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TITLE: The Dividing Sea AUTHOR: Nny PAIRING: RL/SB RATING: PG-13 FEEDBACK: [email protected] DISCLAIMER: The characters contained within are the property of JK Rowling, and probably various other exceedingly rich entities. I own nothing but an evil grin. SUMMARY: Remus thinks about his past. NOTES: Part of 'Howling At The Moon: The Remus J. Lupin Fuh-Q-Fest' ARCHIVING: 'Howling At The Moon: The Remus J. Lupin Fuh-Q-Fest'. The truth is, he could see it if he wanted. He is a wizard, has known it almost as long as he�s lived; he is a werewolf, which he�s known not quite so long. There are a thousand ways he could look at it if he wished... but instead he squints with eyes that are grey as the sea, empty as the sky in these dark months, and pretends that he�s human for a while. That way, when he comes here each month, he doesn�t have to see. The light hurts his eyes, and he wipes them briskly and turns away from the tumultuous water, walking a little way from the edge of the cliff, then sitting with his back against a monolith. The stone feels freezing through his thin jumper, wind finding its way through the holes he hasn�t got around to darning and reminding him what loneliness feels like. He stares at the worn knees of his corduroy trousers, thinking of how he might have to patch them, thinking about whether he can afford to, thinking of anything except what he came here not to see. Keeping his head down means he doesn�t have to look at the dividing sea, the lonely forest. He waits for the moon. "Don�t, Sirius." "Don�t what?" "Don�t treat me like a toy. Don�t treat James like a follower. Don�t treat Peter like an idiot." "You�re the one sounding like an idiot, Reem." "And don�t call me that!" he jerked his head away from Sirius�s hand, which had started to twine its way casually through the hair at the nape of his neck- he couldn�t think when Sirius did that. And Sirius knew it, damn him. He always knew what worked. "I don�t treat you like a toy." The older boy frowned, and looked almost sulky. "You do, you know." He said it almost too softly for Sirius to hear. But how could he explain it? He couldn�t, without sounding like a foolish sentimentalist. He hated feeling like he wasn�t important enough to merit anything new, to cause Sirius to change. The way Sirius spoke to him was the way he spoke to everyone and anyone. The little familiar touches, the lines that creased his face when he grinned- they were all public property. They had been there for the girl who had come before Remus, and they would remain for anyone that came after. Nothing was special, nothing was theirs. "Besides, what should I call you?" "I don�t know. I don�t really care, so long as it�s not Reem." "Could call you Moony, I suppose..." He almost flinched. Something that was theirs, though not theirs alone. The four of them shared it, this secret, and the others seemed almost to rejoice in the secret, in having something that bound the four of them together. Except that in the most important way, the only way that counted, it was his secret alone. It was something he had to remember. Perhaps he needed the reminder. "You could." The sun is red on the horizon. It is colder now, and the wind is stronger; he can taste salt on his lips. He hasn�t moved, and he�s not sure if he can now, with his arms and legs feeling like they�re locked into position and he�ll have to stay here forever... until the urge to piss becomes too strong. He staggers to his feet, almost falling as his legs protest with prickles and pain, and urinates against one of the other stones with his back to the sun and his face toward where the moon will rise. The final heat of the day is like warm fingers on the back of his neck. He looks up at the sinking sun and curses softly. "Sirius, we don�t have time for this. I have to get back, have to meet Madam-" "I swear, Moony, it�s not much further. Come on!" The nickname is familiar and friendly, not the reminder for him it once was. He doesn�t feel splinters of ice at its use, any more. They are inside the forest now. The smell of leaf mould and autumn are so much stronger, this close to the moon. He almost protests their presence here, but what harm could come to them? The creatures that live in the forest are not fooled by shape- they can smell what he is. Nothing will come near them, and even the birds fall silent. He pretends it is because of the approaching twilight. "Here." Sirius smiles widely, and Remus frowns, confused. "What�s here?" "Close your eyes." "Sirius..." "Trust me, Moony!" He closes his eyes. When has he ever failed to do Sirius� bidding? He frowns; Sirius� familiar scent- ginger, sweat and warmth - is changing a little. Not entirely, because nothing can change its scent completely, but there are different... shades to it. Different colours... The world is different to him around the full moon, something he couldn�t ever explain to anyone else. He jumps and opens his eyes abruptly as something cold touches his hand, and then rasps a warm wet tongue across his wrist. A huge black dog stands in front of him, and Sirius is nowhere to be seen. He bends down to stroke it, mind working furiously- what has Sirius done, where is he hiding, why now to show him a dog, of all times- when the dog�s mouth falls open in a wide grin and he knows. "Sirius?" His voice almost breaks. He doesn�t have to be alone in the forest tonight. From here, he could almost see Azkaban; but he isn�t looking out to sea. He�s looking up at the crescent moon that has risen, and thinking of a lolling tongue and a wide, canine smile- a smile that belonged only to him. |