Once upon a time, there were two kingdoms situated close by each other.One kingdom had a powerful king, and the other had a relatively weak king. The difference (or so everybody said) was that the powerful king had a magic throne which had the properties of making people powerful. Well, the weak king wanted this throne, so he had a trusted count get up an army (knights, squires, etc.) to fetch it. The army trudged along for a day or two and came upon the powerful king's castle. The castle entrance was guarded by a huge yellow monster with huge yellow hands. The army (being an army and all) attacked! The huge Yellow Monster ate them all except for two young pages who did not engage in the fight. The pages, being very frightened, hid until nightfall. When night came along, the pages peeked from their hiding place and saw that the monster was asleep. The only thing guarding the entrance now was the monster's huge hands draped in front of the opening. The pages, being only 10 years old, were able to squeeze through the yellow fingers and gain entrance into the castle.
Moral: Let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers.
Once inside the castle the pages had no trouble finding the throne. Combined, they were just strong enough to lift it and were able to carry it out of the castle. (The monster gave them no further trouble since they had the throne.) After having walked half the night with the heavy throne between them, they were very tired and stopped at a sod house to rest. The farmer who lived there, wanting to steal the throne for himself, let them spend the night in the barn. The throne was "hid" in the farmer's attic. Some hours later, the farmer stole into his barn and killed the pages. The farmer went back to bed. A few minutes later, the throne crashed through the ceiling, crushing and killing the farmer and his wife.
Moral: People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
When the powerful king found his throne missing the next day, he ordered his army to kidnap the other king's count and force him to tell where the throne was being hid. The session went as follows:
King: Where is the throne?
Count: I cannot tell you.
King: Then I will have you killed! Executioner, cut off his head!
Count: (as the axe is swinging down...) Ok! I will tell you! THWACK!!!
Moral: Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken out.
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The Baroness and her Healer
A elderly Baroness went to her healer and said...
"Good Monk, I have this problem with gas. Forsooth, it doth vex me sorely, for although it smelleth not, nor maketh a sound, yet it does set my insides apained from bloat." She paused for a moment reflectively and then said...
"Indeed my gentle Monk, I have passed forth wind numerous times since we sat together here by the fire, and except for the stirring of my draperies, thou wouldst know it not."
The monk doth work most carefully with his herbs and gounnd her a finely minced powder to drink in her small beer each morning until a fortnight has passed.
After the passing of the new moon, the Baroness returns.
"Alas and alack my good Monk, but the powder that thou hast given unto me, has done nothing to abate my inner turmoil, indeed, the problem has become worse, for the stench is most foul.
The kindly Monk beams and rubs his hands together. "How excellent!! Now that we have restored thy sense of smell, let us work on your hearing."
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