Grandpa

Although I never met my dad's blood father because he died when my dad was 5 years old, this was the man I knew as my grandfather. He was a mystery to me. He slept in a separate room from my grandmother, which I thought was strange. I knew he was a Cornnel(sp?) in the US Army. He got up every morning at 5:30am and did push ups and ate Mini wheat with powdered sugar on it. He hardly ever spoke to me for the longest time. We only had one thing in common. A poodle named Coffee. He was his dog and I loved him, so did grandpa. Grandpa said odd things in jest and joke & he was never ever serious, and I think that is where my dad gets it from. He liked to swim in the ocean and would swim up and down the beach for miles. He was the fittest man I ever knew... and of the 4 of my grandparents he died first. Something was eating him away on the inside.I did not learn of my grandfathers past until his final 5 years on this earth. My dad told me how this quiet gentle giant of a man I knew verbaly abused him and was an alcholic. He also cheated on my grandmother and apparently she never forgave him. He never drank during the time I was alive. But that did not stop the past from eating away at his stomach. Several times he had to go into the hospital for surgery to correct a number of problems. At the time grandma was showing signs of dementia. I was selling security systems and went to go talk to him about perhaps getting a system for both of their medical problems should something happen. I had this feeling it was important to talk to him. I can remember the words clearly:

"Grandpa what if you have another attack? Do you want to die in this house on the floor all alone and grandma wandering the house not knowing what to do!?"

"If that is how it is going to be then so be it!"

I saw the image in my mind, and that is exactly how he died. He chose how he was going to die. He was the first dead corpse I ever saw, untouched, inpainted by morticians... the Klingons are right, it's just an empty shell. There is nothing there.

I now see him in my dreams. As each person passes on I see them in my dreams... last times I saw him he was swimming... he looked good.