Kelso Quotes
Hyde: ...and it runs on water!
Fez: So it is a boat.
Hyde: No, its a car. Only you put water in the gas tank instead of gas. And it runs on water, man!
Kelso: I never heard of this car. Hey Jackie's good for gas money.
Eric: You are such a whore!
Fez: When does the boat get here, whore?
Kelso: I've always wanted to do that--just run butt naked through a sea of people. Be free and shake it around. Okay who's
in?
Fez: Will people be chasing us with torches and pointy things?
Kelso: No.
Fez: Then I am in.
Fez: You know, in my country, if a woman beats you that makes her want you.
Eric: Really?
Fez: Yes, but this is America, wuss.
Kelso: Wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss.
Hyde: Kelso. Kelso! Would you stop that?! Wuss wuss wuss wuss wuss!
Eric: Wait wait wait, what about Kelso? I mean Jackie has him totally whipped.
Fez: Whipped like the family pig.
Kelso: I am not pig whipped. Where do you even get that stuff?
Hyde: Are you kidding? 'Michael, call me at 8!'
Eric: 'Michael do your Chico impression!'
Fez: Michael rub oil on my thighs while I spank you.
(silence)
Fez: Please someone else talk now.
Fatso Burger guy: Where do you see yourself in five years?
Eric: Fatso Burger.
Fez: Covered in gold chains.
Kelso: Rock star. Or no, movie star. No, yeah. Rock star.
Hyde: Prison.
Kelso: You know what it is? I'm great looking, and he's jealous. I'm telling you Jackie, this body is a curse!
Jackie: But if you worked here, you couldn't see me whenever I wanted you to. Lover.
Kelso: Oh yeah!
(they go to kiss)
Fez: Please stop touching each other. It gives me needs.
Jackie: You could wear your David Bowie butt huggers.
Hyde: Michael, that would be super!
Kelso: Laugh if you want man but my butt looks pretty good in those.
Kelso: Yea well, I have something to say. I went to the mall today, and bought a new pair of shoes. And they're the coolest
kicks in the cave.
Eric: So, no more for Kelso, he's toasted.
Fez: I would like some toast if you are making some. Or food of any kind would be good. I am starving.
Fez: Oh no, Dick Tracy's trapped in a giant clam! Farewell sweet Dick.
Hyde: A man being eaten by a giant clam. Now I'm not Sigmund Freud, but, huh?
Kelso: Eric! "The Omen's" playing at the drive in. You know what this means? It's makeout city.
Eric: I really like you as a friend, Kelso, but can I bring a girl?
Kelso: Yeah! It's going to be great man. Horror movies turn chicks on faster than porno.
Hyde: Faster than that?
Kelso: Yeah. I just wish somebody would make a porno horror movie.
Eric: Well, then there'd be no stopping you.
Kelso: But what if he's lost, or hurt somewhere?
Hyde: Back off Lassie, I'm sure Timmy's just fine.
Kelso: Maybe we should check the school morgue.
Hyde: Kelso, the school doesn't have a morgue.
Kelso: Then what do we pay all those taxes for?
Hyde: Y'know what kills me? You do better in school than I do.
Donna: So where's Buddy?
Eric: Uh, Buddy...got...busy.
Jackie: Yeah well, I'm sure he has lots to do, he is "popular."
Fez: Yes, and so obviously gay.
Jackie: Buddy is not gay!
Kelso: Please Fez, that's just stupid. If Buddy was gay he would've been all over me.
Eric: Red sees everything. He sees when I put cheap gas in the car.
Kelso: I got it! We'll put my "gas grass or ass" bumper sticker over it.
Eric: Why does Sully have a statue of the virgin Mary on the dashboard?
Keslso: I dunno, maybe he's religious or something.
Hyde: Wasn't Sully in prison for arson?
Kelso: Yeah. People that burn stuff believe in God too, Hyde.
Eric: I'm going to give Donna my class ring.
Kelso: No, forget rings. You wanna score with Donna, use my Superfunk 8-track.
Kelso: Guess who's taking Pam Macy to the prom?
Hyde: Anyone with a quarter?
Kelso: No, me!
Fez: Damn, and I had a quarter!
Jackie: Well I have a date too.
Kelso: What's his name?
Jackie: His name is--not important. What's important is, he's better than you. In every conceivable way.
Kelso: Well damn Jackie, that could be anyone!
Eric: I dunno guys, I heard its pretty good.
Kelso: No way its better than The Planet of the Apes. Those apes were really good actors.
Hyde: You know Forman, I'm a romantic. So I say you choke him till his eyes pop out!
Kelso: Yeah. Hitting people's cool.
Eric: I don't know. If I hit this guy, Donna's just gonna be pissed.
Kelso: No man, chicks dig that stuff. I mean Leia, right, she acted like she was mad at Han. But I could tell she liked him.
Hyde: Kelso man, what are you, and idiot? Leia likes Luke. She kissed him on that bridge!
Kelso: Just for luck!
Eric: Guys, I have a real problem here!
Eric: Gentlemen, we have finally done it. A pot leaf on the water tower!
Fez: This is the proudest moment of my life!
Hyde: It doesn't look like a pot leaf. It looks like its giving me the finger.
Kelso: Well it doesn't have to look perfect Hyde, it's art!
Kelso (on the phone): Dad, there is no way this could've been avoided. Yes. Yeah. The cow kicked me after I tipped it over.
I'M NOT LYING! Ok, alright. I love you too. (hangs up) He bought it!
Fez (to nurse): Um excuse me? Um, yes. My friend and I would like a sponge bath now, please?
Hyde: Ok, do you remember that time when I was climbing your fence and I hit my forehead on that tree branch, and I fell
into the yard and your dog Yogi came out and bit me twice on the ass?
Kelso (laughing): Yeah, you bled and you cried.
Hyde: I bled. I didn't cry.
Kelso: Yeah you did. You bled and you cried.
Hyde: And you laughed, man, a lot, while I was bleeding. You see my point?
Kelso: Yeah. It's funny when friends get hurt.
Hyde: Close enough.
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