| Starvivor 3 Chronicles: Episode II: E.T. Flown Home by Grand Adm... I mean, uh Hoth Rebel Trooper Narrator With Kevin now gone, the Eciffo camp has become a much more peaceful place. The castaways can go in the tree house without having to worry about getting maimed by some violent contraption. Luke, Malcolm, and E.T. are hanging out on the beach. E.T. suddenly starts levitating pebbles using his telekinetic powers. Luke and Malcolm Whoa! *E.T. is started by their whoa and the pebbles fall* E.T. Ahhhh! Luke Whoa, calm down, E.T. Malcolm Sure is a jittery little fellow. Luke Do it again, E.T. *E.T. lifts the pebbles in the air once again* Malcolm That�s so cool. How�s he doing that? Luke Well, I�m not sure if I�m right� but I think he�s using the Force! Malcolm What�s the Force? Luke It�s like this energy field thing-a-ma-bobber� I have the ability to use it, but I haven�t really been trained at all. You can use it to levitate things like E.T. is doing right now. And Old Ben used it to read minds and to mentally persuade people into doing things. And he also uses it to talk to me even though he�s dead. Malcolm You mean you can talk to dead people? Luke Yeah, I suppose I can. Malcolm Hmm� I bet that kid, Cole� he must have the Force or something. He can talk to dead people. I think. Either that or he�s just insane. *Luke burps* Luke � Excuse me. *E.T. takes the burp as a sign of sickness, so he puts his finger on Luke�s chest and the finger starts glowing red* Luke Uh� E.T. E.T. make ouuuuch go away. Luke E.T., it was just a burp. That�s not� whoa� *Luke starts going into a trance with E.T. as if they just connected minds. Malcolm is confused. Luke starts making funny noises* Luke Ooooooooo. Wahhhhhhhh. Eeeeeeeeee. Wonk. Malcolm Wonk?� *Meanwhile, Padm�, �owyn, and Smith are pulling a fishing net out of the water.* Padm� Just one more tug� �owyn Smith, you are pulling too hard. It shall tear. Smith Or perhaps you are the one who is pulling too feebly. �owyn Typical man. *They manage to pull the net out of the water and they drag it up on the shore. It is full of frogs. The frogs are ribbiting. Ribbit. Ribbit.* �owyn Those do not appear to be fish. Padm� Salt-water frogs? Disgusting� I don�t want to eat those. Smith Food is a necessity of your life, Miss Amidala. And unfortunately, in this current form, it is a necessity to me, as well. We have been without it for two days. I suggest, Miss Amidala, that you stunt your extraneous complaining and proceed to fry these frogs. �owyn Well, he�s right. There are obviously no fish to be found near our camp. We shall have to make due with the frogs. *They bring the net of frogs to central camp and start the fire going. Sometime later, Luke and E.T. finally snap out of their trace* Luke Whoa� that was a trip� Malcolm Um� what exactly happened? And what does �wonk� mean? Luke I�m not sure what happened� but I like the way it felt! E.T., do it again! *E.T. prepares to do it again, but Smith interrupts by entering the scene. He is carrying an overdone dead frog.* Smith This is the test frog� Miss Rohan requested that I ask you two to taste it. Not that the illusion of taste is relevant to survival. Luke Frog? That�s disgusting. Malcolm Yeah, it is, but I don�t care, I�m hungry. Luke You�re right, we need to eat. Okay, gimme a leg. *Smith breaks off a leg and hands it to Luke. He breaks off another and hands it to E.T. Then he eats the rest by himself* Malcolm Oh, of course. Just pretend I�m not here, why don�t you! *Luke bites into the leg with a CRUNCH* Luke Hmmm� crunchy� and� surprisingly delicious! Are there any more? Smith There is a whole fishing net filled with amphibians just waiting to be cooked. Luke Yippy! *Luke rushes off to central camp. Malcolm follows in pursuit, leaving Smith alone with E.T. Smith sits down in the sand next to the alien.* Smith I have been waiting for this opportunity to be alone with you, Mr.... Mr�. E.T. Eeeeeee Teeeee. Smith Mr� E.T. You see, we both have something in common. We both have an advantage over the others. We are not human. You are from another world just as I am from another world. We lack the flaws of humanity. *E.T., not really listening to Smith, bites into his frog leg and starts crunching* Smith We could join forces, Mr. E.T., to form an� alliance, if you will. An alliance against the humans. E.T. E.T. friend to humans� Smith But humans not friend to E.T.! When you are absent, there are many things I overhear them say of you, Mr. E.T. They say that you are ugly, that you scare them, and that you bring back childhood nightmares. But I can see your true potential. I can see that you are better than them. I can see that you are more like me. With me, you have a future. With them, you do not. E.T. E.T. scare them?� Nooooo. Smith Mr. E.T�. I have a device that I�d like to use on you so I can get a better understanding of how you work. *Smith takes a little bug-type machine out of is pocket and without asking, he shoves it into E.T.�s nostril. E.T. screams as the bug-machine crawls into his brain* E.T. Wahhhh! Ahhhh! *E.T.�s neck shoots up and he starts flailing about. Then, suddenly he drops to the ground on his side. He is asleep and the machine-bug is triggering his memory systems. E.T.�s consciousness suddenly is brought back to a point in his memory when he was on Earth, watching T.V. while Elliot was at school�* Smith (laughing sinisterly) Mwo ha ha ha ha! *Meanwhile, Luke eagerly awaits his froggy cuisine. He looks at the frogs who are now in a cage. For some odd reason, he is feeling a bit drunk.* Luke Hi there, little froggies. Can you talk? Can you say �hi?� Malcolm It�s probably not wise to get friendly with them. I know all too well what it�s like when kids lose an animal friend. You�ll get depressed. Luke I�ve got to save him! Malcolm What?� Save who? *Luke opens up the cage and spills the frogs all over the place!* Luke Run! Run back to the river! Back to the forest! �owyn Luke, what are you doing?! That�s our supper! *frogs start hopping around Padm�s feet. She screams like a girl.* Padm� Ahhhhhh! *Padm� starts running away, but Luke grabs her by the arm, spins her around, pulls her up close to him, then lays a big ol� smooch on her lips* Padm� (while being kissed) Mmph!! *Malcolm tries to help �owyn gather up the frogs, but every time he picks one up, it just slips away as if his hand wasn�t even there. �owyn gives up trying to pick up frogs when she sees Luke forcibly making out with Padm�* �owyn Get off of her! *�owyn pulls Luke away from a dazed-looking Padm�. Luke snaps out of his trance.* Luke What� what happened? �owyn You lost us our dinner, that�s what happened. And you kissed Padm� without her consent. Luke Whoa� I did? Was it good? Padm� You kiss just like Ana� Ana� I mean, uh� Anabelle. Luke WHOA! Padm� Anabelle�leonard� Anabelleonard, a man. A man! Luke Oh. �owyn But more importantly, you lost us our dinner! Padm�, do you think this warrants our voting off Luke? Padm� Hmmm, well� *Smith enters* Smith He is not responsible. I have unveiled the true culprit behind the amphibious exodus. Come all, follow me. *They all follow Smith to the shore where E.T. is laying in the water, looking very unhealthy.* Malcolm Oh sick! What�s wrong with him? Smith It appears as if Mr. E.T. has had an allergic reaction to the frog. And using his powers of the mind, he fulfilled his urge for revenge by taking control of Luke�s mind and making him set the frogs free. Luke That little kriffer! And look at him! He�s all white and pasty and gross and� ugh� *Luke vomits on �owyn�s dress* �owyn Oh, in the name of Rohan, why!? *�owyn vomits* Padm� (looking at vomit) Ewww, what did you eat, �owyn? *Padm� vomits* Malcolm This is even more disgusting than that upchucking dead girl that Cole saw in his tent. *Malcolm vomits* Luke Ugh� your turn, Smith. Smith I don�t do vomit. Luke C�mon, how can you NOT vomit. Just look at how GROSS E.T. looks. Washing back and forth in the tide like that. Weird stuff dripping from his mouth�. Smith Oh, you�re right, that is repulsive. *Smith vomits* *More vomiting ensues, until �owyn is finally able to speak* �owyn I think� I think we ought to get that� thing� off of this island. Luke Yeah� good call. Padm� So we�re� *gag*� we�re voting him off? Malcolm We�ll he�s certainly not uplifting to our spirits. E.T. (sickly) E.T�. phone� home� Ouuuuuch. *Padm� and �owyn chuckle at the sound of �ouuuch�* Luke Yeah, that�s right! That�ll teach you to kriff with peoples� heads! *E.T.�s finger turns red, making Luke make funny noises* Luke Ahhhhh. Ooooooo. Eeeeeeee. Wonk! Everyone Else Wonk?! Narrator And so, after he was voted off, an emergency ship was brought in to fly E.T. home and cure him of his sickness. He returned to his home planet and never again had a desire to visit humans. For they are an unfriendly lot, they are. THE END Wonk. |
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