Season 1 Episode 02:
Van Bro: You want info you got to buy something this time.
Vic: Alright. Lem, pick your poison.
Lem: What do I know about art, man?
Vic: Ronnie.
Ronnie: I kind of like the one with the clouds.
Vic: Got a place for it?
Ronnie: Yeah, I guess.
Season 1 Episode 05:
Vic: Is there anything you're not allergic to?
Ronnie: Sheet metal.
Ronnie: How much time you suppose they're giving these
days for installing an illegal wire tap?
Season 1 Episode 10:
Stripper: So, tell me Ronnie...
Lem: He used his own name?
Shane: Amateur.
Stripper: Like, what kind of stuff you into?
Ronnie: Uh, you know. Golf. I'm a four-handcap..
Stripper: Sit right here and relax. You like this, Ronnie?
Ronnie: Yeah.
Stripper: Yeah?
Ronnie: Yeah but could ya, um, like just kind of tease me.
Stripper: Tease?
Ronnie: Not really take it off.
Stripper: Uh-huh.
Ronnie: Like almost... and then, not.
Stripper: Oh, okay.
Lem: What is he for real?
Shane: Alright, that's it. That's it, I'm going in. That's it. That's
it.
Lem: Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie...
Ronnie: What? I was doing good.
Lem: I'm a four handycap?
Ronnie: I was laying the groundwork!
Season 1 Episode 13:
Ronnie: Looks like it's gonna be raining Jim-bee.
Lem: Make it Thunderbird, it'll go farther.
Season 2 Episode 01:
Ronnie: I JUST leased this car!! (after being shot at in Mexico)
Ronnie: How am I going to pay for this...?
Season 2 Episode 05:
Vic: Ronnie, work on tracking those calls.
Ronnie: I'm gonna wire us up.
Season 2 Episode 06:
Shane: We're a team, right?
Lem: Right.
Ronnie: Right. So, uh Amadillo sayin' "you're greenlit." Is
that like you in a plural sense or you in singular sense?
(Vic, Shane and Lem all look at him)
Ronnie: No, it's just.. It's just I was on the porch the whole time.
I mean, he didn't even see me.
Ronnie (hacking a computer): She had fire walled the
backdoor. I can route around her password by changing the operations post by
to default."
Season 2 Episode 07:
Vic: Only one problem.
Ronnie: Besides the fact we don't know where Armadillo is?
Shane: Will you stop being such a pussy about this?
Ronnie: Excuse me for wanting to stay alive.
Season 2 Episode 09:
Lem: Who let the guy with the mustache in?
Ronnie: Ladies love the 'stache.
Season 2 Episode 11:
Lem: They took the skin from his ass.
Ronnie: Left cheek and upper thigh.
Shane: Oh, these jokes just write themselves.
Season 2 Episode 12:
Ronnie: hacked into the board computer, the Armenians reserved a container
with a bigger break point than before.
Season 3 Episode 01:
Vic: (to Lem) You finish that accident report?
Lem: Yeah.
Ronnie: (to Lem) You said he wanted me to write that report.
Lem: He does. You done?
Season 3 Episode 04:
Ronnie (about Shane): Oh, he's a family man now. He's gonna be stuck
at home with a rugrat.
Lem: I have nothing to be embarrassed about.
Ronnie: If I had known, I would have waxed my back.
Lem: I've seen you in the shower, it's not your back you need to be worried
about.
Season 3 Episode 06:
Shane: If I'm a cocksucker...
Ronnie: What do you mean if?
Ronnie: We're chasing our tails.
Lem: Maybe we would have been better off if the Money Train never happened.
Shane: C'mon, give me a break.
Vic: Calm down, girls.
Season 3 Episode 07:
Vic: We're working late tomorrow night, boys. Got any plans, change them.
Ronnie: I got tickets to Journey.
Ronnie: I might be able to crack the safe, if I had enough time.
Vic: You ever tried something like that?
Ronnie: Never stopped me before.
Vic (to Ronnie): You're on. We got to inside the safe and make a copy
of the list before the day shift comes back on.
Ronnie: Glad there's no pressure.
Vic (to Lem): Lend him a Rolaids.
Vic (about the safe): Can you pull the lock out?
Ronnie: Not so you wouldn't notice.
Season 3 Episode 08:
Lem: Ronnie reported the money missing.
Ronnie: Lem didn't even to steal it in the first place.
Season 3 Episode 12:
Vic: Ronnie, we're clear in here?
Ronnie: Yeah, I swept.
Season 3 Episode 14:
Ronnie (unrolls a rug with drugs inside): I want the rest of the day off!
Season 3 Episode 15:
(When Lem found receipts for drying cleaning for thousands of dollars)
Ronnie: You don't dry clean oriental rugs! (Vic, Shane and Lem all look
at him)
Ronnie: My.. my mom had some. She made me, uh, hand clean them when I
was a kid.
Man: Please help me guys.
Shane: Sure thing, Nero.
Ronnie: Nero was Roman.
Shane: Yeah, sure thing, Zeus.
Season 4 Episode 01:
Ronnie: Screamer? Moaner?
Vic: Oh, dude you gotta start gettin your own snatch.
Season 4 Episode 05:
Ronnie: Ladies and gentlemen, the man who puts the 'pimp' in 'pimpjuice.'
(hidden camera in Dutch's car)
Season 4 Episode 06:
Ronnie (to gang members): Judge thinks you're domestic terrorists, ladies.
Ronnie: Alright. Police. You know the dance.
Season 4 Episode 07:
Ronnie: Cover me while I replace the hard drive underneath.
Season 4 Episode 13:
(Vic knocks over a cup of coffee on Dutch's desk)
Ronnie: Not your most ingenious prank.
Vic: Ah but it felt good.
Season 4 Episode 13:
Ronnie to Shane: Gusano says he likes to burn coal.
Shane: Well, with three hotties like that, you tell Santa I've been NAUGHTY!
Lem: Directions to Industrial Discount Clothing.
Ronnie: It's off Rampart.
(Vic, Shane and Lem look at him)
Ronnie: I shop there.
Vic: That explains a few things.
Shane: C'mon brother, let's get you the arresting officers' discount.
Season 5 Episode 01:
Ronnie: "Who hit me?"
Vic: "Jesus Christ?"
Season 5 Episode 02:
Shane: (can't get Lem on his phone) I left a second message. He's probably
knee-deep in a booty call.
Ronnie: I hope he's getting the cop discount.
Shane: Yeah, I hear yours charges by the minute. (laughs)
Ronnie: Hey, I get mine for free.
Vic: Must be seeing a charity worker.
Season 5 Episode 06:
Ronnie (to Moni): You're a deep one.
Season 5 Episode 09:
Ronnie (to Lem when he's released from jail): Looks like your hymen's
still intact!