diary3

G'day all...
         Well this week has been bad and good.. Figures last weekend I had to work and it was beautiful and hot and sunny. Then I have a few days off in the week... The weather? Rain and Rain and Rain! I havent seen so many thunderstorms in one week before including a major one Friday that I got to get soaked in.. Yippee Skippy!
        Well I have been spending alot of time by myself and coming into alot of realizations that I didnt have time for before because I was always out and doing stuff. This week I went out with friends alot and visited my favorite Martini Bar.. :) and a strip club a couple times and all those bad things.
       One thing I did realize yesterday was I take for granted what I do have in my life, like some great friends who dont espect things, they are just my friend cuz they love me and care about me. But my friends arent the only thing I take for granted. I think I have probably taken every realationship I have had for granted. You know as they say you dont realize what you have until its gone. I havent had a major sucessful realationship and am always quick to point the finger the other way when things do go wrong. But no alot of it I think is me. :( So now I sit here alone, and for the last month when I have been alone I have been thinking stuff like my life sucks? Sure Im not happy with my life but I could be alot worse off. I look around and I take for granted the fact that I do have a good job, boring, but its a good job. I take for granted that I have a Mom who cares about me alot and hasnt kicked my sorry ass out yet even though I'm almost 25. Major goal Im making is too move out. Im sure if I had my own place or a place with a roomate (which I dont really want because I always wanted to move in with a bf, but im becoming very aware the fact I dont see that happening anytime soon as much as I would LOVE for that too happen) Anyways I know I would be happier if I lived on my own. Lets see what else? Well the thing I think I have always took the most for granted was my looks and my youth.. And now that im getting older I look at what I have done. Its like I know im not no god, im not a model (wouldnt I be so lucky) But I think im above average in looks and have tended to burn bridges thinking oh, lots of fish in the sea. But I have noticed going to this strip club here in Toronto that sure its fun to go while im young and fun to look at naked boys. But I dont want to be old and not as good looking and having to depend on this sort of thing for my sexual excitement.. I look at it and even thought about that if I cant find a decent b/f then I rather just marry a woman. I know thats pathetic, But I rather be old and with a woman then be old and be alone. Well this is getting really depressing so I will stop now. But I do believe everything happens for a reason and I know/hope I can find a b/f who will make me happy because I know in my heart that there is someone out there for me! So if your around my age/above average looking like myself/romantic/sweet/caring/compassionate and you actually read the sports section in the paper (I know that's a weird request but I do and like analyzing whats going on in sports)(its my Mom's fault because she got me doing it) :) well if this sounds remotely like you.. Email me or something, cuz if there is a MR right out there I sure as hell would like someone to make me aware of this! :)
P.S. Below is a Ace of Base song that I love &have been listening to lately because of the rain!