Theron Douglas Iron Cloud (Mahpiya Maza).
August 25, 1960 - August 2, 1997
When I was finally told, on my 17th birthday, that my dad had cancer. And that he didn't have much time left. I cried for days and days. I didn't want my daddy to leave me, he just came into my life 4 yrs prior.
It all seemed so sereal, like someone was feeding me lies. But it wasn't lies, it was real.
When I got the word that my dad wasn't going to make it thru the night, I was at the other end of the state. I don't remember much of anything, but I do remember when my uncles picked me up at a truck stop.They told me to lay down and get some sleep. I did, and looked at the clock and it was exactly 2:20 am, and I remember hearing a Women singing and drums beating. When I opened my eyes, my uncles weren't listenin to that, they were listening to old soul music. I didn't think to much of it. Til' I got home and seen all the cars in my drive way waiting for me. My first thought was "oh good they brought my daddy home, he got better", but it wasn't that at all. They were there to give there sympathies. My daddy died at 2:20am on August 2, 1997.
Life after that for a few weeks was a blur. And I blamed myself for so many things.
I've thought over and over about what I wanted to say on this page. And what I came up with, is not to hide anything. See I love my dad with all my heart, even tho he is no longer with me or my family. He is missed daily, there isn't a day that goes by that I wish he was still here, I wish he was here so that I could tell him to his face that I love him. See that's something that I never did. A part of me always regrets never telling him. But I'm sure he knew. I was one of those kids that thought my dad was never gonna leave me, I thought he was goin to be here forever. I thought he was goin to be there to walk me down the isle, or see the birth of his 1st grandchild. But see I've come to learn, in all these years gone by. That God works in mysterious ways. I've made myself believe that I wasn't meant to be there with my dad when he took his last breath. He asked for me, and i wasn't there. That was a part of my heart that ached and cried for years, I seemed to carry guilt because of that. But now that I'm grown, I see now that I had alot more hardships ahead of me to deal with.
I guess the Lord up above didn't want that to be added to my memories.
I guess what I'm tryin to say here....Is Don't be afraid to tell the one you love, that you love them. You never know when they might leave.
Maz
This is my Mom and My Daddy.
This pic was taken May 30, 1997.
This is a Memorial Picture that i painted a few months ago...It's entitled "Dreaming of What Could Be"... It's just something I had put together. At the time i was having a very lonesome hard day. And this was the result of that day. Pretty Huh!!!
