allfair

Prank Wars: All's Fair In A Prank War

Megatron panned from left to right at the six faces staring straight ahead, wishing the glare on his own would turn white-hot and send them streaming in rivulets to the floor. One carried an expression that was bland and resigned, another smiled apologetically. The middle face stood fiercely defiant, refusing to accept any responsibility, while the next-one-left displayed annoyance.

"Would anyone care to explain," he began slowly, twisting hands hidden behind his back into fists, "why an entire hallway of deck ten, section three, floor and ceiling, is covered with this?" The Decepticon commander caually tipped over a large, dented dusky-gray bucket which sent a yellowish, viscous puddle oozing onto the floor.Glancing at the assembly he awaited a reaction; when not a one of them twitched or swayed, he carefully drew a finger through the glutinous emulsion and passed the sample micrometers under each nose. "As this substance is unfamiliar to me and does not correspond with anything currently in the database, I will assume someone manufactured it. And, since all of you are covered with it, and are observed on surveillance throwing it, I will also assume you have intimate knowledge of its origins."

"It'll wipe right off...sir..."

Megaron strode to the speaker, who had trailed off under scrutiny. "Yes, Skywarp, it will wipe right off. Unfortunately, it's taking most of the paint from the deck with it!" As he finished the revelation, five sets of optics focused their attention on the center figure in the lineup, who muttered expletives to himself.

"You - "

"Fraggin' - "

"You're a scrapped - "

"This is really - "

"Silence!" Megatron yelled. The threats at the ooze's creator died out with the echoing command. Any patience he made a pretense of possessing flaked away as chrome concealing rust. "I have had it! I have had it with the quarter-stuffing, repainting, rewiring of security and power panels, gluing, spraying, waxing the floors, chairs, consoles, unauthorized absences, welding others to walls, floors, ceilings, bulkheads, and everything else you've managed to inflict on each other!"

"Ah, Megatron -"

The Decepticon commander spun and seized the upraised blue finger in a fist. "Say it. Please do say it, Starscream. I would like nothing more than to be enlightened as to the reason for your inability to keep your troops in line," he ground out. Starscream managed to wrench his finger away before Megatron jerked to his left. "I know you had something to do with all of this insanity also, Skywarp!" The purple jet pulled his head back in surprise at the inclusion. "Starscream may have concocted this, slime, but you were the engineer of a majority of these undertakings, weren't you?" Skywarp attempted to defend hmself when a low voice sounded to the right.

"Those three had a hand in it, too."

Megatron sighted down the stealthily-accusing black digit. "Really, Thundercracker? Are you saying you were an unwilling party? Or did the large letters 'T' and 'C' happen to appear on Dirge's wings by magic?" Megatron smiled a bit too widely and waved his hands. The Seeker widened his optics and pointed at himself. "Yes, I am saying you did it. I would think you of the three would have some maturity and discipline!"

Snickers drew him to the other end of the line. "Ramjet. Should I mention your disabling a lift for an hour with Starscream in it? Or clogging up the ventilation system with confetti?" Ramjet grew suddenly interested in the weld seams in the floor; the mech tilted his head and gave a shrug.

"I cleaned it all - "

"Thrust: attempts to flood three quarters, and succeeds in flooding an entire deck! Shuts down power to several key areas while rewiring a door control!" Megatron shook his fist at the jet, who instinctively stepped away.

"I didn't mean to - "

"And last, but not least: Dirge," Megatron said with mock admiration, presenting him to the rest with a flourish. "Dirge, who, in a method known only to him, and not yet repeated, overloaded the audios of everyone in the entire base not once, not twice, but three times in one week!" Dirge looked up disinterestedly at Megatron.

"The P.A. system has bugs," he replied slowly.

Megatron stared, mouth agape, suddenly slapping the side of his head with the heel of a hand. "Of course! Why didn't I think of that? The P.A. system has bugs!" He then began stomping in place, the strange dance causing all to back away. "I will have order, and discipline, and no-more-of-these-attempts-to-wreck-this-base!" Composing himself, the Decepticon commander stabbed a finger at them, which happened to be attached to his right hand, which, being attached to his right arm, had a fusion cannon mounted on it. He mistakenly believed the order brought the intended understanding, when it was only the worry of becoming part of the wall behind them. "Any! - any further displays of this ridiculous rivalry manifests, and I will send all of you back to Cybertron!" The six remained motionless well after the thudding footsteps had retreated with their owner from the room.

"You're going to fix my paint job, Screamer," Thundercracker growled, pinning the Seeker between himself and Skywarp.

"If you had not bumped me when I was mixing it, this wouldn't have happened!" Starscream hissed in return.

""Skywarp, ya better get all that shaving cream outta my quarters or I'll cram it in your intakes," Thrust threatened.

"Hey, Thundercracker!" Ramjet called, tossing a suspicious ball Dirge had passed to him. Thundercracker drew his attention too late to prevent pink carnations from blooming on himself.