For Anticipation

Fear, I know you well.
I am not afraid of you.

Leave. Now.
Please.

You do not obey my commands.
You stay as an unwelcome house guest.

Eating my food, running up my bills,
Draining my resources.

You weaken me with pain.
Why do you choose to stay here?

Why prey upon me?
Upon my very life?

Are there no other morsels for you to eat?
Leave. I say to you.  Leave.

You are no part of me.
You harm me.  You hurt me.

You are not me.

I know of what I speak for I am not me when you are here.
I cower unknowingly, allowing others to move before me.

Why should I relinquish my strength to your false altar?
You burn my desires and hopes with a sadistic gleam of joy.

You hurt me, harm me, roast me, change me.

You are not all powerful.
My body is foolish.

It sees nothing and hears nothing. 
It knows nothing.

Fear, Anticipation, Excitement, Pleasure.
These things are connected.

My mind takes cues from my body,
Adjusting to its world.

My mind believes that it is afraid,
My hyper-aware body perspires and trembles.

My mind believes anticipates something good will occur,
My hyper-aware body perspires and trembles.

Fear is believing risk. 
Believing death.  Believing hurt and harm.

It is as empty as it is real.
It is far and near.

I don't understand Fear completely.
My body doesn't need to.

My hyper-aware body perspires and trembles,
Managing my thoughts, my mind sees anticipation not fear.

It is but a bit of sleight of hand finding hope not pain.
Sometimes the eye is quicker than the hand.

And, sometimes not.

By Huh Chuh @ huhchuh@yahoo.com © April 2002