-Clarence Darrow
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
-Bill Maher
To be a successful father there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.
-Ernest Hemingway
The trouble with children is that they're not returnable
-Quentin Crisp
There are only two things a child shares willingly -- communicable diseases and his mother's age.
-Benjamin Spock
I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away
- Nancy Mitford
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller