My Wife
In May of this year I purchased a few new summer shirts at K-Mart's department store. Immediately upon wearing one of the shirts, a button fell off. It was a crucial button, the third one down from the top. I asked my wife if she could sew it on. "Absolutely no problem," she sweetly replied. About a week ago, 4 months after the initial request, I reminded her about the project for the fourth time. Knowing we've come this far without results I planned to take a photo of the button-less shirt and add it to this site. Well shiver me timbers. No sooner did I take focus of the finely knitted garment when behold, the button was right there where it was supposed to be. Could this be the wrong shirt? Nope. There is no confusing an $8.00 chemise. Well done Dawn, you have foiled my plans of embarrassing you... It still took you four months to do it, though.
Canadian Currency
Canadian currency has been pissing me off for years now. Every time I try to wrap some good old US coins, whether it be quarters, dimes or pennies, I always seem to find some form of Canadian currency. I guess they don't make an equivalent for the Nickel. Enough annoying Canadian things have already been imported to the US. Ok, so we'll keep Hockey. I like Hockey. I like Michael J. Fox, Jason Priestley, Dan Aykroyd, etc. All of you can keep coming to and working in the US. Just leave your currency in Toronto. I don't even know how to change it here. I don't think it's allowed.
United
When an organization wants to sound official, they always seem to use the word "united" in the title. In the city, and on a weekly basis as a passenger of the PATH train, the train that links New york city with Northern New Jersey, I get accosted by people asking for donations to the "United Homeless Organization." How the hell did united get in there? These fucking homeless people aren't united! United means everybody standing together as one. We rise together, we fall together. Go offer a homeless guy a million dollars. Tell him "You can either feed all the homeless for one month, or you can take this money and live the good life." What do you think he's gonna say? "I'll go back to sleeping in the fucking streets next month?" Hell fucking no! United my ass!!
