of us repeat or have the same thoughts on a daily basis of about 4000 of the same thoughts per day. Very few are different from our previous day. It takes quite a bit of effort on our parts not to react. Reactions are preprogrammed responses based on past experiences.

Now when a situation occurs we have an initial inclination to react. Reflexes are good for the most part. They help us survive and reactions are a type of reflex. We are in an age though in which we do not have to be in 24 hr survivor mode. For the most part, especialy those of us with internet access, are not having to go out & hunt for our next meal or worry about predators and the physical elements of nature. Reactions became a way to learn how to survive. Nowadays people have this mode and learn reactions based on personal relationships have a bad past experience and get negative reations programmed based on survival. Here is where choice comes in.

Now as small children consciousness just flows and it isn't until we reach adolescence that we start having some independant thought unless you were geneticaly inclined as such (strong willed, curious, rebellious, certain personality archtypes). We as children absorb alot from not just parents but from our environments and culture that we are completely consciously unaware of. But even kids do have a choice and that choice is how we choose to respond to any given situation or input.

Let me give you an example from my own life...

As a kid my dad had a terrible temper. He would get mad alot for the silliest things, a fuz ball on the stairs would drive him into a rage. Toys on floors were worse than fuz balls. He hit my brother & I both with 2x4's and would throw our toys down the stairs or in the big trash bins. Later mom would cover for us while we would dig in the garbage for our most treasured items which we would have to hide lest he know we rescued them.

My mother drank away the pain and held on to her loyalty to her wedding vows. She eventually talked dad out of hitting us and instead he turned to verbal and mental abuse. My mom let him walk all over her. He constantly put her down and still does to this very day. She still drinks too and he still teases her about it. In fact just last year my father threw away some of my most precious childhood memories and artwork. I am 29 years old and he's still doing those things to me. (I'm 1000 miles away so no more 2x4's and verbal abuse)

Now the thing is as a child there were several ways I could have responded to what happened to me. I decided that I didn't want to be like my father and hurt/bully/intimidate people nor did I want to be like my mother, a doormat. I chose a middle ground. In fact I have met other people who have had similar situations and some included sexual abuse. Their choices were to be as messed up as their parents or abusers in an opposite reaction. The thing is we have a choice about how we wish to respond to people who remind us of the abusers in our pasts. The people in the present are not the bad guys of the past, BUT we do tend to attract similar people until we can break from the old patterns.. another famous phrase is learn our lesson. Personally the only lesson we have to really learn is that we are not victims. We are creators, co-creators of our experience. Again this goes back to choice.

Your greatest power is how you choose to act when any situation comes up. How you feel about it is a choice. How you percieve it is a choice. Changing your mind about it is a choice. Not changing your mind about it is a choice. Chosing to feel like a victim is a choice. Reactions are giving up your right to choose consciously how to respond.

So what are you?
Reactionary?                           Some     Often    Always
Choose consciously?               Some      Often    Always

So next time when someone does something and the emotions well up almost instantly, remind yourself that you are reacting to the past. Try to see the present for what it is and choose consciously your words, thoughts, and actions. Otherwise you are a slave to the past... by choice.