Chicken_Accident

Louisville, Kentucky--Everyone�s favorite chicken and seasoned war veteran, Louis W. Cock Sr. was in a terrible car accident last Monday. His spinal chord was severed at the breast, paralyzing him from the succulent, tender, white meat waist down. This will ruin his chances at defending his title (Cock of the Walk) at the CWF (Chicken Walking Federation) this Friday night.
     The white Sedan, driven by Farmer John, hit Louis while he was crossing the
road to win a bet made by his drunken chicken friends. (Some would see this as an opportunity to make chicken jokes, but we here at the Super-Excitement Internet Entertainment Headquarters feel that would be inappropriate.) There was, however, a sign warning of impending danger, causing mixed feelings and interpretations of this tragedy.
     �That driver was insane!� says Louis�s friend, Vernon H. Rollins Jr. �He almost made me spill my beer!� This comment was followed by the laughter of Vernon's friends, which was followed by a shameful and somber head-bowing, out of respect for Louis.
     �Serves that little chicken sombich right!� said Farmer John. �Should�ve known better; I�m a marksman in a Ford!� Farmer John�s insensitive comments have caused a backlash from the chicken community. Louis is beloved by the ladies in the henhouses, who have all cut back in egg production 90%. Now that Louis�s Walking days are over, there is speculation over who the title will go to next.
     Most indications point to Cletus Foolery, a rambunctious youth from the Dirty South. He will be fighting Louis�s previously mentioned friend and experienced fighter, Vernon H. Rollins. This should be quit a fight; energetic rookie vs. wise veteran.
     In case you are not familiar with sports, Chicken Walking is similar to the game �Chicken�. Both parties walk across a heavy traffic area until one �chickens� out, or dies. This sport is actually not considered a �real� sport; it has animals instead of humans (the normal players of sports). It is considered to be something along the lines of professional (fake/gay) wrestling.
     With this tragic event still emanating around the farm, there are frightening rumors surfacing. Farmer John may be acting hastily to solve problems caused by the unproductive chickens. An unreliable source had confirmed that Colonel Sanders with his delicious recipe for chicken and evil is going to buy the civilly disobedient fouls from Farmer John, the Red-Necked Bastardfuck. Such events would be considered horrible... horribly tasty that is!
     As we all undoubtedly know, the real story here is KFC�s excellently tender chicken. With the Colonel�s oh-so fabulous recipe, bad never tasted so good. And remember, folks, in the grand scheme of life, there are only two things that are certain: death, and the unbelievably high quality of KFC�s original recipe chicken. Mmmm, Mmmm, Mmmm.