| Starvivor 3 Chronicles: Episode VI: There�s Always a Bigger Fish by Grand Adm... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper Narrator Ah, so here we focus on the Xob tribe for this epic Chronicle. After Eciffo was abolished and split up, two went to Sehsams, and two went to Xob. �owyn and Malcolm are the brand new members of the Xob camp. �owyn seems to be getting along fine with everyone, but Malcolm, on the other hand, is quite disappointed with the outcome of the Eciffo division. He now is sitting in central camp along with Jar Jar and Palpatine, who have not been noticing him at all... Malcolm (to himself) I can�t freakin� believe it. Luke, the ONE guy who noticed me and talked to me got sent to the OTHER tribe. And just as Smith started to notice me too, we had to go and vote him off! This really sucks! What is wrong with these people? Are you all insane?! Jar Jar Oooooo! Misser Palpy, boyo, boyo, does mesa have some good news for yousa! Notten bombad ats all! Wooo! Whoo hoo ho! Malcolm ... Well, I know HE�S insane. Palpatine Cease your gibberish nonsense, Gungan! What is it now? Jar Jar Ohhh, misser Palpy, yousa gonna be so glad to be hearnin� it! Palpatine Then out with it, you amphibious imbecile. Jar Jar Okeday, well, you knowsa how dere notten being any fishes arounds? Palpatine Yes. And because of this, all the weak ones are starving. Yet I have methods of nourishment that no one else possesses. I can feed upon the fear of others. I have no need for these... �fishes.� Jar Jar Well daten means more for mesa! Becausen dere being a fishy on disin island! Palpatine Fool! That fish is Dory. She is a member of our tribe, not a meal. Jar Jar Ohh... oh yeah. Mesa forgots. Mesa so stupid! Malcolm You�ve got that right. *Palpatine laughs at Malcolm�s statement* Palpatine Leave us, Binks. Away! Jar Jar Uh... okeday, Palpy. Latersa! *Jar Jar leaves. Malcolm is confused* Malcolm Leave us? Palpatine Yes, us. Malcolm You can SEE me?! Palpatine Of course I can see you! You take me for a weakling?! Malcolm No! No, I�m just... surprised! Why didn�t you say anything to me before? Palpatine I did not want the others to be aware of your existence, Crowe. I have plans for you. Malcolm Plans? Um... what plans? Palpatine I do not think you are aware of your true potential, Crowe. An alliance between you and I could grant us power in this game. Malcolm What�s in it for me?... Palpatine If you join me, I shall reveal to you the reason for your invisibility. I shall explain why only certain individuals perceive of you. For reading into your thoughts, I sense you do not know the reason. Malcolm ... And you�ll tell me if I help you? Palpatine Yes. It is that simple. Here is what you must do... *As Palpatine explains his plan to Malcolm, �owyn gets more acquainted with Forrest and Steve as they lounge on the beach on this sunny day...* �owyn So... the both of you are from a land called Earth? Forrest Yes, ma�am. The state of Alabama in the United States of America, t�be more specific. Steve Yeah, an� I�m from L.A... well, what used to be L.A. Before the aliens blew it up. Forrest I still don�t recall that ever happenin�, Captain Hiller. I usually like to pay attention to the news. Steve Trust me, it happened, a�ight? And those sons of b*tches paid for it. Forrest Captain Hiller, I suggest you watch your language. We are in the presence of a lady. Steve Ah, she don�t know what it means, Forrest. She ain�t from Earth. Which means she�s an alien. But she�s okay by my book. *Steve winks at �owyn* �owyn Well, thank you, Captain Hiller. Steve Aw no, girl, you can call me Steve. �owyn Thank you... Steve. Forrest Miss �owyn, you remind me of Jenny. You don�t look all that much like her, really. But you sure are pretty. Just like she was... Will you marry me, �owyn? �owyn Uhh... Forrest I mean... what I meant to say was �would you like a chocolate?� *Forrest holds out a box of chocolates that he had brought to the island as his luxury item* �owyn Err, what is a chocolate? Forrest My momma always used to say, �life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you�re gonna get.� Steve ...What if you look at the little sheet that comes with it? That has all the names of the chocolates? Forrest Well... I suppose then you do know what you�re gonna get... Steve So I guess your momma was wrong, huh? Forrest I suppose... I suppose you�re right, Captain Hiller... *Forrest starts crying* �owyn Forrest, don�t cry! Forrest I miss my momma! Hold me, Jenny. �owyn I�m not Je... Alright, Forrest. *�owyn holds Forrest* Steve Dang. The old sympathy routine. I think I�ll go try hitting on Rose instead... *Steve gets up and makes his way into the woods, where Rose and Dory are searching for berries. Rose is holding Dory�s fishbowl* Rose Do you see any berries around, Dory? Dory Berries?! What, why do we need berries? Rose We need food. We�re all starving. I�ve never starved before. I�m a spoiled rich girl. Dory Why don�t we go catch some fish? Rose There aren�t any fish. Except for you. Dory I�m a fish?! Oh yeah! I am! Ah! Where am I?! Rose *sigh* That is so annoying. *Steve wanders in* Steve Hi, Rose. Rose Hello, Steve. Dory Hi, Steve! Who�s Steve? Steve Found any food yet? Rose No. Are you poor, Steven? Steve Uh... no? Rose Too bad, then. Steve Wait a minute. Why am I trying to hit on you? I�m married. To a stripper. Rose What�s a stripper? Steve Uhh... a girl who takes off all her clothes in front of men and... well, it�s not as bad as it sounds. It�s a form of art. Rose I like taking off all my clothes for art. Steve ... Whoa. Dory I�m naked! Steve ... Whoa. *Heh... so anyway, the day progresses and then turns to night. All of the Xob members are sound asleep in the shelter except for three. Palpatine, Jar Jar, and Malcolm congregate at the beach. Palpatine sits in a chair as the stars shine behind him. He has summoned Jar Jar to speak with him...* Jar Jar Yousa summonds mesa, misser Palpy? Palpatine Yes, Binks. I believe I have something you want... Jar Jar Ohh? And whaten be dat? Palpatine You shall see... Crowe! Now! Jar Jar Huh?! *Malcolm, by Palpatine�s orders, sneaks into the shelter and finds Dory�s bowl. He reaches his hand into the bowl and is able to pick up the sleeping fish. He carries her to the beach, where Palpatine and Jar Jar are waiting. Since Malcolm is invisible, it appears as if Dory is floating in the air...* Jar Jar Ahhhh! A floating fishy! Palpatine Yes... you want it... don�t you? Jar Jar Ohhh, Mesa no know... but itsa just floatin� dere in front of mesa! Palpatine Give in to your hunger... Strike her down with all your tongue and your journey to a full stomach will be complete! Jar Jar But itsa Dory! Palpatine Eat her. It is your destiny. Jar Jar Well... okeday... *Dory wakes up* Dory Ah! I�m flying! I�m a flying fish! I didn�t know I was a flying fish! Cool! Malcolm Oh man, I can�t do this. It�s murder! *Just as Jar Jar�s about to strike with his tongue, Malcolm THROWS Dory into the sea...* Palpatine No! Jar Jar Nosa! Dory Weeeeeeeee! *splash!* *As Dory splashes into the water, Jar Jar jumps up and DIVES in after her, intent on eating her. He spots her swimming along underwater and he lets out his tongue and snatches her up and swallows her. But suddenly a HUGE sea monster comes up from behind and swallows Jar Jar! But obviously, the monster doesn�t like the taste of Gungan, so he surfaces and then SPITS Jar Jar out toward the island. The Gungan goes flying into the air, hysterical* Jar Jar Wahhhh! Ahhha!! Ahhh! Wahhh!!! *Jar Jar lands SMACK through the roof of the Xob shelter, causing it to collapse on all the sleeping castaways. All of them wake up screaming. A twig from the collapsed shelter gets lodged in Forrest�s buttock.* Forrest Ahh! Somethin� bit me! *Jar Jar gets up and sees what he has done. He turns his head to the side and his ear-flap thingies SLAP �owyn in the face.* �owyn Oww! Jar Jar Mesa sorry! *Jar Jar stands up, but then realizes he is standing on Rose* Rose *wheeze* You�re crushing my ribcage, you b*stard. Jar Jar Ahh! Mesa SORRY! Mesa... *gag* *Jar Jar starts gagging and can�t breathe because Dory is stuck in his throat. He is still standing on Rose, in the meantime. Steve sees this and launches to attack Jar Jar.* Steve You�ll pay, you alien sh*thead! *Steve dives at Jar Jar�s throat and knocks him to the ground. Dory comes launching out of Jar Jar�s mouth and SMACKS Steve in the face, leaving him with a black eye covered in Gungan saliva.* Steve Ow! Aw, sick! I HATE aliens! *Steve starts pounding the heck out of Jar Jar with his fists. Such rage and needless violence toward an innocent little Gungan, my my.* Rose Beat him to a pulp! �owyn No, leave him be! Stop it! *Steve ceases his fisticuffs and backs off. Jar Jar is left bruised and moaning. Palpatine and Malcolm wander in.* Palpatine The Gungan tried to eat poor, poor Dory. I tried to stop him. But he wouldn�t listen to reason. Malcolm That�s not how it happened! Palpatine Ha ha ha. They can�t hear you, Malcolm. Dory Someone tried to eat me?! Forrest Well, he certainly is a clumsy fellow. Steve Please say we�re voting him off. Rose I know I am. �owyn Yes, I suppose he must be banished for his clumsiness. Jar Jar Noooo! Not again! Aw, disin sucks da big one! Narrator And so, the clumsy Gungan was banished from yet another tribe for his dangerous clumsiness. He was not welcomed at home very well. In fact, Boss Nass decided to banish Jar Jar from Otah Gunga again after watching that episode of Starvivor 3. Though somehow unbeknownst to me and against all logic, Jar Jar eventually ended up as a Senator of the Republic. Still, he is a funny guy and shouldn�t be hated as much as he is. Jar Jar is okeday! THE END |
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