Things that piss me off

This page is basically a list of all the things that piss me off. I'll try to categorize them and make the page pretty later, but right now I am feeling lazy and I had this idea a while ago, and I finally have time to do it. Feel free to send me an EMAIL with the things that piss you off, and I'll probably post them. The conditions are you must provide a valid reason as to why it pisses you off (preferably in an amusing way), and it can't be too vulgar. Vulgarity will be decided by me and me alone. Eventually, I'll probably make this a full blown portion of the webpage, but then again, I am quite lazy. Here they are, listed in the order I thought of them.

New ones start at #46

Things that piss me off at work:
1. People in general. I'll be more specific as the list goes on.

2. People who come up to me while I am working and as "Do you work here?" WTMFF??? I am wearing a Family Dollar shirt; I am putting out boxes or standing behind the counter. Of course I don't fucking work here. I just do this for the hell of it.

3. People who are in the way. This is especially enraging on truck day. I'm working my ass off, and you are just standing there. Come on, it doesn't take 5 minutes to choose between Lysol and SnoBol. Just grab something and get the hell out of the way. I've got work to do. Or better yet, just stay the hell out of the store!

4. Parents who do not control their spawn of Satan. Ok, these fucking kids are screaming, running amok, making a mess, getting in the way, running into people, you name it. So what do the parents do? Nothing, if they are even there. The most I usually see is the mother will go "Now Timmy, don't do that." WTF? Smack the bastard!

5. Parents who cave. I always see this one. The parent tells the kid that they can't get something. This usually elicits one of three responses from the child. 1) Scream bloody murder. They throw such a tantrum. They scream and cry and lay down kicking the floor. 2) Keep asking. No matter how many times the parent says no, the kid still thinks that if they ask they will get it. 3) Completely ignore the parent and put the thing in the cart. No matter what response the child takes, the result is the same. The parent buys whatever the hell the kid wants. You know what this is teaching the kid? It teaches them that they can get whatever the hell they want by screaming or being annoying. What this will really get the midget is a beat-down in the real world.

6. Parents who let the kid carry a toy around the whole store, then yanks it away at the register and says they don't want it. Once again, WTF!?!??! All this does is make the kid scream and cry right in my ear. I don't want to hear that! How about you just not give the kid the toy in the beginning? Either that, or be the caving parent that pisses me off slightly less. At least that way I don't have to put whatever it is away.

7. People who puke in the store. Let's face it. I can't handle puke. I see it, I hear it, I smell it, I do it. Plain and simple.  If you aren't feeling good, stay away. I don't need to catch what ever disease you have.

8. People who shit in the middle of the store. Yes, this actually happened recently. A kid crapped his pants right in the middle of the store. And guess who had to clean it up. ME! Of course, that is after I vomited. We have a bathroom for a reason people. Use it.

9. People who use our bathrooms. Ok, I know I just said to use it, but there are times when it pisses me off. Like when I have to use it and they are in there for a half hour. And then they finally come out, and it stinks so bad. Then there are times when 20 people ask where the bathroom is in like 10 minutes. I've got better things to be doing than telling you bastards where the bathroom is. Other times they put on a smug look and just walk into the back room and go in, which is annoying as hell. Often times they will leave their cart right in front of the door, making them one of the people who are in the way as well!

10. People who use the bathroom and don't shut the door while they are in there. Come on, that is just disgusting. It's usually the Amish that do it too.

11. People who come in the store, hunt me down and go "Don't you have any carts?" No, of course not. You just happened to walk by how many on your way into the store? All of them? No, that can’t be. If you had done that you would have brought one in with you? Right? So evidently, we don’t have any carts.

12. People who complain about the state the store is in on truck day. Once a week, we get our shipment in. This is typically anywhere from 1500-2000 cases. Our backroom can hold approximately 5 cases max. Therefore, we have to drop everything on the sales floor. This causes the aisle to become quite cluttered. We realize this. You do not need to tell us this. You don’t need to make snide comments around us about this, even if you are not talking directly to us. Just shut the fuck up, and think a minute. The more time that I have to spend dealing with you and your stupid ass comments, the less time I have to actually put out those cases of stock you are so busily complaining about. If you would just shut up, maybe the aisle will get cleared faster. Better yet, stay the hell out of the store when we get our trucks. Less people means less waiting on my part which means I can finish faster.

13. Trucks that just show up with no warning. This just happened the other day, and I just about lost it. We were busy unloading our regular truck. We have about 200 pieces left, the store is packed, we are tired, sore, and hungry. And here comes the wrapping paper truck. We had gotten a memo about 2 weeks earlier saying that wrapping paper deliveries were about to start, so be prepared. Well, typically we have at least a phone call a few hours before it shows up. Not this time. So after we finished the one truck, we got to unload 4,000 pounds (that’s right, TWO TONS!!) of Christmas wrapping paper.

14. Christmas. I don’t like holidays period. But this one is the absolute worst. I remember when I was a little kid and couldn’t wait for it because I got a bunch of presents, and got off of school for a couple weeks. Then I got a job. A job in the retail industry. For the love of god, why do we need to start getting Christmas merchandise in June????? Why do we need to start putting out the decorations in September?? Why do we need to get 30 cases of chocolate covered cherries before Halloween? Why do we need two tons of wrapping paper? Then as the dreaded holiday approaches, people become even bigger assholes. Then a week or two before D-day, we always have to extend our hours. That means that I have to stay there even longer dealing with these people. I remember a couple times where I did not get out of the store until midnight, and had to be back at 8 in the morning. That’s just wrong. Studies have shown that people need 8 hours of sleep. Well, let’s see here. Midnight-8 is 8 hours. Minus 20 minutes driving each way. Minus 15 minutes shower. Minus 5 minutes eating. Minus the half hour or so it takes to calm down and be able to fall asleep. It just don’t work.

15. People who expect us to do their shopping for them. This really annoys the hell out of me. They walk into the store, make a b-line for me, and then demand “Do you have this? Where is it? How about this?” and so on and so forth. Sometimes this is good because I can just say no and they leave. But come on, I am not paid to do your shopping for you. Take 5 minutes, walk around the store (it’s not that big), and LOOK FOR YOURSELF!!! The prize winner of this category entered the store probably my first year there. It was a fat-assed woman and she was looking through the clothes. She then flags me down and says to me, and I quote, “Find something that fits!” Take a moment, and let that sink in. Find something that fits. WTF? So I ask her what size she wears so maybe I can. To which she replies, “Something that fits!” So I just pulled the biggest thing we had off the rack, gave it to her and ran away.

16. Morons at home office telling us how to run our store. They tell us how much we can spend on payroll. They tell us how much money we should be making. They tell us how we are supposed to dress. They tell us how we are supposed to unload trucks. They give us ridiculous schedules that we are supposed to work. They tell us where we are supposed to put stuff. They tell us a lot of stuff. We don’t listen.

17. Annoying truck drivers. Luckily, on truck days I normally am not in the back very long. I am usually on the floor dropping the u-boats as they fill. However, sometimes I am back there. And sometimes, the driver is as big of a jerk as the customers. They often stink to high heaven. That I can deal with mostly. I mean, I understand that they don’t really get a chance to shower, and that it gets damn hot in those trailers as they are unloading them. Some of them talk to us. I don’t like that. The ones that do are typically the redneck morons that think they know everything. Then you get the drivers that don’t know how to properly unload the truck. They will set the rollers up so that they are flat in the truck, load them up, and then shove it all down into the store. This often results in us having to pick everything up off the floor or the ground outside because it all falls off or it jams so tight that we can’t get anything off. Or they will put such a steep angle on their rollers that the shit flies off. Have you ever tried to stop five 50 pound cases of potting soil moving at about 20 miles an hour? It’s not fun.

18. People who don’t show up. This happen sometimes and it really pisses me off. People are scheduled to be at work, and they just don’t show. Either that, or they will call off. At which point, my phone rings. On my only day off that week.

19. New people. I’ll bet you’ll never guess who gets to train them usually. No, it’s not the manager. It’s me, silly. First off, I am not a very sociable person. I am very much a loner. This applies even more so with people I don’t know. Which is exactly what a new person is. Then I have to explain how to do everything. It’s really not that bad, until you have to do it over and over and over. Like earlier this year when we had about 6 new people within a couple months. A couple of them lasted a day. This is another thing that pisses me off.

20. People that only work one day. What the hell???? How can you accept a job, go through all the paperwork, show up for one day, and never come back? Granted, we do work a lot harder that most people would ever dream we do. I know before I started, I thought it was going to be cake, and that I would be able to bring my homework to work and do it there. Oh, those were the days. Then I found out what hell really is like. But come on. If you get a job, be there at least a week before you quit.

21. People who don’t know what hours we are open. This is a really big one here. First of all, we have a nice big sign on our door that specifically states what hours we are open for business. If people ask, we tell them. If the call on the phone, we tell them. Even if they are the 15^th person in a row to call and ask the exact same question, we tell them. There is no reason whatsoever for people not to know what hours we are open. So why exactly is it that there are people in the store after we close? Why is it that people try to get in the store after we lock the doors? Why is it that an hour before we even open people are trying to get in? WHY? Don’t look at us through the door and ask us if we are closed. Look at the freaking sign right in front of your face. Don’t run full force into the door, bounce off, and try the other door. Hell, don’t come into the store within a half hour of closing unless you are only going to be in there for a few seconds.

22. People who call on the phone that don’t speak English. This is really annoying. The phone ringing is bad enough. But then when you answer it and you can’t understand the person it is even worse. What’s really scary is the fact that some of those people actually think that they are speaking English. If I don’t know what you are saying, it’s not English. Don’t mumble into the phone either. I can’t even count how many times I have had to ask people to repeat themselves on the phone.

23. Thieves. Come on people. If you are going to steal something, then at least do it right. Don’t leave evidence. I hate finding empty boxes, ripped open packages, smelly, filthy shoes, and half eaten candy bars. Just take it with you. Don’t hide them under rugs or towels.

24. People who tell you their life stories. Come on. I don’t know you. I don’t want to know you. Stay the fuck away from me you freak of nature. No one cares what you do for a living. No one cares how things were back in the day. We don’t know your family and no, we don’t want to know what’s happening with them. You see that line behind you? Move your ass!

25. People who pick stuff up, and put it down elsewhere. Often times they will attempt to hide the item. How fucking hard is it to walk back to where you got it from and put it where it belongs? Tampons do not belong next to Snickers bars. Toilet paper is not motor oil. And, surprise surpise, g-strings are not toys. Well, for some adults they are, but not children. Why the hell do we even sell g-strings? In size 4x? Those shouldn’t even exist!

26. 15 hour days. First of all, I normally stay up till like 2 am, and sleep till 10-11. But the powers that be decided that it would be a good idea to start delivering trucks at 6am. So that means I gotta get up at 5(4:30 if I wanna eat) to get there and unload it. Then they decide that everything needs to be done by time we open the next day. We said fuck it to having to be there at 6am 2 days in a row and decided to just work all day. It works, but god, does it suck. You should try it. I’ll gladly let you take my spot.

27. The fact that there is no nap time. Yes, I know I am not 2 years old anymore. But I’m sorry. When I have to go to bed 5-6 hours earlier than normal, I sleep like crap, if at all. I then tend to get tired, cranky, and irritable during the day. They need to institute mandatory nap time.

28. People that try to return merchandise that they did not purchase at our store. Occasionally this’ll work because we do take back anything from any Family Dollar Store. However, we are not, I repeat, NOT Dollar General. We are not Rite Aid, CVS, Wal-Mart, Target, Giant Eagle, or anything else. How stupid do you think we are? Why the hell would we give you money for something you bought somewhere else?

29. The floors. God I hate the floors at work. Especially in the winter months. I really hate mopping the freaking store every single day. I hate it even more when I have to do it 2 times a day. And I really hate it when everyone else ignores them, and leaves it to me. I purposefully did not mop for 3 days in a row. The floors got so horrible, but did anyone else mop? Hell no, they yelled at me for not mopping. And then you get the damn people that stand in the way so I can’t mop the aisle, and of course the lovely people with the muddy boots that wait until you finish an aisle and then decide that’s where they need to be.

30. The registers. They are pieces of crap. Seriously. They are ancient. They are slow. Sometimes they don’t work. So what is home office’s solution? Update the programming! Make them run slower! Seriously. After the latest update, it takes at least 2 second from the time I push the button to open the drawer to the time it opens. Meanwhile, I am standing there with the money in my hand looking like a moron. I figured it out and this delay alone is costing the company $1.5 million a year. Not to mention the ages we have to wait after a big order or a check, or when we try to do our end of day reports. Before the update, we could pull our drawers, count them, declare, and run the reports in less than 5 minutes on a good day. Now it takes at least 15.

31. People that return stuff. First of all, it's not bad enough that they are bringing crap back into the store. We were so glad that they took it away. Now it's coming back. But even worse than that fact is their attitudes about it. They think that they can just walk in the door, walk up to me, and I'll immediately do the refund. Never mind the fact that there is a line of PAYING customers. No, they want their money back, and they want it NOW. They cannot be bothered to stand in line. Argh. And if I try to ignore them, which I usually do because they piss me off, they will just stand there. Or they will be all snotty and be like, "Excuuuuse me." Heaven forbid I finish the order I am in the middle of. I must bow down and worship the return.

32. People that have a vice grip on their money. So yeah. I finish the order and give the customer the total. After a good five minutes of them digging for their money, they finally find it, and present it like they are going to pay. So I grab the money, and go to put it in the register. Except the money doesn't come. $5 is so painful to part with. Come on people, it's money. Just let it go so it can do it's job and get you the hell away from me.

33. The redhead family. You know who you are. Never, EVER, come back into the store. Then again, they are always in there. They are some of the loudest, most obnoxious people on the face of the planet. They have grown kids that act like 4 year olds. And the mother is the loudest of all. Not only do I dread when they walk in the door, so do all the other employees.

34. People who say how nice the weather is. Fuckers. Each and every one of them. I can guarantee you, we are fully aware of the weather outside of the store. I mean, just because we are inside working, doesn't mean that we cannot see out the door, feel the warm air blow in. We know what it is like. We want to be out in it. But we can't. We have to stay inside so we can wait on the fuckers hand and foot, then have them rub it in our faces that they can go outside and enjoy life at our expense. Once again, Fuckers, all of you.

35. People's attitudes towards the fire alarm. Ok. Let's all pretend we are back in school. What did you do when the fire alarm went off? You got up and exited the building, right? Of course you didn't! You sat right there and continued with whatever the hell you were doing. At least that's the only thing I can conclude from peoples reaction when the alarm goes off at work. Granted, every time it has gone off there was no fire. But still. When the fire alarm goes off, get the fuck out you moron. Don't complain about the racket and ask us to shut it off. Better yet, go somewhere else, then let me start a fire there. When the alarm goes off, you won't leave, and I'll not have to deal with you ever again.

36. The flood. This is seriously pissing me off lately. Last year, a Laundromat moved in right next door. Only a wall separates the us. So you know what that means. Every time someone puts in too much soap or the machine breaks, our store floods. Not the Laundromat, us. It wasn't so bad at first. It only happened like once every couple of months. Not anymore. Now it is a daily occurrence. I've even broken our mop bucket trying to dry the flood up so people to kill themselves. Because you know they see water on the ground and avoid it. Right? Have you been reading this? You should know better.

37. The redheaded wheelchair cripple lady. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against redheads or handicapped people, in general. There's just a few. And this is one of them. First of all, only one of her arms barely functions, the other doesn't work at all. Her legs have serious problems, and she rides around in a powerchair most of the time now. So of course, she still gets in the car and drives around. I seriously fear for the lives of everyone around her when this happens. She should not be allowed to drive. Then she is so mean to everyone. Still, I could manage to look past this and ignore her if not for the fact that she is also one of the biggest morons in this universe. Gather 'round and let me tell you a story. A story of hopefully the last time I will ever have to deal with her again. She comes in one day and crashes her wheelchair into the counter. She tells the cashier that a couple weeks ago she had wrote a check at the store. But she mistakenly wrote the check from an account she had closed. So she wanted to write us another check so she wouldn't have to deal with the fees. Well, unfortunately, the check is already gone to the bank the night she wrote it. Therefore it is bounced. There is nothing we can do. The cashier tries to explain this, but she is determind. So I get called up to deal with her. I explain to her that we deposit the checks every night. If she had come back on the same day before we deposited the check, the we could have switched checks. But since this occured weeks ago, it was completely out of our hands. As soon as the deposit is handed to the bank, there is nothing we can do. The check isn't even ours anymore. We have a company that handles bad checks for us so we don't have the hassle of trying to collect. We have every customer sign our check policy which states this. I tell her all this. She still insists that she should write us a check right now to cover that amount so that she doesn't get charged the overdraft fee or the service charge. I try reasoning with her. My mistake. It can't be done. So I pawn her off on my boss, who was trying to hide. She tells her the exact same thing. She's still a moron. So we call home office and let them talk to her. They tell her the same thing. She goes through two people at home office, and is still a complete moron. She even says, and I quote (as best as I can remember, this happened last month) "Well, I'm going to have to contact the news and the newspapers and tell them your company is unfair, and you'll go out of business." Finally she leaves saying she'll never come back. We all do a happy dance. The moral of this story, and if I was allowed to tell her this it would have been over in 2 minutes, is this. You fucked up bitch. Now you have to pay for it.

38. People who need to wear more clothing. Lets face it. Most of the people who shop where I work are nasty, old, or fat. So you know what that means. They think they are the sexiest creature on the face of the Earth. eeewwwwww. Put on some clothing. No one wants to see your rolls or your cellulite. No one wants to see your hideous pancake breast, or you god awful ass. Hell, put a bag on your face too. It's disgusting.

39. People who need to wear less clothing. This happens far to rarely. Once in a blue moon, someone comes into the store that is actually incredibly hot. You know what I mean. The type of person you would offer your bank account to if they would only talk to you. So of course, they are fully clothed, often wearing all the clothing they own. Don't they know they should come in wearing a bikini or less? You actually can wear the clothes those disgusting people like. Only about 20 sizes smaller.

40. People who leave their carts where ever. This contributes to #11. I often find a completely empty cart just sitting in the middle of the aisle. The hell? Why get a cart if you are not going to buy anything? Another thing that pisses me off is when people bring their carts to the counter, get checked out and leave. Leaving their cart in front of the counter. When there is a line of people. How hard is it to push a rolling cart 10 feet so that it is out of the way?

41. When the first customer of the day pays with a $100 bill. These people are typically the ones who are trying to get in an hour early. As soon as the door is unlocked, the run in and get something the equivalent of a stick of gum, and then hand me a $100 bill. You are a fucking asswad, you know that? No, I do not have change for that. We've only been open 30 seconds.

42. People that bring stuff up, put it on the register, and leave. There are typically two variations of this. The first is the person who states right away that they are not done shopping, but they can't carry it anymore. Hmmmm, what is the purpose of those metal baskets on wheels you walked by when you came in the store? They obviously can't be shopping carts since we don't have any. The other is the dickweed that comes up and starts checking out, then realizes they forgot half of their list and runs back to get the rest. To hell with the line. You can take all the time you want. They don't care. And I don't mind standing there looking like an idiot waiting for you.

43. People who need to run out to their car to get more money. I have never understood this. You have enough money to pay for your merchandise, you just didn't bring it in with you? Why the hell would anyone leave money in their car? That's just asking for it to get stolen.

44. People that go to the wrong register. Sometimes, I can understand. There's no one standing there, and no signage. But most of the time when we leave the register, we put a bell out with a sign that says please ring bell for service, and the other counter is covered with crap. So where do they go? The crap covered counter of course. So we have no idea they are there. Then it really irks me when the go to the right counter, ring the bell, the go back to the wrong counter and wait. But what pisses me off even more is when I am actually standing at the register, and they still go to the other one, where no one is. How stupid can you be?

45. Women who put their purses on the counter. These shouldn't even be called purses, they should be called luggage. Not carryon luggage, either. The kind that you have to check at the gate. It takes up a large portion of the counter, and they typically have a heaping cart full of crap. So where the hell am I supposed to put it? A variation of this that includes men too are people who lean halfway over the counter to write a check. CASH PEOPLE, CASH!

46. People that pay with debit cards that have no business even carrying them. Granted, almost every debit machine is different. So don't assume that they all work the same. If we are trying to explain to you how to use them, listen for gods sake. Surprisingly, we know what we are talking about. When we tell you to turn the card around, don't turn it around and around every which way until you end up with the card in the exact same position. When we tell you what buttons to push, don't push every other button. And for the love of god, those metal teeth and pieces of paper sticking out should tell you something. And that is that is not where your card goes. Then again, go ahead, try to shove your card in there, and destroy it. Then I won't have to deal with you paying with debit again.

47. People who come in and say something along the lines of "Well, you had this last year," or "You're ripping me off!!! Last year this was $.50 cheaper!" Stop living in the past people. That was last year! Prices go up. It's called inflation. We don't always carry the same thing. Sometimes they stop making a product. But I really hate it when people stand there and argue with me when I tell them that we have never carried what they are asking for. The most popular thing for this is "The Works" Spray cleaner. In the 8 years I have worked at Family Dollar, we have never, NEVER carried that. You did not get it here last year. You did not get it here two years ago. You did not ever get it here. But what do I know. I'm just a lowly peon there to serve the jackasses.

48. Parents that constantly swear at their children. This drives me crazy. Granted, I do swear a lot. Just reading this page will prove that. My parents always swore in front of me. But when I swore in front of them, boy did I feel the consequences. Then again, that soap actually tasted kinda good. But anyway, enough about me. More about others. I don't want to hear that type of language, and I'm sure your children don't either. Think of other words to use in front of them. If you don't, don't be surprised when you hear the little angel tell you to fuck off, you god damned mother fucking ass licking cock sucking son of a bitch slut whore.

49. People who bring up a lamp shade with no lamp. That is just retarded. The shades are stacked neatly in the middle of the lamps they go with. There is not price tag on the shade. Many of them have a note saying that that shade goes with this lamp. So of course that means they are sold completely separately. I got so pissed off with this one day I actually made a big sign which I am probably going to get bitched at about that says that all lamps and shades are sold a set. Not that a sign will do any good since we all know how people love to read signs at my store.

50. The stupid warehouse sending us extreme excess quantities of merchandise. We have a small store. A tiny backroom. So of course they send us 70 cases of Purex fabric softener when we sell about a case every 2-3 weeks, 90 cases of Trend liquid which we sell even less of, 50 cases of one size of diaper, which we don't sell, 30 cases of one type of toilet paper, 40 cases of another that we don't even carry, much less sell, 100 comforters when we already have 100, and sell about 1 a month. Plus now they are sending us all this Christmas crap again, and we have no where to put it since we have all that other crap where the new stuff is supposed to go. I'm half tempted to buy it all, rent a semi, drive to a store in South Carolina where the headquarters of the company is, and return it all.  That way they can deal with it.

51. People who park their cars right in front of our doors when they are open. And of course, they leave the car running, and it is belching smoke and toxic fumes right into the door to right where I am standing. It's a damned fire lane too, but no one ever gets a ticket.

52. People who bring cups into the store and leave them on the shelves. I can't tell you how many coffee cups with a half inch of mold growing in it I have picked up and thrown away. It's just disgusting, even when we find them almost immediately after they have been set down. I'm half tempted to start saving these cups and gluing them all to a counter with a sign that says don't make us be cup nazis, clean up after your sorry ass.