Susan opened her front door and couldn’t believe what she saw before her eyes. Pop cans, and beer bottles, strung all over the floor and table, ashtray overflowing with cigarettes, ashes all over the table, and it smelled like either rotten food or burnt food, she couldn’t decide. It just made her nauseous, and she couldn’t believe that Chloe would let Suzy run around in a house like this.

She dared to walk into the kitchen; dishes were piled high in the sink, pots and pans on each burner on her stove. She opened her refrigerator; it smelled like something had died in there, she immediately shut the door. She wasn’t hungry, just thirsty. "I’ll just take care of this tomorrow," she thought to herself.

She went back into the living room, even through all of the mess; she was surprised to not see Chloe passed out on the couch. "Maybe she’s in Suzy’s room," she said aloud. She went to Suzy’s door, and opened it. It was empty, and all of Suzy’s toys were gone, all of her clothes, so were Chloe’s. She ran anxiously to her room now, almost fearful to open the door. She knew how Chloe was when she left in a hurry, she had done this to her before, many times.

Susan slowly opened her bedroom door, just as she thought; the television was gone, all of her CD’s, her stereo equipment. "Damn you Chloe!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, "Not again you fucking heroin-addicted bitch!" Susan threw herself on her bed and weeped as she beat her spare pillow with a clenched fist. How could she have let this happen again, she thought. She knew Chloe would do this eventually, she just wasn’t sure when. Susan was dreadfully worried about Suzy, but she didn’t have time to think about that now, all she could think of was Romano.

While driving to Robert’s house, she listened to The Beatles White Album, and Blackbird began to play. Susan sobbed all the way to Rocket’s house.

She pulled into his driveway, and instantly heard Gretyl barking. She took her suitcase out of the car and walked around to the front. She knew Gretyl would jump up on her, so she braced herself as she opened the door. Sure enough, there Gretyl was, nearly as tall as Susan standing on her two back legs, tail wagging enthusiastically.

"Hello girl." Susan said as she pet her head.

"I bet you need to go outside, don’t you?" Susan went through to the kitchen, and let Gretyl outside in the fenced yard to do her business.

Susan went outside with her, and sat on the deck, in the dark, alone with her feelings. As she watched Gretyl walk through the yard to find a place to do her duties, Susan considered exactly what Chloe had done, again. She couldn’t believe it, then again she could.

She knew that when Chloe met her at County, as a shocker, that nothing would change. Oh, she was glad to spend time with Suzy, but she knew how it would end. Susan knew that she’s wasn’t about to give Chloe a key to her apartment again. Giving Chloe a key didn’t matter, apparently, she took a chance, Susan going on a date, knowing that Susan wouldn’t be back that evening. So Chloe seized all of Susan’s belongings - AGAIN!

Susan knew that she made good money, and just like she did before when Chloe did this, Susan would replace everything that she could. What broke Susan’s heart was not being able to say goodbye to Suzy, that’s all she really cared about. How would Chloe explain it to Suzy this time, she speculated.

Once again, if she ever did see Suzy again, she’d have to explain whom she was relating to Suzy. It had been hard throughout the years, always having to explain that she was her “Aunt Susan.” Every time she saw Suzy, she had grown a bit more, and she was quite a bit smarter than she was the last time Susan saw her. It had hurt so much, having to ask Suzy if she had remembered her Aunt Susan. All of the “Um’s and I think so’s”, Susan could have strangled Chloe for that.

Susan leaned her head back in the chaise lounge and said aloud, “Fuck you Chloe, you’ll never do this to me again, I swear it.” And for the first time, Susan felt as though she really meant it.

“Come on, Gretyl, let’s go in, I bet you’re hungry.”

Susan called and they both went in the back door. Susan found Gretyl’s food and presented Gretyl food and water. Gretyl ran to her food bowl, and immediately started eating, Susan scuffled back into the living room, found Robert’s shirt on the floor and picked it up.

She held it to her face, and smelled it deeply, as though her life depended on it: “My God, he smells so fucking good,“ she said aloud. She made herself comfortable on his couch, the same couch that they had nearly made love on, but Rocket insisted on whisking Susan upstairs to make mad passionate love to her, she recalled.

She lie back on the same pillows that they both had been lying on… It was eerily quiet, aside from the sounds of Gretyl crunching her food and lapping up her water. Susan put the shirt on the couch, got up, and went to Robert’s CD collection.

She wanted her mind to saturate with the memories that she and Robert had made, just a night before, so she simply pushed “Play” on the CD player. Harry Connick Jr. was still in the CD player, and as he started to bellow out his romantic ballads, Susan again went to lie on the couch, with Robert’s shirt. She smelled it again. It smelled so good, smelled exactly like him, so sexy, so crisp, she wasn’t sure what cologne he wore, but she would try to find out when she went upstairs to bed.

Gretyl paddled out of the kitchen and propped herself up on the couch on her hind legs:

“Good girl Gretyl, I bet you miss your daddy.” Susan asked. “I miss your daddy too,” Susan said sympathetically.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be home before you know it, right now though, I’m going to be taking care of you, I hope you don’t mind…” Susan said, as if Gretyl could comprehend. Gretyl just licked Susan on the cheek and lips, contentedly.

“Go lay down sweetie…” she told Gretyl. Susan recalled seeing Gretyl do the same thing the night before: She had came to a very plush rug, right in front of the fireplace, circled herself around about 5 times, then plopped herself down, finally comfortable. It was the same way tonight.

Susan was so tired, she almost dozed off on the couch, but she wanted to go upstairs. She picked up Rocket’s shirt, and headed upstairs.

She opened the door, and found their clothing still lying on the floor; in the same spot that they had been when they both shed their clothes together the night previously. Susan took off her sweatpants; still wearing the hockey shirt he had given her, and she still had Robert’s shirt in her hands, then she crawled into bed.

She could still smell him; she could still reminisce about the way he had made love to her, so meticulous, so perceptive of what a woman needs, so gentle, and yet again, so shy, much like a schoolboy. She had to smile to herself when she recalled how aggressive and dirty she had begged him to perform with her. She could envision him lying there with her as she snuggled his pillow close to her.

She recalled him touching every part of her body, so expressive he was with his words, his fingers, his tongue, how he made every part of her body come alive with pleasure. She remembered how they had made love 3 times in the very bed that she was about to fall asleep in, alone. She reminisced about how considerate he was, as far as protection went, but she didn’t want that, not with him.

She recalled the game that she begged him to play with her, after she had called off from work.

She wanted him to talk dirty to her, it had always turned her on, Rocket was extremely apprehensive at first, but she assisted him eagerly, to steer him to say what she had wanted to hear, and soon, he sounded like a pro.

Susan loved playing sex games, but somehow, with Rocket, it was different, it felt so soiled, she felt so humiliated to even ask.

He made her feel classy, he made her feel like a Goddess, as he worshipped every part of her body. “He had more class than that,” she thought, and he had wanted to show her that she had more class than that, still, so eager to please her, he partook in Susan’s games.

She remembered whispering to him how bad she wanted to feel him inside of her, how much she loved the feeling of him, moving slowly, in and out of her. How badly she wanted him to come inside of her, how she loved the hot feeling that she felt when he did, and she meant every word. By the sounds of his moans and sighs, and the way his body moved, that her merely saying that alone, nearly caused him to explode.

She remembered him stopping to kiss her longingly, lovingly, pacing himself, not wanting to come before she had, and then she recalled him moaning softly into her ear, “Baby, I want to fuck you really hard, as she looked up at their reflection in his mirrored canopy, and soon, she could feel herself right on the brink, as she begged him, “harder, fuck me harder and faster, Rocket.“ As she raised and moved her hips to meet his rhythm.

He stopped only for a second to look her in the face and tell her, “I’ve imagined being with you like this, ever since the first time I saw you, you feel so good, I want to come with you, I hope you’re ready baby, cause I’m ready to explode..” As they both moaned with desire, he sucked, kissed and licked her nipples , sucking on her neck, her tongue, as he began to thrust harder and quicker.

She came 3 times then, but she really lost count, all she knew was that she was sure he had found her “G-Spot.“ She had never felt such pleasure in all of her life. She wasn’t sure how many times he had come, but his body convulsed in ecstasy seemingly forever. Finally exhausted, they both fell asleep, Susan’s legs gently entwined with his, both of them breathing deeply, quickly.

She fell asleep, still clutching Rocket’s shirt, laying on his pillow, eagerly inhaling his scent that he had, unknowingly, left behind.

As tired as she was, it seemed to take forever for Susan to fall asleep. She tossed and turned, the memories of their love-making, and the smell of him had kept her awake, her mind kept racing, feeling too excited to sleep.

Finally, she decided to only concentrate on Robert’s surgery, to try to keep her mind in perspective. "It’s simply got to go well. Corday will be there and it will be fine." She thought to herself. She glanced at the clock, it was 1:30am, and she was on at 8:00am this morning. Robert’s surgery was probably still going on at this very moment, at this very moment he was losing his arm, and his abilities, for the time being.

She wanted desperately to call County and get a progress report, but that would be too obvious. Did she really care how obvious it would be, at this point in her mind? She knew how she felt about Robert now; why not let everyone else know?

"Because,” she thought, “you don’t know how he feels about you, that’s why not.” “You know he loves screwing you, but does he care about you?“ She had tried to show him that she cared the night they were together, and in the morning, and throughout their day together. She had tried to tell him, right there in the corridor of County, right before his surgery.

"Zip it." She recalled him saying to her as he gently put his finger to her lips. "Did he already know how she felt about him, and just didn’t want hear it?" She thought suspiciously. “Did he not feel the same way?” “Was it the hole in his heart from losing his wife and child when he was younger, and he just didn’t want to try again with anyone else?”

All of these questions in her mind, but finally, around 2:15, she dozed off, still thinking about Rocket.

She had gone in to County to work her 12-hour shift. As she went in, everyone was gathered around the front desk, talking amongst each other, she walked up; wanting to know what all the fuss was for.

"I can’t believe he’s gone." Chuney said, "No more cockroach!" she cheered.

"Yeah, now maybe things will be easier down here, if only Kerry didn’t have to come back." Jerry stated, nonchalantly.

She looked over at Carter and Abby, they were both laughing hysterically, "Poor Susan" Abby chirped, "No more sex buddy." She told Carter, sarcastically.

Susan was speaking, yelling at everyone to stop talking, stop laughing, begging them to stop, but they didn’t listen to her. She ran over to Abby and Carter, yelling at them to stop laughing, they wouldn’t stop. Nobody stopped. Malik had pulled his arm up inside his sleeve and started to mock Romano, laughing hysterically, everyone laughed. "Malik!" She screamed, "Stop it!" It was as if she wasn’t there, nobody would listen to her.

She looked over at Elizabeth, she and Kerry were the only two people not laughing or joking. "I’m really going to miss that cocky charming bastard,” Kerry said to Elizabeth, trying to console her, make her smile. "First Mark, and now Romano, I simply cannot handle this," "One minute the surgery was going quite well, then he started to seize, and then he suddenly crashed… "We tried to bring him back for 45 minutes, but nothing" Elizabeth said sadly, tears streaming down her face.

Susan ran to Elizabeth, surely if anyone would listen to her, it would be Elizabeth. "Tell me it’s not true, Elizabeth, please tell me it’s not true, you scrubbed in, you were supposed to help him!" Susan begged. "The sad thing is, Kerry said, "was that nobody knew if he had any family, anyone close, he never shared that sort of thing, I don’t know who to call." "Kerry!" Susan desperately shouted, "Elizabeth!" Nothing. Nobody could hear her. She ran into the lounge and threw herself on the couch, sobbing uncontrollably.

She awoke with a startle, suddenly sitting up right in bed, and she was crying, uncontrollably. She put her head in her hands and just sobbed, reached across the bed and grabbed Rocket’s shirt, hugging it to her body. “Thank God it was only a dream,” she thought, but it wasn’t just a dream, it was a nightmare.

She looked up to the Heavens, "Oh God, please,” she begged, “please don’t let it be true." She said aloud, almost as if in prayer, still crying.

She jumped out of bed, threw off her clothes, and jumped in the shower. She got dressed quickly, and went in - an hour earlier than she was expected to be.

Susan was driving so fast to the hospital she was surprised that she didn’t get a ticket. Thankfully, she reached the parking garage, with no police escort, and parked her car hurriedly.

She wasn’t sure if Abby would be there yet, and just in case she was, Susan wasn’t ready to answer any questions. She walked all the way around to the front entrance, and went in. She didn’t feel like taking the stairs today, so she went directly to the elevator. The elevator stopped on her floor, and she stepped off.

Recovery: “I’ve got to get to recovery.” Susan thought to herself, quickly. She walked down the hallway, to what seemed an eternity, and then she got to his room. She stood outside for a second, collected her thoughts and then looked into the tiny window on the door. Nobody was inside, but she could see him sleeping. She opened the door, ever so quietly, and went inside.

She slowly walked over towards him. He lie there so peacefully, sleeping looking like the angel that she knew he was. She looked him over: He was covered, but not completely, his sheets and blankets stopped just below his chest. She looked at his bandage: She couldn’t believe that his arm had to be removed to just above the periostium. Right above his elbow, “was he aware of this?” she wondered. “Was this what he had wanted?” She wasn’t sure. She walked to the other side of him, pulled a chair to his bedside and sat down. First she just wanted to look at him while he slept. She gently took his hand in hers and began kissing it.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you, you know.” “I’ve missed you terribly, sleeping in that big bed of yours alone really sucks.” “Gretyl says hello, and she wanted me to give you a kiss.” She laid her head at his side and began to sob. He slightly moved a bit, or was that her imagination? She wasn’t sure. As her head lie by his side, she continued to cry, sobbing silently, sobbing because she had missed him so desperately, sobbing because he had to go through all of this, sobbing because of what Chloe had done to her, sobbing because she was so happy that her nightmare wasn’t true.

Suddenly, he stirred and weakly asked, “Suzy? “Are you here, is that you?” She quickly wiped her tears and responded, “Yes babe, it’s me, I’m here, right here with you.” “How are you? How do you feel?” He could barely open his eyes, but he turned to look at her. “What a sight for sore eyes,” he said weakly. “I’m so glad you’re here, I was just dreaming about you.” He could barely get the words out, Susan had to really lean in to hear what he was saying. “Shhhh, don’t say anything, you need to rest, sweetie.” She told him. “We had quite a night, didn’t we, Lewis?” he said, barely smiling. “Shhhhh” she said again and leaned in to give him a kiss to reassure him to be quiet. Softly and ever so sweetly she gave him a kiss on his lips, then his forehead. As he fade in and out of conciousness, talking garbled, all the while, his eyes closed, she kept a hold of his hand. She took his hand and put in on her heart, “I’m not sure if you can hear me right now, but our hearts are beating as one, can you feel it baby?” She asked him, not really expecting an reply. “I want you to know that I am right here with you, for however long you need me. You can’t shout me away, you can’t yell me away, face it Romano, you’re stuck with me for as long as you’ll let me be a part of your life.” She kept his hand on her heart as she leaned in for one more kiss, then gently, whispering in his ear, “I can’t wait to make love to you again, I miss your touch, I miss your kiss…” His eyes briefly opened, “You really know how to make me happy, don’t you?” he asked weakly, barely grinning. She smiled and whispered again, “If I could, I’d take off all of my clothes, right here, climb on top of you and have my way.” she said, without any shyness at all. Again, the grin, showing the dimples, that made her heart melt. She bent down and kissed him all over his face, concentrating on his lips and his dimples. “I can’t wait until you can come home, I need you, I need to take care of you.” She said, almost surprising herself by using the words, “come home” in the same sentence. “I’ll be back as soon as I can sweetie, I need to get to work.” she said sadly. He opened his eyes again to look at her, “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known Suz…..” he said as he drifted off to sleep again. She kissed his hand one last time, and gently laid it down.

She headed for the door, looked back at him and smiled. Just as she opened it, Elizabeth was getting ready to come in.

"Susan?" Elizabeth asked, surprisingly.

"Hi Elizabeth." Susan said, trying not to act guilty of anything.

"What are you doing up here?" Elizabeth asked, not accusingly, just shockingly.

Susan was a horrible liar, and she just knew that Elizabeth would know whether or not she was lying.

"Well, Kerry asked me to come up, you know, just to see how Romano is." Susan stated blankly.

"I just spoke with Kerry no less than 5 minutes ago," Elizabeth said shortly. "Look, I’m perfectly aware that you and Romano don’t play nicely together, and if you’re coming up here to antagonize him, it’s certainly not going to speed up his recovery very well, now is it? She asked Susan with sarcasm in her british voice, that sometimes got on Susan’s nerves.

"If "Lizzie" only really knew" Susan thought to herself. "If only Lizzie really knew just how hard Romano had banged her last night, if only she really knew how many times Rocket had made her come, the things he had said to her, and what a great lover he is" she thought.

Now smiling, she retorted, "No, I’m not here to antagonize anyone, if anything, it’s the opposite, so If I am up here, and I’m not here to antagonize Romano, then I guess it’s really none of your business why I’m up here then, is it?" Susan stated snottily. “Take that however you wish to take it,” and walked off. Leaving Elizabeth just looking at her with a face full of