The Story of Krispy K. Aiken PART I 

(Written by DolcePienza @ The Clackhouse)

November 24, 2014

I hate beans! That is why I "misbehaved." Mama says "Cool beans!" alot, but I hate beans even when they are warm. That is why I am here in my room writing this instead of downstairs eating Thanksgiving dessert with my family and Uncle Ruben and Aunt Beyonce.

Gramma Faye said she would whup me herself, but then Daddy said I should just go upstairs without dessert. Whatever! He knows I hate the lima bean pie, and this way he gets to eat my piece of pie and I do not have to pretend to like it. Daddy is so sly! Thanx Daddy!

I know they will let me come down later for Charlotte and Clarkson's birthday cake. They just turned ten. So I will just wait.

I am Krispy K. Aiken and I am 7. Gramma says it's a silly name but at least Daddy did not call me "Hotpockets" or "MacNCheese." I live with Mama, Daddy, Charlotte and Clarkson, my twin brothers Durham and Chapel Hill, who are three and a half, baby Tyler, and our four dogs. All of us kids have green eyes and red or blonde hair. Daddy tells people that we live "somewhere in the USA" but of course we live in a big house in the woods right outside of Raleigh. There is a big wall around our house and backyard and woods. Mama says it is to keep the nuts out -- Daddy is allergic to nuts.

Most people have Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday, but Daddy is going to be in the parade with Santa again so we ate it today. Daddy thinks it would be fun if us kids would ride on the float with him, but Mama said she does NOT want her kids performing like those kids in the Sound of Music. I think it would be AMAZING!

We are not having a big birthday party for Charlotte and Clarkson. In July when Durham and Chapel Hill turned three, we had a big party with lots of little kids. Daddy sang all the little kid songs for hours at the party, like "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Old Macdonald." After a while the kids got tired but their mamas kept staring at Daddy with these goofy looks on their faces and asking him to sing "The Wheels on the Bus." Daddy was really tired after that and Mama said it was his own fault and rolled her eyes.

Both my Grammas are here today. Some kids call their Gramma "Grammy" which is silly. "Grammy" is those things on the shelf in Daddy's study. Clarkson and I were looking at them one day. I climbed up on a pile of carpet samples Daddy keeps there to remind him of where he came from so he "does not get too big for my britches." (Mama always laughs when he says that and says it is too late and that he is way too big for his britches!)

I knocked one of the Grammys over and broke it a little bit, so I hid it behind the wedding picture with all the bridesmaids in their ripped denim dresses and the guys in their striped tuxes. Clarkson promised not to tell on me. He is much nicer than Charlotte. I guess I love her because she is my sister, but it is not easy!

So anyway, we were eating dinner and Mama sang Thankful like she always does on Thanksgiving. We ate on the good china that has blue and grey stripes just like that old ratty jacket of Daddy's that he wore when he toured with Mama. He wears it around the house sometimes and dances and sings to us. Once Mama tried to throw the jacket away, and told Daddy that we have lots of money and can afford new clothes. Daddy got mad and said it still has lots of wear in it, and someone might take it out of the trash to sell on Ebay. Then Daddy got revenge on Mama by dressing the dogs up in our old clothes and Mama screamed that it was "Freakish!" Daddy said, "I'll show you freakish!" and they laughed and went upstairs for a long nap.

Anyway, near the end of Thanksgiving dinner, Daddy asked me to say what I am most thankful for. I said I am thankful that I do not have as many ugly freckles as Charlotte does. Then she threw a spoonful of yucky green bean casserole at me and it was all over my new dress. And I hate beans! So I dumped the sweet potatoes on her head. She was crying and had melted marshmallows in her hair and Daddy kept telling her to breathe for him, honey, and not to cry. Clarkson, Durham and Chapel Hill all laughed alot. HAHA! It was amazing. And that is how I "misbehaved."

Oh, I hear them calling me down now. I knew it would not take very long. Gramma is right -- Daddy lets me get away with anything!

The Story of Krispy K. Aiken PART II

CHRISTMAS 2014

Charlotte says that there is no Santa Claus. But Daddy says there IS, and he would never lie to me. He does not always tell the truth, but that's to protect our privacy, so folks do not know what kind of milk we drink. And sometimes he tells Gramma Faye that he washed my mouth out with soap for cussing when he really just made me wash my face so I would smell soapy. Daddy is so sly.

Clarkson says Daddy and Mama lie about other stuff -- he says they do not really take naps when they go to their room sometimes. I asked Daddy about that and he said they do too take naps. And a few minutes later he started yawning a lot and told Mama he wanted to take a nap, and she laughed at him and called him a goober, which seemed kind of mean since he was so sleepy.

It was Lockjaw's fault. His real name is Julian Locke-Law and he is visiting with his parents Miss Kim and Mister Jude. I call him Lockjaw becoss he is so quiet. Charlotte says he is "adorable" and bats her eyelashes at him like her contacts are bothering her. I think she scares him -- she sure scares me.

Mama says Charlotte has a "crutch" on Julian and it reminds her of when she was first on tour with Daddy. She told us she first started to really like him after the first concert in Charlotte, when she wanted him to play Scrabble on the tour bus but he wanted to sleep. She stood in front of his bunk and would not let him by until he played Scrabble. So they had a staring contest for 47 minutes! He stared at her in that special way he stares at the ladies in concerts that makes them all scream, but she kept staring back at him. So then he unbuttoned his shirt and started to change into his PJs in front of her, which must have been annoying, but she kept staring into his eyes. So then he threw his smelly socks in her face! But she still kept staring into his eyes. So then he kissed her.

But then he told her they should just try to forget that and be "just friends" so she was very sad and wrote her song "Don't" which was a big hit. But being just friends did not work out very well, so they dated but had to keep it a big SECRET from the fans and their friends and the paparazzi -- just like Daddy's favorite color (orange).

Mama says she really fell in love with Daddy when they went for a special tour of Sea World. They had to pose for pictures with dolphins and a whale near a big deep pool and of course Daddy is really scared of water. He kept hiding near the wall far away from the pool and Mama kept trying to convince him to come closer. So finally she held both his hands and pulled him slowly over to the pool and let him stand behind her for the pictures. But then one of the dolphins jumped really high and splashed water all over them and Mama laughed but Daddy screamed like a girl and ran away! But he tripped over a bucket of fish they had out to feed the dolphins and fell down. Mama was laughing at him really hard then, so he picked up some of the fish and threw them at her. And that was when she knew she loved him. Daddy hates that story.

If love means having a boy throw smelly socks and fish at me, I am not interested!

Anyway, it was our big Christmas Eve party after we got home from filming the Christmas Show in the Alps. Lots of friends and relatives and other people were visiting, and there were camera crews by the gate becoss some of them are famous singers and actors and stuff, and of course Daddy and Mama are famous. Miss Beyonce and Mister Ruben had to stay in Alabama with their new baby -- Mama says Miss Beyonce was once really thin before she started baking those yummy cakes. Lockjaw's family was there and Miss Carmen and her husband, who owns a pen company, and Mister John, who owns a chain of hair salons, and his husband. Mister Jerome, who runs a used electronics business now, was there with his wife, who was one of Daddy's fans that Mister Jerome was once really mean to at one of Daddy's events.

We all sang carols by the piano and the fireplace and Mama played her guitar. Daddy sang "Lo is a Rose e'er Blooming" and the "Holly and the Ivy" and Mama sang "Silent Night" and "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus" and I sang "What Child is this?" Then Charlotte sang "Oh Little Town of Bethlehem" but she was flat. She always has pitch problems! Then they made us kids go up to bed.

We were all in Charlotte's room, and just to help her sing better, I told her that she sang very flat, and she has pitch problems. So she got mad and asked Lockjaw if she sang flat. He said she sounded OK, what a liar! She said he knows music better than me! So then I got mad and said she only asked Lockjaw becoss she has a crutch on him and thinks he is adorable.

Charlotte turned bright red and screamed that I am just a baby who "still believes in Santa Claus!" She said there IS NO SANTA and Mama and Daddy keep all the presents in a locked closet and bring them out themselves. I said she was lying becoss Santa eats all the cookies and donuts and Sprite and milk we leave for him, and rides in the parade with Daddy. And she said the parade Santa is a FAKE and that DADDY eats all the cookies and stuff which is why we never leave cookies with chocolate or tree nuts or coffee or mint for Santa.

Then Durham and Chapel Hill started to cry, and Clarkson told Charlotte she is mean and I ran out of the room and downstairs. I knew she was lying and I could prove it by waiting up for Santa to arrive. Lockjaw followed me, and we snuck back into the party and hid under the dessert table near the Christmas tree.

Lockjaw and I spent a long time watching the grown ups at the boring party through the lace table cloth but no one noticed us. After almost all the guests left, Daddy was standing right next to the table eating cookies and dropping crumbs on the ground and Raleigh was licking up the crumbs. Then this lady, Miss Britney, who Mama says was a singer a long time ago, came up to say goodnight. She fell against Daddy, I guess because she was wearing very high heels and she held onto him very tight. Daddy seemed surprised.

Miss Britney said "I hear you have a huge talent, Clay." And she giggled alot and hugged him again. And I think Daddy started to choke on a cookie becoss he started to cough.

Then Mama came up behind Miss Britney and TRIPPED her with her bare feet and Miss Britney fell down really hard. It was hard not to laugh at the look on her face. And Mama leaned down to help her up and said "Listen you tramp, keep your filthy paws off my husband!" Then Miss Britney left.

Mama was really mad at Daddy after that, even more mad than when he dresses the dogs in our clothes, and she said "Clayton (you know she is mad when she calls him that instead of Honey or Darling) what the (cuss word!) were you doing letting that (cuss word!) practically (very bad cuss word!) you right in front of me? That was freakish!"

But Daddy laughed and said "I'll show you freakish!" And then she laughed at him and called him a big goober and they went upstairs.

We waited some more but finally fell asleep. It was very late when I woke up and I heard Daddy giggling. He was sitting under the tree surrounded by piles of presents wrapped in nice stripey paper, putting together a beautiful purple bicycle!

But then I started to cry becoss I knew what Charlotte said MUST be true -- why would Daddy put together a bicycle when that is Santa's job?

Suddenly Daddy stopped and got a funny look on his face. He got up and ran to the window and opened it and shouted out "Thanks Santa!! Thanks for all the presents and for letting me put Krispy's bike together! You go on to Florida now! I hope you liked the donuts!"

WOOHOO! So of course Lockjaw woke up and we ran to the window to look out at Santa. But just then Daddy closed the curtain and turned around. He was so surprised to see us! Then Mama came in with a big pile of presents and she was surprised to see us too and told us Santa had just left. And we explained what Charlotte said and Daddy told us there IS TOO a Santa. So there, Charlotte!

Merry Christmas everybody!