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| 2005/06 Update |
| Ok where to start, the end of 2005 was a tough on, You hear people say its a rollarcoaster ride and that just proved it, My youngest son is now 1year and I think gave me some time to grieve for Megan. As soft as it sounds I had never really grieved for her as always had something else on with the boys or keeping myself busy. Nov/Dec 2005 was hard , I had this dark cloud that I couldn't move from above me, I never wanted to do anything and felt down and depressed most days . I couldn't really explain how I felt as I was in a daze just existing and some days even over 5yrs I still feel that way, I miss my baby girl more than ever and time makes no difference some days. Anyway I decided I couldn't carry on that way and took some advice from our local nurse as needed to tell somebody how I felt .I never wanted to go down the rd of meds as I have never needed to before but had to admit defeat. I have been on them few months now and I think there is an inprovment but again it depends day to day which I'm sure most understand. I am lucky I have somebody I can to talk to and see somebody not family once a month just to offload. Not many family members understand as its been over 5yrs now and some days when I want to talk they don't, Megan is reary mentioned now which I find quite sad and it does upset me as I want to keep her memory alive not forget. I spose I have to just deal with that she won't be remembered by all. I know for sure thought she will be remembered and never forgot by me or her brothers I will make sure of that. They like to let balloons go to her which is sweet. The boys are doing well my eldest is now 9yrs , 2nd son is 8yrs , 3rd nearly 4yrs and our baby 16 months now. They have been diagnosed ADHD and aspergers between them so it helps having a diagnosis. They are doing good at school and I wouldn't change them for the world although some days do differ in thought but like everyone we have many ups and downs , good days and many bad but we get no choice we have to deal with it and cope. I am still writing poetry and have over 100 now in a book I have made , reading over them you can really see the emotional rollarcoaster that most of us are on and even through the years. I hope oneday to get it published in Megan's memory thats my ultimate goal and I hope to achieve it and be able to help others realise they are not alone in there thoughts and feelings. I am still making cards although when was feeling bad took a break from it , and had many orders raising money for scbu here in Liverpool. We recently handed in �1000 to the Newborn Appeal. I would like to thank everyone who knows me and has supported me too over the years from family ,drs and Midwives in the beginning to friends I have met online. and more recent Sue and our local Drs who have helped by not making a fuss and just being there when I felt alone and frightened. Also a special mention to Chris a remarkable lady who lost her baby son Rhys 10years ago and has 4 daughters and has become a real true friend who understands and has time. many a time she has lsitened to me and it means a lot just to be listened to. So many people have helped just by listening , a lot of people did not know what to say and we drifted apart , Hubby and I have had our rought patches but survived and I'm pleased to say this year in June we have been married 10yrs. Thankyou again for reading this and keeping Megan's memory alive . Helen x |
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