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| Scripts |
| The Newer, Even Truer, Script to Episode II... er The end is coming near!!!! Obi-wan Kenobi barely escaped certain death in a hospital in Los Angeles, California by having George Lucas write him back into the Star Wars universe. With little time to make conversation and only a napkin and chocolate pudding to work with, George was not able to tell Obi-wan where and when he would pop up... Anakin I hate this training. It has nothing to do with Jedies. Obi-wan That�s �Jedi,� it�s plural and... Anakin? Anakin What? Obi-wan You�re... so young. And you�re face isn�t deformed. Anakin You�re such a loser, Obi-wan. You never make any sense! I say we get out of here so I can go find Padme. Obi-wan Wait... where are we... with blasters? Anakin Yeah blasters! Why the kriff do Jedies need to take a gun-safety course? Obi-wan Holy Poodoo! I�m back where it all began! Ha ha! George gave me another chance! This is perfect! The gun-safety course! Yes! Anakin Man, you�re so annoying, Obi-wan! Where�s Padme? Obi-wan Ah uh, not this time, buddy. This time you won�t have her. She�s mine. And there�s nothing you can do to stop me. Anakin Obi-wan, she likes me. Don�t blame yourself. Blame the ponytail. It is a little... Obi-wan Hey! You just wait! In a few weeks, it�s going to be in! THE fashion statement. Yoda�s even gonna get one. Anakin How do you know? Obi-wan Let�s just say I�ve lived the future. Anakin Yeah.... whatever.... How do I turn off the safety switch? Obi-wan No! Don�t! Um... you were right. This training is stupid! Let�s go eat lunch or something. Why don�t we just put the blasters down and walk away. Anakin C�mon! You dragged me here! At least let me shoot it! Obi-wan No! No shooting! Anakin I wonder what this red button does. Is it the safety?... Obi-wan Ah! Wait! If you promise not to press that button... then... then... Then I�ll tell you where Padme is!!! *cringes* Anakin Really... hmmmm. Where is she? Obi-wan She�s... she�s at the cantina in the lobby. Anakin Where�s the lobby? Obi-wan You don�t know where the lobby is?! Anakin Hey! It's not my fault you never gave me a tour! Obi-wan A tour?! Ah! Anakin, just go! Anakin puts the gun down and heads downstairs. Yoda enters the room. Yoda Young love, it is. He and Padme. Obi-wan Shut up, Yoda! You know that there�s a prophecy that states that Padme will fall in love with a man with an invincible ponytail. Yoda Fall in love with you, she will. But love not always equal to impregnation. Obi-wan Impregnation?! Who says her children have to be Anakin�s?! There�s no rule about that! Destinies change. Of all people, you should know that. Yoda Besides, an invincible ponytail, Anakin has. Obi-wan What?! He doesn�t have a ponytail! Yoda Hmm. Small, it is. Hidden. Yours is much longer. Obi-wan Well, I guess that means I still have a chance! Yoda Yes, but hurry, you must. Quick, is he. Very smooth with the ladies. Obi-wan Well Padme�s a smart girl. I�m sure she�ll figure him out. Yoda Yes, but by then, she will be too late. Obi-wan What do you mean by �late?� Yoda Many things. Obi-wan Shut up you little midget, I could step on you! Yoda Oh? Could you? Huh. Well, bring it on! C'mon! You... Obi-wan (in Yoda voice) Want a piece of me? Huh? You want a piece? Yoda How�d you know what I was going to say? Obi-wan Yoda, I know more about the future than anyone. Just... just don�t mess with me. Yoda Has the future come to you in a dream? Obi-wan Oh. If only it WERE just a dream. If only it were... THE END |