By Abrahim Esker
"Frustated...You know....its What Creates...the Ids....he Friggen People of this FRIGGEN WORLD WHO FRIGGEN FIGHT LIKE WHAT THE ____ *Kicks old lady in the stomach followed by a double elbow into the back* She Deserved it...She Did that to her Kids, As The SLEPT in France the FRENCH Eat Frogs because they want to be CHRIS! I mean What...I mean Prince you Little Men with Hats...You Little Men With Hats on your French HEADS...I say Gaul you say Saxon, I say Viking and then you urinate on me? you Mother Loving Friend of a Jack...You Fish Faced Miseur who says Things for the Hotel you work for no...no I wont...Sexual Favors? Want me to Cry on your Vagina!? I wont laugh...I wont laugh for you or your Simian Tail that tickles my anus. Now Let me Tell you about My Fiddle. You heard me Right, MY FIDDLE MY FIDDLE! Sewn Pubic Hairs make the most soothing sound...like Celine Dion's Farts and Michael Jacksons burps EEE combined...Who's The Author of your Life story? You? Do you ask silly questions like Woody Allen's Penis? DO YA? PUNK! You Heard me Right...Your Dyslexic? Cant Read? oh thats convenient...why dont you were some mirrors you mother chunker! You heard the Stock Investors from the 80's Say FRAGNIC IS GONNA SELL...Where is Fragnic now? your not Wearing Fragnic condoms on your nose are you? I am an Important Flag, I am a Lesbian. I find myself helplessly Romantic."
"Gentlemen..." A booming voice, a man at the podium with glasses spoke..."This Transmission was Received no more than 4 hours ago. Our Sattelites Picked it up. It seems to be coming from the Orion Star System. It Seems to be Alien." The Audience gasped...it couldn't be....Aliens Exsist? and Thats what they said? HOW COULD IT BE! "Indeed I understand how you all must feel...I have more news. A Large Metalic object has been spotted near the moon. It too, is suspected as Aliens. It is my belief we are in the midst of an Invasion."
The Hurgle Burgle of the Crowd erupted, One Man began throwing chairs at members of the crowd, but he always seemed to do that after half an hour had passed. "Gentlemen, The transmission has turned into an Alien form of music" As the Microphones boomed with more of the transmission after a screetching sound a form of Raggae began to play. "Gentlemen I have just received news several metal objects have begun to orbit Earths atmosphere...Gentlemen, The Time Of Earth Has Come to an..."
A Large Farting sound..."David are you ok? Is it Constipation again" I said as I heard David moaning in the bathroom "I'm Cramping man" He said. "Cramping or Crapping?" I asked...A Shout from the bathroom and a sound of relief....and then David said..."Owned...What the Hell? COME HERE QUICK!" I ran to the bathoom. It looked to me like some kind of a small man....a small man in a space suit...I asked "Did you eat a toy or something?" Suddenly it Moved! I jumped back...David Picked it up... and took a closer look at it...suddenly the little man took off his helmet...and he said in a small italian accent "Do you think Im joking when I say Friend? Do You think I know What you Know because I do and I am surely glada you thoughta that" David responded "What?" Suddenly the little man pulled out a tiny weapon and shot David in the face...David Screamed and fell back shivering...I ran our of the bathroom...The Little man Shouted "When You Laugh I Peed On Jamaican Preists Turkey Farms your definately my Number One Dude You know what I mean Guy Lee?" I responded...."I see a silver thong on a pubic forest and I wonder if you laughed when I picked it till it was like Vietnam after the war...." I prayed...I prayed he wouldn't shoot...The Little man stood still...he seemed to be processing what I had said...He looked up with tears in his eyes and said "You Really Mean it?"
Driving in the Car, David in the Back seat lying down...Little man on my shoulder...He needed to be taken to his ship to tell them not to destroy earth, that Earth did have intelligent beings...that Earth had me....He needed to get to a bathroom in El Paso Texas...so I drove to the Airport...We Got our tickets...I dragged David and suddenlyat the security check they asked me to put the little man through the scanner...he screamed in my ear "It will surely french me like a toast jack" I responded "Just keep yourself Fragnic...Ill Deal with them like a Yiddish Cat named Yandol" I walked throw the scanner and it beeped...the asked me to empty my pockets and they saw the little man...he panicked and shot the security officer in the face at the same time I stepped on Davids stomach producing a fart which distracted them...We made our get away...David Woke up and I held his hand and we boarded the plane....It Lifted off...David went to the Airplanes bathroom....It was tight...and David began to realise he was still constipated...He began screaming...the Airplane began feeling turbulence...The Little man said in my ear "The People I sexed with are Here, My Employee Benefits dont Count If I return like a wet radish" Suddenly the Airplane bathroom door banged open...smoke flew out...Look to the Floor a Tiny Little man Walked out in a Green Space suit, he threw off his helmet and Screamed "Bababa Benny and the Jets, Dun Dundundun dun Dun" He began to fire his tiny machine gun at everyone in the plane...I ducked down into the isle and the little man said "He is looking for me, I used to be a scientist, I went on a search to find intelligent life...I found you...I decided this planet doesnt need to be destroyed...no one believed me now I have proof...We have to get to El Paso..." I asked "So you can talk normally too?" "Of Course...We use strange methods of speaking to find intelligence..." He responded..."Bennay..Benny Benny Benny Ben...." the Other Little man had apparently come for my little man...his name must be benny... I asked "Is your name Benny?" He responded "No." Ok...that was a dead end...but I had to stop the green suit...I had to...I Stood up and Ran Towards him...Suddenly He dissapeared...I felt a crunch under my shoe...Seems he was dead. El Paso I rented a small car and drove to the location of the ship after stopping to eat...He dragged me into the Ship...and Said "HERE IS INTELLIGENCE" and I said "Foxay like a Rivah Cat! Reow hiss hiss reow" The Aliens Clapped...and All Was well...the Invasion was called off. "Come with us" the Little alien said and I said "Maybe someday...Maybe someday..." and a Tear Dropped on the alien ships floor and a small janitor cleaned it after giving me the middle finger.
