Kill Me I deserve No Less.... -Nathanial Peter Quele Royale
That night the door closed my cheek rested against the smooth wood ear pressed listening to my fate from within. What would happen now, as my parents knew of Drefan's anger?
"Really Peter, Nathanial does not need that upon all else that he is going through."
"Linda love, he does not feel at peace at school and if Drefan lays another hand on him we would know. He would surely tell us if Drefan hurts him."
"Can-," a moment's silence, "Can we really trust him to tell us?"
"What can you possibly mean, he would of course tell us if he was in pain. Have we ever given him reason not to believe he could?"
"Nay of course not but it is rather something else. Earlier when I was cleaning his wounds I found a cut down his left arm, a cut that could only have been self-inflicted. For his other wounds were nothing like this from Drefan."
"O-our son is a cutter? A Masocistic?" the words were a mixture of disbelief and disgust. Tears came glittering to icy blue eyes once more and poured down from puffy red rimmed eyes over porcelain white skin. Chewing on the bottom corner of my lip I stepped away from the door. Now the worst had occurred, my parents knew of my transgressions and I would be sent away. Stunned a moment I slide back against the small wall between the two rooms.
"What have I done?"
"Mother it is his choice, you know him as well as I of what he could choose," from within the next room.
Looking at the door to my right I made my way across the small hallway pressing my ear to the door. Hearing Thom's voice and the other Royale's in turn I chewed further in worry on my lip.
"Thom we know this but would you rather him be hurt by Drefan then go to school?"
"Nay of course not mom. You know I love him and want what is best for him. But maybe this experience will benefit him. Is not all knowledge worth having?"
"What the experience of pain?" A chuckle the words and laugh laced with the sarcasm of Robert Royale.
"Nay dad, you know of what I speak of. He is scarred more so of the children at his school then he is of Drefan. Which is a smart thing, Drefan can only deliver physical pain, and the children could destroy what and who he is."
"He is right Robert. He does need this experience and the damage done could be much worse."
"Alright Elizabeth you may be right. But we will have to keep an open eye upon all of Drefan's doings. Thom go to Nathanial and ask of him what he wants."
Quickly coming away from the door I made my way in sock less feet down the spiraling stairs. I stopped at the bottom a moment to catch my raged breathing my hand upon my fast beating heart. Hearing the door upstairs open and the light creep down the stairs I began to move once more towards my room beside the basement stairs. Opening the door I closed it taking off my midnight blue house coat of wool before crawling into bed. Reaching forward to grab my midnight blue suns and moons comforter a flash of silver metal glinted. Pulling up and towards me the covers the double-edged blade fell to the carpeted floor below. What? Trembling fingers to go with my fast beating heart, touching the jagged edged double sided blade. The smallest hiss of pain from my lips as the footsteps drew near, the bubble on my thumb was watched as I kneed upon the blue satin-sheeted bed. Back to the door bent down my fingers grasped the handle as the door was knocked upon.
"Nathanial?"
Drawing up to the kneeing position the blade was still in my hand as Thom opened the door.
"No!" Thom clearly taking the positioning and the blade's meaning wrong he took the few steps to the bed in a jump clamping his hand over my wrist.
"Baby please," was the begging words his arm wrapped about my slender form.
I turned about my icy blue orbs holding only at that moment confusion to my love.
"Thom?"
"Please give me the blade. I do not know how you came upon it but please give it to me love."
I nodded unknowing of why my love was acting so strange. Placing the blade into Thom's awaiting shaking open palmed hand I looked up at him once more.
"It's a mercy dagger used in combat to give your enemies just that, a merciful death. It-it was also used by our ancestors long ago for suicide."
Oh so that was why Thom was acting thus. He believed that I would use this ceremonial dagger to end it all.
"I would never do that," I whispered with conviction my arms wrapping about Thom's neck.
"Good, I just wanted to make certain. You know I could not live without you."
The smile on his still scared face told me this topic was not over in discussion..Knowing I would have to tell Thom how I came upon the dagger to make this discussion end I began to tell him.
"It fell from my covers when I was pulling them up, I was picking it up."
"You weren't cutting yourself?"
"No I-I," to get out of the lie I would have to tell the truth.
"I was listening my parents and yours talk about Drefan and I."
"Ah so you were ease dropping little one?" he laughed now no longer worrying and hugged my slender body close to his own.
"I'm sorry I was easedroping on you Thom," I snuggled into the bare chest giggling as my cheek rubbed against one of his nipples.
"No, it's alright, at least you know of what is happening right now. I would rather that then your confusion. Now I was sent as you know to ask what �you� want."
Thinking on this I sighed my cheek resting against the other's chest starring at the wall of white.
"I don't want to go back to school Thom. They scare me, the kids and the adults. I don't have any friends so who would I miss if I left?"
"You are right little one but are you certain that you wish Drefan to teach you, here alone? I fear I do not whole heartedly trust him any longer," words so hard for trusting Thom to say.
"But it would be the same in any other school, their reaction to me. They see my baldness and start asking scary questions and ridiculing me. They call me a freak and no one will talk to me. It's hard enough having cancer and doing chemo with out the others making fun of me! I-it's so hard, so painful.."
Sighing Thom held me tightly gracing my brow with a kiss, "Nathanial I�ll put in a good word if you promise me if Dref hurts you, you will tell one of us. You promise?"
My eyes strayed from their dream world of the white washed wall to the double edged mercy dagger beside them both. Thom was watching me as my icy blue eyes strayed to the blade in the corners of Thom�s eyes tears pricked. Another promise was in order.
"An-another promise is due my love. I know of and are having trouble with your love of pain. I dare'est say I understand for I do not and I dare not lie to you. Nor am I happy with this obsession of yours, I never wish to see a blade touch nor mare your skin again. Never will I see the remnants of this dreadful work you hear?"
I knew my Thom and knew these words were true and coming from one with a worried heart. For never did Thom boss others around with out reason but how could I possibly keep such a promise? The want, the need was so hard to ignore.
"I-I promise to tell one of you if Dref hurts me and to never cut myself with any blade ever again."
"Good that is all I wished to hear my love, I am sorry for my startlement earlier. I just never wish to see you hurt yourself again, I love you so." Tears were still pricking at the corner's of his emereld green eyes which made my heart ache. Nay I would never let a blade touch my skin again, I still yearned for pain but I would not do it that way. I would not make my love sad nore cry, I loved him far to much for that.
I shifted so I could look up at his love with a small playful smile, "As I love you." I reached up and kissed Thom's lips chastely as was our way making my love finally smile and laugh.
"Tommorow is a school day so I better be getting to bed," he slowly unwrapped himself from me his little love which made me sqweaked softly in protest. I turned about grasping Thom�s wrist who was now standing to show him a a pathetic pouting expression of face. Thom laughed once more coming closer, thumbs now caressing both cheeks with gentleness.
"Do you wish me to stay? If I do my love we must sleep, I do have a Final Exam tommorow."
The smile came to my lips instantly and I nodded small shaking hands finding their way to cover my love's. Thom nodded also crawling back in and around me to sit his chest to my back. He let me slowly fall back against his chest so my head was resting on Thom's chest and we pulled up the comforter. Warmth and gentle arms embracing me sent me into the world of dreams quickly and thus we both fell into a deep sleep.
My icy blue eyes were watching projected images on my bed room wall, my father sat beside me on my bed weaving between his fingers fire. This fire projected in images of people and places onto the white walls as my mother spoke. She as always was telling me of our gods and beliefs.
"In the beginning of this world far before any lived here their was only space. Out in that great void the one power lived alone, in his loneliness he created from his thoughts 15 spirits, or lesser gods. They each to them had a power but were cautious of the others. So for a while they did not use their powers together and that is how many of the other planets that humans have come to call Jupiter and Pluto and others have been formed. Finally the power called together his sons and daughters to him and told them of a great fete he wished them to try. The creation together of one world, a place where they could make other living things such as themselves, for with the space as large as it was, it was a waste to leave it as it was. Having after many millennia finished this great planet the one power with the help of his children made the first and second races. Elven kind he made first and were favoured the most highly, for they were made in his image and divinity. They awoke from the breath of the air spirit first having many thousands of years on Earth before the humans came. Many tales are told of that time but for now I will tell you of the whole picture. Humans finally awakening feared greatly the unknown because of their short life span, this made them especially fearful of the elves. A great gift was given to mortal men, death. The one power wished for humans to be reborn at the end of their short years so all grief and past aggressions could be washed away. One of the powers, a power later to be of chaos and death came to the humans. He taught them to fear this gift and to be jealous of the elves in their immortality. His only love it seemed was war and death. The humans then so easily swayed by the spirit's will harkened to his words and shunned all things elven. A great war ensued then after and in his love for the first born people the one god created another realm for them. A magic realm only to be found by elven kind and the most magical of half elven kind, Although many elves stayed behind on earth though they were prosecuted for their beliefs especially of "love as thou wishes." Some of these elves that stayed behind fell for human men and woman alike though the spirits disheartened it knowing the sorrow it would bring. That my little love is how our kind, half elves came to be. We are one of the only families left in this "modern" world that has the "art"."
My father looked down at me with a smile, "I have heard you wonder why we do not as most families do, not have a T.V, or Radio. We do not believe in such technology for neither do we have many of the other things that supposedly make our lives easier. We keep up with the world through the newspaper and word of mouth little one. It is just our way, we do not use electricity if we do not need to, we do not have a car. We still try to live as our ancestors did, preserving nature."
My mother nodded and kissed my brow, "Do you understand little one why we do this?"
"Yes mom, to many trees have been cut down and the sky is getting polluted."
My mother laughed and hugged me close, "My smart little one."
My dreams ever being memories of the past this all seemed correct, for many nights my parents would sit with me telling me bed time stories of their people and beliefs. I looked beyond the safety of my parents embrace and went absolutely still as the world seemed to stop. I could not move, as the world seemed to change before my eyes. I struggled mentally but my eyes were forced open to the window. In the window I was looking through the blackness slowly began to clear undistorting the image without. What? The shape finally cleared, frozen in time no longer able to even blink I could not close my eyes to the horror. The only one to witness this horror, time began to move once more my hands clasped over my lips stifling the shrieking scream. Around the neck a noose was the cord swinging the head back and forth in rhythm. The eyes were wide open in terror the vibrant green still so alive for one dead. The luster of the eyes and the hair of red was still evident. The glowing tanned skin so contradicted the blood dropping endlessly from cut and open gory veins. Finally the eyes came from the frozen face up the cord to follow the bare muscled arm to skin tight white shirt leading to a throat then a face. A grinning twisted face, a sinister face to familiar, of Drefan Robert Royale.
A scream. A high pitched shriek coming through white interlocked fingers. My body sat up at a high pitched rate snapping a rib, panting from my lips through my hands as tears flowed down pale cheeks.
Arms came to wrap about my viciously shaking form then a voice from far away, "Nate? By the good spirits what happened?"
Turning, such slow reaction for the pain was so great to see...No!
Another scream as I tried to pull away from the crushing embrace. Dead! Dead!
A forceful push into my mind, "Nathanial!"
Finally jolted back I fell into the arms still a crushing embrace sobs surfaced from my panting form as I stared up into those same vibrant green eyes.
"Thom-," I chocked back a sob beginning to cough. Thom lightly hit my back with his fist shhing me into comfort.
"Calm down," Thom whispered beginning to sing, Thom did have a beautiful voice though he rarely used it. The elvish lullaby began to do it's working causing the me so strung up to calm down into a peaceful sleep. I did not even protest when I was picked up into Thom's arms though I did groan in pain. Thom rather ungraciously walked down stairs, and I did stir slightly when laid on my love's bed. But I quieted once the other's arms wrapped about me and sleep came quickly.
Eyes opened to the source of body heat leaving him. Looking about with sleepy eyes at the pale blue room in slight confusion granted me the sight of Thom dressing. Why was I in his love's room? I did not speak a moment though as I watched my love change pants though he left his boxer's on. He was a beautiful thing my love was so covered in freckles as he was.
"Thom why?"
Thom turned as he held a new shirt in hand; "You had a horrid nightmare last night so I carried you down here to lay with me."
I remembered the dream I would rather have forgotten and covered my trembling lips with a pale right hand.Thom still shirtless threw down the new shirt onto the beanbag chair in the corner coming to the bed sitting down. He starred down into my terrified glazed icy blue eyes fingers coming to cradle my skull the other hand to hold my chin. Worry was etched in his freckled features as he bent down to brush his lips gently on my shaky hand.
"What happened to scare you so?"
The shaking hand covering my lips came away and in impulse to the horror still locked within I crushed my trembling lips to my love's to muffle once more a scream. Thom's hand upon my chin slide down and around so he could hold me close. Finally pulling away from the desperate kiss Thom took a moment to shake himself before meeting my eyes once more.
"Tell me please beloved," his voice broke with concern and confusion of my passion filled kiss.
I who had continued to shake shook my head looking down at the blue cotton bed spread my fingers playing with the loose threads nervously.
"Nate what scared you so that you can not even tell me? You screamed in horror upon seeing my face? That you fought against my embrace? Tell me you know I would never ever wish harm upon you."
"I know you would not hurt me. I know you love me, it's not that you that scared me so." Well a half truth was better then a full fledged lie I suppose.
"I can't bring myself to-to-," I pursed trembling lips to keep the tears at bay. Seeing this Thom let it drop unwilling to see me in pain any longer.
"Come on, I have to get to school. Staying home again?" I nodded and sat up standing slowly with Thom's help.
"You snapped a rib I believe last night when you woke up. We will have to get that seen to by mother," he laid a hand gently on my side.
I nodded wincing slightly at the light gentle touch to the sensitive painful spot.
"Though that kiss you gave me, if you could give me a few more like that every once and awhile," he shrugged laughing as I stuck out my tongue.
"Hey put that away, will if you do not want to use it," he winked and it was my turn to laugh.
Leaning up on Tipp toes I kissed the older boy the way I was asked to. Thom's arms wrapped about the my waist holding me close kissing me love in a way he never had before, passionately, showing all the love he possessed within. But that moment could not go on forever, the doorbell rang and we both came apart quickly. Thom walked to the beanbag throwing the shirt on and pushing his mane of red hair behind his shoulders then took my hand slowly leading me up stairs minding my pain.
I followed Thom curiously as he spoke, "Your always asleep still when I leave in the morning. I have always wanted you to meet my buds."
Opening the front door while I made certain my nightgown went down to my feet I was greeted by the three standing their.
"Hey Thom, Oh! Is this little Nathan Eh?" the shortest of the three smiled while saying this.
"Yes this is my love. Nathanial this is Timothy," he pointed to the one who had spoken who inclined a head of long dirty blonde hair in a pony. His eyes were a deep chocolate brown that were easy to get lost in.
"This is Peter," the tallest of the three had deep red hair in dreads to his shoulders and his hazel eyes seemed to be measuring me. Having been introduced he bowed low at the waist taking my hand and placing a gentle kiss on my knuckles.
"And this is Lawrence."
Lawrence gave a small smile saying softly, "Wonderful to meet you young Royale." Lawrence also inclined his head his small brown braids clinking as beads collided. For a moment I starred up into Lawrence's grey blue eyes which seemed to be filled with only sadness.
"Y-you talk about 'us'" I looked up at Thom a blonde brow raised.
"Only with these three love. They understand about our feelings, Lawrence is a senior and w-will he was in a relationship like ours."
Lawrence smiled sadly and nodded, "A car crash," were the only words from his lips.
Thom bit his lip but continued, "Heck, Timothy and Peter are together Nate," the other two laughed as Peter let go of my hand to take Tim's.
"Yup were all a little "happy" family," Timothy chuckled and slapped Thom's shoulder.
"I know most of us do not care about school but poor Lawrence has a Diploma Exam."
The three non-seniors shuddered which caused the first chuckle from Lawrence's lips to be heard by me.
"Well I guess that means I better get moving then. I'll see you after school; if you need me call the school. I mean it, I wont have Dref hurting you."
I nodded as my brow was kissed and I was quickly hugged. I stood at the door way as I watched the four get into a small grey car and pull away. I waved after them as they drove away. I then closed the large oak door leaning back against it a moment�so much had happened to me in such little time. I desperately needed time to think.
What had compelled me go back down stairs once more? What had forced me to walk to Drefan's door? Nothing had forced me and I would never know what forces compelled me beyond my own curious nature. I came to stand in the black door way watching the back of the man who hated me so. He wore only black tight leather pants, no shirt or socks. His blonde hair was unbrushed and stood up in different angles but nothing could take away from its golden shine. His muscled tanned arms were held high a cup in both hands high above his head. He was speaking in elvish but words I had never heard before. I knew it was my first language from the type of words being said, the flow and rythem. I stood watching knowing I should not, knowing I would be in for a punishment if caught. Though did it matter to me? Maybe I wanted to be punished..No! I stepped back a step finally causing a little noise, and the head turned blue eyes coming to rest on me. A small almost twisted smile so like the one in his dream came to the face.
"Back are we?" he cooed turning the rest of his half bare form taking a sip of whatever vile liquid was in within his cup.
The tiny light from the window above his desk fell across his bare muscled chest, why did one so handsome have to be so cruel? I stepped back one more step deciding not to answer such a question.
"You know if I really cared I would be jealous of my brother. In how he gets to use you," he joked taking another sip a hand resting against the desk behind him.
"Though my little brother has to many virtues to use his rights to his advantage. By now I would have taken you many times little slave boy."
I began to shake the words barely making sense to my seven year old mind but the tone being enough to scare me.
"Do you understand what I am talking about little Nate?" he tested the pet name a finger lazily swirling about the cup's top.
I felt a little burst of anger at the one who hurt me using my nickname which ment so much.
"Ah such fire for one so young!" the other exclaimed taking a step forward, "I could teach you how to use that anger to your advantage! To harness it's power!"
With the step Drefan took I took another back eyes beginning to search for anything to defend myself with.
"Oh I nearly forgot! How did you like my little dream?" he laughed swigging back the rest of the liquid on the cup setting down on the black shelf of grotesque objects.
My eyes opened wide as I heard the other's words and I began to panic.
"You are so easy to manipulate, to control, to scare!" he was laughing now a strange happiness to his face.
"It's been a long time sense I had someone as easy as you to play with little slave boy. It's to bad we are so alike or maybe I could have found a way to like you."
I was stepping slowly back though my hands were clenched at my sides and his form was shaking.
"You remind me to much of the pain I gone through. Of the hell I have lived through, this hellhole. You are to much like me, the unexpecting little boy so easily converted by their good virtues," eyes rolled as he still matched my every step back with one forward.
"Good virtues my ass, in this modern world non of this exists. Of free love, life and liberty. In the old days maybe when we elves ruled this world, but now! Nay the humans rule here in our place. Perverting a once robust world which they will one day destroy!"
I was now was against a metal shelf the shelve digging into my shoulders and back.
"Do you know what it's like going to a public highschool where everyone knows your little brother is a fag? That he is married at the tender age of 6! It was a worse hell then this!"
Drefan brought his hands grabbing my wrists above my head spread eagle, "Thom and you destroyed me! I was beat daily by the homophobics at school the teachers never finding out or just really not caring. I was the "freak" for I had strange out bursts where lights would suddenly burst or doors would swing shut. My ears are oft times a lot more visible then yours, the vague point and slenderness, do you know how hard it is to be a elvish necro and the brother to a fag?"
I was struggling as Drefan blew each word onto my face the smell of blood off of Drefan's lips making me gag.
"You destroyed me!" he yelled into my face a crazed desperate look coming to his face.
"And I will destroy you," he began to laugh almost insanely his eyes closing as he held the me the struggling boy against the shelves.
"But for now little slave boy I'll let you be. Just as common courtesy, but I swear one day you will be mine. You can depend on that," he gave a lopsided smile letting the my arms fall, "Yes you can depend on that�"
