-By Jake The Mistake
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| So the other night I was sitting on the porch cleaning my gun, drinking some Eskimo beer, cos it kicks American beers taste like piss ass, when this bloody big duck comes waddling out of the woods! He had to have been like 2 weeks old, and lost and horribly scared� poor cunt� I decided I would help him out a bit, so I quickly reassembled my gun and blew his fucking head across the yard� it was hilarious. Then his mum and the other ducks came up, so I blew their heads across the yard. I went to the house and got a pail, and went back out and gathered up the pieces of duck, then went in the house and threw on a pot of water. Just as the water was starting to boil the door knocked, so I said, �Who is it?� no answer� �Who is it� nothing� �WHO THE FUCK IS IT�� dick all, so I went and yanked open the door and shot at random� turns out it was the fuzz come to see what the shooting was� they saw it nice and good� so any way, the one pig falls over dead, and the other one ducks behind a car, so I stepped over the dead cop and went out after her� she started talking on the radio and screaming for help� so I made a point of blowing her hand off� then as she tried to run away, screaming in pain like the slut she is� I blew out the back of her knees. Then I went and picked her up and brought her in� it seemed like the gentlemanly thing to do. Then I raped the bitch on the kitchen table� and when I had enough� I pulled out a big knife and cut out her cunt to save it for later. Then I gutted her like a turkey, and stuffed her with breadcrumbs and stuffed her in the oven, like the pig she was, with her ovaries in her mouth, because I didn�t have any apples. Any way, I remembered the pig on the doorstep and dragged him in to the house, and decided I would see if his balls would shrivel like raisins if I left them in the sun, so I threw them in a bowl and ripped apart the screen door and threw that over it. Then I went back in the house and took his hands and cut them off and shoved them up my ass� it was like fisting� with out the arms. Any way� I took his penis, and pulled all the spongy shit out and then, I stuffed it with the shit outta his intestines, and fried it up like a piece of sausage� any way, I had baby duck and fuzz penis for supper that night, and the night after that� I had she cop, stuffed like the pig she is. As for the rest of the other cop� I stuck it on the wall like a bear skin, then flushed his insides down the toilet� oh, and his hands haven�t came out yet, because I know you where all wondering about that. -By Jake The Mistake |
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