Mon, Mar 20/01 12:11am
Well I got told. Or not. Ehn, either way, not really a concern of mine.
And then there was today. The real today, I mean. The today I bothered caring about. Mostly, the Boots today. First Murray called me and I said no dammit, I aint goin' in today, I'm gonna sleep. And sleep I did. And then Boots called me, aww. And I talked to her and experienced her insanity and it was nice. She's insane you know. Like I am. And it's refreshing and it's been wonderful. So there was Boots. And then Donut called, and that was good. Then I showered and dressed and looked fucking *FINE* and wandered off to rehearsal and did some lighting work, and that was a lot of fun, really. I transcribed and built some cues with Evil-lyn the ASM which was also fun because I love irritating her so. But it's in a good way because she digs it too. She's a very non-reactionary, monotone person and I love her for it. Especially when I do get a reaction and it's big, ah, that's the best. Sooo, not much else to say. George the director is still having problems with Boots and I, and we both love it so.
Mmmmmmhhhmmmnnn!
Thurs, Mar 15/01 12:09am
"...because they're both needy children."
This is an interesting line. A funny line. A great line that brings me much enjoyment. Why? Oh, it's a decent little story. For me, anyhow. And I think I'll leave it at that. I actually has just typed out a third of the story and deleted it... I think this'll be my secret. It'll be much more fun for me this way, mmhmn. I think I should get to bed. I don't need to miss another opportunity to get some winks in, I've had to resort back to taking impromptu naps because of my sleep loss lately. So at 12:41, even in my wicked-bad mood I have going on right now, it sounds like a damn fine time for bed to me!
Mon, Mar 12/01 2:53am
Another strange day. Started out pretty rotten. Got better in ways I didn't expect. First of all, there was George. I should mention that rehearsal started at 1 and went til 11 at this point, I suppose. So I go out there, and George the Director starts up, as usual. He never gives me any real credit and it pisses me off. I do fucking everything there, and he doesn't realize how much work it is. But anyhow, I avoided George as best I could, and another diversion kind of found me.
I'll repeat something that's gotta be obvious by now. I'm a social retard. Especially with girls, their motivations and their intentions. That said, I'll move on:
Today, a girl in the cast just decided it was about time to start molesting me. Not an unattractive girl, no no. Actually more of one with the... shall we say... 'dimensions' I rather prefer, except perhaps for her verticality. A little tall, but ehn. But yeah... she just decided today was the day to start molesting me in a number of ways. And it was appreciated. So now with that said... comes the question. Basically, the only question I can think of is, 'Huh?', or perhaps maybe... 'What?' Maybe it was today because of the bustiers. All the females today had their moments trying on the bustiers. And this girl... well, she had ample to work with as it was. I think the costumes charged the air a little bit, on the sexual side, you see. And she licked me. Without hesitation. Whenever I'd tap the side of my face to Plan B, indicating a kiss, she's hesitate and argue and ultimately refuse. But this girl, no no... bam. I'll be spanking it to her tonight, let me tell you. Now all she needs is a nickname... I think the name 'Boots' will do, at least for now.
SEARRRRRS! Sears was great. We didn't win shit, but oh fuck was I ever proud of my kids. All their makeup was great, if I may say so myself, and over the three days of Sears I really bonded with my kids. A couple in particular, who started taking on my traits with disturbing results and accuracy. Particular inside jokes that will live on forever: "Slawwwww... squishing between your tohhhhssssss... with little carrot bits under your tohhhhhnailssssss....", "They're all pigs, dogs, or pigdogs.", and "I WILL HARVEST YOUR SOULLLL!!!" Ahh. But I say again, I was so proud of them and still am. The show... I don't know. At first I didn't even like the show, but soon I realized, fuck... this has been my life. Pointless alienation to people that are different. And I kind of just realize exactly how much the show was me on Thursday before they went on, and I gave them this great big speech/pep talk and spent most of the time talking through tears. And then the show went on, and I cried then, and then we loaded out and I cried then. It was just this big mess, *I* was just this big mess. They did well, they got their message across, and apparently I inspired the hell out of them with my teary pep talk, which made me feel really good. Once again... very, extremely, completely proud of all my kids, even the one's who sucked because they worked together with what they had and told a story. Not with screwy mood lighting, now with fog machines and not with fucking video screens. Real theatre, real acting, not shit-brained tech effects. I believe that if you want showy, tech garbage like that you go see a movie. You want a story and you want emotion and you want real people giving their all, you see theatre. I'm going to miss them too. Especially Matt and Ali, my freaks and sucessors. Matt wore my horns onstage and Ali wore my jacket. When my dad saw the show he thought Matt was me, almost til the end of the show, and he thought Ali was my sister until he heard my real sister speak. Pretty good job, I'm thinking if they fooled my family.
Tues, Mar 6/01 1:41am
What a curious day! I think I'll start with the highlight(s). Sears rehearsal today was initially good, then bad, then good again at the end. The part which I for some reason find utterly hilarious has to deal with lesbians. The first obvious, true and complete lebians I've known are working on the Us and Them Sears festival show. Well, one is and she's doing some costumes. The other is her girlfriend and just hangs out and watches the show and such. So tonight during rehearsal, the lesibans are on a bit of a break with a male friend of theirs, and they were teasing each other and calling him 'gay'. I kind of just looked at Catherine with my confused dog look and we both cracked up laughing. That continued for most of the night, the lesbian girls calling people 'gay'. 'Oh, don't be gay' and such, you know how it is. Am I the only one who finds this kind of thing charmingly funny? I can't be.
But yeah, the actual rehearsal. We snuck into the actual performing space to you know, try it before going on on Thursday. It was a lot bigger than what everyone was used to, so that was a bit of a problem. And really, the rehearsal just didn't go that well. Catherine was busy with other things, so I watched it all and gave notes myself. And I had to be harsh, that was just the way it goes. I don't like to, I really don't, but ugh. The way I was pacing before giving the performance notes kind of upset the cast a little. One of the more on the ball girls in the cast actually said, "John, please stop pacing..." in a very worried tone of voice before I had to lay into them. There were a lot of problems. A lot of things going right, but I prefer to go into what's wrong before going into what's right... only I didn't get the chance to tell them the good things because we had to clear out of the theatre. So that was sucky and I felt bad because of it. We left that theatre, the Sanderson Centre, and went back to our own stage at school to rehearse some more.
That rehearsal was much better. I guess the bad review turned out to be a kind of scare tactic. It also helped that at school they put their costumes on, and that helps them get into/stay in character. They might even be ready for Thursday. The festival starts tomorrow. I'm intending to go down and see what I can see around 10 in the morning or so. Hmn, I should eat before I go, gotta remember that. Going to the festival means I get to skip out on rehearsal for Taming, which is a GREAT thing because everyone there is aggravating me to no end. Hmn, Plan B'll be at the festival tomorrow too. Hmn. The time to plot is soon.
I can't stand Netscape 6 anymore. There was some kind of unpacking flaw when I downloaded it and it gives me all sorts of stupid messages all the friggin' time. Plus I can't seem to get it to recognize the scroll button on my mouse. And IE... well, IE's IE. I hate it too. So I've resorted to downloading Netscape 4.1 or something along those lines. Just the browser without all the other shit. Hope this version doesn't fuck up too.
I wrote a Windsor hippygirl back today, a bit. Didn't have time for a good long email, but I mailed her back with some details of my life, and notifying her that I'm going to be free the Friday night and Saturday day when they come to Kitchener, and I hope to be there. Yet another instance of me going, 'fuck, now I really have to go visit my mom,' so I can secure a vehicle, of course. But I mean fuck, I won't be able to visit her til Saturday, and the hippy visitation is the weekend after that. Dammit. In the last email the little blonde hippy sent me she said, "You don't need paxil, you need a vacation." Amen to that, mini hippy girl. And here's hoping you still have a giant crush on me too.
I'm getting a more clear idea of my future, more or less. I've decided I pretty much wasted $125 in applying to universities, because all I applied to them for was theatre... and my great anxiety is that a career in theatre is way too unpredictable for even my tastes. Now being a prison guard... that's where it's at, I'm thinking. Still kind of on the cop/justice-y side of things, but with less to do and hours that are just as good. That's really what I'm leaning to taking, presently. Of course, it limits my choices of places to live a little... towns with prisons... but that's alright, I suppose. Plus the hours rule. 7 shifts every 14 days? I could have two weeks off a month as a prison guard, how cool is that? Only thing that beats it is teaching, with the summer months off. Education for that? 2 years in North Bay or Belleville. Not a bad stretch of time, I'm thinking. It'd almost catch me up with the other sucka's my age who are just finishing their programs.
Sun, Mar 4/01 11:11pm
Judas Priest. I took the page down for a while. I need a fucking breather. But I'm still writing this? Of course I am. This is me and is for me. I'm going to explain how I think, a little. For the most part, I think in 3 'voices' simultaneously. There's one voice that asks a question or presents a dilemna. There's another voice that argues one side of it, there's a third and usually final voice that argues another side. After long enough, the initial voice weighs everything and settles the conflict. It all happens very very quickly however. So there's a Left, a Right and a Center, or a Good, Bad, Neutral or however it turns out. The center or neutral voice is kind of what's writing now. It's me trying to think of the right questions as to how to continue procedures form this point. Why...?
Ugh. Busy and stressful. And bad. All I've been doing is theatre. So logic says yeah, I need a break from 8+ hours a day(I was in yesterday from 9 til 9) doing non-paying, unrewarding work. But see, here's how it is. I can't. If I don't do it, no one else will. And then there'll be people riding my ass all day long like it's a merry-go-round, just because I did all that stuff BEFORE I'm expected to keep doing it. Ugh. And in some ways yeah, it is rewarding. But there's always something. Like if I don't get any respect. Like criticism from people who don't know what they're talking about. I don't know exactly what it is, but everyone seems to think I just do things half-cocked for no reason at all. If I do something, there's a fucking REASON I do it, but I just can't pound that into anyone's head. My words are placed carefully too. But no, there's no recognition and I have to go around wasting so much time explaining this or that or this again. I don't know if it's because I'm young or because I'm a freak, but that seems to be the a popular way to treat me. That's one type of community theatre person. The one who knows everything about everything as long as you substitute the word 'everything' with 'nothing'. Constant yammering, hooray hooray. The other popular way to be when you do amatuer theatre(well, no kinds are limited to amatuer, I'll tell you that) is the other extreme. Knowing nothing and acting on it. The kind of person who needs continual directions and must be told exactly what to do every single second. I don't know if they have/had controlling parents or what, but fuck is that ever irritating. Well, in a way it's better than the know it all, because the know it all will go and do something and fuck it RIGHT up, whereas this other type of person basically has to have you standing over them because they're completely helpless and can't do anything without you.
Thurs, Mar 1/01 2:45am
*poof* Red. Not bad, I say, not bad.