| -87% of all statistics are made up on the spot -A day without sunshine is like, well, night. -Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue. -A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. -Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk! -Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. -Crowded elevator smells different to midget -Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? -Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. -Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. -Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ. -Governments philosophy: If it ain't broken, fix it till it is -He who farts on fire gets burnt ass -He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs -He who laughs last, thinks slowest. -He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged. -House without toilet is uncanny -I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe -I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. -I love my country but fear my government -I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. -If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. -It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it -It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. -Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. -Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population. -Lorraina Bobbit for Whitehouse Intern -My child beat the crap out of your honors student at [school name here] -My Child Was Inmate of the Month at [fill in correctional institute of your choice] -My karma ran over my dogma -Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. -On the other hand, you have different fingers. -Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it. |
| -Passionate kiss like spider's web soon lead to undoing of fly. -Save a Tree, Eat A Beaver -Save the Roaches -Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. -The voices told me to stay at home and clean my guns -Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. -Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again. -Virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone! -War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left. -What a tangled World Wide Web we weave -When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. -Why have a six pack when you can have a barrel -Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse. -You can't have everything, where would you put it? -You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. -Your gene pool needs chlorine. -Honk if you love peace and quiet. -Honk if you think I'm Jesus. -Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window. -I brake for no !@#$ing reason -I'd rather be pushed in a Chevy than driven in a Ford. -If you can read this, you are within firing range. -It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them. -Keep honking...I'm reloading -Tailgating is mean, so BACK THE F&!@# OFF!!!! -Unless you're a Hemorrhoid, get off my Ass! -Warning! Driver only caries $20 in ammunition. |
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