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| Scripts |
| The New, Very True, Script to Episode II by Grand Adm... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper The end is coming near!!!! All Jedi must complete their gun safety course. Here is the dialogue strait from the movie that I have already watched using my time machine: Obi-Wan Anakin, remember you must release the safety lock before shooting. Anakin I hate this training. It has nothing to do with Jedies. Obi-Wan: That's "Jedi," it's plural and singular. Anakin I don't care. Where's Padme? Obi-wan: Uh... I don't know. Anakin Oh, c'mon, where is she? Obi-wan I'm not telling Anakin Please Obi-wan Shut up you little brat, you know she's 6 years older than you Anakin 5 years. And that doesn't matter, can't you see that this is a changing galaxy? Obi-wan But it's not fair! Why won't Padme like me?! Anakin Maybe it's the ponytail. It is a little... Obi-wan Shut up! Who's the master here?! Anakin Me Obi-wan Don't say things like that, Anakin. It is very unJedi-like. Anakin Stupid Jedies. Obi-wan It's JEDI!!!!! Anakin How do I turn off the safety switch? Obi-wan Press the red button Anakin This one? Obi-wan Yeah, that's the one. *Blast* Obi-wan Ow. You shot me! Ah. I think I'm dying. Anakin Whoops! Sorry. Obi-wan Sorry?! Sorry?! Look at me!! All you say is sorry?! Anakin I'm sorry. What more do you want! Obi-wan I want to be not in pain! Anakin Well, what am I supposed to do?! Obi-wan Get a Med Droid!! Anakin You don't have to yell. Obi-wan GET ME A MED DROID NOW!!! Anakin Okay, okay. Geeze, someone's grumpy this morning Obi-wan GRUMPY!? I've been shot! Anakin I know, it's nothing to get upset about. Obi-wan Ergghhh. Is the med droid coming? Anakin Oh yeah, that's who I was supposed to call. Obi-wan You mean you haven't called yet!!!??? Anakin What's the number? Obi-wan I don't know, just contact the main office. Anakin We have a main office? Obi-wan Yes!!! Anakin Hey! It's not my fault you never gave me a tour! Obi-wan A tour?! We walk past the main office every day! Anakin (on comlink) Hi, uh, is there a med droid. (Secretary) Yes, what is the emergency Anakin Uh, hang on... Anakin (to Obi-wan) What's the emergency again? Obi-wan I've been shot! Anakin (on phone) Okay, uh. He's been shot. (Secretary) Who's been shot? Anakin Obi-wan. (Secretary) Are there trespassers? Should I call the police? Anakin No. I shot him. (Secretary hangs up) Anakin She hung up! Obi-wan She's probably sending the police for you! Just great! Anakin I can handle police Obi-wan What do you mean? Anakin With my lightsaber. Obi-wan You can't kill the police! Anakin Who says? Obi-wan I do! Oh, master Yoda was right about you. Anakin I can kill Master Yoda too! Obi-wan No! Anakin Well, I've heard that he's pretty tough in a battle, so maybe I'll just massacre all of the other Jedies. *Anakin starts walking away* Obi-wan Wait! You're joking, right? Anakin (leaving) No. I'm also gonna steal Padme, so Ha, Ha! Obi-wan Hey! Wait! *Anakin leaves* Obi-wan Oh no! *Yoda enters* Obi-wan Master, oh I have some bad news Yoda Turned to the dark side, young Anakin has. Obi-wan Well, it's not my fault. Yoda Killed the Jedi, he has. Obi-wan Already?! Yoda Yes. Obi-wan What is my punishment, Master? Yoda Live on Tatooine, you must. Obi-wan NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Yoda Fitting, it is. Obi-wan I could step on you, you little midget! Yoda Oh? Could you? Huh. Well, bring it on! C'mon! You want a piece of me? Huh? You want a piece? Obi-wan I'm leaving, you freak Yoda You're the one with that girly ponytail! THE END Thank you. -Grand Adm... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper |
| Audio MP3 reading of the script! Click HERE to listen to HRT, MG, and J-Rodd read the script |
| In case you're having problems accessing the MP3, visit this website. (I had the same problem at first). |
| Voices: HRT: Obi-Wan MG: Anakin J-Rodd: Narator Secretary Sound Effects Yoda |
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