Lois: Meg, if you don't wanna babysit anymore that's fine, but don't you stand there and lie to me.
Peter: OH-HO Meg, she torched your ass man! She torched your ass.
(4,8)
Stewie: Oh, we're playing house.
Lois: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house
(3,8)
Lois: I can't hold on much longer!
Joe: Lois, pretend I'm one of your children!
(Joe starts to slip)
Joe: Not Meg!
(Lois pulls Joe to safety)
(4,9)
Lois: Oh my God, Cleveland! I am so sorry! I can only imagine what your going through right now.
Cleveland: Its okay.
Brian: It's ok? It's okay to be betrayed by your wife and best friend?
Cleveland: Better that it's Quagmire than someone who she could get a disease from.
Lois: Cleveland, don't you see this is why your wife left you. You don't have enough passion. Sometimes a woman wants to see a man be a man. You gotta push back a little. (Lois starts shaking.) You gotta get a little rough. OH GOD!!!!!! (Pulls down pants and lois bends over.) Peter HIT ME!
Brian: YEEAHH! (Slaps Lois' butt.)
(Awkward silence.)
Brian: So...yeah...
(4,5)
Peter: Why Lois Griffin, you naughty girl.
Lois: Hehehe...that's me.
Peter: You dirty hustler.
Lois: Hehehehe...
Peter: You filthy, stinky prostitute.
Lois: Aha, ok I get it...
Peter: You foul, venereal disease carrying, street walking whore.
Lois: Alright, that's enough!
(4,1)
Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, Lois! And I'll pleasure myself to your photos.
Chris: Me too!
Meg: Me too!
Peter: Oh! Oh! God! Meg! That's sick! That's your mother!
Meg (shrugs): I'm just trying to fit in.
Peter: Get out! Get out of this house!
(Meg doesn't move. Peter punches wall.)
Peter: I SAID GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE NOW!
(Meg runs out and Peter closes the door.)
Peter: That's a good about your modeling, Lois.
(4,10)
Peter: Your mother's right Chris, listen to what it says.
Peter: Oh my God! (runs off crying)
(3,5)
Hooker: Hi.
Peter: Stand perfectly still Lois, their vision is based on movement.
(Pause)
Hooker: Where'd you go?
(4,1)
Stewie: Why don't you burn in hell?
(1,1)
Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
Lois: And what did you do?
Peter: Drank at the stag pa-- ... Whoa. I almost walked into that one.
(1,1)
Stewie: Shut up! I know it's not going to bite, stupid! What a stupid thing to say. You drown in it you moron! It doesn't have to bite you!
(SG)
Lois: Huh, what's this? You know Stewie, Mommy doesn't usually read things out of Chris's pocket. She's more respectful than that.
Stewie: Whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells.
(2,19)
(phone rings in house)
Lois: Hello?
Peter: I cant take the trash out today im working late at the office.
Peter: The called ID says your calling from the kitchen. In fact I can see you.
Peter: Can you see me now?
Lois: No.
Peter: Now I am at the office.
(2,15)