Grace and peace to you from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. The Word of the Lord which engages us this morning comes from our Epistle lesson (Ephesians 5: 21-33). ����������������

During the first months of my ministry among you 3 years ago, I was asked many interesting questions about my pastoral practices. Just as I was asking questions about the congregational practices and history, many members were wanting to know about my practices. Lutheran Church Missouri Synod pastoral practices tend to be very unified in theology � our pastors consistently believe, teach and confess that the Triune God is the only true God, that Jesus Christ is truly God and truly Man both 2000 years ago and still today, that this Son of God gave his life on the cross to ransom the world from sin, that he rose physically from the grave, that Christ's true Body and Blood are present in the Sacrament of the Altar, that Baptism is much more than just a symbolic washing, that forgiveness of sins comes through confession and absolution, that the Bible is truly God's Word. On those and many other theological issues that are clearly taught in the Bible, pastoral practices from congregation to congregation vary very little. ����������������

But on some issues of pastoral practice that have been influenced by the history of the church more than clear Biblical teaching, there is variability. So I've been asked questions like: How many weeks will your adult catechism classes last? What time of the year will we have confirmation? What if I am cremated? Would that effect my funeral? Can we sing this song even though it's not in the hymnal? ����������������

But there was one question I got perhaps most frequently? Pastor, do you insist that couples use the traditional marriage vows where the woman promises to "obey" her husband or can they leave out that 'obey' clause? I heard this from younger women wondering if this 'obey' clause would be required in their wedding. I've heard this from older men who included things like "my wife said it at our wedding XXX number of years ago. I think that tradition should remain. Doesn't the Bible teach that wives should obey their husbands?" ����������������

Today's Epistle lesson is one you typically hear at weddings. At most weddings, when we hear from the Apostle Paul's letters, we hear either this "Wives submit to your husbands� Husbands, love your wives�" or 1 Corinthians 13 "Love is patient, love is kind�." This Ephesians lesson has actually guided my typical pastoral practice about marriage vows and the "obey clause." Listen again to v. 21, the verse that summarizes all of the next verses as well "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Leonard Bernstein, the celebrated orchestra conductor, was asked, what is the hardest instrument to play. He replied without hesitation: "Second fiddle. I can always get plenty of first violinists, but to find one who plays second violin with as much enthusiasm or second French horn or second flute, now that's a problem. And yet if no one plays second, we have no harmony." (from Brett Blair, www.eSermons.com, Sept 2003).

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Paul is teaching all of us Christians to submit, to be willing to play second fiddle, to one another. We don't like to play second fiddle. Our old sinful side desires to be Numero Uno, to have our rights met, to expect that other people, including our loved ones, will treat us fairly or else. We've all seen young children whine "It's not fair. He got more cake than I did." But in reality we all have a tendency to be like those small children. Playing second fiddle goes against our grain. If somebody threatens our finances or property or ego or position, we can get very defensive and insist upon our rights. But here the Apostle calls us to be ever willing to play second fiddle as well as we can, to give up our rights by choice for the sake of love and peacefulness, especially when it comes to relating with fellow believers and potential believers, which means everybody.

Why would we do something so outrageous? Out of reverence for the Christ who loved us so much that he gave up his life for us on that cross at Calvary. If he had chosen to have his rights met, to be treated fairly, our salvation would not have been won, we would still be dead in our sins. But Christ did submit to the cross and all its cruelty in order to pay for the huge cost of our sins. All of us, husbands, wives, children, parents, single people, literally all Christians will desire, when we think of him rather than ourselves, we will desire to imitate our Lord by submitting to others when the situation arises.

Whenever men have told me they thought we should, I should, leave the obey clause in the bride's vows, I've asked them, "have you ever obeyed your wife?" I have yet to be told "No." Most husbands have smiled and said "Well of course." Everyone in any kind of loving relationship will submit to one another at some time. We all submit to one another at times, sometimes because we fear the repercussions if we don't. But here, in our spiritual submission to the Lord who has saved us, we submit to one another not because we fear reprisals or arguments if we don't. We submit because of the awe and wonder we have that our Lord Jesus Christ loved us more than anyone else in the whole world has loved us and He showed that love tangibly, expressively on the holy cross. Just so you know of my pastoral practice, if a couple getting married wants to leave in the tradition of the "obey" clause for the wife only, I am fine with that. Verse 22 does say "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord." The Greek word translated "submit" can be translated obey as long as we recognize that this obedience/submission is a voluntary choice. This voluntary choice is motivated not because we fear punishment, but because we are awed and revere the one to whom we submit. But my suggestion to couples planning a wedding has been to put a "submit" clause into both their vows, husband and wife, and I point them to this verse when I suggest it. But I don't stop there. I also suggest that both husband and wife put in a forgiveness vow as well. I am really puzzled as to why our traditional "CHRISTIAN" wedding vows never explicitly have included forgiveness as a promise, a goal in all Christian marriages. The vows I suggest to all wedding couples, that nearly all have agreed are identical for the husband and wife. I'll read the husband's for you: "Will you love her, comfort her, honor her, submit to her, forgive her and keep her in sickness and in health, and forsaking all other, be husband to her as long as you both shall live?"

In Verse 22 Paul does explicitly say to wives "Submit to your husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. But then to husbands he does NOT say "Now be a good head. Take control. Do all the thinking. Be the boss incessantly." No, Paul says "Husbands love your wives." How, in what way? "As Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word�" In the New Testament that word "love" has a stronger meaning than the word we typically use in English. In English we usually mean "Have strong, passionate feelings for." But in the Greek that Paul was using there is more of an emphasis of loving being a choice, a choice of will leading to loving actions, perhaps even when the loving feelings are in wane. Christ showed his love for us even when his human feelings may have pushed otherwise. In Gethesemane, when he was struggling with the burden of the world's sin and his own impending crucifixion, he said (Matthew 26: 39, 42) "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will. My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done." Despite his human feelings, our Lord Jesus acted out in love by giving himself up for us. His act of love brought about our forgiveness and our renewal to stop thinking primarily of ourselves and to start thinking of others. In Philippians 2: 5ff we hear of how much Christ submitted Himself for our sake: "5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross!" We will too often fall and fail to submit. We will fail to put our loved ones, whom the Lord Christ has given us, at first fiddle and ourselves at second. But when we do, let us remember to return to him for forgiveness and the renewal of his strength that allows us to submit just as He submitted for us. Let us pray.

And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4: 7)