| Starvivor 3 Chronicles: Episode IV: Down Came the Rain and Washed the Spider Out by Grand Adm... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper Narrator Ah yes, Xob. Though never having won Favorite Tribe, they managed, by luck, to be the final tribe with its seven original members. But all such things must come to an end. It is now time for Xob to pay the piper... Not that there is a said piper involved with this game at all... But you know what I mean. Many days have already passed on the island, yet the Xob members still find things to talk about. Now it wouldn�t be a Starvivor 3 Script unless it opened with some dude hitting on some chick. So right now, Peter is walking through the woods alone with Rose... Peter You know... I�ve always had a thing for redheads. Rose Peter... I�m flattered. But... I don�t know if I�m ready for any sort of relationship. Peter Oh... had a tough break-up or something? Rose You could put it that way. Peter Was he a jerk? Because, you know, I�m definitely not a jerk. I may be a nerd... but not a jerk. Rose No, no, Jack was wonderful. And poor. I�ve always had a thing for poverty, I suppose. Peter I�m... sort of poor. Rose Jack was exciting and adventurous! And oh, so brave. And you�re... well, I�m sorry, but you�re rather bland for me. Peter Oh... trust me, there�s a whole other side to me... Rose I�m sorry, Peter. Maybe you�ll have better luck with Dory. Peter ... Dory�s a fish. Rose I know. *Meanwhile, Forrest is sitting on a bench in central camp. Next to him is a fish bowl containing Dory. He is humoring her with his stories* Forrest ... and I must�ve drank twenty Dr. Peppers. And I really had to pee. Dory Ha! You had to pee when you met the president! That�s so funny! Forrest Yep, he asked how it felt to be an All-American and I... Dory An All-American? Forrest For my football playing. Dory You played football? Forrest *laughs* I already told you that, Dory! Dory Hi! Do I know you? AHH! What am I doing in this bowl?! *Steve enters the scene* Steve Ah man, I don�t understand why you keep talking to that stupid fish. Forrest My momma always said stupid is as stupid does. Steve Well that fish, she DOES stupid. Forrest She�s just a bit forgetful, that�s all. Dory (freaking out) Where am I?! Forrest So what�re you up to today, Captain Hiller? Steve Not much, Forrest, just trying to stay away from Jar Jar and that wrinkly dude. Forrest You mean Mr. Palpatine? Steve Yeah, they�re aliens. Forrest Well that ain�t no good reason to go and get scared of them. Dory Aliens?! Where?! Forrest Well I think Jar Jar is a nice fellow. Though I�m not too sure about that Palpatine. Steve Yeah... Jar Jar�s a�ight. But I haven�t had such good luck with aliens in the past, y�know what I�m saying? Forrest Uhhh... no, I do not. Steve They blew up the whole dang world pretty much, that�s what they did. Forrest Well I don�t recall that ever happenin�. And I�m usually perdy good at remembering things. Dory Ooo! Me too! Like P.Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.... Hi, I�m Dory! Forrest Hi, Dory. I�m Forrest, Forrest Gump. Dory Hi Forrest! I�m Dory! Forrest Hi, Dory! I�m Forrest, Forrest Gump. *Steve sighs* *Meanwhile, Palpatine has summoned Jar Jar to speak with him privately...* Palpatine Gungan! Jar Jar Yes, boyo? Palpatine I would like to take this opportunity to thank you, Binks. Jar Jar To tanken mesa!? Palpatine Yes... to... �tanken yousa.� Jar Jar Ooohh! Misser Palpatine sir, mesa so humbled! But um... whaten you be tanken mesa for? Palpatine I would like to thank you for being the one to launch me into my rise to power. You are the Gungan Senator that I persuaded to call for my Supreme Executive Power during the beginning of the Clone Wars, are you not? Jar Jar Wha?! Nosa, dat not bein� possible. Mesa a general, not no senator! Mesa be notten smart enough to be a senator. Palpatine Yes, this much is true. And your foolishness gave me power, weakling. *laughs evilly* Jar Jar Uhhh... yousa welcome? *Peter wanders in, looking depressed* Peter I don�t think Rose likes me, guys. She went for a swim in the river and told me to leave. Jar Jar Peter, dat girlo is missing outsa on a prime hunk o� man! Peter ... What?! There�s no way you just said that. Palpatine Ignore him. We have more pressing matters to discuss, young Parker. Peter What is it? Palpatine I sense much... potential in you. You have a certain foresight, yes? Peter I... uh... don�t know what you�re talking about. Palpatine You can sense things before they happen. You can sense danger, you can sense fear. I believe, young Parker, that you possess the power to use the Force. Jar Jar Ooooo. Maxy big, da Force. Peter Umm... no? I don�t have any... uhh... powers. Palpatine *laughs* How poorly you lie! I could train you to use your powers with more efficiency, Parker. Our meeting was no coincidence. It is your destiny. *Lightnight STRIKES! And a sudden monsoon-type downpour commences. Palpatine laughs evilly again. Jar Jar freaks the heck out.* Jar Jar Wahhh! AHHH! AHHH! *Peter senses there is danger over by the river* Peter The river will flood! Rose! *Peter runs off into the woods. On his way, he changes into his Spider-Man costume. He starts shooting webs from his wrists so he can swing tree-to-tree. Meanwhile, Forrest, Dory, and Steve are discussing the current rainstorm* Dory AHH! Rain! I don�t want to get all wet! Oh wait! I�m a fish! Ha! Forrest In Vietnam, it used to rain like this all the time. It just came down from the sky day after day. And then one day, it just stopped rainin�... *It stops raining after Forrest says that. Steve is flabbergasted.* Steve Now that is whack! *Suddenly a stream of spider-web SMACKS Steve in the face* Steve (muffled) Ahhhh! Get it off me! *Spider-Man falls into the scene* Spider-Man Aw, I�m sorry, I meant to hit that tree. I�ve gotta go! Sorry! *Steve rips the web off his face and sees that Spider-Man kinda looks like an alien* Steve Ahh! Whoa! Get away from me! Forrest, it�s an alien! *Steve gets up and takes a swing at Spidey. Spidey blocks it and then shoots some web to tie up Steve�s hands. He then ties Steven to the bench* Forrest Hey! You leave Captain Hiller alone, Mr. Alien! Spider-Man I�m no alien. I�m Spider-Man! *Forrest takes a swing at Spidey, too. But Spidey quickly ties him to the bench, as well. He then ties Dory�s bowl to the bench just for the heck of it.* Spider-Man Sorry guys, but I couldn�t let you get in my way. I�ve gotta go save Rose. Dory Bye bye, now! *Spider-Man continues his swinging trek through the woods until he�s finally at the now-flooded, raging river. Rose is flailing about in the current, about to drown. It starts raining once again.* Spider-Man This is my perfect chance to prove to her that I�m brave and adventurous! Rose Somebody help! *gurgle gurgle* *Spider-Man latches onto an overhanging branch with his web, then swings over the river and scoops up Rose just in time before she goes down a waterfall. He sets her down on the ground, then climbs up on a tree and stares at her. Rose coughs, then stands up and sees Spider-Man in the tree* Rose You... you saved my life. Who are you? Spider-Man You know who I am. Rose I do? Spider-Man Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. *Peter gets an idea to reenact his first kiss with Mary Jane which coincidentally also happened in the rain. He gets up-side-down and lowers himself so his up-side-down head is face-to-face with Rose�s.* Rose Umm... Spider-Man Uh, okay, now you�re supposed to take off my mask halfway and kiss me up-side-down style. *Rose rips his whole mask off* Peter Hey! Rose Peter?! So this is how you think you can get me to kiss you, hmm? Peter But I saved your life! Rose Jack saved my life much more heroically! He gave his life to save mine! He didn�t run up trees in his underwear! Peter ...Well how am I supposed to kiss you if I�m dead? Rose You just don�t get it, do you! *Rose runs off to central camp, crying.* Peter Ungrateful little wench. *Back at central camp, after the rainstorm has finally stopped, Rose and Jar Jar help untangle Steve, Forrest, and Dory from the webs. Palpatine sits back and �supervises.�* Rose Who did this to you? Steve An alien, that�s who! Forrest He was dressed in tight red and blue pajamas. And he called himself Spider-Man. Rose Spider-Man?! That�s Peter. He was just trying to impress me with that outfit, I think. Palpatine Parker did this? I underestimated his abilities. *Peter walks in trying to pretend he doesn�t know what happened* Peter Hum dee dum dee dum, whoa! What happened to you guys?! Rose Peter, I told them it was you. Peter Dangit! Forrest Peter, that wasn�t very kind of you. Steve Why�d you go and shoot all that sticky sh*t at me? Peter It was an accident! Jar Jar Ohhh, he�s clumsy! I say we banish him... I mean... vote him off... because he is clumsy! Let�s see how daten makes YOU feel! Peter Vote me off because I�m clumsy!? That�s stupid! Forrest My momma always said stupid is as... Peter Shut up about your momma, already! Rose Jar Jar�s right. Let�s vote off Peter. Dory Who�s Peter?! Forrest The dorky guy is Peter, Dory. We�re votin� him off. Dory Oh... Okay! Peter But... but... I can use my powers to help you guys! I�m a super-hero! Palpatine Yes, the boy shows great power. Too much power. He is a threat to us all. We must eliminate him. Peter With great power comes great responsi... aw, who am I kidding? Being a super-hero sucks! Narrator And so, Peter�s powers once again prevented him from having a relationship. And they also lead to his downfall in the game of Starvivor. Peter returned to New York and continued to fight evil despite the fact that it made him depressed every day. This is the cost of being a super-hero. A sad, sad life indeed.... And Batman is way cooler. Peter Hey! THE END |
 |
|