| Starvivor 3 Chronicles: Episode VIII: All the Emperor�s Men by Grand Adm... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper Narrator Jar Jar Binks was eliminated, and the Xob camp suddenly became a much more organized and accident-free zone. With not much else to do, Forrest, Steve, �owyn, and Rose have constructed a small, sea-worthy dingy for the purposes of seeking out much-needed seafood. Steve has hammered in the last nail and they are about ready for the maiden voyage... Steve Well, it�s finished. Who wants to go out on its first trip? �owyn Forrest should go, considering it was his idea. Forrest I do have experience being captain of a boat. But I�ll need a new first-mate, since Lieutenant Dan isn�t here. Steve Rose, you wanna be...? Rose NO! No!... No, I hate boats. �owyn You can be first-mate, Steve. You did the most work on it. Steve A�ight. Coo�. �owyn The vessel requires a name, does it not? Steve How �bout we name it Titani... Rose NO! Steve Sorry... just kidding. Rose Not funny. Forrest All of my shrimp boats are named �Jenny.� �owyn Then this boat shall be named Jenny, as well. *Eowyn begins to paint the name �Jenny� on the side of the dingy. Meanwhile, Palpatine and Malcolm are having a private chat at central camp.* Palpatine You were unwise to betray me, Crowe. Now you�ve little chance to discover your true nature. Malcolm Look... I�m sorry. I just couldn�t kill Dory like that. It was wrong. Why the heck did you want to kill that stupid fish anyway? Palpatine As ridiculous as it sounds, the fish was a threat to my power. Can�t you see that those weak-minded fools sympathize with those who are even weaker? Dory, Forrest, and Jar Jar possessed the least intelligence of all. How tragically ironic that their lack of sense makes them all the more poised to win. I was attempting to crush two threats with one blow, but your cowardice to act cost us that outcome. You�re lucky that Jar Jar was, regardless, eliminated. Malcolm But... there must be a way to do it all without killing anyone. Can�t you be harmlessly manipulative? Palpatine Ha! Such words are reminiscent of the Jedi Order. They sought power just as I. Yet they justified their greed by ruling �without violence.� Why bother? Death and destruction is the path to domination. There is no other way. That is why the Jedi perished. Malcolm I don�t know what a �Jedi� is, but... Palpatine Silence! I am giving you a second chance. And let me warn you, it is your last. Dory and Forrest are the only two threats that remain to us. Help me destroy them and I will reveal to you the reason for your apparent non-existence. Malcolm ... And if I don�t help? Palpatine Then... you will die. Malcolm Ah! I don�t want to DIE! Okay, fine... I�ll do what you ask. It better be worth it. *And so, some time passes. Forrest and Steve have set out to sea with the dingy in search of food. They have brought along a net contraption to be used to capture aquatic animals.* Forrest These waters would make for lots of shrimp, I reckon. Steve Well, remember, Forrest, we�re on an alien planet... with all sorts of... scary alien sea monsters. Ah sh*t, I don�t wanna be out here! Forrest It�s alright, Captain Hiller. We�ll be safe in Jenny. Not one Jenny has been lost in the history of Bubba-Gump Shrimp. Steve Bubba-Gump Shrimp? Forrest Bubba was my best friend in Vietnam. All he would talk about was shrimp and shrimpin�. He and I were gonna start up a shrimpin� business when we got back home... but... Bubba didn�t get back home Steve Oh... sorry �bout that. Forrest But that�s okay, I�ve got you now! You�re like a cross between Bubba and Lieutenant Dan! Steve How�s that? Forrest Well, you�re my first-mate just like Lieutenant Dan. And you�re black just like Bubba. Steve Dude... that�s not cool. Forrest I could call you Lieutenant Bubba! Steve Don�t. Forrest Alright, I won�t, Captain Bubba... I mean... Lieutenant Steve... I mean... Dan Bubba... Steve Just shut up. *Long awkward silence* Forrest I bet this�s a good place to lay down our net. Steve A�ight. *Steve and Forrest set up the floating net contraption and place it in the water.* Steve So how does it work, exactly? Forrest If we built it right, the shrimps should swim on through the gate. But the gate only lets them swim in and not out. Steve So it�s a water-gate. Forrest That�s right, Captenant Dubba. Steve *grumbles* Yeah. *So, Steve and Forrest leave the water-gate to float there overnight while they paddle back to the island. The rest of the tribe is at the beach to greet them.* �owyn How went the voyage? Forrest She is a fine boat. And me and Bubba had a great chat, didn�t we, Bubba? Rose Bubba? Steve (annoyed) He means Steve. Palpatine And where, might I ask, is the catch? Forrest Oh, we won�t know if we caught anything until tomorrow morning. We�ll paddle out then to see if anything got stuck in the water-gate. Palpatine What will you catch? Forrest Shrimps, I hope. But we might get lucky and catch a few fish. Palpatine Is there a chance one could escape from this... water-gate? Forrest Nope. They get trapped in there and swim around like crazy until they die of shock and exhaustion. Palpatine Excellent. It shall all go as planned. *Palpatine nods at Malcolm* Palpatine Gump, Dory told me that she wants you to be in charge of watching her tonight. Forrest Is that right, Dory? You want me to look after you? Dory I do?!... Okay! *And so, as night falls, �owyn, Rose, Steve, Forrest, and Dory go to sleep. Forrest is hugging Dory�s fishbowl as he slumbers, for he is in charge of watching her. Malcolm, again asked to sneak into the camp and steal Dory, reaches into the bowl and snatched Dory away and puts her... uh... in his pocket. He makes it over to the beach where The Emperor is sitting in the dingy, waiting.* Palpatine You have the fish? Malcolm Yeah. Let�s just get this over with. *Malcolm gets in the dingy and starts paddling it toward the water-gate. They get to the gate and float idly* Palpatine Forrest will be blamed for her death. He was in charge of her tonight, and he�s the one who built the water-gate. Now put her in there before she wakes up. *Dory wakes up* Dory Hey! We�re in a boat! Where are we going? Palpatine We�re... taking you to a hotel. Dory Oooo! A hotel! Which hotel? Palpatine The... water-gate hotel. Dory I�ve never heard of it. Though come to think of it, I�ve never heard of... anything. Palpatine Crowe, you fool! Just place her in the trap so we can end this pathetic Rebellion once and for all! Malcolm What Rebellion? Palpatine ... Anyone who is a threat to me is a Rebel! For I am the Emperor of the Galaxy! You do not dare disobey me! Now place her in! Dory I just noticed there�s no water up here. Ahhh! I can�t breathe! Malcolm Why don�t you do it yourself? Why do you always have to have other people do your dirty work for you? I think YOU�RE the weakling here. Palpatine You traitorous idiot. Place her in now, or you will die! Dory Place me in now or I will die! *gasp* *Malcolm puts Dory in the water so she can breathe, but he doesn�t put her in the water-gate* Malcolm We don�t need to destroy Dory and Forrest. Forrest is helping our tribe get better. He built this boat for us. I�m sorry, I just can�t do this. And I�m not afraid of you. Palpatine *sigh* Then I will have to find another. But as for you... now... you will see the true power of the Dark Side... Malcolm Your overconfidence is your weakness. Palpatine You faith in your Forrest is yours. *Palpatine�s teeth snarl as he holds up his hands. Suddenly, blue electricity comes flowing from his fingertips and into Malcolm, illuminating him even though he�s invisible. Malcolm screams for pain* Malcolm Ahhhh! Forrest, help me! *Back at the camp, Forrest suddenly wakes up. He tries to close his eyes again, but sudden flashes of lightning are coming from the direction of the water-gate. The flashes keep him awake. Forrest nudges at Steve to wake him up* Forrest Captain Steve, wake up. Them lights we put on the water-gate are keeping me awake. Steve (groggy) Forrest, we didn�t put no lights on the water-gate. Go back to sleep. Forrest But Captain Steve, look. *Forrest points out to sea, and sure enough, light seems to be issuing from the water-gate.* Steve What the hell is that?... *Forrest notices that Dory is missing from the bowl* Forrest Ahhh! Dory�s missin�!! *His yell wakes Rose and �owyn up.* Rose Be quiet, Forrest! Forrest Dory�s gone! She�s gone and it�s all my fault! �owyn Is anyone else missing? Steve That creepy Palpatine guy isn�t here... Rose What�s that light out there? �owyn Maybe that�s Palpatine. He once bragged that he could make lightning from his hands... Rose The dingy is gone, too. He must�ve taken it. Steve Palpatine�s out there screwing around with your Jenny, Forrest. Forrest Not JENNY! Steve ...The boat, I mean. Forrest ...Not JENNY! �owyn Maybe Dory�s out there, too. Forrest I�ve got to save Jenny!... I mean, Dory! *Forrest runs to the water and dives in and starts swimming toward the water-gate. Forrest gains strength through his love for Jenny and he makes it to the dingy in only a few minutes to find Palpatine still electrocuting Malcolm. Because of the Force electricity, Forrest can see the outline of Malcolm and he can faintly hear him scream, too.* Malcolm Ahhhh! Forrest! Help me! Forrest Are you the ghost of Bubba?! Malcolm Uh... yeah! Help me! Forrest I�ll save you, Bubba! *Forrest climbs up on the boat and picks up Palpatine from behind. Palpatine is so busy concentrating on his Force lightning, that he isn�t paying attention to Forrest. Forrest picks up Palpy and lifts him high over his head, ready to throw him in the water. Malcolm sees what is about to happen and he reaches into the water to grab Dory out. Palpatine screams as Forrest tosses him into the sea. Electricity continues to spew from Palpy�s hands as he hits the surface. The whole surrounding area of water conducts and pulses with electricity until Palpatine finally stops.* Malcolm Thank you, Forrest. Dory Thank you, Forrest! Forrest Dory! You remembered my name! Dory I did?... I did!... What�s your name, again? *Suddenly, THOUSANDS of dead shrimps float to the surface of the water. An unconscious Palpatine floats to the top, too.* Forrest Whoa! How�d that happen!? Malcolm The electricity must�ve killed them all. Forrest Bubba! Where�s the ghost of Bubba?! Malcolm I�m right... here... But... you can�t see me... D*mmit! NOW what am I going to do? Forrest Wherever you are, Bubba, I would like to thank you for leading the way to Dory. And for making all these shrimps keel over and die. It�s a miracle, Dory, a miracle! Dory I love miracles! Forrest Let�s take care of this bad man. *Forrest stuffs Palpatine and all the dead shrimps into the water-gate and paddles to shore, dragging him along. Everyone is waiting at the beach* Rose What happened? Forrest Mr. Palpatine tried to kill Dory. Right, Dory? Dory Uhh... okay! Forrest But now we�ve got lots of shrimps! �owyn That�s wonderful, Forrest. I�m so proud of you. *Palpatine wakes up, a little disoriented and wondering why he�s in a net with dead shrimps* Steve So what do we do about Mr. Creep, here? Rose We should vote him off because of the whole water-gate scandal, obviously. He�s a crook. Palpatine I am not a crook! �owyn Yes, he is definitely the one we should vote off. Palpatine You can�t vote me off... because... I resign! Narrator And so, Palpatine did resign, choosing to leave the island before he could face the embarrassment of being voted off. Upon leaving, he stood at the stairs to the spaceship and held up both his hands making the peace symbol with each. He neglected to mention this whole Starvivor incident to anyone and went on to continue his reign Emperor of the Galactic Empire. He thenceforth avoided all fish, ghosts, and mentally challenged people. THE END |
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