 |
| Scripts |
| Yippy, Come and See, It's the Script to Episode III by Grand Adm... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper Anakin Skywalker has murdered most of the Jedi and has run away to become a Sith lord. He now confronts his old master, Obi-wan Kenobi on the miasmic planet of Malistare. Curently, Obi-wan romes the rocky mountins in search for Anakin who is hiding behind a rock. Obi-wan (yelling) Anakin! Anakin! Where are you?! I know you are out there somewhere! Anakin No I'm not! Obi-wan Oh!? Is that true?! Well, I guess I'll just leave, then. Anakin Uh.... no! Wait! I lied! I'm here! Obi-wan Oh, good. Show yourself. Anakin No, I'm too scared Obi-wan Anakin, just come back with me. You can be a Jedi again. Anakin I hate the stupid Jedies! There's too much stupid training and stupid peaceful stupid stuff. It's all stupid! All the stupid Jedies are dead now, anyway. Obi-wan I'm not dead. Master Yoda's not dead. We can start over, just come here. Anakin No! Obi-wan I'll give you a present... Anakin Really?! Um... what kind of present. Obi-wan It's a surprise. Anakin Well... I guess I could join the Jedies again. Um... Okay! Anakin steps out from the rock. Obi-wan That's very good Anakin, now let's get off this awful planet. Anakin Wait! Where's my present?! Obi-wan Uh... it's... on the ship. Anakin Yeah right! You were bluffing! Obi-wan No! Honest! Anakin I can't join you! Anakin ignites his lightsaber and charges at Obi-wan Obi-wan Holy Poodoo! Anakin Wah! Hi-yah! Yah! A lightsaber duel begins Obi-wan (while dueling) Stop making those noises. Anakin Hi-yah! Waaaahhh! Yah! Obi-wan I'm serious! Stop it! Anakin Kitchaaaah! Wahhh! Chahhhh! Hi-yah! Obi-wan Errrrrrr... AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Obi-wan leaps up in the air and kicks Anakin in the face Anakin Ow! Obi-wan If you don't stop making those noises, then I'll have to do that again! Click here to start part two of the Audio reading Anakin That was a hypothesis. Obi-wan What?? Anakin A hypothesis. You know, an if-then statement. Obi-wan Shut up! Don't act smart, you little brat! Anakin I think someone's a little jealous today. Obi-wan Jealous!? Jealous?! Why the kriff would I be jealous of a crazy murderer?!!!! Anakin No, not the murderer part! I mean you're jealous that I'm smart. And your also jealous that Padme married me instead of you. Ha! I blame the ponytail. Obi-wan Hey! There's nothing wrong with my ponytail! Anakin Ha! Obi-wan It's supposed to be attractive! Anakin Well it's not. Obi-wan You have always been so rude to me! That is so disrespectful. I can't believe Qui-gon told me to train you. I doubt you are the chosen one. Anakin Whoa, hold on there a second, buddy. I am the chosen one. Remember the profesy? Obi-wan "Prophesy" is spelled with a "ph," not an "f." Anakin Oh... hey! I'm talking! Not writing! How could I spell profesy wrong if I'm just talking to you? Obi-wan You just did it again. Try saying it with a "ph." Anakin This is stupid! Obi-wan Just do it! Anakin No, just let me finish, you retard. The profesy states... Obi-wan Prophesy. Anakin That's what I said! Erg! Anyway, the profesy states that the chosen one will bring balance to the force. Well, I think balance means an equal number of Sith as there are Jedies. Obi-wan "Prophesy" and "Jedi." Jedi is plural. Anakin You're not listening to me! You never listen! *Sniff* I hate you! Obi-wan Now, Anakin, you know you don't hate me. Anakin Yes I do! Now, die! Anakin stabs his lightsaber in Obi-wan's stomach Obi-wan Ahhhhhhhhhh! Yowie, yowie! That hurts! Stop it! Anakin Sorry, but you deserved it. Obi-wan Phew! I'm not dead. Okay... gotta calm down... okay. Anakin, do you see that lava pit down there? Anakin Yeah... so? Obi-wan That's not lava. That's orange soda. Anakin Cool!!! Every kid in the universe dreams of swimming in a pit of orange soda! This must be my present! Thanks, Obi-wan! Anakin dives in. Anakin (swimming) Hey! This orange soda is really warm. It tastes kind of funny, too. Ouch, I hate it when I burn my tounge on a hot drink! Hey! Where'd my left arm go!? I swear it was there just a second ago. This orange soda sucks! Obi-wan (walking away, speaking to himself) Oh, poor Anakin. I will miss him... no... I won't miss him. Anakin Hey! Dude! I'm like, totally melting! Obi-wan Wish I could help you, but it's forbidden for Jedi to help Sith Lords. Anakin Okay! Geese! I'll become a Jedi again if you help me get out of this orange soda. I'd do it myself, but I don't have hands or feet anymore. Obi-wan stops walking away and turns around. Obi-wan Okay. I'll help you. Obi-wan reaches for the remainder of Anakin's right arm and pulls him out of the lava pit. Obi-wan Ewwww. You're just a torso with half an arm and half a leg. That's disgusting. Anakin Yeah, I know. I'm just glad that there is such a thing as bacta. Bacta: What can't it cure? Obi-wan Dismembered limbs. Anakin Really? Obi-wan You bet. Anakin Oh, stang! That really bites! Obi-wan Tell me about it. Looks like you'll need a few artificial limbs. Anakin Yeah, and... uh oh. Obi-wan What? Anakin I think there's some orange soda leaking into my lungs. Obi-wan That can't be healthy. Anakin No.... I.... *gasp* ... could use bacta... now! Obi-wan Uh... yeah, just a sec. Obi-wan rushes to the ship and comes back with a canteen. Obi-wan Drink this. Anakin drinks it. Anakin That feels better. Thanks. Obi-wan Your face is totally mutilated. Anakin Is it? Oh no. I think we better go. There's some orange soda leaking out of my ear.... never mind, my ear just melted. Obi-wan throws up Anakin Oh man! You barfed on my new tunic! Obi-wan Sorry. Anakin I hate the sight of vomit... I think I'm gonna hurl... Anakin throws up Obi-wan That's disgusting! Ewwww! Obi-wan throws up Anakin throws up Obi-wan throws up Anakin throws up Obi-wan Okay, this is getting dumb Anakin Hey! Look over there! It's master Yoda! Hi master Yoda! Wazzzup!!!! Yoda Waazzzzup!!! Obi-wan Waazzzzup!!! Anakin Wazzzzzup!! Yoda Hurt you are, young Skywalker. Anakin Naw, just a scratch. Yoda Hmph. So sure, are you? Anakin Yeah, I'll be fine. Obi-wan Master Yoda, he may be the chosen one after all. No one else could survive a dip in a lava pit. Anakin Lava pit!? You kriffing liar! You told me it was orange soda! I wouldn't have gone in there if I knew it was lava! You... you... Yoda kriffer! Yoda Hey! Leave me outta this, punk! You wanna go? Huh? You wanna piece? Huh? Huh? Bring it on! Anakin kicks Yoda in the head with the remainder of his leg. Obi-wan Master Yoda! Noooooo! Obi-wan rushes to Yoda's side. Yoda Now is not my time to die. Anakin has escaped. Obi-wan What?! How!? He's a torso! Yoda The chosen one finds new ways of travel. Confront him again, you will. Face your destiny, you must. It was seen in the profesy. Obi-wan Prophesy, Master Yoda. Prophesy. THE END |
| Audio File Currently Lost |
| Voices: HRT: Obi-Wan MG: Anakin J-Rodd: Narrator Yoda Sound Effects |
 |
|