|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| News Of The Weird | |||||||
| Everybody has heard weird news stories before, stories that make one scratch one's head and say, "Huh?"� Sometimes these stories are so strange that they are unbelievable; other times, however, they are just so hilarious and far-fetched, that they make one think that news outlets simply make up their stories to get a rise out of people.� Either way, in this article I will bring to you some of the strangest and weirdest true news stories I have heard as of late, proving that sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. | |||||||
| Our first story, published in the Akron Beacon Journal on June 24, 2003, involves a tale of a traffic ticket.� Seems pretty benign, right?� Wrong.� According to the article, "Motorist Catherine Donkers got a ticket in Portage County, Ohio, on May 8 for not having her baby strapped in, mainly because she was breastfeeding it while she drove."� Amazingly, instead of simply paying the fine, which was $100, Mrs. Donkers' husband, Brad Barnhill, "demanded a trial with himself as the defendant."� Now, why, exactly, would he want to do this?� Religion, of course!� You see, this family's church teaches that the husband is responsible for all "public actions" of his wife, including (and not limited to) breastfeeding in public.� Hilariously, Mrs. Donkers' husband was quoted saying that "at his next court appearance, he will make a citizen's arrest of the prosecutor."� Strange but true. | |||||||
| Next comes a story from the June 23, 2003, edition of the Denver Post, illustrating just how incredibly stupid people can be.� According to the story, a mayor of a town near Cedar City, Utah, thought he would have a little fun with the townsfolk by playing a practical joke on them during an April 1 festival.� Apparently, the mayor told the residents of the town that a "10th-century, Viking-discovered island had been carried ashore by a Pacific Ocean volcano, to a point near what is now Cedar City," and claimed that "by a 19th-century treaty, the U.S. had swindled the Vikings out of ownership of the island's artifacts, allowing Vikings only the privilege of the April festival."� Soon thereafter, a group of people living in an adjacent town wrote the mayor a letter, telling him that they came from a long line of Viking lineage and that they wanted their "artifacts" returned.� After the mayor explained to these dimwits that it was simply an April Fool's Day joke, the "Viking descendants" accused him of some sort of "cover-up."� Late breaking news shows that the official name of the scandal is "VikingGate." | |||||||
| Our final story for today involves something that all of us here at CSULB can benefit from: evading those pesky parking services "officials" that give tickets to students indiscriminately and without just cause.� The next time you come out from class and find a bright, shiny ticket waiting for you, do what a Southport, England driver did: simply provide a letter from your doctor stating that you have a blood clot which erases your short-term memory, rendering you unable to remember where you parked!� Thanks for this invaluable tip go to The Mirror, which ran this strange-but-true story on June 17, 2003. | |||||||
| Well folks, my extensive compilation of weird news stories has unfortunately come to a close, but if you are craving more, which I know you all are, head on over to http://www.newsoftheweird.com.� Additional thanks go out to all the imbeciles that made all these stories possible in the first place - what would we do without you to goof on?� Oh, that's right, we would go back to wondering when Ruben Studdard will have his inevitable heart attack as he sweats profusely while singing songs by Whitney Houston and Madonna on "American Idol." | |||||||
| Copyright Gerry Wachovsky, 2003, and Yahoo! Inc. All rights reserved. | |||||||
| Back | |||||||