Hello Everyone,
Well now im pissed, I dont know how I did it but I deleted one of my diary entries and really dont want too redo it, not that I remember all that was said in it. But this Entry wasnt about any of that.. Actually it had some to do with it.. But it doesnt matter now.
Have you ever done something that you regret? I think we all have done at least one thing that we regret.. I don't think Ive done many things I regret.. Generally I do things and there is a reason why I do it. But I did one thing the otherday that I do regret. Why is it we do things and dont actually realize what we're doing until its done? Anyways.. I screwed up.. Im not one to admit I screwed up often.. Even when I know I screwed up.. But this time I realize that I made a huge mistake.. I cant take back what I did. Or I would. But there is only so many times one can say that i'm sorry right? Because after awhile people will think your lying because your saying sorry. :-( All I know is about a month ago, I met this guy through my friend.. I havent really let anyone close to me, but over the past week I let him close. I have never enjoyed talking to someone in such a long time. We could and did talk for hours on the phone. Over the past week we have talked everyday and I think the least we talked to each other on the phone would be 1hr a day.. But most days it would be 4-6hrs we would talk. He is one of the most interesting people I have met. He has the ability to make me smile even when I was in the worst of moods. He brought out a side of me I never thought I had... and more then anything, he made me want to be a better person. I loved the time I spent with him, I loved the time we talked on the phone. I loved having him close to me. Then you add the fact that he is one of the most beautiful guys I have ever seen. So what do I do? I get drunk, my eyes wonder and one thing leads to another and I'm a giant screw up. Here people told him not to hurt me, and look what happened. I'm have never felt like such an ass. Im fortunate that he still wants to talk to me at least. :-( Wish there was something I could do to prove to him I wouldnt do such a thing again. But there isnt. I should just take account that he wants to be my friend still, even though I know I hurt him more then he lets out too me. I'm fortunate that he is talking to me. Frankly i'm glad he wants to be my friend because my life is a much better place with him in it then it was when he wasnt here. Words cant describe the kinda person he is and the things that he would do for someone he cares about. Why did I do it? I still dont know. I'm not going to blame the fact I was drunk because that would be an easy out. I know a part of me probably did it because I figured in the back of my head that if I screw up before I get too close to him then I would never get hurt. But I am hurt. I cried a good part of yesterday and im so moody today. Not much more I can say except. I'm sorry Adam, I cant take back what I did. I'm very glad your in my life and there will always be a place in my heart for you.
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