You have to be Italian when...........

You're 5'4", can bench-press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, and
 you still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit 2
 mortadella "sangwiches", 4 oranges 2 bananas and pizzelles into a
regular paper lunch bag.

Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still
drives a '76 Black Mercury.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent
are all blood relatives.

You consider dunking a pack of Stella D'Oro "S" cookies in milk
as a nutritious breakfast.

You live in a 900 square foot bungalow, but still have 2 kitchens
 (one in the basement).

Your 2 best friends are your cousin and brother-in-law's
brother-in-law.

You are a card-carrying VIP at more than after hours clubs.

You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or street.
All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather or
grandmother.

A high school diploma and 1 year of community college has earned
you the title of "professore" among your aunts.

You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet
 hall owners.

You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.
 

If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed his
mother had an affair.
 

There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.

You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

You REALLY REALLY know you're Italian when:

You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.
 

You know what a riceball really is.
 

Christmas Eve.....only fish....
 

Have a gold chain, cross and your horn...
 

You have a stupid nickname.
 

"fuhggetaboutit"
 

Your Mom's meatballs are the best.
 

Favorite movies: Godfather, Goodfellas,  BronxTale,  The Last
Don Moonstruck

You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe
thrown at you

Plastic on the furniture is normal.

Know how to pronounce "manicotti".

You've called someone a "mamaluke".
 

You own a Pinky Ring.
 

And you understand, "Bada Bing, Bada Boom"