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| More California Gubernatorial Candidates | |||||||
| California's continuing recall election is bringing more and more strange and unbelievable candidates out of the woodwork.� Late breaking news has identified three new candidates that will be appearing on the recall ticket, all having announced their decision to run for Governor of the state of California over the weekend. | |||||||
| Announcing his candidacy late Sunday night was The King Of Pop himself, Michael Jackson.� "I will rebuild California by declaring three new state holidays: 'tree-climbing day,' 'water balloon fight day,' and 'invite-an-underage-child-to-a-sleepover day'," Jackson commented in an ABC News interview.� Running on the Independent ticket, Jackson believes that he has the solution for California's budget woes, and that solution, Jackson said, is demonstrated in children.� "I love children, and I am going to incorporate them heavily into my campaign.� Every California family will receive one child from each nation as a gift from me, the ultimate lover of children," Jackson said.� Unfortunately, Jackson's speech was cut short as he began to melt, due to the scorching Southern California weather.� Jackson was rushed to his personal Neverland Hospital burn-victim unit, where he is recovering from minor first-degree burns on his hands and face. | |||||||
| The second gubernatorial candidate to announce his intent to run for office over the weekend was burned-out action movie star, Steven Seagal.� Seagal, when compared to Republican candidate Arnold Schwarzenegger by a CBS News reporter, suddenly became enraged and lunged at the man.� "Never compare me to that Austrian lackey," Seagal shouted while bludgeoning the reporter with a pair of nunchucks.� After striking the man repeatedly, Seagal picked him up and broke the reporter's spine over one knee.� Following the brutal attack, Seagal approached a trembling reporter, grabbed his video camera, and unbelievably crushed it with one hand.� Tossing it to the side, Seagal stormed off, cursing loudly and leaving a trail of damage in his wake. | |||||||
| The final individual to announce his election-run over the weekend was everybody's favorite little person, Verne Troyer, famous for playing "Minime" in the Austin Powers movies.� Troyer, addressing the crowd that gathered in Sacramento, and standing on top of a 6-foot podium, remarked, "first California, then the world!"� While discussing his campaign platform, Troyer also announced that he plans to film six more Austin Powers movies and seven spin-offs solely featuring his character, "Minime."� About halfway through Troyer's speech, fellow vertically-challenged gubernatorial candidate Gary Coleman showed up, apparently because of a mix-up in scheduling.� The two began to fight, and soon the entire event was captured on a bystander's video camera; the footage was sold five hours later for use in a "Midget Wrestling Uncensored" video produced by "Girls Gone Wild" creator Joe Francis. | |||||||
| Note: the preceding story was called satire and was not meant to be taken seriously.� Now that that is cleared up, VOTE FOR SCHWARZENEGGER! | |||||||
| Copyright Gerry Wachovsky, 2003, and Yahoo! Inc. All rights reserved. | |||||||
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