Crescent Shadows On-Line Newsletter of the Hudson Valley Pagan Network, Inc.

This past year circumstances and events in my life have forced me to reevaluate my ideas and/or preferences in relation to sex, spirituality and the role they play in my every day life. This has not been an easy task!

Let me start by saying that I have always been in touch with my sexual self for as long as I can remember. I was never afraid to express that aspect of my being with myself or others. I am primarily a hetrosexual monogamous woman. However, that doesn't mean that I have never been exposd to or afraid of other alternate sexual preferences. In fact, I have experimented, and very often enjoyed, many various aspects of sex throughout my active sexual years. Including everything from fetishes to bondage, dominance vs. submissiveness and all sorts of game playing including a variety of erotic devices and/or props. In reality aren't we all submissive to our spirituality in some form or another?

I also have first hand knowledge of other lifestyles including gay and lesbian lifestyles. Not because I've ever chosen to participate but because I have a sister who is a lesbian and living happily with her partner. I have other gay friends and have a very close friend who lived in a lesbian relationship for a number of years but chose to go back to being heterosexual. I lived that with her not as her lover but as her confidant and sister and learned much about myself and why I chose to be hetersexual. Does that make me an expert of these alternative lifestyles in any way? Not it doesn't...I only note it because I want to make it clear that I am not a prude and in no way do I have a problem with accepting a variety of sexual alternative choices. Some people prefer monogamy some choose to have more than one partner and some choose the same sex. I see nothing wrong with any of these choices if all parties involved are of consenting age and they do not infringe on anyone else's rights.

Sexual freedom seems to be one of the primary things that draws people to Paganism. The ancient Pagans often had ritualistic orgies and that idea seems to have been carried on through to modern times in one form or another. Rituals, especially the Beltane Ritual, sometimes involved an actual sex act between the High Priest and Priestess. Others choose to symbolically perform the act of fertility in their rituals. Does that mean they are not true pagans? If one chooses to be monogamous and only grant their partners the fruit of their loins (so to speak)does that mean they are not truly pagan? I personally feel that any sex act can be spiritually fulfilling as long as you're being true to yourself. Therefore, if I choose not to perform the actual sex act during ritual I don't feel I should be booted out of Paganism and frowned upon. If I choose to make sex part of my ritual that should also be acceptable granted approval of the group, if it is within a group structure.

I am also aware that many Covens practice that way and indeed have sexual relations with other coven members. Some of these are pre-established relationships and some just for ritual puposes. There are some that enter into sexual relationships with other members of their own coven, same sex or other wise, for other reasons. It is my belief and opinion that sexual relations with coven members for reasons other than ritual purposes, and in some cases even for ritual purposes, may work in a larger coven but it would have to be a very stable and trusting one. In a very small coven of three or four members I tend to think it could be harmful to the coven unless of course, as I stated before, it is a very stable and trusting coven and/or it was an established relationship beforehand. In any case, whether it is a large or small coven I believe the sexual aspect of the coven ritually or otherwise should be discussed and agreed upon prior to either entering an established coven or creating a new one. Sexuality should be treated with respect and as sacredly as possible...being true to the inner self no matter what path or way we choose to express it. I have come to the conclusion that each of us has to follow our own way. I feel I am just as Pagan being a monogamous heterosexual as the Pagan who chooses more than one partner and/or a same sex partner(s) and a true Pagan should never be judgemental of any of his brothers or sisters when it comes to his/her sexuality.

- Spiritfox

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Last Updated: September 24, 2002
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