| DAILY RANT |
| 8/01/02 Announcer voice-over ::mumbling:: ..I don't know why I even came back...Aaaand now, here to deliver your daily allowance of ranting goodness, heeeeerrree's -- Andy!: ::Andy slowly trods over to the microphone, taps it, and winces at the feedback:: I'm 'me' today because this has to do with me, not him. Dropzone, I mean.::clears throat and brushes hair from his eyes:: ::Kamikaze yells and throws popcocorn:: Get to the slottin' point! ::Andy takes mic from its stand and swats at airborne mini grenades:: My point? My point is I'm sick of people telling me 'Make up your mind, are you gay or straight?'! Neither! I just happen not to care what the undercarriage of the person I'll hopefully spend the rest of my life with looks like. I've been with men and women. No, I haven't been to bed with most of them, but sex shouldn't be the sole basis for a relationship! ::Powerdive, from audience:: You go girl! ::Andy points at him:: That's another thing that pisses me off! Because I might happen to like a guy, I'm supposed to be this screaming queen who's so flaming they can set the building on fire! Sure, I can dance, and I can cook enough to keep myself from starving, but for the love of all that is holy, quit asking me to do your hair or decorate your house! ::Backlash, from audience:: I've seen your house, I wouldn't ask you to decorate! ::Everyone starts laughing, including Andy:: ::Andy tries to compose himself:: You understand, it's all the others I've encountered that just can't grasp the concept. Everyone I run into has this 'Oh, your bi" attitude, as if I'm just saying I am and aren't, or just think it's trendy and do it for that reason. No, I do care who I have a relationship with, I just have no preference to their gender... ::Firefight, from audience:: Or lack of one! ::Andy nods:: Exactly. Try telling someone you are 'androgynous' or 'non-gender specific', and they think 'Oooh, you're gay?' Noo, Cletus, listen carefully, and I'll use small, one-syllable words. ::Everyone loses it:: You can say, 'So what does it matter what someone else thinks? Be yourself!' It's hard when you field questions from the perpetually clueless as to the non-choice of your non-gender. I told my Mom that I might bring a 'friend' over. If you have absolutely no one to talk to about something, try it out on Mom. She saw right through it and asked me, 'So you prefer men?' I told her, No, not just men. She said 'Oooh. You don't care.' Hallejuiah! If Mom gets it, there's hope yet! Then Dad came home...I did what all good Seekers do when the slag is going to hit the proverbial fan and hid, with a beer, of course. :::cheers from the audience:: I waited for the yelling to start. It didn't, which is a halfway good and halfway bad sign at my house. I commandeered the remote and acted like nothing was going on. Dad clears his throat, and I go Uhoh. "AJ (gah, I'm slag, here I come, Primus!), I've been meaning to have a talk with you.' Oh, heha, what about? "Do you ever consider whether or not you'll be married and, have kids?' I'm thinking, Mooooom! Wench! You trecherous, coniving, wicked woman!, and said, Uh, yeah, eventually. If I find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. "Ah. Someone. So, it doesn't, you don't, um, aren't limiting yourself on the playing field?' Ah, I love my Dad. He has the greatest euphemisms. No, I'm not, sir. You have to throw that 'sir' in there. 'I just wanted to let you know, you know, that, whoever, whomever, you decide to commit to, I, I, will support you on it'. Pardon, por favor, let me pick my jaw up off the floor. Did I just hear that correctly? ::whistles and applause from the audience:: Yes, America, my father, blue-collar guy that he is trapped behind a desk, is saying he doesn't care who his son brings home and presents as his soul mate! He comprehends it! Such a simple, simple thing to turn over in your mind, and yet the rest of you cliche-worshipping, box-stuffing, you're-a-boy-so-act-like-one assholes ::stomping and cheering from audience, Chris, Patrick, and Tommie pumping their fists:: just can't seem to get it! Ugh! ::voiceover from Announcer, sound of tossed papers:: Okay, that just completely blew it out the window. A coming-out on this show...bet Johnny Carson didn't have this shit to put up with...Joooin us next time, same rant time, same rant channel...::mumbling::...I need a drink... |