Lets Hear it For Monogamy

Maybe I’m old-fashioned. Maybe I see sex as a fringe benefit of loving someone. An act of pleasure that is private and special. A gift. I’ve never felt comfortable with “casual” sex. What’s casual about it anyway? Is casual sex like saying, “Hey, how’s it going. Wanna do it?” In my mind, if you have sex with someone, you should have sex with just that person for as long as you are in love with him or her. Crazy, huh? I’ve known people who have had sex with people they didn’t like all that much. It’s never worked for me. It feels empty and shallow. That’s not to say I haven’t had my share of empty and shallow moments. I’ve also known people who have fallen in love with their extra-marital partner and have watched helplessly as their primary relationships disintegrate. No matter how good it feels to for them now, it ALWAYS ends up hurting someone else later.

Maybe…just maybe…there is something to be said for the sexiest thing I have ever experienced—a loving monogamous relationship. Sure, you get bored. The mundane creeps up on the both of you until the highlight of the evening is getting into bed to go to sleep and nothing else. And, I know it’s difficult sometimes to resist temptation or for that matter to resist being tempting.  Believe me I know. That’s called flirting and nothing need come of it. If my husband wants sex outside of our marriage, he can take all of his stuff along with him too. That’s not what I’m in it for. But, he wouldn’t, and THAT’S one of the many things I find sexy about him.

Whenever I have felt the need to look for sex outside of my past relationships it was because I was not satisfied at home. End of story. That was my first clue that something needed to be addressed in the relationship. Duh. It was also a good indication that I needed something else, not necessarily someone else. Sex outside of a monogamous relationship is usually about how you’re feeling about you, not the sex. Some people think sex is love and will never feel satisfied. Following a Wiccan path does not give me license to put the emotional or physical health of my relationship at risk. 

I know I’m supposed to say to each their own. I know I’m supposed to not let that stuff bother me. I’m just not there yet. The less I know the better. I wonder why some people are so caught up in their genitals. Sex is a mindful act to me and an ultimate expression of trust between two people. Not three people, not four people, not five people and a lot of gadgetry. I like to know who I’ll find in my bedroom when I come home at night. My life is complicated enough thank you.

To those who say monogamy is not natural are clutching at straws. They argue that if monogamy were natural, people wouldn’t be tempted. So go ahead, and act on your animal instincts. But I wonder. Why would human beings come up with a system that defies their own nature? Usually it is because our own nature gets us into trouble. Trouble not so easily remedied. Trouble can include emotional abandonment, physical abandonment, abuse, perversion, disappointment, disillusionment, and all the wooly and wonderful diseases out there. Some people wouldn’t use a stranger’s toothbrush but they would have sex with them. I think it’s a load of malarkey. 

So, in celebration of the stirrings of spring and male/female, male/male, female/female, Ying/Yang relationships I have assembled a list of links that might serve useful to those who are in a monogamous relationship and want to make THAT one better instead of leaving home. If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands. And while you’re at it, let’s have some applause for the couples out there that don’t need anyone else but each other to share their beds with.