| Starvivor 3 Chronicles: Episode V: Attack of the Smiths by Grand Adm... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper Narrator Eciffo has failed. They just lost their must-win immunity challenge and now they must prepare to vote off a 3rd of their own. And once that vote takes place, the Eciffo tribe will be no more. The four remaining members will be split up amongst the other tribes. Alas, the sadness takes hold of the defeated Eciffo. Trying to hold onto his position as a key player, Smith chops wood with �owyn to have a little one-on-one chat with her... Smith Miss Rohan, it has come to my attention that you hold a very safe position in this little game. But I wonder if the others have taken notice of that fact. I wonder if the others plot to rid of you to better their chances... *Eowyn swings down and chops a piece of wood* �owyn Mr. Smith, I have no intention of conspiring with you, if that is what you�re seeking. Smith Well, do not be so hasty to reject me. I don�t believe you realize my potential to... �owyn You know who you look like? Smith I... *sigh*... Who do I look like? �owyn You look just like that Elf who was at Aragorn�s crowning ceremony... um... Elrond! Yes. Elrond. A very important Elf, I believe. You look exactly like him. *Smith ponders to himself for a moment* Smith Tell me, Miss Rohan, what do Elves look like and what are their mannerisms? �owyn Um... well, they have rather pointed ears. And they are very graceful and elegant. Smith Intriguing... I must leave you now, Miss Rohan... I have some... business to attend to. �owyn ...Alright. *�owyn chops another piece of wood. Smith leaves.* *Meanwhile, Luke is attempting to confess his true feelings for Padm� as they take a stroll in the woods...* Luke So... you know, after the vote, who knows what�s gonna happen... we might... we might get split up or something. Padm� Yeah... I don�t really want that to happen... Luke Whoa! You don�t?! Padm� No... I... I want to be with you... but, but I can�t. It is something I cannot do. Luke What? Wait... why not? Padm� I�m... uh... Luke Wait, just don�t say it. I don�t care what it is. Just... uh... kiss me. *they stop walking and stare at each other* Padm� I shouldn�t do that. Luke Why not? You did before. Padm� Luke, you were drunk or something. Luke No I wasn�t! E.T. made me do it! But I want a real kiss. One I can remember. Padm� Well... as long as no one finds out... Luke I promise. Padm� Well... alright... *They lean in together and start kissing away, real juicy-like. While they are kissing, Smith sneaks up behind Padm�... He snickers at the sight, then quickly JABS his hand into Padm�s back! Silvery, liquidy stuff flows around Padm�s body until she is engulfed in it. She turns into another Smith! Luke is still kissing her as this is all happening. He suddenly finds himself kissing Smith, real juicy-like...* Luke Ah, sick! *Luck backs away and spits in disgust several times* Luke Smith! Ohh, sick! Why... how�d you do... SICK! That is so gross! I kissed you! *The new Smith (Smith 2.0) laughs evilly, then the original Smith walks up from behind him so Luke can see both of them* Luke Huh?! There�s two of you! Smith 2.0 Aw, how special. He knows how to count. Smith How very special indeed. Luke ... Who are you? Smith I am Agent Smith. Smith 2.0 And I am also Miss Amidala. Smith And soon I will be you, too, Mr. Skywalker. Luke What have you done to Padm�!? Smith I have made her better. Smith 2.0 I have made her... me. Luke You?! Smith 2.0 Me. *Smith jumps up in the air, does a sweet little flip, then lands behind Luke and locks his arms behind his back to give Smith 2.0 a shot at Luke�s chest. Smith 2.0 JABS his hand deep into Luke. Luke screams.* Luke Ahhhhhh! Smith 2.0 Me, me, me, me, me... *Luke turns into Smith 3.0* Smith 3.0 ... Me too. *The three Smiths smile, then laugh in unison.* *A little while later, Malcolm is searching the island for Luke, the only person who seems to notice him...* Malcolm Luke? Luke?! Where are you? *Malcolm sees some quick, spooky movement ahead of him in the trees...* Malcolm Luke? Is that you? *Smith 3.0 gets out from behind the tree so Malcolm can see him* Malcolm Oh... It�s just you, Smith. And let me guess, you�re just going to pretend you can�t hear or see me like usual, right? Smith 3.0 Who are you? *Malcolm looks behind him and sees no one* Malcolm ...You talking to me? Smith 3.0 Yes. I asked who are you. Who are you? Malcolm Whoa! You can see me! Finally! I thought... Smith 3.0 I ASKED you a question. Malcolm Oh... sorry... I�m Dr. Malcolm Crowe. I�ve been on your tribe since the game began. Smith 3.0 Then why haven�t I seen you before? Malcolm Heh, I wish I knew the answer to that. I thought only Luke could see me. I�ve been practically invisible to everyone else... Smith 3.0 Fascinating... Because I am Luke now, I possess his power to see you... And you are... invisible, you say? Malcolm Um... I guess so... But uh... what do you mean that you are Luke? Smith 3.0 Come closer and I�ll show you what I mean... *Malcolm comes closer* Malcolm What is it? *Smith 3.0 JABS Malcolm in the chest. It hurts a lot.* Malcolm Ow! Son of a Smith! Smith 3.0 Mwa haha! That�s exactly right. *Malcolm turns into Smith 4.0, who possesses Malcolm�s invisibility.* *A little time after that, �owyn is still busy chopping wood at central camp. Smith 2.0 emerges from the woods dressed up like an Elf, pointy ears and everything. �owyn stops chopping and stares...* �owyn Elrond?... Is that you. Smith 2.0 Yes, �owyn, it is I, the very important Elf, Elrond. �owyn Hmmm... something�s not right, though. Why are you here? Smith 2.0 I have been accepted to join the game of Starvivor. Gollum quit due to stress, so they opted to get another representative from Middle-Earth. They chose me, Elrond... the very important Elf... Elrond. �owyn Hmm... sing something in Elvish... Smith 2.0 Um... *Smith 2.0 searches his databanks for some reference to singing Elves in human literature and film... He starts singing...* Smith 2.0 (singing) Ho Ho Ho, Ho Ho Ho � We are Santa's elves! We are Santa's elves Building Santa's shelves With a toy for each girl and boy Oh, We are Santa's elves!... �owyn *laughs* That�s not Elvish. Nice try, Smith. Smith 2.0 Fool, you should have joined me when you had the chance. But now, I suppose you�ll just have to join... us. �owyn Us?... *Smith, Smith 3.0, and Smith 4.0 (invisible) emerge from the woods. �owyn�s jaw drops.* �owyn What... how... are there three of you? Smith We spread until we cannot spread further. Smith 3.0 In that way, you could almost say we�re like... Smith 2.0 ... humans. Smith Prepare to be one of us, Miss Rohan. Smith 3.0 Smith will win this game by any means necessary. �owyn Not if I have anything to say about it. *The four Smiths launch at her, and she wields her axe in defense. In one swift swoop, she SLAMS Smith 2.0 in the side of his head with the back of the axe, instantly knocking him out. She twirls the axe around and uses the wooden end to POKE Smith 3.0 really hard in the gut, sending him to the floor. She is about to take a swipe at the original Smith, when suddenly an invisible force knocks the axe out of her hands and holds both her wrists together behind her in a lock.* �owyn Ahh! What is that!? *Smith laughs* Smith That would be my invisible friend, Smith 4.0. *�owyn tries to struggle, but she is trapped. Smith comes face-to-face with her* Smith You showed much skill with the axe, Miss Rohan. But I�m afraid you failed. It was inevitable.... No man can kill me. *A sudden burst of rage and strength boils up in �owyn* �owyn I am no man! *�owyn PULLS away from Smith 4.0, launches herself over Smith�s shoulders, does a Matrix-style flip in the air, then lands hands-first onto the handle of the axe, flips onto her feet, facing Smith, raises the axe, then SLICES it right into his head! Yellow light pours out of Smith, then he EXPLODES into a billion glowing pieces. Smith 2.0 turns back into Padm�. Smith 3.0 turns back into Luke. Smith 4.0 turns back into Malcolm. �owyn takes a deep breath.* Malcolm Whoa. That was weird. Luke Owww... my gut. Padm� Ohhh... my head. What happened?... and why am I wearing pointy ears?... �owyn Smith... he became all of you... so I kil... I mean... I think we should vote him off. Luke Yeah, that kriffer kissed me. Padm� Okay, let�s vote him off, then. Malcolm Fine with me. �owyn So that makes us the final four Eciffo. We should all be proud. *Luke vomits* Luke Sorry... my gut... Narrator So, �owyn decided not to let the others know that she had, indeed, killed Agent Smith. They went on assuming it was all fine and dandy and he just got voted off the normal way. It was of no consequence to the REAL Agent Smith considering the one playing this game was just another copy. The real Smith was a bit disappointed that the Starvivor Smith never sent a postcard. But he got over it and continued his hunt for Neo. THE END |
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