So no real pattern or schedule. I'm not worried. I let him tell me what he needs and do my best to work everything else around his needs. He's now 19.5 wks old, and he weighs 8 pounds 4 ounces. I think that as babies get bigger, usually they can eat more at once and go longer between feedings, and that is when you see can sleeping longer at night, and sometimes longer naps.
June 6th. Julian is now 8 � pounds! Since he's gained very well�about an ounce a day--for a couple weeks now, I am pushing him to try BFing more before I give the supplement. I want to see how he does. Today I would let him nurse both breasts then put him back on the first breast to get what he could. Sometimes he was satisfied, other times not. I don't think he is really efficient at nursing. He does better on my left side than my right side---I can tell my left is lighter when he's done, but the right wasn't much different, and as the day went on, I developed big lumps of milk in the right which I had to pump out. At least most of his food IS my milk, even if I have to add a little formula powder to increase the calories.
We also want to get him off the O2 therapy, and that has an impact on his weight gain. So we have to balance it. I think I'd like him off O2 sooner than later, so I'd be willing to continue supplementing him longer to give him the boost for continued weight gain. But I will have to ask the dr how she wants us to do it.
Julian is a lot different than my other babies in this respect---a whole new experience!
June 8th. So the last few days I thought I would try getting him to nurse as much as he can, and only give him supplements when he isn't satisfied at breast (tires out). Well, now I am seeing a consistent pattern. He will nurse ~15-20 minutes on my left breast and be pretty satisfied for up to 2 hrs.
The next feeding I nurse him on the right breast ~15-20 minutes. But every time he nurses on the right breast, he isn't satisfied. Even if he fell asleep, he wakes up and fusses. After I make sure it isn't a burp he needs to get out, or a diaper needing to be changed, I offer him supplement---and he will take up to 2 ounces!
When I nurse him on the left breast, he rarely will take a supplement, even if I offer it.
I always let him decide when he is done---sometimes he even falls asleep while nursing and stays latched for up to 45 minutes. This happens on either breast.
I also noticed that after he nurses on the left breast, it feels lighter afterwards. But the right breast usually does not feel much lighter. In fact, as the day went on, my right breast began to feel engorged and I could feel big lumps of milk---so I finally pumped it all out.
I have always thought he could remove more milk from the left breast than he could remove from the right. I think the milk is there in the right breast because I can always pump it out. If I only pump for a whole day, the left makes about 10 cc total more than the right. If I pump after nursing him on both breasts, I always get a lot more from the right than the left---which shows me that he isn't draining the right as well as the left.
I can't figure out why he would nurse poorly from the right breast. The NICU LC did not think this is anything to be concerned about.
I'm sitting here holding Julian at 10 pm and I just realized that I have my shirt on INSIDE OUT! I think I've had it on like that ALL DAY! LOL It's something my 5 yr old does regularly---wear his shirt inside out. I tell you, having kids sucks away your brain cells!
June 9th. A pediatrician appt. According to their scale, Julian lost an ounce since Tuesday, but I don�t think so. Probably just a difference in scales. The ped is very happy with how he�s doing. I also took some pics of her holding Julian. J She wanted blood drawn to check some things, and they drew it from his arm. He HATED it! He screamed blue murder the entire time, and he bruised pretty badly. :(
Monday, June 12th. Julian is absolutely and completely refusing the breast now. I'm not sure what happened. Last week I started nursing him more often, and he seemed to be doing pretty well. This also meant he took less from the bottle, although some feedings he wanted both (the breast didn't satisfy him). Over the weekend we were busy because my brother and SIL were here. We spent a long time in the car on Saturday, so I used bottles of pumped milk, but he had nursed in the morning before we left. Sunday morning and afternoon he took the breast, but by evening, he was fussy about it, and I ended up giving him a bottle of pumped milk. I have tried offering him the breast several times today, and each time, he SCREAMS at me, and pushes away. He even grabbed handfuls of my breast and pinched it in his little fists! I tried to calm him and offer it again---and he just screamed louder and kicked me harder. When we were side-lying in bed, he socked my c-section scar a good one with his feet! Ouch! I then tried sitting up--no go. Nothing is working. It's awful, and I am thoroughly frustrated! We are going backwards here, not forwards. :*( I would like to try carrying him in the sling, but for the life of me I don't know how to carry his O2 tank with him in the sling---I can't fasten the tank to my back!
I know I'm supposed to have all the BFing answers, but all the LLL suggestions either aren't working or aren't suitable to try with a baby on O2!
Friday, June 16th. Julian decided to latch on and nurse this morning! After refusing the breast for almost 5 days, he decided he wanted to try it again this morning!
Over the past few days, I had offered the breast at least once each day and each time he reacted strongly, pushing me away. I did not want him to escalate into the MAD state he was in Monday morning where he kicked me hard and grabbed handfuls of my breasts in his angry little fists, screaming at the top of his lungs! So as soon as he started pushing me away again, I said fine, and got him a bottle. Emotionally I found it hard to deal with his strong reaction, and I was getting upset. I was sure that didn't help the situation. So most feedings I just started out by offering him fortified breastmilk in his bottle. The few times I tried offering the breast was just to see if he would change his mind---but I didn't want to force the issue. I knew it didn't take long on Monday for him to go from fussy to super-mad, so I was very careful about backing off at the first sign of refusal.
The other reason I was more willing to let him have all bottles was that he only gained 2 ounces from June 6 to June 13 (same scale)---and during that time we had increased breastfeeding and reduced his supplements. I took his poor gain as a sign that he really needed the extra calories in the fortified breastmilk. I still desperately want him to breastfeed at the breast! But it's important to meet his caloric needs. The drs have said many times that as he grows and gains weight, he should outgrow the need for the O2 therapy, as well as he should be able to wean off the supplements. But I guess he's just not ready yet---and maybe he went on the nursing strike to prove it? Who knows?
But at the same time I was worried that his nursing strike meant he was deciding that he prefers bottles over the breast. :( So far he has taken both breast and bottle quite well, and last week he had even seemed happy about nursing more. But I know with some babies, they decide that breastfeeding is more work than bottle feeding, and then start refusing the breast. That has got to be the worst nightmare for a dedicated breastfeeding mom like myself---not to mention I am a Certified Lactation Counselor too! I didn't want to believe that this is what was happening with Julian. But tossing the bottles just wasn't an option at this point. So we took a break from breastfeeding, as I wondered about the best way to try getting him back to breast.
I had emailed the NICU LC, but it took a few days to hear back from her. She suggested taking him in bed for like 24 hrs, and cuddle skin-to-skin, just relaxing together, and see if he would take the breast again--but don't push it on him. But she also acknowledged that this would be HARD (I'd say more like impossible!) for me to do since I have 2 other kids (and a husband who's often like another child). So she said to try the skin to skin for a few hours if we could manage that. Well, yesterday was still crazy and I didn't have the chance. BUT I did have an idea. I decided to try bottle-feeding Julian in nearly the same position in which he would breastfeed. I laid him on my nursing pillow, and cuddled him against me in the cradle hold, with the bottle placed against my breast. He seemed to like this very much. But when I later offered the breast nipple to him, he still pushed away. so we stuck with just being held as if he was nursing while he took his bottle.
This morning I had a WIC meeting at the office. I was running late, and so I took his fortified milk with me to give him when we got there. He was hungry and fussing, and chugged it right down. Then he hung out just looking around. After a while he seemed to be sleepy, and he often takes his pacifier while he drifts off. I offered it while he cuddled in my arms in a position similar to how we nurse, but without the nursing pillow (I forgot it). After 10 minutes he spit out the pacifier. I offered it again, but he wouldn't take it. Instead HE TURNED HIS HEAD a little AND STARTED ROOTING FOR MY BREAST! So I opened my clothes and offered him my nipple, while I fished the nipple shield out of the diaper bag. He didn't know what to do with the bare nipple, but as soon as I put on the shield and touched his lips, HE OPENED HIS MOUTH AND LATCHED RIGHT ON!
I can't tell you how great I feel about this! Something tells me that if I had pressured him to take my breast (as in no food except the boob), he would have continued to refuse. But given his own time, he decided when he was ready to go back to breast! Skin-to-skin is much the same idea---cuddle without pressure to go to breast, so the baby relaxes and decides to just try it. I think that Julian did not take much milk this morning, although some could be seen in the nipple shield when he finally let go. But he nursed himself to sleep and just hung out comfort-sucking for a good hour! That's just fine with me---I am so pleased that he latched on at all!
We tried again this afternoon, and he sucked only a few minutes. But that's ok too. At least he is latching again. I did talk to our pediatrician, and she supports me in BFing 100%, but at the same time recognizes that Julian has special needs, including needing extra calories. She theorized that maybe Julian was working too hard at breastfeeding last week---expending a lot of energy and not getting as many calories in return, and this was reflected in his poor weight gain. Maybe he got frustrated and went on strike---or maybe there are other confounding factors that aren't very obvious. The LC had suggested that if he's bothered by gas or his reflux, it could interfere with him BFing well. The Ped would like me to continue offering the breast, but not at every feeding, so he doesn't work so hard to get all his food. Hopefully we can keep him happy about going back and forth between breast and bottle.
I know I feel a lot less stressed about it now, any way! :) Oh, and the visiting nurse came and weighed him this afternoon---and he had gained 4 ounces in 4 days. That�s what we like to see! But he did get all supplements for those 4 days. He is now past 4 kilos!
June 18th. It has been so HOT here!! 90 degrees and humid. Julian is sleeping like 6 hrs at a time! Then he is starving when he does wake up! He has always liked to be swaddled, but when it got so hot recently, I stopped swaddling him, because he was sweating. He does like it if I cover him with a very light blanket and tuck it around him, but he's already either in just a diaper or a diaper and onesie according to the temp in our room. I think having the light blanket tucked in makes him still feel secure.
June 19th. The visiting nurse weighed Julian again today. He gained less than an ounce over the weekend, but that could be reflecting his reduced intake due to the heat.
June 20th. Truman has had this awful cold, and then he developed a really bad cough---the kind where he coughs until he gags! I am so worried for Julian, especially since now I have a sore throat too. I�ve started giving Julian as much fresh breastmilk as possible, instead of thawing frozen milk like I was doing. Julian has been quite fussy, so I called the drs office to ask how much Tylenol I can give him. I said I thought maybe his throat is sore, since mine is and Truman said that was how his cold started. The dr wanted to see Julian to check him out, since a cold is the last thing he needs now. It was a different dr, but she was nice, and she said his ears and throat look just fine. She did give me the dosage for Tylenol incase I need it. Julian weighs 9 pounds!
June 22nd. When at the breast, Julian doesn't like to wait for my let-down. I think he's figured out that with the bottle, he takes one suck and gets milk out, but booby takes a few sucks. I found that it helps to hand express a few drops into his mouth so he realizes there IS milk there in the boob---then he will latch on and nurse.
Today I am working on pumping much more often to boost my supply. so far I am happy with how much I'm getting. but Julian is frustrated with trying to nurse after I pumped within the last few hrs, so I am putting the pumped milk straight into his bottle (not freezing any today) and giving that to him. I think if I get my supply a little higher, he will nurse better---I've always noticed he nurses best in the mornings when my supply is greatest. So I want to up my overall supply and see if he will do better nursing throughout the day.
It's so different nursing him compared to my other two. Julian burns up a lot of calories just breathing; also he burns more when he nurses because it's more work for him. So I have to balance everything as best I can, so he continues gaining well. This week has been kind of rough, so I can't wait to see how he did when the nurse weighs him tomorrow. I wish they let us rent/borrow a scale, but so far the answer was no we couldn't have one (insurance wouldn't cover it).
Last night Truman kept me up ALL night with his horrendous coughing, so I called the dr to get an appt for him. We don�t normally go to the dr for a cold, but with Julian having compromised lungs, we can�t take any chances of him getting a respiratory infection. So I sent Truman in to get checked out. His appt was with a colleague of our primary dr who has a background as an ear/nose/throat specialist.
At nearly 3 pm the phone rang---it was the dr Truman was seeing. He was pretty sure Truman has whooping cough! UGH! That�s about the worst thing I can think of right now! The good news is that Julian has had 2 immunizations, the second one a month ago, so they think he is pretty well protected. The dr said he took a swab from Truman�s nose/throat to culture, after he ruled out strep and something else. But he said they won�t wait the 10 days for results, they go ahead and treat based on the symptoms. So both Truman and I need a course of antibiotics.
I thought I should let the respiratory dr know that Julian was exposed to this, so I called but had to leave a message. So then I called our pediatrician�s office. The nurse asked if the state had called us. It turns out that the state requires drs to report cases of whooping cough, because it is so highly contagious. The public health nurse from the state did call us; she was very kind and helpful and I actually felt better after talking to her. She explained that pertussis is like a bad cold/cough for adults, but it is very serious (sometimes fatal) for babies under one year. so if there is a baby under 1 yr old in the household of the sick person, they require antibiotics be prescribed for the baby. Even if the baby is already immunized, she said the antibiotics will help protect them from developing the disease. This is ultra important for a baby like Julian who has respiratory issues already! In the end, all of us including Eric and Jamie got prescriptions for Zythromax, the antibiotic used to treat the pertussis (whooping cough) bacteria. Also by state law Truman was not allowed to go to work for 5 days, while he took his antibiotics (thank God two of those days are the weekend, because he only has 1 vacation day left!). But after 5 days none of us would be contagious, and the children shouldn�t even get sick with whooping cough.
I am SOOO glad I listened to my pediatrician when she said we should NOT delay Julian's vaccine schedule, even though he was born early. She felt strongly that being a preemie meant he NEEDED the protection from the shots, more than most babies, and delaying them would mean he was not protected. She felt that the benefits of vaccinating him on time outweighed any concern of "over-loading his small system" with the vaccine chemicals. So he got his 2 month and 4 month shots on time, and that is probably why he hasn't gotten sick with this stuff.
June 26th. I finally got the cloth diapers out and washed them! Since Julian got the runs from his antibiotics, we are going through diapers like mad. The next day, I started using the cloth diapers on Julian. Now we will see how he does with them. I hope he doesn't get rashes like Jamie did after we started using our well water for laundry.
June 27th. I finally got my act together to try the SNS. It's clean, I boiled it a while ago. But usually by the time Julian wants to eat, he wants it NOW, and I don't have time to fiddle with setting up the SNS. But I�ve noticed how Julian does better at breast when I am nice and full. He only goes to breast for about 1/3 to 1/2 of his feedings. I have to pump to keep up my supply anyway, and I thought it wouldn't hurt to boost my supply to help him nurse better. But it�s hard to time pumping and still have the breast as full as possible when he is ready to eat! I feel like I am going in circles!!
So then I had the bright idea of using the SNS so that he gets extra milk and is happy while I get the breast stimulation. So I got it all ready. Then I tried to put him to breast---and he flat out refused, BEFORE I even got the tube in place! So then I tried taping the SNS tube to either his pacifier or his bottle nipple, so he could get used to it in his mouth while he sucked. He didn't really like it very much, but he did take it. But I never was able to get him to go to breast (without the SNS) today---so now he's on another nursing strike! And I am pumping as often as I can manage so I can boost my supply. You know me, I'm too stubborn to give up, but I can so totally see why many moms might, the hassle and frustration is over-whelming!
And the nursing strikes are SO tough! Of course I know all the right things to try, but its one thing to read it in a book and it's quite another to be experiencing it in real life! One thing I don't think the books totally convey is how EMOTIONAL a nursing strike is for both mom and baby! As a mother, I feel petrified of losing the breastfeeding relationship, the one I have always felt was tentative with Julian. He never got really good at nursing WELL, he was never consistent at draining the breast, and he's always needed extra supplement. And I know the milk is there, because I can pump it out after he's done. But instead of him getting better at breast as he grows, he keeps going on strike----it's like going backwards!
I think it's well founded to be concerned that he isn't doing well at breast, but all the books in the world can't make Julian do better! And I wish I could be inside Julian's mind---how does this seem to him? Why does he get so upset when I offer him the breast? Why is he not able to see that the breast is the source of his food? He can smell it, you know he does when he roots. But if he doesn't want to take that breast, there is nothing I can do to force him to---just like they say, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink! I am mystified why he gets so ANGRY at the breast! He has a terrible temper, and when he gets mad, look out! He kicks, and screams, and grabs handfuls of breast in his little fists! And then I start feeling hurt and upset too!
We are using a slow-flow Avent nipple on his bottle---it's what the LC at DHMC said we should use. I did discover that one of our nipples had a slice in it, so it flowed too fast---and that would explain why sometimes he gobbled his bottle and then spit it all back up again! I will have to check the nipples frequently so we don't have that happen again. He doesn't spit up nearly as much anymore. But I have a suspicion that Julian�s strikes are tied in to bottle use. I think he may be frustrated that my milk doesn�t let down on the first suck, while a bottle gives him milk with that first suck. I often will express a little milk from the breast so he knows the milk is there, but he still gets frustrated.
This is yet another reason I think the SNS would be a good thing to use---to get away from using bottles so much. But we have to get past this nursing strike first.
Wednesday, June 28th. We took Julian to the respiratory dr today for a routine follow-up. She is happy with how he's doing in general. I told her he was on a nursing strike, and she suggested trying to nurse only at night when he is sleepy. The thing about this is that he is rarely hungry and sleepy at the same time. If he�s hungry, he�s letting us know! Once he�s satisfied, then he�s ready to fall asleep if he�s tired. We don�t usually nurse to sleep.
Today Julian developed a low-grade fever (100.9 rectally), so he could have a virus or something. He is not otherwise sick, the dr says his ears and throat and lungs are clear, and he does not act or sound congested. He still needs some supplements, but I am using almost all fresh-pumped milk so he gets the full benefit of the antibodies I am making to protect him from illness. Even while I am frustrated with the nursing strikes, at least he is still getting breastmilk, and ultimately that is what counts!
She also said that we can try taking Julian off O2 during the day, and just have him on it at night. We need to monitor him, and make sure his saturation level stays above 93%. Woohoo! Having him off O2 during the day will make things easier in our house!
Julian was also weighed, and they said he weighed 4850 grams, which is about 10 pounds 11 ounces. The only problem with that is it means he gained 27 ounces in 9 days! And somehow I do NOT think that is possible! 3 ounces a day for 9 straight days?? It does not compute! They used a balance scale and I found it hard to read, so I asked the nurse what his weight was (I first read it at 4350 grams). After figuring out the amount he gained since his last weight, I am thinking that they gave him credit for an extra 500 grams. If they were that much off, then he�d be more like 9 � pounds or so---and that makes much more sense! So will see what he weighs next time the VN comes, and we�ll compare to the last weight she did for him.
His head circumference was 38.5 cm, and his length was 54 cm (or 21 � inches).
June 29th. I talked to the hospital LC today, and she suggested that we try giving Julian about an ounce of milk from his bottle at the beginning of each feed, and then try offering the breast to him. She thinks that he is frustrated about having to wait for my let-down, even when I express a little for him, it�s just not fast enough for him. So she thinks giving him a little milk in a bottle will take the edge off his hunger, and then maybe he will be willing to nurse at breast. It may be a form of nipple preference, but he has been going back and forth between breast and bottle for months now, so hopefully we will keep him going back and forth. It isn�t realistic to get rid of bottles totally at this point, so we�ll try to adjust things to keep him happy doing both breast and bottle. Also, if I can get him back to breast, the SNS is a great idea---she suggested putting the tube inside the nipple shield so he doesn�t notice it, but he will still get the milk.
Of course she also suggested lots of cuddling, skin-to-skin if possible, and offering the breast while he is sleepy and less likely to put up a fight. Now that he is off O2 part-time, I hope to get him slinging too! I put him in it for a little bit tonight, and he was happy to just hang-out---until he spit up and got fussy.
Wow, poor kid! So many new things this week! We barely get done with antibiotics, and then we are trying cloth diapers (the jury is still out), an SNS tube (how funky), getting rid of O2 (now that�s more like it), and now a sling! Now before you think all this started the nursing strike, actually he went on strike BEFORE I tried anything new! Do you think he read my mind and knew I was going to try all these new things??? LOL Oh, I almost forgot, I also took his bouncer out of the co-sleeper, and let him sleep flat on the mattress---he keeps getting his feet hooked on the straps of the bouncer and then tangled in his O2 sat sensor wire on his foot!
July 1st. We went out yard-saleing today, and I put Julian in the sling. He did very well. When he was alert, he wanted to face out, but when he got tired, I put him in the cradle hold and he fell asleep. I was not able to get him to nurse though. Later we took him to Olan Mills and got his portraits taken---without his cannula! He seems to be doing well without the O2 during the day, but his weight checks this coming week will tell.
He is still refusing the breast. I have tried the LC�s suggestion of giving him an ounce of pumped milk to take the edge off his hunger, then offering the breast, but it did not go over well! I did finally convince him to take the breast this morning after he took an ounce of pumped milk first. After much protest, he finally latched and then nursed for about 6 minutes; but 15 minutes later, while I was pumping, he started to fuss like he was still hungry. Then he took almost two more ounces of pumped milk! This makes me think that he is simply not removing much milk from the breast.
As I look back over the last month or two of my feeding logs, I do see a pattern. When he spent more time at the breast, he usually took less supplements, so I assumed he was getting a decent amount of milk from the breast. The whole time, I was also pumping approximately the same amount, so I assumed that as he took more from the breast, he was also gradually increasing my supply. But during his two recent nursing strikes, I was only able to pump about an ounce or two more than I had been pumping daily for the last couple months! So I began working to increase my supply by pumping more often, and so far it�s coming up well.
But when I think about this, it tells me two things. I think that Julian must not be removing much milk from the breast, otherwise I think I would have been able to pump more out when he first went on strike. Instead I find myself needing to work at increasing my supply. I also think this means that he was tiring out when he was going to breast---and this could explain why he didn�t take as much supplement after nursing, if he was too tired to feed well even on the bottle. Or possibly he was filling up too much on air. His weight gain was a bit better some times than other times, and we do expect that as normal. However, a closer look at his feeding logs and his weight records shows a distinct correlation---he gained more when he took more pumped milk and nursed less, and he gained less when he nursed more and took less pumped milk. Now I am thinking that his nursing strike means that he has figured out that he doesn�t get much milk from the breast, so maybe he has decided it isn�t worth trying so hard!
July 3rd. The visiting nurse came today to weigh Julian. She weighed him at 4380 grams, which is about 1 pound LESS than the weight they gave me last week at DHMC. Which makes me quite certain that they made a mistake in weighing him last week at DHMC! I think last week he really was 4350 grams, which is about 9 pounds 9.5 ounces. I knew he could not have gained 27 ounces in 9 days, but 11 ounces made a lot more sense! And now he weighs 9 pounds 10.5 ounces. He will be weighed again on Thursday by the visiting nurse, and then we'll see how well he's tolerating being on reduced O2.
I have been giving him more pure breastmilk recently, and less of the fortified breastmilk. This will likely reflect a somewhat slower rate of growth, but I will keep an eye on it, especially now that we are trying him off O2!
July 5th. Julian laughed out loud today! :)
He's also been rather fussy at times, so we spent some time slinging together, which he really did well with. Then he had a bath, and I put a cloth diaper on him before putting him down to sleep. Well, when he woke up, he ate again, but was very fussy. So I went to change his diaper---and found that the diaper cover I used was too tight and his legs had turned white! Yikes! I rubbed his legs to get color back in them and he stopped being fussy. I can only guess that his legs tingled like mine do if I sit on them and they go "to sleep" from lack of circulation. No wonder he fussed! Anyway, I�m getting rid of that particular diaper cover, it is not adjustable. I felt so stupid that I hadn't noticed sooner that the cover was too tight! Otherwise, cloth diapers have been working out well on days we stay home. When we go places, I use the disposables.
I had found a high chair at a yard sale a week or so ago. It was a bit dirty from being in storage, but nothing a bucket of bleach water won't cure. So this morning I scrubbed it up and down, and it looks great now! It's the style that can recline or be used in different heights, and I only paid $8 for it! At another yard sale, I also found a small portable swing that folds up when not in use. It has music, colored lights, and plastic fish hanging on the toy bar. The seat cover is still in the wash, but it's a very nice swing, and I can't wait to try it out with Julian.
July 6th. Julian was weighed again today by the visiting nurse. He is making the bare minimum weight gain. I think I will increase the amount of fortified breastmilk that I give him, and see how he does with that.
On the days we�ve been home this week, I have monitored Julian for hours at a time, both with O2 and without O2---and to my great surprise, his sat levels stayed about the same without O2 as with O2! He usually stays in the range of 97-100% when he sleeps. When he is awake, he has more variations, but he typically stays in the mid to high 90�s. I have noticed that when he is awake and wiggling/kicking a lot, we tend to get more alarms. When this happens, the monitor is also flashing a little light that says it isn�t reading properly, so I don�t think Julian is really desaturating. Especially if it says his heart-rate is really low, or if it reads zero, then I know it is sensor-error, not a problem with the baby. As the drs and nurses taught us---always check the baby first. He�s usually just fine!!! And sometimes the alarm is because Julian has kicked his sensor probe off his foot entirely! We were having a lot of trouble with him kicking the disposable probes until he actually pulled the wires partway out. When this happened, they wouldn�t work anymore, and I would have to replace them. I tried using more tape to secure the probe to his foot, but it didn�t solve the problem. It got so that I was replacing the probe every day or two instead of them lasting 5-6 days. The probes are covered by insurance, but they are pretty expensive, and they wanted us to be careful about using a lot of them. When I told the medical supply company that Julian was kicking a lot and destroying the probes, they decided to set us up with a permanent type of probe. The wires can�t be pulled out of it. Julian sometimes kicks it off his toe, but he is not destroying it, and we have far fewer problems with it reading incorrectly.
July 7th. Julian is trying SO hard to sit! I hold him on my lap, leaning back in the crook of my arm, and he does these "stomach crunches" trying to sit up! So I sat him up, so he wasn't leaning on anything, and he supported himself in a sitting position for a few seconds! Earlier when I had him propped up against my nursing pillow, he was doing crunches trying to sit up then. He would get his shoulders up off the pillow. He has amazing head control too.
I sat him in the center of his boppy (not leaning back) and took a pic. :)
July 9th. Last night Julian slept from about 10 pm to 7:30 this morning! (this is Not usual). Holy crap, the kid was TIRED! Of course he was also starving when he woke! I got him a bottle with about 2 ounces, but he was still hungry afterwards. I offered him the left breast (I try it at least once a day), and he did latch for a bit. I could feel a nice let down---I�m always full in the morning---and he nursed for 2-3 minutes. But then he got frustrated and gave up. I then gave him an ounce more milk in his bottle till he was full. I wish I knew why he has trouble at the breast. My other kids just loved the breast!
Ok, now he's just THROWN UP everywhere! All over me, himself, my chair, the floor! That had to be his entire meal! Seriously. I have a puddle of more than two ounces sitting in my lap, and there's quite a bit on the floor. It took more than 5 burp cloths to soak everything up. YUCK! It�s days like this that feeding Julian is such an exercise in futility! If he only knew how hard I work to make and pump all that breastmilk....thank God I still have quite a stash in the freezer, cuz today I really need it! Nothing quite like starting off the day being short of breastmilk! UGH!
July 11th. Something funny happened this morning. Actually back up a bit first. A friend of mine had made me some fleece liners to put inside our cloth diapers---and she used a remnant of fleece which was hot pink. So yesterday I found the liners, and last night I put one inside Julian's diaper. Then early this morning he woke up to eat, and I changed his diaper. Of course the room was still pretty dim, and I was still sleepy. I opened his diaper, and for a moment I did a double take---his diaper looked red inside and my first thought was that he was bleeding! Then I realized it was the hot pink liner I put in! LMBO!
July 12th. Pediatrician visit today. Julian is doing well. He has hit 10 pounds! He gained about 5 ounces in the last 6 days, which is great considering we are weaning him off O2. He is not off O2 completely, but we take him off during the day and put him back on at night.
He is still refusing to go back to breast. I have discussed this with our pediatrician and with the hospital LC's. We really can't tell Julian that it is boob or nothing---we can't afford him to stop gaining weight at this point. In fact, with him coming off O2, we are still giving 1/3 to 1/2 of his feedings with fortified milk, to help him continue gaining well. He is actually a slow feeder even with a bottle---he will take 15 minutes (sometimes longer) to drink 3 ounces. And I am quite sure that he didn't get all that much milk from the breast even when he did go to breast. I thought he would do better as he grew, but that hasn't happened. I keep offering the breast, both bare and with a nipple shield, but he always pushes away. It breaks my heart---I really want him to BF. I would be happy if he would even use me as a pacifier or to soothe to sleep. But he hasn't wanted even that. So I pump, and I am working on getting my supply up to 24 ounces again. At the very least, he will get my breast milk as long as possible!
I also asked the dr to look at Julian's head. Viewed from the top, it is obviously flatter on the right side, and slightly bulged on the left side. He has a strong tendency to want to keep his head turned to the right, especially while he sleeps on his back. So now we need to position him on his left side to sleep, so his head will turn to the left more and shape properly. His head is still soft enough, that he won't need a helmet to re-shape his head.
July 14th. We FINALLY got the results of the swab that was done to see if Truman had whooping cough. It took 3 WEEKS to get the results---and it was NEGATIVE! So he really did not have whooping cough, even if the symptoms looked like it. So it must have been just a really bad cold and cough. He's still coughing too! And I do think he got it from work. Truman told me that the floor manager told him that his daughter had a really nasty cough just like that, but her swab was negative for whooping cough.
Well, anyway, with Julian we can't be too careful, so it didn't hurt that we all took antibiotics as a precaution. And I made sure Julian was getting mostly fresh breastmilk, for the freshest antibodies---and he has not gotten sick, so that's good!
Today I went through Julian�s drawers and rearranged his clothes. I put away most of his preemie stuff, though there is one 2-pc shorts set that he can still wear. My baby is growing! I took out all the warmer sleepers that he is not wearing since it�s summer. That made room for more of his summer stuff in 0/3 size, though he still wears a lot of newborn. He often wears just a onesie, but I found some nicer ones that I forgot we had.
Sunday we will pick up his portraits from Olan Mills. He is almost 6 months now, so I am thinking of taking him to Sears for some 6 mo pics---I gotta use my smile saver membership! J
July 18th. Today, we went to DHMC and we saw Dr Carol Little and Carol Andrews, OT---affectionately known as "the Carols". These ladies were following up to assess his development since he was a preemie. Julian is now 6 months old, corrected age 3 months. I was really looking forward to this appointment. We had our older kids with us, and it was quickly decided that there were too many people for us all to be in the room. There was an assistant too, and she took Truman and the older boys into a neighboring room, where they could see through a one-way glass and watch the rest of us in the evaluation room. There were plenty of toys to keep the older kids busy!
Julian had pooped his pants, so I wanted to change him first. He had been working his way through a bottle, so when I was done changing him, I was going to offer him the rest of the bottle. Carol Andrews asked if she could give it to him and watch how he handled it. I said yes. Carol Little then began asking me questions about how Julian acts. I told her that I wanted to BF him, but he had never done all that well at breast, and then 3 wks ago he went on a major strike. In these last 3 wks, I have kept offering the breast and got him to take it only twice--usually to help him soothe himself to sleep after he had already eaten. We talked about this---and I am still pretty convinced that it's because he has always had trouble getting much milk at breast. I told her how I kept track of his eating, diapers, and weight-checks, and when I compared everything, the time periods that he did more breastfeeding, he also did not gain as much weight. He still got some supplements during those times, but I think that he was too tired out to take more of them than he did. I have even seen him tire with the bottle too, but in general he will take more than I believe he gets at breast. I think he has simply decided that the bottle is easier of the two, and like most humans, he chose to do what works for him! He also has a strong will and is very opinionated!---he can get so mad about the breast! I want him to have breastmilk, so I pump for him, plus I have lots of breastmilk still in the freezer. It's a lot of work pumping, but when you have to struggle for a long time trying to convince the baby to try the breast again, the time spent pumping doesn't seem as bad. It's hard to spend a lot of time on it when other family members need my attention. It just isn't feasible for me to spend an afternoon or a weekend in bed trying to nurse the baby! Dr Little agreed with me that breast milk is best for him, and she seemed happy that I chose to pump for him if direct breastfeeding isn't working!
At one point, Carol Andrews commented that Julian was not really efficient with bottle-feeding either. He doesn't just suck it down, he tends to take breaks and sometimes spits the bottle nipple out but then he will want it again a moment later. She also tested him doing some other basic baby things. She was pleased with his head-control (everyone comments on that!) and she was happy with how he balances himself sitting for a few seconds! I was telling Dr Little about other things Julian does, such as clasping his hands together, holding a rattle, and bringing the rattle to his mouth. He also smiles, laughs, and coos. He cries to let us know when he is hungry or needs a diaper change. He will turn to our voices, and follow us with his eyes---he will watch me leave the room and get upset about it! And when he lies on his back, he digs his heels in and scoots himself head-first. J
Since I was talking with Dr Little, I did not see what triggered it, but Julian did not like something that Carol Andrews wanted to see if he could do, and he got mad. He can go very quickly from fussing to screaming at the top of his lungs, and he was letting us know he was VERY upset! Carol Andrews apologized for having upset him, and since I am his mother I tried to calm him down. Usually, I can calm him relatively quickly by holding him, rubbing his back, and shushing him, but this time, it wasn't working. I think he was over-stimulated---too much had happened too fast, and even with me, he just couldn't seem to pull himself together. He had not quite finished his bottle, but he did not want the rest; neither did he want his pacifier. We dimmed the lights, and people started talking in whispers instead of normal voices. I tried different positions with him on my shoulder or in my arms. He continued screaming, but in the cradle hold, he turned his face toward my breast and mouthed my shirt, so I opened my shirt and offered him the breast. He wouldn't take it, but after a good while he finally settled down in my arms. Then he filled his diaper again, so I changed him. The dr wanted to listen to his lungs and heart but they couldn't hear anything when he was fussing. They were finally able to hear enough during moments that he wasn't crying, and they were pretty well satisfied. We decided not to weigh him, since it would mean undressing him completely, and he had already shown us he had had enough! The VN is coming Thursday, so we'll find out his weight then. They did get his head measurement---40.2 cm.
I put on my sling and settled Julian in a cradle hold, and after finishing his bottle he finally fell asleep. I don't think the drs were finished with evaluating Julian, but he sure was done and they weren't going to push him. Dr Little did say that she does not see any evidence of neurological problems at this point. I asked specifically about anything related to lack of oxygen at birth, both during the placental abruption and the time spent resuscitating him after delivery---she said she sees nothing of concern. He is reaching the developmental milestones they expect him to at this stage, and his muscle tone is great! She said he needs more tummy-time (which he really doesn't like much!) and we need to continue encouraging him to turn his head to the left instead of to the right all the time. She is pleased we have him in Early Interventions, and our home-visitor is coming tomorrow.
Dr Little also said we should avoid putting him in a walker, exersaucer, or jumper-roo for the next 6 months. She would prefer to see him play on the floor or in a play-yard, where he can play with a play-mat or a baby gym like the FP Activity Links Gym we have, and as he gets older he can practice pulling up and such. She said the walkers and exersaucers make babies use their extensor muscles too much, and they don't use other muscles enough. So I guess our walker will stay in the closet! She wants to see him in 6 months, so around the time he turns a year old. Carol Andrews, the OT, would love to do more assessment in a few months.
Julian slept a good part of the trip home, and then he slept well in the afternoon. I even got in a nap with him too, since I only got about 4 hrs sleep last night. I go to bed after him, usually around 1 am. Last night he got me up about every 2 hrs, and the last time was at 6:30. After I fed him and pumped, I had to get everyone ready to go to DHMC, so I think I deserved the nap! LOL
Except for Breastfeeding, I am extremely pleased with how Julian is doing! He really is such a miracle baby! And to think that when he was born, the NICU team wasn't sure if he would survive! I've said it before, but I am convinced he is a fighter and I think that is why he survived. He seems to know what he wants, and he is pretty emphatic about expressing it! So if that means he will only take bottles, then in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter that much. What matters is that he is alive and healthy and growing well, so who (besides me) really cares if he got his breastmilk in a plastic bottle or a boob! I mentioned to Dr Little that I am a BFing Peer Counselor, and so this is hard for me that Julian is refusing the breast. And she replied, "Well think of how this experience helps you understand other women who have difficulties with BFing their babies!" Amen! I have thought that very thing countless times! In my heart I still wish I could get him back to breast though! :)
July 19th. Today Anissa came for a visit. She is from Maine, and we met online in an April due-date group while we were pregnant. We were both due the same day, but I had Julian on January 17th and she had Nicholas on Easter Sunday, April 16th! It was fun meeting in person, and we had a nice little picnic lunch in the backyard.
July 22nd. We received an invite to a cookout and family fun day they were having today at David�s House. David's House was founded 20 yrs ago, actually in January, but it's much easier to have a big celebration outside in the summer than in the winter. All previous David's House guests were invited.
Unfortunately, it poured rain, but we went anyway---and we had fun. They had tents set up, but we still got pretty wet! LOL We had lunch, and then we went to another tent where they had lots of free goodies for the kids. They encouraged us to stuff our shopping bags full---LOL We got Hotwheels cars, beanie babies, coloring books, watercolor paints, crayons, pencils, and other toys. The kids had a blast! Oh, and they also got to climb inside a fire-truck and an ambulance! Julian rode in the sling, and did very well.
Afterwards---when Eric and Jamie were getting cold from being wet, we drove over to the hospital to visit the NICU! Many of the nurses on duty remember Julian very well---and were very pleased to see how well he is doing! We took a pic for his picture book. :)
July 24th. Julian and I are sitting here laughing at each other. He coos, I coo. I laugh, he laughs. He giggles, I giggle. He smiles, I smile, and he smiles and laughs! This is so fun! Makes all those weeks in the NICU sooooo worth it, just to see him now, such an awesome baby! :)
July 25th. Julian is SCREAMING !!!! It's SO frustrating! He doesn't want to go to breast---instead he SCREAMS! But then he has to wait for me to get his bottle ready---so he SCREAMS about that! Then he swallows air, and that makes him uncomfortable, so he SCREAMS even more! UGH! If only he could see that screaming is a waste of his energy and burns up calories he should use for growing. I hurry as fast as I can so he doesn't have to wait long, but he goes from awake to SCREAMING in about one nano-second! :P
No wonder I have a headache!
Julian is now 27 weeks old. That means he has been outside me exactly as long as he was inside me!
July 26th. Julian's 6 month check-up and shots. He now weighs 10 lbs 10 oz. His length is 23.5 inches, and his head circumference is about 40 cm.
He got his 6 month shots. When the nurse injected his 3rd shot, his leg swelled right up! I mean, it visibly swelled right before my eyes. I have never seen that happen before, but the nurse said it's not uncommon. The next day his leg was still quite red around that third injection site. Poor baby! He hasn't reacted to his other shots before.
He is still on a little O2 at night to help him grow. Well most nights, anyway; sometimes we forget to put his cannula on, then we don't want to wake him to put it on. He hates it anyway! He is very good at pulling it off, so then what's the point of having it??
Also, I am still pumping all day long since he is still refusing the breast. I have been doing some research, and I read about a method of bottle-feeding using regular bottle nipples with a certain technique to teach a baby to suck properly so they will do better at breast. I can't see that Julian does any better with the standard nipples than with the Avent nipples---if anything he didn't do as well. But whichever bottle he uses, he is kind of sloppy and needs several breaks to reorganize. He rarely takes more than about 3 ounces for a feed, often less. I have concluded that eating is harder for him than you might think it would be. The interesting thing is that he never desaturates his oxygen levels while eating---in fact they always go up to 100%. Much of the time that he's not eating, he hovers around the mid-90%'s
I've thought a lot about it, and I believe that it would be very frustrating to have him continually latching on and off the breast like he's doing with a bottle. That could easily create sore nipples and that is no fun at all. I love breastfeeding, but it isn't wonderful if it hurts and both mom and baby are frustrated and unhappy. So I guess the truth is that I love breastfeeding when it really works properly! :) So if Julian is not able to do it well, maybe we are both better off with pumping and bottle-feeding breastmilk. At the very least it is less frustrating---he WILL take the bottle while he only screams at the breast.
Now I am just waiting for some Lactivist to try running her mouth, telling me how much better breastfeeding is. I'll put her in her place! My son is still getting his own mother's BREASTMILK, and that is what really counts! LOL!
That said, I really wish that Julian could breastfeed well. I wish we could do something to help Julian suck well. I don't think it is weak jaw muscles, because the dr says he has very good muscle tone. But there are other things that can cause poor feeding. A specialist trained in evaluating a baby's mouth can tell if there might be anatomical reasons for suck dysfunction or whatever it is. The state runs a program for this, so we are applying to have Julian evaluated. I have tried to make it clear that whatever the cause, Julian is feeding poorly, so hopefully we won't wait too long to have him assessed. I still would love to get him breastfeeding, if there is any chance!
July 29th. We took Julian to Sears to get his 6 month pictures done. I am very pleased with how they turned out. J Toward the end of the session he got fussy so I gave him some milk�and he crashed out! He was so cute laying there on the table sleeping so we took a sleeping shot! It was a nice full-length pose and it showed off his outfit nicely. Truman really wanted this pose so he could give a picture to his friends who gave Julian the outfit.
August 1, 2006. We saw the respiratory dr today for another follow up. She said Julian can stop O2 therapy now!!! He already stopped it for daytime this past month. Now we don't need to put him on it at nights anymore either! He's been keeping his saturation levels about the same whether he is on O2 or not, so he really doesn't need it anymore. However, the dr said to monitor him at nights until he is past 4 months old *corrected age*---so about 2.5 more weeks. So we aren't sending his equipment back just yet. We don't have to monitor him during the day because we are awake and can see that he is fine.
His chest still moves a fair bit when he breathes, but that is normal for him, and nothing we need to be worried about. Breathing takes him a little more effort than most babies, but it isn't like he will give up and stop breathing. I think his diaphragm is used to the work-out! It's from his lungs having to breathe so early when he was born premature--he developed something called BPD (bronchopulmonary dysplasia). His fragile under-developed lung tissue developed some scarring, and he needed the O2 to help him breathe better and grow. The good thing is that as he grows, he also grows more healthy lung tissue until the age of about 7 years, so the amount of scarring becomes proportionately smaller. That's how he can outgrow the need for the supplemental O2---And we think he has reached that point!
We will also keep an eye on his weight gain since we are stopping O2 completely. He still gets some fortified breastmilk, and I can up that amount a little if need be. But it's so great that Julian doesn't need to be on O2 anymore!! Woohoo!!!
He is now 10 pounds 15 ounces. His length is 22 3/4 inches. His head circumference is 40.1 cm. He looks fabulous! He's got nice chubby rolls. His color is great. And he is such a happy, social baby now---except of course when he is screaming mad, then he is just asserting himself! LOL
August 2nd. Tonight I was changing Julian on my bed, and it was a poopy diaper. The dirty diaper was laying open nearby because I put the dirty wipes in it before wrapping it up. Evidently it was too close to him, because as I was wiping his bum, he suddenly stuck his hand in the poopy diaper! I exclaimed. "Oh, oh, oh!" And he thought that was Soooo funny, he started laughing and giggling! I wiped off his hand and he just kept on laughing! It was as if he was saying "I did it on purpose to see what you would do, mommy!" What a character! LOL
August 3rd. Julian decided he does not want to spend tummy time on his boppy anymore. He pushed with his feet and nose-dived onto the bed. He kept doing this until I put him flat on the bed on his tummy. When he soon got tired of being on his tummy, he just rolled over onto his back. :)
I need to get a space on the floor somewhere so he can do tummy time on a firm surface rather than the softer bed---but clean uncluttered floor space is very hard to come by in this house. Even though we did a grand clean-up of the LR on Thursday and Friday (yes it took two days!), there just isn't much clear floor space. This is when I really wish we had the addition finished! It�ll be done eventually though....
August 5th. If I was a betting woman��.I'd be rich by now! LOL I have been weeding through old email I had saved, and I couldn't believe how convinced everyone (well most everyone) was that I was going to have a girl baby! But instead I had another boy---Julian! I suspected I was having a boy, so if I'd taken bets, I would have won big time! LOL
I would have loved to lose the bet though---I still wish I had at least one girl. :) I don't feel much like a boy-mom. They are so rowdy and wild, but I much prefer quiet and order. I am constantly telling my boys to settle down and be quiet! I probably say it so much they forget what it means. Ugh. They want to play cowboys and Indians and trucks are their favorite. I much prefer babies, sewing, crafts, gardens, that sort of thing! When I was a kid, I often had to retreat to a quiet spot with a book to get away from the noise and clamor of my many brothers. LOL I still love Julian to pieces and would NOT trade him for anything at all! I know he will be the loudest, trying to keep up with the older ones and make himself heard! He already does! LOL
August 8th. One year ago today was Lucas's due date. And one year ago today I found out I was pregnant with Julian! Wow! So much has happened in one year! I feel very blessed, as I sit here feeding my cute little almost-7-month-old healthy baby! :D
It has been such an amazing year---I got pregnant again easily after almost 3 yrs of secondary infertility and 4 losses. Even though I did not make term or near term with Julian, I did carry him far enough to survive, and I finally have the baby I have been wanting for so long. He is so precious
August 9th. Poor Julian, something is making him miserable and I can't figure out what. Last night, he refused to settle. He had slept during the evening, but when we went to bed around 1 am, he was awake. I let him stay in my bed with me, until he got fussy, then I put him in the co-sleeper. But all he would do is cry and fuss. Not a scream, but more of a screech, but he kept on doing it. I made sure he was changed, fed again, burped, etc, but he just kept yelling. Finally around 2 am, I was such a zombie, I went and set his packNplay up in the LR, thinking to put him out there to settle himself to sleep. But meanwhile he fell asleep in his co-sleeper---phew! So I crawled back into bed. I had some pumped milk on the night stand for him; it's ok sitting out for a few hrs at normal temperatures. But he woke me up every half hour or hour all night long! I would offer him milk, he would take a few swallows, fall asleep, wake up, fuss some more, take a few more swallows, and repeat this cycle. He did take the normal amount of milk I expect him to take during the night, but it was in little bits at a time, so the night was like one loooooonnnggg fussy/feeding time. I was too tired to do much besides stick the bottle back in his mouth! I do remember checking his diaper a time or two.
He got me up at 8 am, and I got more milk for him, but he wouldn't take it, so I pumped. Then I got breakfast and got us ready for me to go to work at the WIC office. Truman said he couldn't possibly take care of all three boys, (like how come he thinks I can manage all 3 while HE is at work???), so he wanted me to take Julian with me. I am allowed to do that, but I just don't get as much done, even on a good day. On a bad day like today, FORGET it! Julian did nothing but fuss and cry the entire time I was at the office. He sipped at his milk, we tried different positions in the sling, I tried rocking him in the stroller---nothing worked. After 1 hr, I gave up and we left!
Next time I am telling Truman he will have to take care of Julian while I work at the WIC office---usually 2 hrs plus travel time on Wednesday mornings. I AM being paid to do a job, so I NEED TO DO IT! I told Truman this when I got home today, and he threw a hissy fit! What a jerk! He is home mornings, so for sure one morning a week is NOT too much to ask him to take care of Julian while I work! They aren't real strict about it, but they do want me to spend time working in the office a few times a month so they can tell the state office that they do have a peer counselor there part-time. Plus usually I have fewer interruptions while at the office, so I can accomplish more. But NOT when Julian is constantly crying and fussing! But Truman does not want to understand this. He likes the money I make, it helps us make ends meet, and it would be tough with out it. But then he just won't support me my job. I am so frustrated!
Of course after we got home, I fed Julian again, and soon he was fast asleep. What bliss! I think maybe he is exhausted, but I have no idea what kept him up all last night! I would love a nap too, but I have to finish pumping, and Truman wants lunch (ok, so do I).
I HOPE Julian isn't going to cry like this the entire trip to Phoenix! :P A couple of our nurses have jokingly asked if they can come too, they said, "don't you need a nurse along for the baby?" It�s days like this I think that would be a great idea! LOL
August 13th. Maybe Julian won't breastfeed, but he does something that I love while he takes his bottle. He also does it a lot while Truman or I are just holding him too. He grabs our finger or thumb and hangs on tight. If you will remember, when I first saw him after delivery, I put my finger in the palm of his hand and he grasped it tightly---and stabilized! When he was in the NICU, we often gave him our finger to hold on to, so when he does it now too I just think it's so precious. I know that many people think that breastfeeding is the most important way to bond with your baby. I have heard some people say it as if those who don't breastfeed are not going to be able to bond as well----but it just isn't true! Julian may have spent the first eleven weeks of his life in the NICU, and he never did very much breastfeeding. But I can tell you he knows exactly who both his daddy and mommy are, and he sure is bonded to us!!! When the dr or his therapist holds him, Julian always turns to look at me. When daddy comes home, you should see Julian's little face light up with the biggest grin! When he is fussy, guess who has the most success calming him---that's right, his mommy! He loves for us to hold him, and he is quite the cuddly baby. And I just love it when he grabs my finger while he takes his bottle of breastmilk. I know I am doing the best I can by providing breastmilk for him, and I think he really appreciates it, even if he decided that breastfeeding is too hard for him. :)
August 15th. Julian currently wakes up about every 2-3 hrs at night. A really good night he sleeps one 4 hr stretch. I don't mind too much, I know he needs to eat at night to keep growing well. This past week he only gained 4 ounces---it's ok, but we like better. He's now 11.5 pounds. He will be 7 months old this week! I have figured out how to get as much sleep as I can, even with him waking up to eat at night. Breastmilk can sit out at room temperature for several hours at a time. So I pump before bed, and leave two bottles of fresh breastmilk on my nightstand. Julian will take those both before morning. He fusses, but I don't have to turn a light on. I just grab the bottle and reaching over into his co-sleeper, I put the nipple in his mouth. I have learned to gently feel his lips with my fingers to make sure he has the nipple
