Living inside a nightmare from which I cannot awaken, I stand on the brink of my own demise… -Nathanial Peter Quele Royale
The light was harsh upon my face when I woke up in the morning, I groaning rolled over but the soreness then hit me. I had not believed after last night I would be in so much pain, so much soreness. Hearing nothing now as I lay there I knew Thom was gone. Seeing the note on the bedside table I made myself reach for it.
Dear Nate,
Sorry Sweetie, I’ve gone out with mom and Dad to pay bills and buy groceries be back soon.
Thom
Smiling I managed to sit up and pull myself to my feet making my way slowly across the sable blue room to my housecoat. What would I do this morning? Wait till Thom came home upstairs? Get something to eat? Walking slowly out the doorway a small flickering light I could see from Drefan’s room. Walking in slow painful steps towards the black room I stood in the doorway to catch my breath. I watched Drefan’s figure before the desk, his back was turned to me no shirt to hide the muscle. Although there was something else I had not seen before, nails had racked his back from shoulders to midway down, old scar tissue. Where could those have come from?
Turning to me ruffling his uncombed golden blonde hair, “Done inspecting me? Come here.”
I walked slow, cautious towards the black desk, Drefan picked up one of my slender hands looking at my bracelet, “Do you yet see my control?”
Looking up into deep unclouded blue eyes, “Yes,” I did at last see.
“Good, I did not wish to fight you anymore,” Drefan this day looked very tired.
Turning back to the desk a silver bowl upon it filled with water, “Watch.”
I did, I looked into the bowl as he clasped my hand tight, the water within beginning to move. Swirling, looking down now I was seeing Thom and me. I could see us as we were last night, Thom’s hands touching me once more bringing me pleasure.
“You liked that didn’t you?” a coy smile addressed me.
Looking to him I answered with learned caution, “Yes.”
“I know he liked it too, woke up all giddy and joyful.”
He spun me to him, “Why you? Why did it have to be you? Why could it not have been me to love, to live, to pleasure him? He has been in my heart far longer then yours! You know nothing of him; I cared for him from birth! But everyone has stolen him from me, for so long I have watched from a far. Him loving you, at least he still loved me before, but now because of you he hates me! Me! His brother, his friend.”
His eyes now held a silver maddening gleam as he starred at me holding my wrist. I was shocked, what did this all mean? He ‘loved’ Thom more then a brother? But that was wrong, blasphemy; incest was an evil against the gods.
I was not paying attention to him calculating all of this, digesting it, he was watching me think, “Ready to scorn me to?” he spun my chin with his three fingers eyes holding my own.
“You are perfect do you know that? You believe every word they throw at you, you are the perfect brainwashed slave. Every word they say is bullshit! Where are the spirits? Where damn it? Incest is blasphemy, the spirits will curse you, where were they Nathanial when I was a little boy? Where were they when I needed them? When I cried out, screamed and pleaded for their help? Where were they? They were never there when father hurt me; some godly bolt of lightening never stuck Father down. I was cursed, I paid for it, what justice is there in that?” He pushed me onto the bed eyes a fire with great loathing.
“Do you understand? You are a slave; contract marriages and bond-meant have been outlawed in Canada for eons! They are playing you for the innocent young fool you are Nathanial. You live in a cult, of ancient dying beliefs, the world is a wondrous place, not full of people to fear and loathe.”
He kneed on the bed beside me, “I’m trying to save you from my fate. I saved Thom maybe I can save you.”
Saved Thom?
“What?” I was so confused, so lost, all my life…
“Father did not want just me, no Thom was beautiful as well. Thom was only four when father first touched him, I wanted to, to-,” he glowered raising my chin.
He starred into my icy blue orbs, such horrors reflected from those depths. Why had he not told anyone? No one would believe him; my conscience spoke as a tear tickled down my cheek. In seeing my saddened expression he did something I never thought he would do. For the kiss was sacred to us, so very sacred. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders lifting me, kissing me. It was a hard brutal kiss, so unlike Thom, but it held no cruelty only anger. For once I knew that this great anger was not directed at me. Pushing me back against the bed he laid over me continuing to kiss me.
Coming back from this kiss anger still shadowed his features, “Your parents are wrong, love is not meant to be equal, you sometimes never find your soul mate. My soul mate is blinded slave to cult bonded by that same slavery to another like himself, you.”
He leaned down licking the very tip of my slightly pointed ear, so sensitive in it’s point, withering he laughed at me starring down into my eyes.
“You disgrace me Nathanial, you disgrace all. Love between men is impossible; all it is lust, a bodily desire that ends in pain and humiliation. You will come to see this; it’s hard to control this craving. I lose control every now and then just like father has. But I swore to him if he did not keep his filthy hands off of Thom I would kill him. He knew I meant it, I’ve always been different, I never adhered to their codes of morality, their shit.”
He watched my fearful, confused expression as he moved up my hips coming to straddle me.
“Little one,” he whispered, “I think it’s time to learn a new game.”
The cruel insanity was back in his black eyes, I thought maybe he had become human in telling me all of this, but it had made him harder. I shook my head fear mounting.
“Don’t I have your love?”
I bit back tears, of course Drefan, you have my love, he was only trying to help me in telling me the truth of things.
Drefan’s hands undid the tie of my housecoat sliding it open as I shook beneath him.
He then moved back and instructed, “Lift your legs.”
My face now a glow of red in humiliation, I knew Drefan was right; it was all just a horrible craving…
“Be still,” Drefan warned opening a vile I had never seen before dipping the length of finger inside. I tensed whimpering when I felt this cold length of finger touch my bottom.
Drefan continued to smile, in his own mind the words emotionless as he stroked the opening, “You know I teach you because I love you.”
Love, I did and will always love this man whose life was so horrible and who was so misunderstood. I would try; try to be good for him. When the finger slide inside my virgin hole I gave a keening wail and clamped my legs shut.
“No, no please,” I squirmed away from the soreness of last night and now which was darkening my vision.
“Pain and humiliation Nathanial, but be still, I do not wish to hurt you and if you move you make this more difficult then it needs to be.”
Drefan reopened my small legs returning to his task, sliding his finger into the tight passage. When Drefan added the next finger I could take no more trying to crawl back up the bed away from him up the pillows. Drefan began to move these two fingers inside me, I screamed in pain calling out for help, for anyone to save me.
“Hush Nathanial or this will be come much more painful.”
But I could not just lie there and take this, and Drefan readied a slap, which would put me in compliance. About the hand raised above my tear streaked fear-ridden face shown a blue light. Blind white, and blues surrounded the hand stopping it and expanding through the room. I whimpered once more in fear as I felt a hand brush my brow and I looked to the side of the bed. The light was the strongest here, nearly blinding though inside this light a form was slowly appearing. Incased in plate mail, the light began to retract the figure becoming clearer. It was an Elven warrior of old is hair was down past his elbows white flickering blue and gray in the candle light of the room. His eyes were of the windows and clouds, skin pale white, the amour a perfect example of elvish blacksmiths who made the finest metal in the land.
A smile graced sculpted lips and he stepped to my side his plate booted feet above the floor and his deep voice spoke, “We decided our presence was needed. You have always believed in us even when other have told you otherwise,” with this the eyes looked to Drefan who at the present was stuck in mid-motion.
Looking back down at me, “Were you born in another time you would have made an amazing priest.”
I smiled through the pain of having Drefan’s two fingers still inside me, drawing from his sheath the sword of air he kneed down on the bed. No sound of creaking metal only the whirling of the ever-twirling winds like a white tornado around the hilt of the blade, which the spirit laid against Drefan’s throat.
“Father does everything for a reason, if you could just live with that. But this is not meant to be now; you will not touch the young one again until he is at least ten. Do you understand betrayer?”
Having been given back his mobility Drefan scowled before the Great Spirit but nodded nonetheless.
“Reinn Anon thank you,” I whispered to my favorite and most upheld spirit, of the winds and sky.
The spirit sheathed his blade kissing my brow, “You are welcome half blood, and may your short years be blessed. Very soon look for my symbol, you are very special to us.”
Then back to Drefan he addressed standing, “You will leave him Drefan. No longer hiss lies and filth into innocent ears.”
Helping me stand he did up my house coat with chain mail gloved hands starring into my eyes keeping me focused on him so I would not begin to quake once more. He then pushed me gently on my shoulder through the door myself blinded by pain. He kneeled before me great concern in his eyes his mail gloved hands resting over my heart and lungs; he bowed his head as he felt my pain.
“So much pain, I believe every thing is done for a reason child, everything father does is for a reason. Suffering though I have never understood,” his hands encased once more in blue light numbed my pain.
“I can not interfere more then I have already, your wounds are numbed so you may sleep nothing more.”
He picked me up into his arms and I closed my eyes so lost, so confused and scared, shaking. Carrying me to Thom’s room he laid me down upon the bed still unmade from before all this had occurred. Pulling up the blanket to my chin the Great Spirit closed the door whispering in very old elvish a spell of protection upon it he came to my side. He sat down and with his gloved fingers combed through my new wig as he fell into dreams of Thom. At last I was safe.
