Author: Annette

Feedback: Sure, I’d love to know what you think! ([email protected])

Category: Carby

Spoilers: Through S9, spoilers for S10 from chapter 4 on.

Summary: What happens when Carter comes home from Africa?

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything … ; )

I am on my way home. Finally. Though, home will never be again what it was before I left.

My problems here are nothing compared to what I saw in Africa. I am not sure that I will ever forget the images.

And I feel guilty about how stupid I was. How much I hurt Abby, over nothing.

What did I do?

When we left Matenda and I saw Gillian and Luka, I knew what Abby must have felt like. And Gillian and Luka only knew each other for a few days. She was already worried and didn’t want to leave his side. She didn’t want to leave him alone in a war zone. Not to protect him, that was not possible. But to be with him, to know that he’s alright. Maybe even to die with him if he died, to not be left alone with the pain.

What must it have been like for Abby? I didn’t even tell her that I wanted to go. I didn’t know myself before Luka called, but the way I left her was still wrong.

It must have been a hard time for her all alone in Chicago. Without knowing where I was, without knowing if I was still alive. I know I was worried about her, and she was safe, at home. I can hardly imagine what it meant for her.

I know she is probably mad at me. But I also know that she still feels the same for me, like I still feel the same for her, maybe even more. You can’t just turn off your feelings, even if you want to sometimes, when you are hurt.

If only she knew how much I regret what I did.

But I just couldn’t deal with all that happened lately. I can’t even say what exactly it was, I can’t explain it. Life just didn’t make sense anymore. Gamma died and left me with all that responsibility. I didn’t know how to handle it.

Of course I am still sad that Gamma died and I still don’t know how to handle the new responsibility. But I see everything from a new perspective now. My priorities have changed.

Now I know how glad I can be to have what I have and I saw how short life can be.

It’s worth too much to waste it. I want to be happy, but I can only be with Abby in my life.

I hope there is still an “us” after all I did to her.

All that is not an excuse, I could still have thought about her feelings, but it might explain some of my actions. I hope Abby will understand.

Though it would be understandable if she didn’t. I promised her not to go anywhere, to be with her. Even with her family. She told me several times to run as fast as I could, as long as I could. And I told her that I didn’t care about the fact that her family is not like any other, that I wanted to be with her.

Now, in a way I did what she feared. I ran away. Not to leave her, I just needed time. But it didn’t make a difference for her I guess. I didn’t let her know what I felt. She doesn’t know that I didn’t go because of her or her family.

Though it is true, I was shocked.

I guess I just didn’t know what it could really be like. The fiasco at the funeral gave me an impression of what her whole life must have been like. But I was too hurt to see that it hurt her, too. It wasn’t her fault. She wanted to be with me but had to take care of Eric at the same time. Of course I know that she was right, that she had no other chance than to go and get him, to bring him with her on the day of the funeral. But everything was too much for me. And I didn’t want to hurt her even more with my words. So I sent her away. Two times even. And she respected my wish.

I could see that my words hurt her deeply. But it was easier to blame her than to understand her, to see that she didn’t choose Eric over me because she loves him more. His need was just more urgent than mine.

I understand that now. But I couldn’t back then.

I will never forget the look on her face when I told her to go. She looked like I slapped her in the face. But she still tried to reach out for me.

I was so stupid.

But now I know more than ever that I love her. And that she loves me. I hope she will give us another chance.

I can’t wait to be back with her. I have lost count on how many times I had to think of her while I was in Kisangani. She was the only thing on my mind, the only happy thought I could think while I was in the middle of all this misery.

When I saw Luka with Gillian, Abby was always on my mind. When they were dancing, when she slept with her head on his lap. I wished Abby was with me like that.

And when the Mayi Mayi held the gun to my head, I thought that I’d never see her again. And I didn’t even say goodbye to her. And I never really told her how much I love her. To never see her again and leave her like that ... the thought almost made me go crazy.

That has to change. After you see what I saw, everything is different. I can’t wait to feel her back in my arms. But the taxi won’t drive any faster.

Did it always take that long from the airport to her place? I could swear that it didn’t. But I guess time just flies when you are happy and stands still when you are not.

I don’t know when I decided to go to her apartment first. But I know it is right.

I stare out of the window, look at the buildings rushing by to pass the time.

Everything is like it was before. Everything, but me. And her probably.

The city is busy, as usual. I see people argue in front of a store. I wonder what it’s about. Though when I think about it, I don’t really care. I bet it is something really pathetic. So I don’t even want to know.

I was that stupid myself, two weeks ago. I decide to focus on my own mistakes.

How on earth can I ever really apologise to her? I honestly don’t know. Are there right words for everything you want to say? I don’t think so.

I just hope that everything will work out when I just let my heart speak.

Finally, we are there. It seemed to take forever.

Though, now I wish I wasn’t here already. As much as I can’t wait to be with her again, as much I fear that she will reject me, that it’s over for her. That I screwed everything up.

But not to go to her won’t make it any better. The earlier I apologise and tell her my feelings, the better.

I hope so much that she will forgive me.

I pay the taxi driver and grab my bag.

I walk up the stairs to her front door and up the familiar steps to her apartment. With every step I get closer to her, I feel more and more secure and home.

I search for the keys in my pocket and open the door.

The surrounding brings tears to my eyes. I can smell her and I am happy to be back.

I put my bag down and make my way to the bedroom. She must be sleeping, it’s in the middle of the night. I hope she doesn’t have a shift. I need to see her now.

When I enter the bedroom, I can hear her breathing. I love that sound.

I go closer to her and just look at her sleeping body for a while. She looks beautiful and so peaceful. I feel so calm here with her.

I hardly dare to touch her, but I have to, to be sure that she’s real, that I am really finally here with her. I smile a little, she sleeps on my side of the bed. And I could swear it’s my shirt she’s wearing. Does she miss me as much as I miss her?

I touch her hair and it feels so soft. I don’t want to wake her up, but I have to kiss her, to feel her. I bend down and kiss the top of her head. It makes me happy just to smell her hair.

I sit down on the bed, not sure what to do next.

I want to talk to her so badly, but I don’t want to wake her up.

Should I just lie down next to her?

It feels like a déjà vu. Just a few weeks ago I came home from my trip to be with her and she was lying in bed just like now.

But this time it’s different.

While I am deep in thoughts, I feel her move suddenly.

I turn my head to look at her and see that she opened her eyes and is staring into mine.

I try to read the _expression on her face. Is she angry? Glad? Happy? Or a bit of all?

I can only hope that everything will turn out good.

Chapter 2: “Abby”

I can’t describe how I feel since he left. Empty and sad are definitely two adjectives that describe it very well, though.

I always knew that it would hurt me very much if he left me one day, but I had no idea that it would be like that.

I don’t feel like eating, I can’t sleep. Even breathing is almost too much. It’s like it’s not a reflex anymore. I have to remind myself to breathe in and breathe out every single minute of every single the day.

I knew this would come, though. All men in my life left me.

The hope that it would be different with him was there. He made me believe that he really wasn’t going anywhere. And honestly, there still is that hope.

He didn’t say it was over, neither did I. But the fear that it could be over is almost killing me.

And I could understand if it was.

What did I do?

He was always there for me and I left when he needed me.

I know what it might have looked like. But it’s not true, I didn’t choose Eric over him. I love them both so much.

I hardly believed my ears when he told me that Gamma died. I knew how much she meant to him. But I also knew that I had to go and get Eric.

I was so worried about him, thought he was dead. I could hardly believe that he contacted me. I couldn’t risk that he disappeared again.

It broke my heart that John did not understand. I didn’t mean to hurt him. He was so cold and distant, it scared me. I never saw him like that before.

But I thought I’d be back in a few hours, I couldn’t know that we’d miss the flight. I wanted to be with John so badly.

And Eric proved me wrong again. It’s not that I was wrong about going to get him. But I thought I could help him more. I thought he was willing to accept help. But it was like it was with Mom. She always promised to get better, but didn’t make it in the end.

I won’t give up hope with him. But it made me sad that I couldn’t help him more … again.

And what he did at the funeral … I have no words.

It was so important for John to give Gamma a memorable funeral that honoured her.

It was memorable, yes, but not in a good way.

I wish he knew how sorry I am about that all. But I really wanted to be with him, didn’t want to disappoint him again. I just didn’t know what to do with Eric. I couldn’t leave him alone. I had no idea that it could end like that.

But it seems like John doesn’t know how terrible I felt and still feel about it. He told me clearly to leave him alone and didn’t contact me since then.

It hurt so much to hear that from him.

But I thought it was better to listen to him and go. He wasn’t ready to talk. Though it hurt to go, to see him cry alone without being able to do anything to make it easier for him, like he could so many times for me.

He could never change anything when something bad happened. But just his presence, to know that he was there, made it better.

I feel so bad that I couldn’t give that back to him.

And that he didn’t even tell me that he planned to go to Africa hurt even more. Like it’s not important for him to tell me.

I tried to reach out for him, but he didn’t want me near him.

I wish I could just forget about him, go on with my life. But it’s not possible. I love him more than anyone else. It’s so hard to live right now, without him.

And it’s not only that. I don’t have words for how worried I am about him.

He is there in Africa, under bad conditions, with God knows how many diseases. And he is near the war zone. I can’t stop to worry about him. I wish he was here with me and I can’t wait for the day he will be back.

Though I am worried about that, too. How will he feel after Africa? What did his eyes see?

I can imagine that he saw terrible things. I know that it will upset him, I hope he will be able to deal with it. And I hope he lets me be there with him.

And I hope he will give us another chance. I can’t live without him anymore.

I never felt that happy in my life before.

I want to be mad at him, because he hurt me so much, but I just can’t. I know he didn’t mean it. That’s at least what I hope, what I try to tell myself to make it a little easier.

But I can not always convince myself, I started smoking again, I forgot when. I really hoped that I could make it this time. But it was too hard. I am just glad that I can resist the need to have a drink at the moment, though I definitely feel like having one.

I wish he knew how I feel, how much I miss him and how much it hurts not to be with him. And – I hope he feels the same.

I decide to stop staring out of the window at nothing really and to go to bed.

The view is not interesting anyway. People walk by on the sidewalk. They laugh, they smile, some kiss their loved one. It only makes me even more sad, makes me think even more about him. Nothing makes sense without him.

And I am exhausted anyway, though I know I won’t be able to sleep.

My eyelids are heavy when I lie down on my bed – alone.

He didn’t sleep in this bed for a while now. I hope that will change again. It feels so empty and just not right without him. I feel empty.

I remember the happy times we’ve had together. The times when he was there for me, the times he understood me, comforted me. I miss that so much.

I also miss being there for him. To see him smile. To feel his soft lips on mine. To love him.

Love. A short word, four letters only, that means so much.

I never told him that I love him. It’s not that I don’t, because I do. I just didn’t do it yet because I am scared. Scared to let him know how much he means to me. Scared that he doesn’t feel the same.

But I have to tell him now, before it’s too late.

I close my eyes and sigh before I start my routine.

You can call it routine, since it’s what I do since it all began. I hope it was no the beginning of the end. I don’t think I could handle that.

I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling, think about him – “us”. Yes, there is still an “us”. At least that’s what I hope.

Suddenly I remember that he should be back tonight. I am wide awake again, as I was the whole time to be honest. But now I am excited. A little happy even. I can’t wait to see him. I hope he changed his mind, that he didn’t forget me like I can’t forget him.

I wonder if I will see him at work later. I doubt it, but you never know.

I roll over on my side and try to finally find some sleep.

I sleep on his side of the bed since he is gone. I know it’s stupid, but I feel closer to him when I do that. Sometimes I even wear his shirts at night, like I do right now. Or I just hold one in my hands, close to my face, to inhale his scent. I miss him so much.

After what seemed like hours I finally fall asleep, with him on my mind.

It’s like it was just a second ago that I closed my eyes when I feel myself wake up again.

I could swear I feel the presence of someone in the room. Though I know this is not possible, unless ... I don’t really dare to hope it, but I open my eyes anyway.

I hope more than ever that this is not just a dream.

And then I really see him sit there, on my bed, with his face buried in his hands. Is he crying?

I feel my heart beat faster. I hope he’s not here to tell me that it’s over.

Suddenly he turns his head and looks at me, into my eyes.

He looks so fragile and vulnerable. He is not crying, but looks like he’s about to. I can see the sadness in his eyes and it breaks my heart to see him like that. I want to wrap my arms around him to comfort him, but I decide to wait until he says something.

Chapter 3: “You & Me”

They sat there for a little while, just looking into each others eyes, both not sure about what to say. The tension was present, but also was love and understanding.

They both wanted to hug the other. But they were afraid. Afraid that the other didn’t feel the same. Afraid to have lost the other.

Finally, Carter took a deep breath before he started to speak.

“Abby, … I was thinking about the right words to tell you what I feel the whole way back from Africa.”, he said, still looking into her eyes. He was searching for any signs to be able to read her thoughts, but he still wasn’t sure how to interpret her silence.

She did the same. She could hear his voice crack with every word. And she could see tears forming in his eyes. She could tell he was very emotional.

“But I found that there are no right words. No words can describe how sorry I am. Sorry about my behaviour. Sorry about hurting you. Sorry about pushing you away. Sorry that I didn’t tell you about Africa. I didn’t mean to do all that.”

A tear started to roll down his cheek now. He hoped she’d understand and forgive him.

Abby wiped the tear away with the back of her hand and let it rest on his face for a moment before she took his hands in hers. She could see that he really meant what he said. She couldn’t help but forgive him for everything he did.

“John … I know what you mean. I am sorry, too. Sorry that I wasn’t there when you needed me, sorry that I disappointed you again.”

She was close to tears now, too. She felt guilty, like she disappointed him. She needed to hear from him that he forgave her.

He was surprised to hear that from her. He was the one feeling guilty. He didn’t want her to feel responsible for anything. He knew that he blamed her earlier. But he was not himself when he said all the mean things to her.

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong. And you didn’t disappoint me. I was selfish. I should have understood that you had to go and get Eric. I didn’t mean to yell at you, to send you away. I was not myself. Can you ever forgive me?”, he asked, almost pleading for her to say yes. He didn’t want anything more than her to forgive him.

Abby couldn’t say a thing. She tightened her grip around his hands to show him that she did, but she couldn’t speak, not yet. She had no words for how glad she was that he said she didn’t do anything wrong. She was blaming herself the whole time.

She took a few deep breaths before she answered.

“John, it’s okay. You were hurt, your grandmother just died. I understand.”

She could tell that he was feeling guilty and didn’t want to make it even harder for him.

He moved a little closer towards her and looked even deeper into her eyes.

“I feel so stupid that it took that trip to Africa to make me realise how much I was putting at risk. What I saw there was so horrible and sad, I can hardly describe it. I don’t know how I could ever leave you like that.”

She was worried. He looked so sad, like his heart was broken. She knew it was not only because of her, but also because of his experiences in Africa.

“I am just so glad that you came back to me.”, she said with tears rolling down her cheeks. “It hurt that you didn’t tell me about Africa. But I was even more worried. Worried that something happened to you in Africa. And worried that it’s over between us. Worried that you finally realised that I am wrong for you. That you don’t want me anymore. I know I told you to go so many times. But when you were actually gone, I knew that it was the last thing I ever wanted. I want to be with you, more than ever. I’ve had a lot time to think. About you. Me. Us. And I realised that you are all I want in my life, all I need in my life. Without you I was not complete. I have already forgiven you, John. You were the only thing on my mind since you left me. Now I hope you can forgive me, too. I want this to work. I …”, she started to say, before she looked down at their entwined hands for a moment and back into his teary eyes again. “I love you.”, she finally brought out, sighing deeply.

She was afraid, afraid that he didn’t feel the same, to get hurt again. Afraid that it was too late. But at the same time it felt so right to say it to him.

Carter smiled a little at her words. He could hardly believe his ears. He was so happy, she finally said the words he wanted to hear from her for so long. The words he wanted to tell her for so long. The words he was afraid to say. Like she was.

“I never want to be without you again, I love you, too”, he answered, pulling her into a hug. Abby wrapped her arms around him, too, hugging him tightly.

They could both hardly believe that they had each other back. Both were so worried before. Worried to lose the other. It was an incredible feeling to be back in each others arms again, to be close again. To hear the other breathing, to feel the heartbeat of the other.

It were the little things that amazed them now, that made them happy. That they missed for so long. They never wanted to let the other go again.

Suddenly, feeling save and protected in Abby’s arms, the memories of Africa came back to Carter’s mind. With her, he could let go of his strong façade. And the emotions he tried to hold back the whole time suddenly came out.

He tried to be strong in front of Luka, of Gillian. And most of all in front of all the little children he treated every day. He didn’t want them to see how deeply the things he saw touched him. He didn’t want them to know that he worried about them all.

But now he just had to let these feelings out.

They were both crying and clinging to each other, but suddenly Abby could feel Carter start to sob uncontrollably and tighten his embrace around her even more.

She did the same and tightened her embrace around him. She could feel the whole time that there was something he wanted to talk about. Something that touched him, made him sad. She could see it in his eyes. And she wanted to support him, be there for him, comfort him. She hoped he could open up to her.

She began to stroke his back with one hand and hold his head with her other while she began to rock him lightly.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Do you want to talk about it?”

He pulled away from her, just a little, just enough to look into her eyes. He wanted to talk about everything and he knew he could to Abby.

But he was also afraid to talk about it. To feel everything again. But he knew he’d feel better afterwards.

He got up and walked over to the window.

He looked at the raindrops falling down. There were thousands of them, falling down to the earth endlessly, as they always did, like nothing ever happened.

He could feel that Abby came up behind him. She put a hand on his back.

“Talk to me.”, she said and kissed his shoulder lightly.

He turned around to face her and took her hands in his before he started to tell her everything that was going on in his head.

“Abby … I will never forget what I saw there. The people there are so poor. The medical situation is unbelievably bad. Most children don’t even make it to their second birthday. And their eyes … it hurts to look into their eyes. They are so innocent, but suffer the most. They die from diseases I haven’t seen in years and could be treated easily, with little money. You want to save them all, but it’s not possible.”

He had trouble to bring out the words without starting to cry again.

Abby looked into his eyes the whole time, but didn’t know what to say.

“And the war is horrible. They were so close to us. A girl lost her foot from a bomb. And in the end the Mayi Mayi came into our camp. They held a gun to my head. They shot a man in front of my eyes.”, he went on, but couldn’t continue. He started crying again and Abby pulled him into her arms.

He embraced her, not wanting to let her go again.

She could feel how much pain he felt. And she couldn’t help but think that it could have been him as well who they shot. She could hardly believe in how much danger he actually was.

She held him for a while and let him cry. She knew he needed that.

Then she motioned him over to the bed.

“Hey, you need some rest, okay?”, she said to him, looking into his still watery eyes.

He just nodded. His eyelids were heavy, though he knew he wouldn’t be able to find much sleep tonight.

They lay down close next to each other, arms around each other.

Abby waited for him to fall asleep. He had his head on her chest and she could feel his breath on her skin evening slowly but surely until she could tell that he was asleep.

She watched him for some minutes. She thought about all he told her, could feel his pain, wanted to take it away from him, but knew she couldn’t. All she could do was being there for him, let him feel her love for him.

After a while she fell asleep herself.

It was not a calm night. He woke up several times, bathed in sweat from his nightmares. Abby wrapped her arms around him every time he woke up and tried to let him feel that she was there until he fell asleep again.

Chapter 4: “Letting Go”

A few days passed. Carter and Abby spent most of the time talking, sorting out their feelings for each other. They both felt better after talking about everything. Now they knew how much they were loved by the other and that they couldn’t be without each other.

They never wanted to be apart again.

“John, there’s someone for you on the phone!”, Kerry yelled down the hallway. Carter was just on his way from exam one to exam two.

He turned around and gave her a puzzled look.

“Not now, I am busy. Tell them to call back later or take a note.”

He entered the exam room to treat his next patient. Abby was already there.

A little girl was sitting on the gurney, holding her knee. Her mother was standing next to her, holding her hand tightly.

“Hello little one, I’m doctor Carter.”, he said to her in front of him.

After Africa, he was even more eager to help children, even if they weren’t half as hurt as the children he saw there.

He examined her knee.

“What’s your name sweety?”, he asked her and stroked her cheek. He could tell she was scared by the surroundings, tears were still running down her face. She must have been about 4 or 5 years old.

“Jo.”, the little girl answered between sobs.

“Jo like in Joanna?”, Carter asked her to distract her from the pain in her knee.

The little girl nodded.

“That’s a beautiful name your Mom gave you.”, he said and could see that the girl started to smile. He could see that the mother was smiling, too now. She seemed so worried about her little daughter.

“How did that happen, Jo?”

“I was riding my bike and I fell.”

“Oh, that hurt huh?”

The little girl nodded.

“Don’t worry, we’ll make it better soon.”, he said to her, making her smile.

Abby stood next to him, watching him with the child. He was great with children, that was for sure. He was great with people in general.

Carter was just about to put a bandage on the little girl’s knee when Kerry entered the room.

“John, you really need to answer the phone, it’s someone from Africa.”, she said to him, waiting for a reaction. But it was like he forgot about Kerry.

He looked up at Abby. She was as clueless as he was. They both had no idea what the call could be about.

“Abby here will take care of you, okay?”, he said to the girl.

“I’ll be right back.”

Abby smiled at her and kneeled down in front of her.

“Let’s see what we can do for you.”

They both looked at each other one last time before he left the room. He knew Abby would take good care of the little girl.

Abby was just coming out of exam two when she saw Carter standing at the admit desk, about to put the phone down.

He looked sad and his eyes were teary. She was wondering what the phone call was about, she started to worry.

She walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. She could feel him jump a little. He didn’t notice that she was standing next to him.

“Hey, what was the phone call about?”, she asked worriedly.

He turned around and looked into her eyes.

“It …”, he started to say. But stopped and grabbed her arm gently. “Let’s go in here.”, he added and led her into an empty exam room.

He knew that the news he had would be terrible for her. And he wanted to be alone with her in that moment. He wanted her to feel save with him. He wanted to make sure that she could show her feelings. That she didn’t have to hold anything back in public.

And he was sad himself. He never thought he would be before Africa, but now he was.

Abby was nervous. She didn’t know what to think. John acted weird and it scared her.

They were in the exam room now and John put his hands on Abby’s shoulders.

“Abby, it was a call from Africa.”

He didn’t know how to tell her.

“John, please, what did they want?”

The silence was killing her. She could feel it was something serious and she waited him to finally tell her what was wrong.

“It’s Luka. The Mayi Mayi came back to the camp again and … they shot him.”

A tear was running down his face. His time with Luka in Africa brought the two closer to each other. He had great respect for him. He was a brave man, never too scared of his own life, always willing to help. And now he was dead. That was a shock.

And he was worried about Abby. He knew she was not in love with Luka anymore, but they were still friends.

She just stared at him in disbelief. That could not be true. She spent two weeks worrying and when she thought that it was finally over, he tells her that Luka is dead.

She was sad, Luka was still her friend.

Tears were forming in her eyes.

Carter pulled her into his arms and let her cry, crying himself at the same time.

She was glad that she was alone with Carter, so she could let go of her emotions.

He was rubbing her back while he was thinking about how to tell her the other news he had.

“Abby …”, he said and pulled away from her a little to face her. “I have to go back to Africa to get his body over here. I owe him that.”

She was just staring at him.

“What?”, she exclaimed between sobs. “No, you can’t go back there! I won’t let you!”

She was angry now. She could not understand how he could do that to her. They just had each other back and now he wanted to leave her again. She couldn’t let him go again. It was a dangerous place, she didn’t even want to think about it that it was possible that he never came back again.

She pulled away from him and started pacing through the room.

“Abby, I have to go. I am sorry, I don’t want to leave you either, believe me! And I know how you feel. But he deserves that. It’s the least I can do for him. He was a brave man, I can’t just leave him there, expecting that someone will take care of him.”

He walked towards her and made her stop, holding her shoulders to make her look at him.

“Hey, I will be back as soon as possible. I won’t stay one single minute longer than really necessary, okay?”

She shook her head, starting to cry again. She knew Carter was right, but she didn’t want to let him go, worry about him again. And maybe never see him again. The thought to be away from him again was almost killing her.

She let him hug her again, crying into his chest.

“Promise me to call me every day at least once!”, she sobbed. “And make sure it won’t take any longer than really necessary.”

“I promise.”, he said and kissed the top of her head. “Not a second longer than necessary without you in my arms.”

He didn’t want to go either. But he really owed Luka that.

He knew how hard it was for her. There was no word that could describe how worried he would be about her if she was alone in Africa.

“I wish I could come with you.”

“No, I didn’t want you there. It’s terrible. I didn’t want you to see all that.”

He was glad that there was no way she could really go with him. She wasn’t immunised. Otherwise he’d really worry. He knew her and he knew she’d go with him if it was possible, just to be with him. Even if it meant that she’d die with him. But he knew that feeling. Anything was better than lose the other, even death.

“Promise that this is the last time ever that you leave me.”, Abby said into Carter’s chest while they were hugging each other tightly.

“You make me promise a lot lately.”, he tried to joke, but Abby did not laugh.

“I promise.”, he finally answered, tightening his embrace around her. She did the same.

She buried her face deep in his sweater to inhale his scent to never forget it again. Not that this was possible anyway, but just to be sure.

He tried to do the same, to feel near her while he was away.

“My flight, I have to go.”, he said when he looked at the board with the flight announcements.

But both didn’t want to let the other go. It was harder than they had both expected.

Abby told herself not to cry, but she couldn’t help it. Before he was only an inch away she couldn’t hold it back anymore. She didn’t want to make a scene, but it was just too hard to let him leave her again.

When they were apart enough to see each others face, she could see that he was crying, too. It made her feel a little better to see that he was as worried about her as she was about him and that she was not the only one having a hard time with him leaving.

They kissed each other deeply before he finally grabbed his bag and left.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

And then he disappeared in the crowd.

Chapter 5: “Homecoming”

She was walking up and down the airport impatiently.

Today was the day. The day Carter would be back again. She had no idea how she survived the last 3 days. He called at least once a day, like he promised. Of course that was not enough, but she understood that more was not possible. She was so glad that she could hear his voice, that she knew he was okay.

But she could also hear in his voice how hard it was for him to be back there again.

The good news were, that Luka was not dead. They let him live because they thought he was a priest. And the dead man just looked like him.

Though he was in a bad condition, they brought him to a hospital already as soon as they entered the US.

Suddenly a voice announced that his plane just landed.

She looked around nervously to make him out among all the people at the airport. She always wondered where all the people were going. But today she didn’t care, there was only one person she cared about now.

And then she could see him, with his bag over his shoulder.

A smile spread across her face and tears started to form in her eyes. Happy tears this time. She was happy to have him back.

He did the same. During his whole trip he couldn’t stop thinking about Abby.

He was relieved that Luka was not dead, though his condition was serious and he needed to be taken care of immediately. So it was good that he went there anyway. But he was so glad to be back again.

He looked around to see if Abby was there.

Then he saw her, beautiful as ever.

He dropped his bag immediately and walked over to her as fast as he could.

When they finally reached each other, they fell into each others arms and held each other tightly, both with tears in their eyes now.

They stood there for what seemed like forever, but still didn’t want to lose contact.

But they had to, eventually.

They gave each other a long kiss before they spoke.

“I missed you so much.”

“I missed you more.”

“I don’t think that’s possible.”

“I think it is. I tried very hard.”

They looked into each others eyes and smiled.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

With that, and after holding each other the second time, he grabbed his bag and they drove home together, intending to never leave the other again, no matter what would happen.