NOTE: Ok the journal that was written before, but takes place during this story. You can read whichever one you want first. I just didn’t have time to write a whole story (or chapter) until recently so I had that already written, and thought of something else to write afterwards. Any feedback is appreciated…good or bad, so please, let me know what you think. Tracey

(a working title)

The Emergency room, one of the busiest, and saddest places to work in Cook County hospital. Having once worked as an OB nurse and now in the ER, nurse Abby Lockhart has seen both life and death. Today though, she feels she has seen more death in one day then she did in her whole rotation as an OB nurse.

On a day like today, Abby would normally go home and crawl into bed with John Carter, but today, she can’t. He is gone. He went to Africa without even saying anything to her. It ended so badly. It has been weeks and she can still hear the way he talked to her, see the way he looked at her, and feel his anger towards her. It had been a week since they talked before he left, and when he left he was so cold to her.

God, he’s coming home soon, what will happen? What should I say to him? Are we even still together? Abby fights with herself, like she has been since he left. He is coming home in 2 days, and she hasn’t heard a word from him. No one has. For all she knows, he could be injured, or dead.

Suddenly jolted from her day dreaming, Dr. Susan Lewis walks into the lounge. “Abby, are you ok?”

“Susan, do you think he’s ok?? He’s supposed to be coming home tonight, but no one has heard anything from him. He’s not….”

“Abby! Don’t even talk like that. I’m sure he is fine. Luka is with him, they will look out for each other.”

Abby sighed, put on a fake half smile and looked at Susan. “Thanks Sus, I guess I’m just worried about him, and confused. I don’t know what’s going on with us. I don’t know if we are still together or if he still hates me. Look Sus, thanks for talking, but I have to go. I just want to be alone…again.”

Abby walks out of the lounge and out into the windy city. It’s an unusually cold night in Chicago for the middle of May, but she decides to walk home instead of taking the EL. She didn’t take her car today because she felt the need to walk to work and think. Now as she reached her apartment, she sat on the stairs for a few minutes and watched the people walk by. It was 6 am and most people were getting up for work, but she was just getting off. After sitting on the steps for about 45 minutes she decided to go inside. She fixed herself a cup of tea and sat on the couch. Slowly, she began to doze off.

John Carter sat in the dark, like he had for the past 2 weeks, unable to sleep. Thinking about nothing except for Abby. The thoughts of her helped him to get through the days, weeks. Watching Luka with Gillian made him miss Abby even more.

What have I done? I hope she can forgive me for the way I treated her. I can’t believe how I treated her.

He thought to himself every night since he left Chicago. Tonight was his last night. He sat there, thinking about Abby and listening to the sounds of gunshots in the not so distant forests around him. He began thinking about the young girl he had saved, though he couldn’t save her leg, he was glad to have been able to save her. The look that her parents gave made him feel good inside. He had helped another patient.

I think I’m going to miss this place. They need me here, but they also need me at County. Luka will still be here though. God how I miss Abby.

The thoughts of her kept arising in his head. Her smile, her hair, her eyes, how she can make him melt with just one kiss. He knows how much he hurt her before he left. He can still see the look she gave when he yelled at her to leave him alone, how he was desperate to talk to her, to hold her, but didn’t want to see her. He can’t wait to be home. Just a few more hours and he’ll be leaving.

As he sat there thinking about her, his eyes got heavy and dreams took over.

Abby awoke at 3 pm and drowsy, dragged herself into the bathroom to wash her face. She looked down and saw it; she saw his small bottle of aftershave. She picked it up and smelled it, oh how it smelled. She loved the way John smelled, she could get lost in it.

Abby began to tidy up a bit, she picked up the towels and got clothes ready for the laundry. She found one of Carter’s shirts and stood there with it, taking in its smell. Every time she smells him, she is reminded of the day when her and Carter were on the roof, it was Valentine’s day, that dreadful day for Carter, but the day she realized he may be there for her, for anything, even though they barely knew each other.

She begins to think about everything that has ever happened between them, how, no matter what he was there. He even went to Oklahoma with her to get her mother, and they weren’t even together yet. Oh how long it took for them to finally be together, and she had to ruin it.

She will never forgive herself if Carter hates her, she would hate herself. She never realized, until now, how much she needs him.

She jolted out of her trance and continued straightening up the house.

Maybe, just maybe he’ll come by when he gets home, we’ll see what happens. I can’t wait to see him, even if he does hate me.

She was hoping to be able to see him when he got back, because he will not be back to work until a few days after he gets back. Unlike her, who has to be to work again tonight, to work another overnight shift. Geez, Kerry and these overnights, she didn’t even do anything to deserve these shifts.

Abby finished her chores and got ready for work. She didn’t have to be in for a few more hours, but she told Susan she would meet her for dinner before they went in. Luckily Susan would be there tonight. It’s better than working with Pratt. She got ready to go and left her apartment for another long night.

“Hey Susan, thanks for going out with me, I’m sorry about this morning, I was just not in the mood to talk or anything, I wanted to be alone.”

“It’s ok Ab, I understand, but don’t worry about Carter. I’m sure he is fine. He can take care of himself. Besides, isn’t he supposed to be coming home pretty soon? Within the next few days?”

“Yeah I think he comes in tomorrow morning or Saturday morning, but I’m not entirely sure. I haven’t heard from him”

They got to the restaurant and sat down for dinner. Abby ordered a Chicken Sandwich and an iced tea and Susan ordered a Caesar salad and glass of wine. She knew she had to go to work tonight, but one glass wasn’t going to kill her, especially since she is eating. She probably wouldn’t even feel it. They finished their dinner with brief conversation and headed off to work.

Abby was glad this was her last night this week. She had the next day off and didn’t have to be to work until noon on Saturday. She would be able to spend time running errands and getting ready, in case Carter decided to stop by on his way home to the mansion.

“Abby, Susan I need your help here GSW to the right quadrant” Chen yelled to them as they were just getting to the hospital.

They both looked at each other “this is going to be a long night”

“I need two units of O neg, BP 70 over 50. Sir, what is your name do you know where you are?’ Abby asked.

“My name is Mr. Salavador, what happened, where am I?” He asked frantically.

“You’re at the hospital. My name is Abby, I’m going to be your nurse tonight and Dr. Chen is your doctor. She has located the bullet and you will be heading up to the OR so they can remove it before it gets infected, but there is some internal bleeding that needs to be controlled. Your vitals are stabilizing, but we will give you something for the pain.” Abby tried to explain sympathetically.

After Mr. Salvador, the rest of the night went pretty much the same. Traumas, illness, typical day in the ER. That’s the life of the ER though and Abby has learned to accept it. It was finally time for her to get home and find sleep.

“Bye Susan, try and get some rest, you on tomorrow?”

“Yeah I’m on at noon, you?”

“No I’m off until Noon on Saturday. I’ll see you later, thanks again for dinner.”

Abby walks to the EL and waits for the train. She begins to think again about how much easier life would be if John were here. Still hoping and praying that he is ok.

Carter was working his last shift in the Congo, one of his patients, from the army, was extremely nervous. Eventually, he found out why. The civilian army raided their medical camp and killed the officer. They stuck a gun to Carter’s head and pushed Luka on the ground.

The whole time the gun was pressing against Carter’s head, the only image in his mind was Abby, her smile and her look. Finally, Luka and Gillian managed to talk to the civilians and they left. Then, it was Carter’s turn to leave. He begged Luka to come back, Gillian did as well. He was staying behind and she was heading back to Kisangani, she was so worried for him.

I wonder if Abby is worrying about me that much. God how I’m sure she is, and for me, to make her worry like that, I can’t believe it. I’ll be home soon enough, and then she’ll see how sorry I am for treating her that way.

Carter got on his plane for his 24 hour plane right back to Chicago.

Upon his arrival, despite how tired he was, he had to go see Abby. He knew she would be asleep, but he just had to see her. She sleeps like an Angel. He quietly crept into her apartment, put his stuff down in the living room and made his way to the bedroom. Sure enough, Abby was sleeping so soundly, she looked so pure and innocent. He sat down on the chair beside her and kissed her forehead.

I’m so sorry Abby. I’m so sorry I put you through such Hell. I’m back now though.

He thought to himself as he sat there staring at her, watching her sleep. He could watch her sleep all day, but he didn’t. He got up and left. He had something he wanted to do before he saw her again.