Title: Intervention
Series: Intervention 1 - 11
Author: jameschick
E-Mail: [email protected]
Websight: NA
Fandom: Buffy the Vamipire Slayer: Angel the series
Pairing: Xander/Buffy, Spike/Buffy, Spike/Xander, Xander/Buffy/Spike
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: if rape, BDSM, MMF, character death or others
Spoilers: BtVS, post season 7: Ats, season 5 (sort of)
Summery: Takes place after season 7 of BTVS. Xander, Buffy and Dawn have settled in LA. Spike comes back from the dead, and Xander runs into him at W&H.
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money being made. Please don't sue.
Notes: This contains both het, slash, and group sex. Not your bag? Don't read it then.



Part 1

Xander rolled over in his bed and smiled at the peaceful expression on Buffy's face. He still couldn't believe that she was there, with him, in his bed. They had only been lovers for such a short while, both hurting over what they had lost, a future that would never be. It started out as solace - something that he finally understood, and now felt bad about begrudging Anya and Spike for seeking it in each other�s arms.

The Scoobies and extended group had spent the summer travelling from place to place, searching out new slayers and explaining their destiny to them before moving on to the next town. Finally though, they had all disbanded. Faith and Wood headed for Cleveland to govern the new hellmouth; Giles, Willow, Kennedy and Andrew of all people had gone to England to rebuild the Watchers� Council.

The new slayers - the ones that had fought in Sunnydale - had returned to their homes and families. And Xander, Buffy and Dawn had gone to LA. Xander thought for sure that Buffy would try to renew her relationship with Angel, so he was shocked when she didn't even tell him that they were in town.

Thanks to Willow and her new powers, Xander once again had two working eyes, so was able to get work in a prestigious construction company and was once again making damn good money. Buffy was enrolled at UCLA and Dawn was looking forward to starting school and finally having a normal life.

While Xander was counting his blessings, he didn't notice that the object of his thoughts had woken up and was now watching him with an amused expression on her face.

"Good morning, lover."

Xander jumped, startled out of his thoughts, and then grinned at the smirking blonde in his bed before pressing a soft kiss to her mouth. "It is now. How did you sleep?"

Buffy stretched her arms over her head, causing the sheet to slip down; baring her breasts to his hungry gaze. "Wonderfully. I was extremely... worn out." She grinned at him. "I wonder why that was?"

Xander remembered the night before, the two of them had made love for hours; her stamina was remarkable and he could only thank the gods of orgasms that Anya had been so insatiable. Otherwise he never would have been able to keep up with her. "I don't seem to remember. Perhaps a demonstration is in order?"

"A demonstration, huh? I think I can do that." Buffy used a bit of her slayer strength to flip Xander onto his back before straddling him. She kissed him slowly, taking her time. Xander�s hands came up to her hips, his fingers digging into her skin as she began nibbling on his neck.

"Buffy. Gods, Buffy. So good, you feel so good." Xander�s eyes were closed in ecstasy as she moved lower, her wet sex brushing across his hard cock on the way. Then her mouth was on him and he couldn't control the buck of his hips as she took him in. He felt her hands on his hips holding him down as she deep throated his thick shaft. Xander was sure this was going to be the fastest blow-job ever, but just as he felt himself begin to lose control, Buffy pulled away and sat back on her heels with a smirk on her face. Xander scowled at her and she laughed.

"Want something, Xan?"

Xander pounced, knocking them both to the floor. "Yeah, I do."

Allowing him to pin her arms over her head in a show of submission that they both knew was just that - a show - she batted her eyelashes at him. "And what would that be, lover? Tell me what you want."

"You, Buffy. Just you. Only you." Xander claimed her soft lips as he thrust inside her. Buffy gasped into the kiss and wrapped her legs around his waist as he began to plough into her hard and fast.

"Yesssss." Buffy hissed into the curve of his ear as he moved his mouth from hers down to the juncture between neck and shoulder and sucked. "Harder Xander, oh God, please harder."

Xander gave her what she asked for, increasing the strength of his thrusts and dragging his teeth over her skin. He bit down gently on her shoulder and she screamed, her muscles contracting around his shaft, forcing him to orgasm. They lay panting and sweaty on the bedroom floor for several minutes before Xander finally withdrew and rolled onto his back. Buffy rolled with him and snuggled into his side resting her head on his chest and listened to the steady thump-thump of his heartbeat. He sometimes wondered if she found it strange, but didn't want to ask. They didn't talk about Spike or Anya, both content to just be with one another without the past getting between them.

A knock on the door startled them both out of a light doze. "Hey! Wake up in there; it's the first day of school and I need a ride."

Xander groaned and dislodged Buffy�s head from his chest before sitting up. "Yeah, yeah. I'm up. Just let me shower. I'll be out in about ten minutes." There was muffled grumbling from the other side of the door as Xander got to his feet. Buffy watched him with appreciation as he walked across the room to the en-suite bathroom.

While Xander showered, Buffy pulled on her robe and brushed her teeth. Her classes didn't start for a week so she had no reason to rush around this morning. After leaving the bedroom, she made coffee and chatted with Dawn over a light breakfast. Xander joined them a few minutes later, filling his travel mug with coffee and grabbing a muffin. He kissed Buffy goodbye and then he and Dawn left to start their day at school and work, respectively.

~!~

In the downtown offices of Wolfram & Hart, the vampire now in charge sat behind his desk and sorted through his in-tray. He picked up a large manila envelope and tore it open. He pulled out a very familiar looking amulet and blinked in confusion. Picking up his telephone he dialled Wesley�s extension. "Wes, can you come up and take a look at something for me? Thank you."

Angel held the amulet up to the light, watching as it spun in slow circles. He felt a small pang of loss and remorse knowing that Spike had died because of this thing. He still wondered if he had done the right thing, if he shouldn't have insisted on wearing it himself. He was a champion after all; wasn't it his duty to give his life in service to the powers? Had he been selfish, letting Spike die in his place? Had his own jealousy and insecurity clouded his judgement? These were questions he had asked himself a thousand times since the destruction of Sunnydale.

After losing both Cordelia and Connor, Angel sometimes felt that he should have insisted on staying in Sunnydale - on wearing the amulet. His days were filled with paperwork and evil clients, but his nights - nights when he should be out on the streets saving innocents - were filled with regrets. He knew that Connor had a happy life now, but couldn't help but feel as though he'd been robbed. He had lost his only chance at being a father, his only chance at ever having a real family. And he had also lost his second chance at love with Cordelia.

Sure, she was no Buffy; but then again, Buffy was no longer the girl he had fallen desperately in love with either. She had grown up into someone he barely recognised anymore. She had darkness in her now - she had willingly slept with a soulless vampire - Spike of all demons; his Buffy would never have sunk so low.

Spike. There was another thing that he would never have expected. His errant offspring had gone off and gotten himself a soul. For Buffy. Then he had saved the world. Angel knew that no matter what Angelus might have felt for Buffy - and he had felt something for her, otherwise he wouldn't have spent so much time tormenting her - he would never have sought his soul in a bid to win her affection. He had to hand it to Spike; he was certainly unique among demons.

Faith had called him from a little dive motel the day after the battle and given him a rundown on everything that had happened. She wanted him to be careful with all those new slayers out there. He had been shocked to hear about Spike's death. He never thought he would be the type to save the world.

He still heard from Faith; she had called him again once she and Robin had gotten settled, and told him what she knew about the others. He was disappointed, to say the least, that Buffy didn't tell him she was in LA, but more than that, he was shocked to learn that she was with Xander. He couldn't help but think her whole cookie-dough speech was just her way of brushing him off, now. She might not be his Buffy anymore, but he thought that they were friends, at the very least.

A soft knock and then his office door opening kept him from dwelling any further on Buffy and Xander. He turned to see Wesley standing before him and offered a tentative smile. Their relationship was still strained, and Angel wondered if it would ever go back to what it once was, especially as he was the only one who even remembered Connor now.

"Angel, isn't that the same necklace you gave to Buffy before the destruction of Sunnydale?" Wesley put on his glasses and took the pendant from the vampire�s hand before looking it over closely.

"Yeah, It just showed up here on my desk." At Wesley�s quirked eyebrow, Angel continued. "Well, it didn't just ... poof appear, but it was in this envelope in my in-tray."

"Hmmm." Wesley turned the amulet sideways and then reached into his pocket and pulled out a small magnifying device. He held it up to his eye and looked closer. "There seems to be a catch here on the side, I wonder..."

He flicked it open and the room filled with a bright light. The sounds of anguished screams filled the office and then Wesley looked down to find Spike lying on the floor at his feet. "Oh, dear."

~!~



Part 2

Spike sat in Angel�s chair with his boots up on the desk; a lit cigarette dangling loosely from his fingers. He tilted his head sideways and glanced at the vision of the sunlit afternoon sky of downtown LA. The warmth of the sun on his skin suddenly made him uncomfortable and he stood and crossed the room. He stood in the shady corner, angry with his own body's reaction to the warmth.

He had been back from ... wherever it was he had been for a week now and he still hadn't been outside of the building. Angel and his group had run test after test on him, trying to decipher how it was that he had been brought back from dust. He had nothing as far as answers went. As far as he was concerned, he had burned from the inside out in the cavern below the seal and then found himself lying on the floor of Angel's office looking up at his ex-watcher employee.

He had found out from Angel that he had been gone for months, that the hellmouth in Sunnydale was closed and that the town itself no longer existed. That had been a shock, but not nearly as much of a shock as finding out that Buffy and Dawn were there in LA, and that they were living with Xander. Especially after Angel told him that Buffy and Xander were a couple.

Spike didn't know whether to be happy for Buffy, that she had found a normal life with a normal guy and was, as Angel had told him, happy. Or whether he should be angry and bitter because it had only been a matter of months and she had moved on already. With the whelp, of all people.

He had to find a way of getting out of that damn building, though. The stresses of the past week were taking their toll on him and if he didn't get out and find something to beat on - preferably a male with dark brown hair and puppy-dog eyes with a shoddy sense of style - or a bar to get drunk in, or a warm body to bury himself in, preferably all three in that order, he was going to snap and start eating people. Soul or no soul. The world wouldn't miss a few lawyers, after all, would they?

~!~

A world full of slayers made for an interesting place, as far as Buffy was concerned. LA was a big city, and had the big evil to go with it, but walking down the streets at night, knowing that she was now one of many that could defeat the forces of darkness gave her a feeling of peace. Of freedom. Now, when she heard a scream in the night, she wasn't the only one to answer the call.

She had met at least five slayers since moving to LA. One of them, she went to school with. She hoped the other girl understood when she avoided her. She just wanted a normal life now. An easier life filled with school, and Dawn, and a nice normal guy to love her, and with Xander, he offers all of this, and a good decent home for Dawn. She didn't want to go back to the darkness, the loneliness, the place where the only ones who truly understood her were two souled vampires. It was why she avoided Angel; she wanted to leave that part of her past behind her and move on.

But some days� some days she really missed Spike.

Today had been one of those days. She felt guilty about missing him, and tended to avoid home and Xander when it happened. She figured he knew, but he had his days when she could tell he was thinking about Anya, so he probably understood. She had told him she was going out with some of her classmates and he'd told her to have fun, and that he and Dawn would get pizza and rent movies. Not to worry about them.

So she walked the streets of LA, enjoying the night air and wondering where Spike was now. If he had found peace finally, if his sacrifice had earned him redemption. She hoped so. Otherwise, what was the point?

Buffy ducked into a small out-of-the-way tavern. There was a man on stage singing, and he sounded good so she took a seat in the far corner and listened to him with her eyes closed. Spike would have like this; for all his punk-rock attitude and Sex Pistols worship, he did like other forms of music. She smiled to herself as the song ended and opened her eyes.

There was a waitress standing in front of the table and Buffy jumped, startled slightly.

"Sorry hun, you looked to be enjoying the sound. Didn't want to spoil it for you." The woman smiled apologetically and Buffy returned the smile and shrugged her shoulders.

"Does he play in here often?" She motioned toward the man who was walking off stage and toward the bar. The waitress nodded her head.

"Yeah, every Thursday night. Too mellow for the weekend crowd, but the regulars like him. You gonna order anything?" Buffy blushed and bit her bottom lip softly.

"Um, I'll have a diet cola."

The waitress nodded and left. Alone again, Buffy waited for her drink, hoping the man would go back up on stage soon. She looked out over the bar and froze as she saw a platinum blonde head of hair moving through the crowd. She stood up just as it disappeared through the front door.

"Spike?" Buffy whispered unbelievably and ran out into the street. She looked all around but there was nothing. No blonde-haired man in sight. "God, now I'm not only missing him, I'm seeing things."

Running her hands roughly through her hair she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Get a grip, Buffy. Spike is gone; you saw him burn. Go home, forget about what you've lost and concentrate on what you have." Just the thought of Xander waiting for her at home made her smile. She really did love him; he was such a good man, and he loved her, and he loved Dawn. She knew she was lucky to have him, and she didn't want to lose him. Especially over a ghost from her past.

~!~

Xander and Dawn sat curled up together on the sofa under a blanket. Dawn had insisted on renting a horror movie, claiming that with her life, it couldn't possibly scare her. She had been wrong, and not even halfway through it had squished herself up against Xander and burrowed under his blanket with him. Xander just smiled, kissed her on the forehead and held her hand through the scary parts. After all, he'd been doing this with her since she was fourteen, and Joyce would ask him to watch her every once in a while. She was like a sister to him, or almost more accurately now, like a daughter.

Since the destruction of Sunnydale, Dawn had been acting more and more like a little lost girl. He could understand that; after all it was the only place she knew. Sure, she had memories of LA, and her Dad and stuff but the only real thing she'd ever known had been Sunnydale. It was home. It was where she was born in the truest sense, where she had lived, learned, loved and lost. Her mother was buried there. And now, so were Anya, and Spike, and a handful of young slayers.

It wasn't until the three of them had moved to LA and gotten a place that she started to come out of her shell. Having a home again, a family, a sense of security, had given her the courage to go on. She had smiled when Buffy told her about them, that they were together. He took her to school in the mornings and Buffy picked her up after class. They took turns with the cooking and the clean up, and once a week they did something together as a family. This week, Buffy had opted out. Xander understood that.

Some days, he needed to be alone too. When he drove past a bridal shop and saw a blonde mannequin in the window wearing a gown similar to Anya�s, or when the lady behind him at the bank complained that her investments weren't paying off the way they were supposed to, or god help him, when he went by the cheese department at the deli and almost bought the blue mouldy stuff that she liked and no one else would touch.

So, if Buffy was having a "Spike day" he understood that. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he kinda missed the bastard too.

~!~

She'd been at the bar. He'd looked over to find the waitress and there she was. All blonde and beautiful, eyes closed and a look of wistfulness on her face. He had to get out of there. Now that he knew she was there, he could smell her. Her scent was overpowering, filling his nostrils. On top of it though, was the scent of the boy - Xander - and the lingering scent of Dawn as well. The combined smell was too much for him and he fled before he vamped out in public, his demon howling its want for her, for Dawn, even for Xander, for the sense of home that scent represented. The home he knew he no longer had, if he ever had it to begin with. His girls belonged to Xander now, and he had to trust that the man was taking care of them, he had nothing to offer them but more pain, and they didn't deserve that.

He saw her come out of the bar behind him; she had seen him. He melted into the shadows and watched her, heard her talking to herself and had to bite his own tongue to keep from calling out to her.

After she left, he followed. All the way as she walked, he kept to the shadows. He saw her go inside the little bungalow and he watched through the window.

Xander and the bit were curled up on the sofa, a half-eaten bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and a blanket over their laps. They shifted around as Buffy approached, and she slid onto the couch next to Xander and he kissed her. Just a peck, mind, but the smile that lit up her face at that small affection made his chest hurt. He almost turned away, but being a glutton for punishment, he continued to watch.

He watched as the movie finished and Dawn got up and collected the now empty bowl and soda cans. He watched as she came back in the room and kissed them each goodnight. She'd done that to him once upon a time, when her sister was dead and he was all she had left in the world.

He even watched as Xander pulled Buffy into his arms and held her tightly, as she tilted her face up and he pressed a kiss to her mouth. He could remember the feel of her lips, the taste of her mouth. It made him hard; it made him ache.

As they stood and made their way to bed, turning the lights off as they went, sharing small kisses and lingering touches, he wiped at his eyes and moved around to the back of the house. He needed to see them together, prove to himself that she was happy, that Xander was taking care of her. Then, maybe then, he could finally let her go.

~!~

Xander lay Buffy down on the bed and covered her with his large frame. He kissed her lips, lightly and then trailed kisses along her jawline and up to her ear. "I love you, Buffy. I just wanted you to know that." He kissed away the tears that spilled from her eyes and then moved to her lips once again.

She kissed him back. Tenderly at first, showing him that she loved him as well, but then more forcefully as her body responded to what he was doing to her. "Xander, please. Make love to me; I need to feel you."

"Whatever my lady wishes." Xander kissed her again, then he slowly removed both their clothing and just looked at her for a moment. "You're so beautiful, Buffy. I'm so lucky to have you, to get to touch you, love you, talk with you, laugh with you, share my life with you. I love you, and right now, I'm going to show you how much."

~!~

Sometimes, being a vampire was a bitch. As he stood outside watching the scene unfold in the semi-darkness, Spike cursed his enhanced senses. He heard every word that was spoken, could hear each sigh and moan as they made love, he watched Buffy�s face as she came the first time, watched as Xander lifted his face from between her thighs and prowled up the bed toward her. He could practically taste Buffy on his lips as he watched her kiss Xander, licking her own juices off his chin.

It was obvious that the boy loved her. Worshipped her. He was taking good care of her and the little bit, paying for her schooling, the house, the food and bills.

If Spike were smart, he would just leave. Go somewhere else, away from Los Angeles and anyone who knew him. Start over, find a nice little benevolent demon-girl and get on with his soddin� unlife. But no one ever said Spike was smart. He knew he wouldn't leave LA; he couldn't. As long as Buffy was here, he would stay and watch over her from afar. Make sure that she was always as happy as she was right now, smiling up at her lover as he pleasured her. As he whispered words of love and devotion to her.

It should have been him. It should have been him in bed with her, his lips on hers, his body bringing her to heights of passion. He could smell her release in the air, as well as her renewed arousal. He had to hand it to the boy though, he was certainly holding his own. He could see now, why Anya had been so firecly possessive of him, and why she obessed over getting her orgasms. The young man had talent. In another place and another time... Well, who knows what he might have done with this informantion. But this was Xander Harris, and Xander Harris hated him. Not to mention the fact that he was obviously arse over tit in love with the tiny blonde woman in his bed.

Spike slowly walked away from the house; he didn't look back. He just went back to Angel�s law firm and took the elevator up to his sire's office and rifled through his liquor cabinet. Bottle in hand, he walked to his set of rooms and proceeded to get rip-roaring drunk.

~!~



Part 3

Xander sat awkwardly in the expensive leather chair; a large, sealed manila envelope clutched to his chest. He didn't want to be there, had cursed fluently for a very long time when Giles had asked - practically begged - him to do it. In the end, it had been Willow who had finally guilted him into bringing it to Wesley in person.

The envelope had shown up on his kitchen table in the middle of dinner last night. Dawn and Buffy both stood at once and went for weapons. Xander merely blinked curiously and poked it with his fork. When it didn't explode, or turn into a monster or anything, he reached for it. Dawn had shrieked and Buffy had tackled him to the floor. The ringing of the phone prevented any further violence, and when Dawn told him it was Giles on the phone, and that Willow had "magicked" the envelope there, he had almost wished it had turned into a monster.

So, now he found himself in the offices of Wolfram & Hart, trying desperately to get in and out of the building without seeing Deadboy. Not that he cared, not really, but he knew the vamp would smell Buffy on him, and he wasn't up to answering questions that were none of Angel's business.

The door opened and Xander turned in his seat, expecting Wesley, but seeing a ghost instead.

"Oi, watcher. The skinny bint said you..."

Whatever Spike was going to say died on his lips as he caught the scent of Buffy in the air. His demon forced itself to the fore and hauled Xander out of his chair, pushing him against the wall.

"S-spike?" Xander managed to stutter out in his shock-induced state, just before the vampire buried his face in his neck. Xander clenched his eyes shut, knowing he was going to die and wishing that he had told Buffy he loved her that morning, but not really having any other regrets. He was surprised when instead of biting him, Spike merely inhaled deeply.

~!~

Buffy�s scent on the air, and Spike was lost; he had hauled Xander up and out of his seat and had the poor bugger against the wall before he could stop himself. He buried his face in the man's neck and inhaled; he could smell Buffy on his skin. He ran his tongue over the warm flesh and tasted her there as well.

"Uh, Spike? Don't you think we're moving a little fast here? I mean we haven't even gone on a date yet." Xander babbled and Spike couldn't stop himself from smiling. Of course he couldn't stop himself from shutting Xander up either as he pressed his mouth to the human�s, sweeping his tongue inside and tasting coffee and chocolate, and Xander himself. But underneath that, was the taste he had been hoping to find. The taste of slayer, of Buffy.

Finally getting a grip on his baser instincts, Spike pulled away from the now-panting man and let him go. Xander blinked furiously, licked his lips absently, closed his eyes and then shook his head. "Obviously, I've been hit by a truck or something and am probably lying half-dead in the street. Has to be it, there's no other explanation. No way, is Spike back from the dead and here in Deadboy's law firm. He did not just kiss me, and if I am dying, I hope Buffy knows that I love her and that the insurance policy is under the box of comic books on the closet shelf. Okay, ready to die now."

Spike watched all of this with amusement. He wouldn't admit it, but he'd always enjoyed Xander's sense of humour, and his habit of babbling incessantly. Turned out he was a damn fine kisser too. "You�re not going to die, boy. Well, someday, but not right now."

Xander swallowed and hesitantly opened his eyes again. "Spike. You... You were dead - dust - I mean, Buffy said..." Xander trailed off as he saw the pain in Spike's eyes at the memory of what had happened to him. "How are you back? Did Angel do it?"

Spike snorted. "Hardly. The watcher - Wyndam-Pryce - opened the amulet and out I popped. Quite the surprise for me; I mean one minute my bones are turning to ash, the next I'm on the floor looking up at some four-eyed git." Spike shrugged his shoulders and tried to look nonchalant about the whole thing. He was therefore shocked all to hell when Xander pulled him into his arms and hugged him. Spluttering in shock as Xander released him, he glared as the man burst out laughing at his reaction.

"Jesus, Spike, you'd think no one was ever happy to see you! And hey! After you kissed me, you 'd think a little hug would be nothing." Xander scrunched up his face in confusion. "Uh, why did you kiss me anyway?" He crossed his arms over his chest as Spike had the decency to look embarrassed.

"Yeah, sorry about that, mate. Wasn't expecting to see you in here, and then I smelled..." Spike trailed off on a sigh and Xander nodded his head.

"Buffy."

"Yeah. I mean, I knew about the two of you; Angel told me when I first got back. I was just kind of overwhelmed as I wasn't expecting to actually see you here. Or at all. Either of you." Spike dug in his pockets and came up with a pack of smokes. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

Xander held up the envelope. "Delivery boy. Willow special messengered this to me via magic, asked me to bring it to Wes." Xander shrugged his shoulders. "I tried to say no, but you know what she gets like."

Spike nodded and stuck a cigarette in his mouth. Before he had a chance to light it, however, Wes walked into the office. "Don't even think about lighting that, Spike. I've warned you what will happen if you smoke in my office." Spike grumbled, but stuck the unlit cigarette behind his ear. "Mr. Harris," Wesley said, looking toward Xander, "is that the package from Mr. Giles?"

Xander nodded and passed the envelope across the desk. "Yeah, and can I ask why he didn't simply send it straight to you?"

"The building is impenetrable. No outside magical force can enter. Seeing as I have taken up residence in the building, as well, there were no other options than to send the package elsewhere. I'm sorry to trouble you; I'll have my secretary cut you a check to compensate you." Wesley turned his back and seemed to be dismissing him.

Xander shot him an annoyed look and rolled his eyes. "Don't bother. I didn't come here for your money; I came here because Willow asked me to, but I won't do it again. Next time use your money to rent a hotel room and have them send it there instead. My donut-boy days are over." Xander turned to Spike, nodded, and headed for the door.

"Xander, hold up a sec." Spike joined him in the hallway and motioned toward the elevator. "I'd like to talk to you for a minute, would you come up to my rooms?" At Xander's nod, he pushed the button for the elevator and they waited in silence.

~!~

Xander parked his car and walked into the house. He wasn't surprised to find the place empty; Buffy had mentioned taking Dawn shopping after school. He tossed his coat on the hook in the hall, put his keys on the hall table and went into the bedroom. He stripped down and walked to the bathroom to take a shower. He was actually kind of glad that Buffy and Dawn weren't home. He needed some time to think.

As he stood under the hot water, he let his mind wander back to earlier that day when he had found himself pinned to the wall by Spike. He had been shocked at the sight of him, even more so by the kiss. Yeah, shock. That's why I kissed him back, I was in shock. Not responsible for my actions in the least, Xander thought to himself. He could live with the fact that he'd kissed Spike. It was no big deal really; it had just been a simple misunderstanding. The hard penis he felt pressed into his hip was not so easily dismissed however, nor was the reaction he'd had to it. He hadn't freaked, hadn't blushed and stammered - well, not about that anyway - he hadn't reacted at all, actually. Almost as though it was no big deal that Spike had been hard and pressed against him.

Xander washed on autopilot as he remembered the conversation that followed, up in Spike's apartment. They had ridden the elevator in silence, not speaking a word until they were standing outside Spike's door. Then the vampire had unlocked it and welcomed Xander inside. He didn't know what he expected, but the beautifully decorated space he found definitely wasn't it. As if he were reading his thoughts, Spike had snorted and reminded him that it was Angel's building, and Angel's decorating. He was just freeloading off him.

Spike had offered him a drink and then they had sat down together. Spike had finally gotten to the point and told Xander he didn't want him to tell Buffy and the others about him being back. When Xander had protested, Spike pointed out that they had all gotten on with their lives, that Buffy was happy and that that was all he'd ever wanted for her. Then he asked Xander to think about what it would do to their relationship - his and Buffy's - if the truth came out. He asked him if it would change things for him if Anya were to suddenly come back from the dead.

Xander finally understood. He loved Buffy, had always loved Buffy, and that wouldn't change - ever. But if Anya came back... Yeah, he still loved her too and it would kill him to have to choose. He couldn't do that to Buffy, and unless he was willing to share her with Spike - which he wasn't - then Spike was right. She was better off not knowing. At least that's what he told himself. The truth was, he was afraid that there would be no choice - that Buffy would take one look into those cool blue eyes and forget all about him.

~!~

Jealousy didn't sit well with Xander; it sat like a rock in his gut. Eating away at him. He wished like hell he had never gone to Wolfram & Hart that day, never seen the blonde vampire or talked to him. He wished he were still in the dark about Spike's resurrection. But he wasn't. He knew; he knew all about Spike being back from dust, all about how much the other man longed to see Buffy again, to hold her and tell her he still loved her - that he would always love her. The reason he knew that was because ever since that first day, Xander hadn't been able to stay away from Spike.

Oh, it started off in the usual Xander Harris way. Buffy had come home from her shopping trip with Dawn only to find that Xander was acting differently. She attested it to his meeting with Wes - figuring he probably ran into Angel. That wasn't it, but Xander let her think it was; it was easier to deal with than the truth. When he made love to her that night, he kept wondering if it was really him she saw when she closed her eyes. If they were his hands she felt, his lips she tasted. When her legs wrapped around his waist, was she pretending he was Spike?

The next morning found him back at Wolfram & Hart, back at Spike's door. When the vampire had answered, Xander had punched him in the face. If Spike hadn't been half asleep, he probably wouldn't have connected with the first blow, as it was, the second one was blocked rapidly and Xander found himself pulled inside the room and pressed face first into the wall.

Spike had snarled in his ear and demanded an explanation, which Xander had been only too happy to give him. He blamed the vampire for his doubts about Buffy, he told him that he wished he had stayed dead - that everyone would be better off if he had. He wasn't prepared for Spike's softly spoken "You're right", or the loss of contact as the vampire released him. It kind of deflated what was left of his anger. When he turned around to face Spike, he couldn't fathom the amount of pain in those blue eyes.

After that, he had apologised to Spike, admitted that his fears of inadequacy were his own problem and had nothing to do with the vampire. He called the office and begged off for the day and then spent the time filling Spike in on Buffy and Dawn and how they were doing. He told him about Dawn's new crush - a girl named Cindy, believe it or not - Buffy's class schedule, that she still hadn't decided on a major but was leaning toward history. He told Spike how they first got together, then he apologised for not understanding about him and Anya.

Spike had asked him when he grew up; Xander had chuckled and replied, "when I stood looking down into a crater that used to be my home town and realised the only reason I wasn't buried in it was because of a demon. A demon I hated had given up his own existence to save us all."

Spike had looked at him then, really looked at him. He peered at his face and hesitantly brought his hand up to touch the skin around Xander's left eye. He shook his head in wonder before dropping his hand back down to his lap. He had asked Xander if he had ever told him how sorry he was he hadn't been faster that day. Xander had shook his head no, then told him he was just grateful that he was fast enough. Losing an eye was better than dying - and he wasn't just saying that now because it had grown back.

Spike had nodded his understanding and asked Xander how things were with him and Buffy - how they really were. Were they happy? Did they have friends here? Were they in love - really in love. The painful, messy, die-for-each-other kind of love? That was how he had wound up confessing everything to the vampire. All his doubts, fears, hopes and dreams. He told him how painfully he loved Buffy, that even when he was planning his life with Anya, there had been a part of him that was still in love with the tiny blonde slayer. How he had agreed to Spike's demand of secrecy - not because Spike had asked, but because he was afraid Buffy would leave him and go back to the vampire. Spike had listened to everything and then shook his head.

"Xander," the demon had spoken softly. "I have to tell you something. Something I'm not too proud of, well, not now anyway." Spike had pursed his lips for a moment, then looked up and met Xander's curious gaze. "The first night I stepped outside this building I went to a bar. I was sitting at the counter having a drink, listening to this bloke on stage. When he finished his set and walked off stage, I started looking around for a bit of company, someone to ease the loneliness, if you get my drift. I saw Buffy."

Spike stood then and started to pace. "She was so beautiful, sitting there in the dark corner, her eyes glassy with emotion. I wanted to walk over there, pull her into my arms and never let go. Instead, I ran. I tried to get outside before she saw me, but I wasn't fast enough." Spike barked out a short hollow-sounding laugh, his eyes flickering to Xander's face - lingering on his new eye before dropping away again. "Story of my life, that. Never fast enough when it counts; wasn't fast enough to save Dru from that mob in Prague, wasn't fast enough to save the bit from Doc, to save Buffy from dying. Wasn't fast enough to save your eye - no matter that it grew back, it's still my failure, and I wasn't fast enough to get out of that bar without her seeing me."

Xander stood then and grabbed Spike by the shoulders; he was about to demand answers when Spike sighed and shook his head in defeat. "She didn't see my face; she followed me, but I hid. Heard her though. She convinced herself she was seeing things and went home. To you. I followed her. Watched the three of you through the window, all snuggled on the sofa under a blanket. Nice cosy little family, you looked. Knew I couldn't compete with that - couldn't give her the life you can, the life she deserves. I knew then, Xander. Knew that I could never tell her I was back. What would it solve? Nothing."

Spike sounded so defeated that Xander had wanted to reach out and hold the man. He summed his response up to being the sole male among females - hugs and reassuring words were always the way to go with his girls. "Spike," Xander had started to say but was cut off as Spike looked up at him and shook his head.

"There's more. When you went to bed that night, I followed around to the back of the house. I needed to see... To know that she was happy, that you were taking care of her, giving her what she needed. I watched the two of you together. Every second you were kissing her, touching her, tasting her... I was there. I watched you make love to her, and I saw the way she looked at you, the way she used to look at me sometimes. She loves you, Xander. Don't doubt that." Spike had braced himself as Xander came toward him; fire in his eyes.

"I should kick your ass for that, Spike. You spied on me, on Buffy. You watched an extremely personal moment between us, for no other reason that to assure yourself of your own uselessness." Xander sighed and then snorted. "If I didn't need to hear that so badly - that she loves me - I would kill you for invading our privacy like that."

"I know." Spike had answered. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

Xander chuckled and looked sceptically at the vampire. "Are you?"

"Not really, but I figured it was the polite thing to say. Truth told, I'm not sorry at all. I'm glad I did it, glad I know in my dead shrivelled little heart that she's happy. Plus, I can now see what Anya meant - you really are a Viking in the sack."

Xander had laughed at that, even as he blushed a bright red. After that they fell into old habits, watching TV and bickering good-naturedly. When it was about the time Xander would be finished at work for the day, he said goodbye to Spike, promised to keep in touch and went home. To Buffy. Who loved him.

That had been a week ago. He had spoken with the vampire everyday since, if not in person, then on the phone. He wasn't sure why he was doing it, but he felt a deep-seated need to keep Spike informed about Buffy and Dawn. He knew Spike loved them as much as he did, and he knew if the situation was reversed, he'd want to know everything he could about the women he loved.

~!~



Part 4

It was family night, and tonight they had planned on dinner and a night on the town. A PG-13 kind of night because of Dawn - even though she was almost 18, and had probably seen things most forty-year-olds couldn't imagine. But Buffy and Xander wanted to try and give her as much normalcy as possible - even if it was, as Dawn said, "lame and embarrassing". The fact that she was still going with and not throwing a teenaged temper tantrum told them that she wasn't as put off by it as she acted.

First, dinner. Dawn had wanted to go somewhere nice - somewhere she could dress up, so they had reservations at Gotham Hall - then it was off to a play. All in all, it sounded like a fun evening - to Buffy and Dawn. Xander would have preferred Chinese food and a movie at home, but he had gotten to pick last time.

Dinner had been good - even Xander had enjoyed the meal, and the play wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. Thanks to the Disney cartoon, he even knew who the characters were. As the curtains closed for intermission, Xander slung an arm around each of his girls and walked them out to the lobby to get some air. Who knew Angel and Co. would be there as well?

"Well, isn't this cosy." Xander knew that voice - hoped to hell he'd never hear it again, but knew it all the same. "Deadboy, what brings you to the theatre? Shouldn't you be out doing your superhero impersonation? Or perhaps brooding in a dark room about all the lives you've ruined?" Buffy and Dawn both elbowed Xander lightly, but he was unrepentant.

"Wolfram & Hart have box seats to all the best shows. As head of the LA branch, I thought I'd take advantage. So," Angel sneered at Xander, "Where are you sitting?"

Buffy had heard enough and stepped forward. "We have perfectly nice seats, and were enjoying a night out as a family. Were being the operative word here. Haven't we already been through this, Angel?"

"Yeah, we have. I believe it had something to do with cookies. So, I take it you're finished baking then, huh? Harris always did have a sweet tooth, didn't he?" Angel crossed his arms over his chest; the others - Wesley, Fred, and Gunn - exchanged a look and walked away. They didn't want any part of the Angel/Buffy saga. Buffy's eyes narrowed and she turned her back on Angel. "Xander, Dawn. Let's go back inside. I don't know about you, but I've had all the air I can handle.

As they turned to leave, Angel stepped up behind them, deliberately placing his hand on Xander's shoulder. "Too bad I didn't realise you'd be here, Xander. I would have invited your new best friend to come along; he always did enjoy the theatre."

Xander spun around angrily and glared at the vampire. "Drop it, Deadboy! Don't prove me right about what a prick I think you are." The silence stretched on for an eternity; finally Angel quirked his lips into a grin. "Okay, Harris. You win. I won't tell Buffy that you've spent the past week hanging out at the offices with Spike. Enjoy the rest of the show; I know I will." Angel nodded to Buffy and Dawn and then strode quickly away.

Xander didn't want to turn around; he didn't want to see the look on Buffy's face, the one that would burn with equal measures of hope and anger. Hope that Spike really was back, and anger that Xander had kept it from her. He knew that she would think he did it out of jealousy, and she'd be mostly right. But it wasn't the only reason, and after spending time with Spike this week, he understood why the vampire wanted his return kept a secret. If Anya had survived instead of him, and for some reason he'd been brought back, he would do the same in this situation. He only hoped that Buffy would come to realise that, after she had some time to think things through.

"Xander?"

The quiver in Buffy's voice made his shoulders slump, and he turned to her and looked at her through lowered eyelashes. "Buffy, I'm sorry. I never wanted you to find out like this. You weren't supposed to find out at all. Spike... He asked me not to tell you. He just wanted you to be happy." The look in Xander's eyes would have done a lesser woman in, but Buffy couldn't see past the anger she felt at finding out from Angel of all people.

"Oh, God." Buffy turned around and ran from the theatre; Xander called out to her, but to no avail. He stood watching as she disappeared into the dark before returning to the lobby to collect Dawn. The youngest Summers was still standing where he'd left her when he ran out after her sister. She looked remarkably young all of a sudden, a lot like she had after Joyce had died, after Buffy had died, after Sunnydale had disappeared. Xander realised that she was expecting her world to fall apart once again.

"Hey, Dawnie. Come on, let's go home and see if Buffy's gone there, okay?" He didn't wait for an answer, knowing that she wouldn't give him one anyway. She allowed him to steer her out of the building and over to the carpark. Xander had had to fasten her seatbelt before they could drive away, and was wondering if this was the final straw - if this was the last thing that Dawn's fragile emotions could handle before she finally snapped. He was going to kill Angel for this.

~!~

Buffy ran through the streets, no destination in mind. She just had to get away; she didn't know what to feel, what to say, she was so angry. Angry at Xander, at Spike, at the two of them for conspiring against her. At Angel for the obvious enjoyment he got out of telling her like that - what she ever saw in him, she didn't know - at herself for the hope that blossomed in her chest when she heard. She was so confused and hurt. She just wanted to go home, crawl into Xander's arms and have him tell her it would be okay, that he'd take care of her. It was odd that she wanted to turn to him for comfort when he was the one who had hurt her.

Apparently, a woman in an evening dress running full-tilt through the streets didn't even raise an eyebrow in Los Angeles. Buffy finally slowed down when she found herself outside of Angel's old hotel. The place was dark and quiet, and not too hard to break into. She didn't feel any guilt about being there; she knew Angel still owned the building, and after what he'd done, the least he could do was give her a place to sort things out.

As she walked along the second floor hallway, Buffy wondered how it was that Spike was alive - well undead - again. She knew that it couldn't be Angel's doing; he hated the other vampire. Drusilla was too crazy to come up with such an elaborate plan on her own, and doubted she had enlisted anyone else's help. That left Angel's Powers That Be. But what would they want with Spike? They had thousands of slayers now roaming the planet. What purpose would a souled vampire possibly serve to them?

"This is ridiculous," Buffy muttered to herself. "The only way I'm ever going to know anything, is to ask Spike."

"Ask Spike what?" A voice spoke from the shadows. Buffy spun slowly, her heart beating frantically in her chest, her breath catching in anticipation as she raised her eyes to meet the cerulean blue eyes of the man before her.

"Spike," she whispered. "Oh my God. Spike!" Buffy threw herself into his open arms and held on for all she was worth. She breathed deeply of the scent she hadn't realized she had missed so much, until she was once again surrounded by it. "Oh God, oh God, Spike. How?" She broke off sobbing and he swept her up into his arms and walked her back down the hall. He stopped at the first door by the stairs and pushed open the door. Inside, the room was clean, and he put her gently on the bed. He had little choice but to join her as she refused to relinquish her hold on him.

"Xander called me; he was worried about you. He would have come himself, but Dawn's in bad shape and he couldn't leave her. Asked me if I would find you and explain. It's the least I could do, seeing as this is my fault and all." Spike gently pried Buffy's arms from around his neck and lifted her chin to look in her eyes. "I'm sorry, luv. I never wanted to hurt you, and neither did Xander; he loves you."

Buffy shook with silent tears and Spike pulled her into his arms and shushed her. "He does. He loves you enough to try to spare you this, to try and keep you from having to choose between us. There's no choice, luv. He can give you everything you want, and I can't. He can have a life with you, in the sunshine, babies and white picket fences; all that rot. What could I possibly offer you that he can't? Nothing."

Buffy shook her head and lifted her face up; she looked into his eyes and saw the resignation he felt. "That's not true..."

"It is. I've nothing to offer except m'self - and you deserve more."

"I love you" Buffy whispered through her tears. Spike closed his eyes against the pain that wracked his soul. He wanted nothing more that to give in to her, to himself, to take her lips with his own, to take her in his arms and never let her go, to make love to her, even one last time. She seemed to have the same idea, as she pulled his face down to hers and pressed their lips together.

It was like coming home for Spike. The feel of her lips on his, her hands in his hair, on his face, trailing along the scar over his brow, down one prominent cheekbone and then finally resting on his shoulder. She had touched him like that a thousand times in his dreams, but only a few times in reality. Those were the times that he knew it was him she was with, not Angel, not Riley, not some mystery lover. Him. His scar, his face, his body she felt. It was the difference between the times they fucked and the times they made love.

"Make love to me, please Spike. One last time." Buffy looked at him with such love and longing, he couldn't refuse her. He might be damned to hell for this, lose the budding friendship he'd built with Xander and find himself staked tomorrow, but tonight, he would make love to his lady, one last time.

Spike lay Buffy down gently and blanketed her body with his own. "Are you sure, pet? Xander..."

"Would do the same if it were Anya. Please, I need you, I just... I need to feel you." Buffy's eyes welled with unspilled tears and Spike gently closed them, causing the tears to spill over and run down her cheeks.

"One last time." Spike kissed Buffy gently and she sighed. How many nights had she dreamed of this? Of holding him again, hearing his voice, feeling his hands on her skin, his lips, his tongue. Her dreams didn't do justice to the reality. Spike's hands moved over her body with practised ease, he knew just how to touch her, where to touch her, to make her quiver and moan.

Spike looked down at the woman beneath him, her gown pulled down off her shoulders, baring her breasts to his eyes, her lips parted as she panted in anticipation; he took in her heavy-lidded gaze and breathed deeply of her arousal. He wanted to commit every moment of this to memory, knowing that it was goodbye. He finally reached for her, pulling her to him and slipping his arm around her back, unzipping her dress and slowly pulling it down over her hips, down her legs and over her feet. He let the slip of material fall to the floor as his eyes raked over her. In white silk panties and see-through stockings, she was a vision. "You're beautiful. So beautiful." Buffy smiled and Spike kissed her again.

~!~

Buffy looked up into the eyes of the one man she thought she'd never see again. She could see every emotion he felt for her; love, longing, desire, but underneath it all she also saw defeat, and sadness, and despair. Knowing that this was the last time she would feel his lips against her flesh, feel his hands as they slid her stockings slowly down her thighs and then gently removed her panties, as well. She watched his eyes glaze over with lust as she opened herself to his gaze, allowing him to see all of her.

Spike didn't know where to start, he wanted to touch her everywhere, leave no part of her body unexplored. He just couldn't decide where to start. Thankfully for him, the decision was taken out of his hands as Buffy reached for him and drew his lips to her own.

Instinct took over and Spike forgot everything except how to touch the woman in his arms. He kissed, licked, sucked and nibbled every available inch of her before gently turning her over to repeat the process on her back side. Buffy moaned low in her throat as he lightly traced the ridges of her spine with his tongue, not stopping until he reached the swell of her sweetly curved ass.

Spike sat up and pulled his T-shirt over his head and carelessly let it drop to the floor. He traced the pattern of a scar on the back of her right thigh with his fingertips as he unbuttoned his jeans and lowered the zipper.

Standing and quickly toeing off his boots, he wriggled out of his jeans and then lifted one of Buffy's feet and placed a soft kiss on the sole. She giggled softly so he licked along the arch and then nibbled her toes. Buffy squealed and he released her foot, only to repeat the gentle touches on her other foot.

"Spike, please." Buffy panted as he kissed his way up the back of her calves, lingering on the backs of her knees. "I need to feel you."

Spike groaned and plastered himself to Buffy's back. He buried his face in her neck and breathed in her scent. He couldn't help but remember that he'd done this very thing to Xander not too long ago, as he licked her throat and tasted the man's essence on her skin. The idea that he should have been angered by this fact, didn't register. It was almost comforting in a way; he had grown accustomed to the man's scent over the past week and the friendship and ties to his family that it represented. He wouldn't be here, with Buffy, right now if it weren't for Xander. It was only fitting that Spike acknowledge his presence.

As Buffy began to wriggle beneath him, he moved off her and rolled her onto her back. He leaned over her and kissed her as her arms came around his back and pulled him closer. He settled himself between her splayed thighs and sighed in contentment as she wrapped her legs around him. He positioned himself and slid home.

Twin groans of ecstasy echoed throughout the room as they moved together; each instinctively knowing what the other wanted. If kissing Buffy had been like coming home, then being inside of her again, was like entering the kingdom of heaven.

"Buffy, I..." Spike didn't finish as she brought her finger to his lips.

"No words. Just be with me." Spike nodded and kissed her as he continued to move within her.

~!~



Part 5

Morning light spilled through the front window and Xander blinked his eyes and looked down at the still sleeping figure in his lap. He shook his head sadly and stroked his hand over Dawn's long shiny hair. He had spent the entire night on the sofa with her sleeping curled up on his lap. He had hoped that Buffy would have come home last night, but apparently she hadn't.

He hoped she was okay, wherever she was, but he couldn't leave Dawn to go look for her. She hadn't spoken a word since the theatre; he hadn't even been able to get her to change out of her dress. It was times like this that he really missed Tara; she had always been so good with Dawn, especially in the days after Glory, after Buffy had died. If anyone would have been able to help them right now, it would have been her.

Xander ran his hand through his hair and sighed. He really fucked things up this time. He should have known this would happen, that Angel would have found out about his visits to Spike, that he would tell Buffy. He might have fooled a lot of people, but Xander knew exactly what kind of man Angel was. He wasn't fooled for a second.

Shifting over and gently laying Dawn on the couch, Xander stood and stretched the kinks out of his back before picking up the phone. He dialled Spike's number and waited as it rang. He was torn between hoping Spike had found Buffy last night, and hoping he hadn't. He knew what had likely taken place between them if he had. He just wasn't sure how to feel about it.

He wasn't worried that Spike would try to take Buffy from him; they had talked about that already and Spike had told Xander point blank that had nothing to offer her, nothing that could compare with the life she had now, with him. He understood the importance of closure, he and Anya had had theirs - on Spike's cot, no less - before she had died. Buffy and Spike never got the chance to finish things, or to start them up again. She told him she loved him, and he didn't believe her. Then he was gone.

Realising that no one was going to answer the phone, Xander hung up and sighed in frustration. He looked back toward the couch and saw that Dawn was awake, her blue eyes wide and glistening with unshed tears. He smiled at her softly and she blinked, causing the tears to spill down her cheeks. Xander was at her side in an instant.

"Hey, it's okay. I promise." He held the fragile girl to his chest as she sobbed. He wished he knew how to make things better, how to convince her that the world wasn't going to fall out from beneath her feet again. "Shh, it's all going to be okay, Dawn. I've got you. I've got you and I'm not going anywhere."

~!~

When Buffy woke early the next morning, she lay contentedly in Spike's arms for some time just enjoying the feel of his skin against hers. Eventually she sighed and opened her eyes only to meet the amused gaze of the blonde-haired vampire.

"Thought you were gonna lay here all morning without ever looking at me." He grinned softly at her. "I've missed your eyes."

"Have you been up long?" Buffy covered a yawn with her hand and then stretched her arms out over her head. Spike laid his head on her chest and closed his eyes in bliss at the feel of her heart beating. "Never went to sleep. I didn't want to miss one second of being with you again. Wanted to commit every single moment to memory."

"Spike, I..."

"No. I understand, love. Last night was more than I ever dreamed I'd have again. But I'm not stupid, I know it's never going to happen again, and I accept that. It was goodbye, a bit of closure of you will. Buffy, I'm leaving LA. I can't stay here, not anymore, not after what happened."

Buffy opened her mouth to speak but Spike shook his head. "Let me finish. You know that I love you, that I only want what's best for you. That isn't me, love. It's Xander. If I stay here, I don't know that I can trust myself to keep away from you. To not give in to temptation; I'm weak when it comes to you, when it comes to you and me. I love you, Buffy. So much so, that I know it's right to give you up. Please, don't make this harder than it has to be." Buffy nodded silently and burrowed into Spike's arms. He held her and stroked her back as she cried.

Eventually, as her sobs tapered off, Buffy knew it was time to go home. She knew that Xander was worried about her, and she remembered Spike saying that Dawn was in bad shape. She felt horribly guilty at the thought of what her sister must be going through, and here she was, making love to one of the two men she loved with all her heart.

"Spike, I have to go. Dawn..."

"Shh, I know, love. I'm sorry you had to find out this way, that the nibblet got hurt because of me. Tell her, I dunno. Make something up for me, but nothing nancy-ish, eh?" Buffy giggled and wiped her eyes. "Okay, nothing nancy-ish."

As she finished dressing and headed to the door, she turned back and took one last look at the naked blonde laying in the bed. She swallowed hard and with a soft smile stepped out into the hall. She was halfway down the stairs when he stopped her.

"Buffy."

She turned around and he pulled her to him before crushing their mouths together in a hot, steamy kiss. When it ended, he pressed his forehead to hers and breathed in her scent one last time before releasing her and stepping away.

"Tell Xander that I'm sorry. That I didn't intend for this to happen, but that if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't have changed last night for the world. Tell him I'll understand if he hates me."

Buffy nodded, smiled sadly and walked down the remaining stairs and out into the bright sunlight of an LA morning.

~!~

Angel sat at his desk, the drapes were drawn to block out the warmth of the natural light; he didn't feel like he deserved the sun this morning. After coming home last night, he had discovered that Spike was gone; Harmony had informed him of Xander's phone call. He honestly didn't know what had made him tell Buffy like that, why he got such pleasure at hurting her and Xander. And Spike. Mustn't forget Spike. No one was allowed to forget Spike.

It was okay to forget Connor. To forget that Angel had a son, that he had lost everything he cared about. It was okay to forget that Cordelia was in a coma, that there was no way to bring her back. He wondered what reason the senior partners implanted in everyone else�s memories for her state of being? He'd never actually asked, nor did he wonder why Wesley no longer sported a scar on his throat. These things he had given up. His son, the woman he loved, his hope of redemption.

So here he sat, in the most expensive office in the building, in the most comfortable chair ever built, behind the finest quality desk money could buy. His suit cost more than most people made in a year; he had a garage full of cars - each one a beauty in its own right - and friends around him who honestly cared for him. But none of it made him happy. In fact, it made him miserable. It was a constant reminder of what he didn't have, and why. He lost countless hours of sleep wondering if he'd done the right thing in making a deal with Wolfram & Hart. Surely, there must have been some other way to solve this, some way that didn't cost him his child. That didn't put him in charge of an evil law firm.

He was bitter. He could admit that. Where as he had lost everything, Spike had seemed to gain. He died saving the world and got to come back - clean slate. After giving up his very existence, it had wiped out all the wrong he'd done. Didn't it? And Xander, Xander Harris was now involved with Buffy. More than involved; they were practically married. They shared a home, the responsibility of raising Dawn; he was financially responsible for the three of them, and to top things off, he had made his peace with Spike. Going so far as to include him in his life, in his relationship with Buffy and Dawn. He kept the blonde up to date on what they were doing, how their classes were going, how much they still missed him. He could admit he was jealous.

He always thought that it would end with the two of them together again, the way it had started. He'd get his shan-shu, Buffy would come running back to him and they'd live happily ever after. Now he knew differently. Prophecies weren't infallible; they could be faked as easily as his California driver's license.

There was a good chance he'd never shan-shu, never get the redemption he craved. But that didn't make it right to drag everyone else around him down as well. He'd need to apologise to Buffy, to Xander, to...

"Spike. Don't you ever knock?" Angel looked up as his door opened and he smelled the other vampire's scent. He was instantly on his feet, demon enraged, as he smelled the other scents that now permeated his office. Sex. Buffy... and Xander?

"Oh, we're being polite then?" Spike shot Angel a look of pure loathing. "Tell me Angel, was it polite when you spilled about me to Buffy last night? Was it polite when you shattered the fragile glass surrounding Dawn's sanity? Was that you being polite when you walked away from the wreckage of their lives with a shit-eating grin on your face? I think not, mate. In fact, I think I ought to kick your arse for what you've done." Spike vamped out and snarled at his enraged Grandsire.

"Seems to me, William, I've done you a favour. I can smell her all over you; you got what you wanted, so what's the problem?" The vampires circled the big desk, never taking their eyes off of one another. As Spike caught on to what Angel was saying, he stopped and looked at him with such incredulousness that it made Angel take a step back.

"You think this was what I wanted?" Spike blinked rapidly. "To spend one night with the woman I love, to feel her in my arms, taste her lips, bury my body into hers, smell her lover all over her, know that no matter what I do, he's the one she's going to go home to, and then have her leave me in the morning? Bloody hell, Angel! You gave her up once, had a perfect day with her and then gave it all back. Was it what you wanted? Or did it make it all the harder to let her go? To let her get on with her life?" Spike slumped into Angel's chair and hung his head. "Jesus, you're thicker than I suspect if that's what you thought. It took everything in me to let her go, to send her back to Harris. But I did it; I did it because it was the right thing to do. She deserves better than me, better than a life in the dark, in the shadows."

Angel sighed and took a seat in the chair across the desk from Spike. "For what it's worth to you, I'm sorry. I had no right to do what I did, I just... It's complicated, Spike. There are things you can't understand, things I've lost... Things that no one but me even remembers."

Angel looked so sad at that moment that Spike had to wonder what kind of pain the older man was in. What could have possibly happened to make him this way?

"Why don't you tell me 'bout it? Let me understand. Angel, we're not the same demons anymore. We don't have to be adversaries," Spike chuckled. "Hell, mate, we might even become friends."

Angel looked over and saw the sincerity in the clear blue eyes. He wondered if he could tell his story to Spike? If in sharing his pain, it might diminish it somewhat. "All right, but this stays between you and me." At Spike's nod he began. "It all started when Wolfram & Hart brought Darla back from the dead..."

~!~

Buffy stood on the front step of the small but comfortable house she shared with Xander and her sister for some time before gathering the courage to open the door and walk inside. The sight that she was confronted with made her insides ache. On the sofa, Xander sat with Dawn in his lap, his strong arms holding her tight as he crooned wordlessly to her and rocked her back and forth. How many times was this going to happen? How many times was the world going to come crashing down and destroy her sister's happiness? And worst of all, this time it was her fault. She could have stayed with them last night, or at the very least come home, but she hadn't. She'd thought only of herself, of her pain and anger. Even after Spike had mentioned Dawn, that Xander was worried enough about her that he sent Spike of all people out to find her rather than leave her little sister alone... Never again, Buffy vowed. Never again would she put herself before those she loved.

"Dawnie?" Buffy whispered and crept closer. The guilt that had been eating at her intensified as she took in the haunted look in Xander's eyes. It was the look of a man who was afraid he was about to lose everything. She had seen that look, in Angel's eyes, in Riley's, in Spike�s. She hated that she had put that look on his face. That she had caused him so much pain.

"Oh God! Dawnie, I'm so sorry. I didn't think... I was just so... I'm sorry." Buffy tentatively sat down beside Xander and stroked her sister�s hair. She bit her lip and tried to keep from bursting into tears as the girl flinched away from her. She deserved that, she thought to herself. She had been only thinking of herself when she ran off last night; she hadn't given any thought to Dawn, or to Xander. She had to do something to make this right.

"Dawn, it's okay, I promise you everything is gonna be okay." Buffy met Xander's eyes, giving him a questioning look. He nodded in reply; they would work together to help Dawn, and hopefully help themselves in the process.

"She's right, Dawn. I told you, I'm not going anywhere. I love you; you and Buffy are my world. Nothing is going to change that." The words were spoken for Dawn, but it was Buffy he spoke them to. He held out one arm toward her and sighed as she burrowed into his embrace. This was all Xander ever wanted, a family. Well, he had one now, and he'd be damned if he was going to let it go.

~!~



Part 6

"So... Let me get this straight. You shagged Darla, got her up the duff, then she stakes herself to save the kid? Doesn't sound like the Darla I know." Spike shook his head and dug in his pocket for his cigarettes. "I guess I can buy that, they say pregnancy does funny things to a woman. So then Holtz shows up, watcher-boy nabs your kid, then gets his throat cut for his troubles. Holtz and this time-shifting demon take the kid and then the crazy fuck jumps into a portal to a demon dimension with him."

Angel nodded in confirmation as Spike tipped a cigarette out of the pack and stuck it in his mouth. "Want one?" He asked as he held the pack out towards the older vampire. Angel hesitated briefly but then took the offered cigarette and leaned in so that Spike could light it for him. "Right, so Connor comes back, only now he's Steven and he hates you. Long story short, he sets you up, dumps you in the ocean for a couple months, Wes saves your sorry arse and you still don't forgive him. The cheerleader becomes a higher being, comes back amnesiac, turns out to be some big bad, and then gives birth to this Jasmine. Who, by the way, is her and Connor's offspring."

Spike snorted and shook his head sadly at his Grandsire. Anyone else and he'd have thought they were pulling his leg. "So, your kid kills his kid, goes off his nut and takes a store full of people hostage, including the comatose Cordelia. Some skirt - dead skirt, makes you an offer to give him a decent life and you take it. He gets a mum and dad, no remembrance of you, Holtz, Quortoth, nothing. And you get to be head of the LA branch of Evil Lawyers R Us. That about sum it up?"

"Pretty much. You might have left out few things, but you've got the gist of it."

"And you're the only one who remembers?" At Angel's nod, Spike let out a low whistle. "Well, wouldn't want to be in your shoes, mate. Bad enough that you have to go through that, but you know it isn't gonna fly when Xander shows up here, right? I mean, what can you say to him that could possibly make him understand why you ripped his life apart - and with a smile on your face?"

"I don't know, Spike. I'll think of something." Angel stubbed out his cigarette and sank back in his chair and closed his eyes. After a few minutes of silence he chuckled softly and sat forward. "He ever tell you it was his fault I went to hell? That he knew Willow was doing the restoration spell and deliberately withheld the information from Buffy?"

Spike looked shocked, and not a little impressed. "No, can't say as I've heard that one before. And you didn't kill him?"

Angel snorted. "Thought about it. Dreamt about it, fantasized about it. I had a very detailed plan in which he died slowly and agonizingly. Just never carried it out; eventually I stopped thinking about it. Until recently." Angel stood, stretched and walked over to the low table that held his whiskey decanter. He tipped the bottle toward Spike who nodded. Angel poured them both a drink and then resettled in his seat once again.

"The reason I never killed Xander for his part in sending me to hell, is because I know what would have happened if he had told Buffy the truth. She would have hesitated, and I would have killed her." Angel took a long swallow from his drink and then looked back at Spike with such pain in his eyes that Spike instinctively sat back as far from him as his chair - and the wall behind him - would allow.

"How do you know? I mean, when push comes to shove, she does her job, damn the consequences."

"Maybe now, but not always. She was just a girl..."

Spike remembered when Glory was after Dawn, how the only fool-proof option to defeat the hell God was to kill Dawn, and destroy the body. He remembered Buffy threatening to kill anyone who came near Dawn with unfriendly intentions. How she swore that if the world ended, the last thing Dawn would see was her sister dying to protecting her. Yeah, so maybe Angel had a point.

Angel, meanwhile, was remembering a time when Buffy was ready to kill for him, possibly to die for him. That Faith had survived made no difference in the fact that Buffy had stabbed her. In anyone else, the wound would have been fatal. When that plan failed, she had put herself at risk, enraging his demon into biting her; drinking from her. Once again, Xander had called him on it - put him in his place.

"So," Spike interrupted Angel�s thoughts. "How do you know for sure that she wouldn't have killed you? That you'd have done her in?"

"I spent five hundred years in Hell, Spike. And for five hundred years, I lived trapped in a repeating nightmare of exactly that. It varied, every conceivable thing that could have happened by opening Acathla, I bore witness to. Sometimes I killed her before opening the gateway, other times it was after. Sometimes I turned her, sometimes..." Angel choked and scrubbed his face with his hands before continuing in a rough voice. "Sometimes I kept her alive."

Spike understood all too well what that meant. Back in the day, he too had been known to play those games with humans. Keep them alive as long as he could, feeding from them, raping them, torturing them. It amused his demon to see them break, to watch the horror spread across their faces as he brought their children in to feed from in front of them, better yet to turn them and let them feed. To imagine the kind of things Angelus would have done to Buffy made him shudder. He cleared his throat and then bolted the remains of his drink.

"So, how did you know it was Xander?"

Angel chuckled darkly. "They showed me. How he told Buffy that Willow said to �kick my ass�, how he sneaked in and rescued Rupert. They must have seen into the future, because they showed me the two of them together, happy, in love. And I was rotting in Hell."

Spike whistled low and shook his head. "Perhaps you should tell this to Xander; he might just call it even - that is if he and Buffy make things up."

That made Angel take notice. "What do you mean 'if'?"

"She spent the night in my arms, Angel, and it wasn't Xander she was thinking about. What if he can't forgive her? What if he won't?"

"Then he's dumber than I ever thought."

The two demons exchanged a look and then Spike got to his feet. "Well, ta for the drink, sire. I'm off - lots to do and all that." Angel nodded and watched as Spike strode out of his office and down the hall to the elevator. He wondered, had it been him, if he would have had the strength to let her go a third time. He doubted it.

~!~

Dawn had eventually allowed Buffy to take her to her room and help her undress. She hadn't spoken, but Buffy filled the silence by apologising for running off on her and assuring her that she wasn't leaving again, that no one was. When Dawn finally fell asleep, Buffy tiptoed out of her room and closed the door behind her. As she turned, she almost walked straight into Xander.

"Is she all right?"

"She will be. Are you?" Buffy looked into her lover's eyes and saw the pain and confusion still swirling around, she wished there was something she could do to make it all better, but at the same time, she couldn't bring herself to regret last night. She still loved Spike, as much as she ever had, as much as she loved Xander. If the situation was reversed, if it had been Xander, she would have spent the night in his arms, as well.

"That depends on you. Are you leaving me?" Xander watched her warily, afraid to breathe as he waited for her answer.

"No! God, Xander, no. Not unless you want me to. I'm sorry I hurt you, I never wanted that." Tears were running down her cheeks and she hesitantly stepped closer to him. Xander reached out and wiped the tears from her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs before cradling her face in his hands. He bent toward her, stopping when their lips were scant millimeters apart.

"I love you, only you. Please, don't leave me."

Buffy made a small whimpering sound and pulled him to her. She kissed him, and then buried her face in his chest as she sobbed. Xander leaned his cheek on the top of her head and let his own tears fall as well. The pulled apart soundlessly and Buffy looked up at him, willing him to believe her. "Never, Xander. Never."

With a relieved sigh, he kissed her once again. "Why don't you go take a bath? I'll bring you some of that lemon tea Giles got you hooked on."

With a nod and a flare of guilt, Buffy left the room to do just that.

~!~

Standing in the center of his bedroom, Spike looked around and sighed. He had come up there to pack, but now that he was there, he realised he had nothing to take. Everything he had owned - not that it had been much to begin with - was now buried under Sunnydale. Everything in the room, save the clothes he was wearing, belonged to Angel; it was rather depressing.

Walking back out to the living room, he grabbed what was left of the bottle of whiskey he had pilfered from his sire the last time he'd raided his liquor cabinet and flopped onto the sofa. He thought about turning on the telly, but wasn't really interested in what daytime TV had to offer. Besides, he needed to think. He had told Buffy he was leaving LA; that he couldn't stay, not now that he'd been with her again. It was true; at least it had been when he'd said it. But now? Now all he could think of was how empty his life would be without her, without Xander coming to visit, filling him in on the details of their lives, telling him about his girls.

"Sod this!" Spike snarled and screwed the cap off the bottle before bringing it to his lips. For all he knew, the next time he saw Xander, the man would be coming to stake him. Not that he'd blame him. He knew that on some level he had betrayed Xander, betrayed the trust and the friendship the other man offered. Something he had never expected from him, not in a million lifetimes. But Xander had been his friend, he'd swallowed all the pain and pettiness of their past and offered him a chance to start over, and he had screwed it all up for one night with Buffy. One night that even now, knowing what he had lost, he couldn't quite bring himself to regret.

The bottle was empty far too soon, and he still had no answers. He could still leave; he probably should, but he wanted a chance to square things with Xander before he did. He'd let him decide if it was time for ole Spike to be moving on. Digging around in the cushions for the cordless phone he found it and dialled Xander's cell phone. When it was answered he hesitated. Finally though, he spoke. "Xander, it's me. I think we need to talk."

~!~

Standing in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil, Xander tried to come to terms with what had happened. He knew that Buffy had spent the night with Spike, knew that she had made love with him, as well. He might not have super senses, but he could smell the man on her, which was why he'd sent her to bathe. He wanted to be angry, to lash out and cause her pain for her betrayal, but he just couldn't find it in himself to do so. A year ago, it would have been easy. Hell, when Anya had slept with Spike, they hadn't even been together anymore but he was disgusted with her, turned away from her without looking back, and he was ready to kill the blonde vampire. But a lot had happened between then and now, and he was a different man than he was then, a man who understood loss, pain, and the need for closure. If that's all it was, a fond farewell, then he had to accept that it was what Buffy needed to finally let go of the past, to move on. If anything, he found himself more upset by Spike's betrayal than Buffy's.

He had thought that he and Spike were becoming friends, if they weren't already, and for the man to just blatantly disregard his feelings like that, well it hurt. More than it should have. He knew that Spike loved Buffy, would always love Buffy, and he shouldn't have been surprised that this had happened. If he had been offered one more night with Anya, would he have walked away? He didn't know the answer to that question, doubted he ever would. Anya was gone. She wasn't ever coming back. But Spike did, and Xander had sent him out there, sent him to find Buffy. So really, what happened between them was his fault. It didn't make it any easier to deal with.

After making the tea, he made his way to the en-suite bath in his and Buffy's room and gently knocked on the door. "I'm coming in," he spoke softly as he opened the door and came into the room. Buffy was sitting in the bathtub, bubbles all around her, hugging her knees to her chest and crying softly. It broke Xander's heart to see her like that.

"Hey, no, don't cry, Sweetheart, it's okay." Xander set down the tea and knelt beside the tub. He lifted her chin and looked her in the eye. �I understand; I do. Last night, it was about saying goodbye, right? I mean, it's not going to happen again, is it?" Buffy shook her head no and Xander nodded his understanding. "Then it's okay. I'm not angry with you, God knows I should be, but I know why you did it and as long as it's over, then I can forgive you."

Buffy leaned into Xander and he wrapped his arms around her as she cried. "Thank you," she whispered as he rubbed small circles on her back. "I love you Xander, I really do."

"I know, Buffy. I love you too." Xander pressed a soft kiss into her hair and gently moved her back into the bath. "Drink your tea; I'm going to go turn down the bed. You look like you could use some sleep." Xander left the bathroom and walked across the bedroom to the cedar chest. He took out fresh sheets and set about stripping and remaking the bed. He had just finished when his cell phone began to ring in the other room.

Striding out to the living room, he picked up his phone and hit the talk button. "Hello?" There was a pause and then finally someone spoke. Xander listened with his eyes closed and his jaw tensed. "Yeah, you're right, we do." He answered. "I'll be there within the hour." He hung up without saying goodbye and went back to his room, stopping on the way to check that Dawn was still asleep.

Buffy had gotten out of the tub and was just coming into the bedroom in her robe while towelling her hair. Xander offered her a smile and she returned it with a watery one of her one. "Xander..."

"No, shh. Let's not talk about this right now, okay? You need some rest, and I have some things I need to take care of." He led Buffy to the bed and sat her down. "Just lie down and try to sleep, I'll be back soon, I promise."

"Xander, he told me to tell you he's sorry. That he didn't mean for this to happen, and he'll understand if you hate him." Buffy lowered her voice and continued, "I'd understand if you hated me too."

Xander had her in his arms before she could blink. "Hey, none of that. I told you, I forgive you. I have to go; I need to sort this out with Spike. There may be hitting involved, but I won't dust him, promise." He kissed her softly on the mouth and then left the room. Buffy watched him go with a sad look on her face. She hoped that they could come back from this, that she hadn't irreparably damaged their relationship.

~!~



Part 7

Xander stood outside the offices of Wolfram & Hart debating on which vampire he wanted to hit the most. Turned out it was Angel, then again, it was always Angel. From the moment he'd laid eyes on the tall dark-haired vampire, he'd hated him. Sure, there were times when he hated him less, but the hate was always there. He wanted nothing more than to march into the man's office and douse him in holy water and laugh while he sizzled, set him on fire and toast marshmallows over his flaming dust, maybe just stake him and be done with it. He wouldn't stand a chance though, he knew that. As long as Angel was inside that building, there was little to nothing he could do to him. So he'd have to wait to deal with Angel, but Spike... Spike he could take care of right now.

Xander walked into the building and waited for the elevator; as soon as it opened he stepped in and pushed the button for the private suites on the building's upper floor. He entered the pass code into the small number box beside the elevator buttons and waited.

~!~

Spike paced nervously around the living room of his suite. He wasn't sure what to expect when Xander arrived; hell he hadn't actually expected the man to agree to speak with him. The last time something like this had happened, Xander had tried to take his head off with an axe. He and Anya hadn't even been together any longer at that time, so God only knew what he would try this time. He was really wishing he had the Gem of Amara right about now. His phone rang and he jumped before rolling his eyes at himself and answering it.

"Yeah, what is it?" Spike spoke harshly into the receiver.

"Mr. Harris is on his way up; he's just stepped into the elevator." The tinny voice on the other end responded.

"Thanks." Spike hung up the phone and grabbed his smokes off the table. The one nice thing about staying there was that there were no surprises anymore. He always knew when Xander was headed up to see him; the security in the building was phenomenal. Lighting a cigarette, Spike paced back and forth in front of the door. He knew that he needed to apologise to the man for sleeping with his girl, but he also knew that Xander would see right through him, that he'd know he wasn't sincere. He wasn't sorry about the act itself, just the possible repercussions it might have on his life.

Spike snorted to himself and shook his head. Soul or not he was still the same selfish bastard he'd always been. He hadn't been thinking about what Xander or Buffy were going through, what the effects of his actions - his and Buffy's actions - would be on the two humans. No, he was only relating it in terms of his own unlife. Would he have to leave LA? Would Xander stop being his friend? Would he stop sharing stories about Buffy and Dawn with him? Would Spike be left alone and lonely again?

That one was the real kicker, he hated being alone. Even being here, he was surrounded by Angel's people but they weren't his friends. They didn't like him, they merely tolerated his presence. Wesley, of course, was fascinated by him, but only because he'd come back from dust. Gunn didn't trust him, a point he�d made extremely obvious by flat out saying it to Angel and anyone else who'd listen. Fred looked at him like he was an unsolved puzzle, something to study, to learn from. And Lorne? The big green guy was always nice, but he was always looking at him too. It made him uncomfortable. Harmony was a nuisance, plain and simple.

Yeah, he and Angel had talked. Maybe they could even be friends now, but it wasn't the same. Angel would always see him as a vampire; he'd never look past what he was to see who he was. Xander had done that. He put their past behind them and offered him a fresh start. A clean slate. A chance to get to know him, and be his friend. And he, being the prat that he was, had thrown it all away. Spike's musings were interrupted by a loud knocking, and with a deep steadying breath, he went to answer the door.

~!~

As soon as Spike opened the door, Xander was in his face. "Bastard! How could you do that?"

Spike lowered his head and looked guiltily at the floor as he stepped aside. "Won't you come in, Xan? I think it'd be better to hash this out in private. Don't you?" Xander glared at the vampire, but nevertheless stepped inside and crossed the room as Spike closed and locked the door.

"I'm sorry...," Spike began, but at the look in Xander's eyes he trailed off. Nope, an apology was not what the man had come here for, and as he had figured, it wouldn't be believed anyway.

"Don't, Spike. Don't you dare fucking tell me you're sorry! Don't lie to me! I know you aren't sorry, not about sleeping with Buffy, anyway. You might be sorry that it was the last time it was ever going to happen, but you aren't sorry that you did it." Xander's icy glare dared him to deny it, to tell him he was wrong. But he wasn't, and they both knew it.

"You're right, Xander. I'm not sorry for that, I never could be and I never will be. I love her." Before Spike could say another word, Xander was across the room and had his fist buried in Spike's gut. The vampire took it. He stood there and let Xander hit him, again and again. He just hoped that this small show of submissiveness would be enough to let Xander know how he felt.

Eventually Spike realised that Xander was chanting under his breath as he hit him. The words 'Bastard' and 'friend' coming out the clearest. He didn't know if it was the smartest thing to do, but all the same, he stopped the next hit from connecting and pulled Xander into his arms. "Xander, I am sorry." Xander struggled to free himself but Spike wasn't letting go, and superior vamp strength had its advantages. "I'm sorry for what I've done to you, to us, to the friendship we were starting to build. I've never been sorry for much in my life, but I am sorry for that. I never wanted to hurt you."

Xander seemed to sag in his embrace and Spike wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. He settled for rubbing soothing circles on Xander's back and waiting for the man to speak. It was the sudden scent of salt in the air, as much as the hot wetness seeping into the skin of his neck where Xander had buried his face that clued him in to the fact that the man was crying.

At a complete loss as to what to do, Spike gently led Xander to the sofa and sat them both down. He looked away as the man tried to compose himself but knew that this wasn't something they could ignore. "Xander, are you all right?"

Xander barked out a laugh that sounded more painful than anything Spike had ever heard. "Spike, my girlfriend didn't come home last night. She spent the night with someone else, someone I considered a friend; and then when she did come home, all I could think about was how betrayed I felt..."

"Xander, I�" Spike didn't know what to say; it was all true. He supposed he could tell him it was all his fault; take the blame even though it had been Buffy who had asked him to make love to her. He didn't get the chance to say anything further as Xander's next words penetrated his thoughts.

"...by you." Xander looked up slowly and smiled bitterly at the shocked expression on the vampire's face. "Spike, I understand why Buffy did what she did. If Anya came back and I had the chance to be with her, one last time, I'd have taken it too. I can't be mad at her for that; don't get me wrong, I want to be, I just ... can't." Xander shook his head. "But you, I expected ... I dunno, I mean, you don't sleep with your buddy's girl; that's not the act of a friend. I guess I just thought that our friendship meant something to you, like it did to me."

"Oh, Xander." Spike lifted Xander's chin and looked him in the eye. "It did, it does. It means more than you'd think. You don't know what it's been like, being here, being surrounded by Angel's people. None of them know me, they don't really want to. You offering me friendship and a link to Buffy and Dawn? It meant everything. I'm only sorry I screwed it all up, but Jesus, Xander!" Spike looked at him with all the pain that only a souled being could possess. "She asked me; what was I supposed to say? One last chance to be with her, one memory to sustain me for a lifetime. How do you say no to that?"

Xander sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "You don't. I'm sorry, Spike. I'm sorry I hit you, I just... Christ." Xander stood and ran his hands through his hair as he paced the room. "I thought I'd lost her, lost you, both of you, all of you. My entire world was crashing down around me and I was helpless to stop it. For all your talk about having nothing to offer, I knew that you wouldn't be able to say no if she wanted you back. Do you know how many friends I have in LA, Spike? One. You. So, yeah, I lose my girl, my pseudo-daughter, and my only friend in this Godforsaken town in one fell swoop."

The look Xander turned on Spike just then made him feel like something scraped off the bottom of a shoe. He should have known; the boy had always suffered from a lack of self confidence, it only stood to reason that the man would, as well.

"Do you know what I did that night, Spike? After calling you? I sat on the sofa holding Dawnie while she cried and wondering if this was the last night I ever spent with her. Wondering if when Buffy came back, would it be to collect her things and leave me? Or to ask me to go so that you could move in." Xander held up a hand to stop Spike from saying anything at that remark, "I know, I know she would never do that, never kick me out of my own home, but without her, it's just a house. Without Buffy and Dawn, I have no home. And the worst thing, I had no one to talk to about any of it. My first instinct was to call you, but then I remembered that I had already done that, and sent you after Buffy. That it was because of that, that I was in the predicament I was in."

Xander slumped back onto the couch beside Spike and closed his eyes. "I blamed you. I couldn't bring myself to blame her - still can�t." He chuckled self-depreciatingly, "Didn't want to look too hard at the fact that a lot of this was my fault, so I blamed you for everything. Old habits die hard, I guess."

"Xander, look at me." When Xander turned his head and looked up at him, Spike continued. "Don't blame yourself for this. It was a fucked-up situation to begin with. Me coming back, seeing Buffy in the bar, seeing the two of you together, finding you in the watcher's office... Snogging you." Spike smirked at Xander's blush and then shook his head. "It was bound to blow up sooner or later. This might not be Sunnydale, but LA has its own brand of curse. I never should have asked you to keep me a secret."

"We both made mistakes," Xander agreed. "Equal blame then? Share the burden 50-50?"

Spike chuckled. "How about 30-30? We'll pin the other forty percent on the Poof's timing." He knew he had said the wrong thing when Xander's eyes went from friendly to cold and filled with hate. He certainly didn't envy Angel right about now. In fact, he was betting that if it weren't for all the security, Angel would have been staked already.

With a deep sigh and a shake of his head, Spike spoke. "I can't believe I'm going to do this, but, Xander, Angel had his reasons for doing what he did." Spike held up a hand to stop the interruption he knew was coming. "I'm not saying you should forgive and forget, just listen."

"Fine, explain to me why I shouldn't kill the bastard." Xander crossed his arms over his chest and waited.

Spike rolled his eyes. "Fine. Let's see, how did this go again? Right. It all started when Wolfram & Hart brought Darla back from the dead..."

~!~



Part 8

Buffy felt the covers lift as Xander slid into bed beside her. She sighed and snuggled into his arms as he pulled her against him. She felt so safe there, so protected and loved. It was funny, her being the one with super strength and all, but Xander had always tried to protect her, always put her first. She knew he always would, sending Spike out to find her just proved that.

She smiled as his large, warm hands began to move with purpose, mapping out her flesh and making her squirm with desire. After last night, she needed this connection with him again. With a hint of desperation she crawled on top of him and took his long hard length into her body. Xander arched beneath her and she began to ride him in slow, languid movements, building the anticipation.

She started briefly when she felt the bed dip behind her. Wondered what was happening when cool, familiar hands slid around her waist, sliding upwards to gently cup her breasts and tweak her nipples. She couldn't help it, she moaned loudly. Looking down into her lover's eyes she tilted her head in question. "Xander?"

"Shh, it's okay. We've come to an ... understanding. We both love you, we both want you to be happy. We're willing to share."

"He's right love. Better to share you than lose you." Cool lips trailed along her shoulders and neck as one of Spike's hands slipped between her thighs to where she and Xander were joined. Gathering her juices on his fingers, Spike began to prepare her for his entry.

Buffy mewled and writhed between Xander's cock and Spike's fingers. She had never done this - been made love to by two men at the same time - before and the newness of the situation excited her beyond measure. Spike had been the only one to ever take her in this fashion, and the thought of having him inside her at the same time as Xander had her clenching hard around them both as her body shook with orgasm.

"Oh, God. Oh please, Spike, hurry." Buffy wanted to feel him inside her, feel the two of them splitting her open and making her whole at the same time. She groaned and let herself fall forward onto Xander's chest as Spike replaced his fingers with his cock and began to slowly slide into her.

"Sit up, love. It only gets better from here." Spike pulled her up so that her back was against his chest.

Xander's hands slid up to cover her breasts as Spike's held onto her hips. Spike withdrew and then thrust back in as Xander pulled out. They moved in tandem, like a well-oiled machine, and Buffy could only moan and beg and hold on for dear life. One of Spike's hands slid between her thighs and began to manipulate her clitoris as Xander pulled and twisted her nipples sharply. She screamed and came again.

The tempo increased and she could tell by the noises they made that both men were close to climaxing; she also knew that they were doing everything in their power to bring her along with them. As the pounding became hash and fast, Spike sucked the scarred tissue of Angel's claim-mark into his mouth, laving it with his tongue; Xander pressed his thumb to her clit and rubbed it in small circles. All three shouted, screamed, and growled their completion and fell to the mattress in a sated, sweaty tangle of limbs - Buffy in the middle, Xander and Spike on either side.

~!~

It was dark by the time Buffy woke up. She looked around her, noticing the empty bed, the distinct lack of male bodies, and the unsatisfied state of her own body and groaned in realisation. "A dream. A fucking dream!" Buffy flopped back onto the bed and closed her eyes. She remembered the dream, the way it felt to be possessed by them both, to feel them on her, in her, sharing her between them.

Slipping her hand between her legs, Buffy began to recall her dream more vividly as she stroked herself. She pictured the three of them together, moving as one entity, locked in passion. In her fantasy she saw herself slip out from between them, watched as they melded together, Spike - pale and blonde, writhing against Xander - tanned and dark. She rubbed herself faster, the sight of the two of them together almost more erotic than she could bear. As Spike slowly sank into Xander, as Xander's legs locked around Spike's waist, as the two of them howled and thrust madly against each other, she came with mind-shattering intensity.

Buffy opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. She was shocked by what she had just done; picturing the three of them together was one thing, but getting off on the thought of Xander and Spike? "That. Was definitely different." Standing, she tied her robe tightly around her waist and headed to the bathroom to shower. "Different, but way hot." She concluded to herself just before closing the door behind her.

~!~

Dawn woke up and immediately knew what she had to do. It came to her while she was sleeping, and there was nothing or no one that was going to stop her. She dressed as quietly as she could, raided Buffy's weapons chest, and slipped silently from the house.

As she walked across the street, Dawn plastered a fake, cheery grin on her face and went up the steps to the house. She rang the doorbell and waited for Mrs. Whitby - the elderly woman who lived there - to answer.

The door opened and a small white-haired old lady smiled at Dawn as she ushered her inside. "Come in, come in. What can I do for you dearie?" Dawn smiled and tried not to wince at the smell of cat urine that seemed to seep from the very walls of the house. She had rescued one of Mrs. Whitby's cats from a stray dog right after they had first moved there, and the old woman had been nothing short of grateful to her ever since.

Dawn took a deep breath and regretted it almost instantly as the acrid scent invaded her nostrils and made her choke. She wiped at her leaking eyes as she tried to regain her composure. "I'm sorry," She finally gasped as the coughing fit eased. "I was wondering, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, could I borrow your car? Xander had to go to work today and it's my turn to do the shopping..." Dawn trailed off, looking both pitiful and hopeful at the same time.

The old woman smiled and took her hand, she began to lead her further into the house and Dawn could hardly believe it when the smell intensified. She grit her teeth and reminded herself that this was necessary, and tried to smile again, even as her eyes burned. Mrs. Whitby dug through her purse and eventually came up with a set of keys, which she handed to Dawn along with a twenty dollar bill.

"Would you mind picking up some fresh litter while you're out? I think it's almost time to change the pans."

Dawn nodded and headed for the door. "Of course, no problem." She waved goodbye and hurriedly left the house. As she stood gasping in fresh air on the step, she thought to herself that it was long past the time to change the litter.

~!~

Xander pursed his lips and raised an eyebrow. Spike couldn't help but wonder if he looked so cold and uncaring when he made that face. He'd just finished telling Xander what Angel had told him only hours before. Unlike himself, Xander didn't seem the least bit affected by the news. Spike rolled his eyes and returned the look. Finally Xander shook his head. "Okay. Fine. So he's been given a shitty deal, it sucks. Still, it doesn't give him the right to do what he did. Never mind what it did to me; I never expected anything more than that from him, but I thought he loved Buffy. And Dawn has never done anything to deserve what he did to her."

Spike agreed. If anyone was innocent in the whole thing, it was Dawn. She had always been the innocent bystander, but also the one who got hurt the most. She'd survived finding out that she wasn't real, that her memories were all fake, the death of her mum, being kidnapped by a hell god, her sister dying. She'd hurt almost as bad as Red when the witchy duo had split, having her surrogate family fall apart on her. Buffy's return wasn't the happy, joy-filled moment it should have been; she hadn't been grateful to be brought back, just the opposite in fact, and Dawn sensed that. Then Tara died, and she had spent hours alone with the body - not wanting to leave her alone. The destruction of Sunnydale, according to Xander, had hit her hard. Angel's little speech was the last straw, and if he thought it would help the girl, he'd have staked him himself.

"Right. She didn't. But then, Angel didn't ask to be a father either; he certainly didn't ask to have his kid stolen from him and raised by a madman in a hell dimension, did he? Sometimes, life hands you lemons, and other times it hands you big steaming piles of shit. You can't even make lemonade with shit, Xander. It's just shit." For the first time in a long time, Spike felt every one of his one-hundred-plus years. He was too old for this kind of crap; being a demon was supposed to be about feeding and fighting, killing and shagging. It wasn't supposed to be this bloody hard.

Xander scrunched up his nose. "Okay, that was ... eeeww. I mean, graphic, much?"

Spike chuckled. He put his arm around Xander's shoulder and squeezed briefly. "Coulda been worse, I coulda said ..."

Xander slapped his hand over Spike's mouth and laughed as he shook his head. "No way. Nuh uh. I do not want to hear whatever it was you were thinking." Xander shuddered and screwed up his face in disgust. Spike waggled his eyebrows and licked a wet stripe across Xander's palm. Xander squealed - in a manly fashion - and tried to jump away. Spike tightened his hold on Xander's shoulders and wiggled his fingers at the desperately-trying-to-escape young man.

"No!" Xander looked horrified as Spike struck, clever fingers digging into his sides and reducing him to a helpless puddle of giggling Xander-goo. Spike, for his part, was having more fun than he'd had in a very long time. It sobered him instantly to think that he'd nearly lost this.

Xander panted for breath as Spike stopped tickling him. He looked up and saw the intense look in Spike's eyes. It made his stomach flutter in anxiety; the man was looking at him like he was ... lunch?

Spike studied Xander, he was sweaty, rumpled, his skin tinged red from exertion. He had a brief flash of memory, of what it had been like to kiss the man. He instantly took note of their positions; Xander on his back, sprawled, wide-legged, across the sofa - Spike lying on top of him, their faces inches away from one another. If he leaned in, just the slightest bit, they'd be kissing.

Xander's eyes focused on Spike's. He didn't seem like he was going to bite him; he wasn't even in vamp-face, so what was with the look? It took him a minute to realise that it was longing he saw in those clear blue eyes. Longing for him? He felt his stomach flutter again at the thought as he took in how close they were; in fact, if he lifted his face just slightly, they'd be kissing.

Spike moved.

Xander moved.

The smallest of spaces still lingered between them. Xander felt the muscles in his neck begin to strain, and took a chance that he was doing the right thing. He moved the last little way and pressed his mouth to Spike's.

~!~



Part 9

Getting into the Wolfram & Hart building had been easier than she had imagined. All she had had to do was give them her name and say she was visiting Spike when stopped at the elevator, and they had allowed her to go. For such a supposedly high-profile company, their security was, in her opinion, crap.

It had only taken a quick glance at the company directory to learn where Angel's office was, and regardless of what she had told the security officer, Spike was not the vampire she had come there to see. She quickly checked that the stake and the holy water pistol she had taken from home were still in her purse. A quick touch of her wrists and she smiled while imagining the look of surprise that Angel would have when he saw what she was wearing. The wrist stakes - a design Xander had made after hearing Buffy describe the ones Angel wore - were strapped in place and ready to use. Unlike the ones Angel wore, hers threw projectiles. He wouldn't know what hit him.

She was done letting people ruin her life, letting others take her family away from her. Angel would pay for hurting them. He would pay with his unlife.

~!~

At the first press of warm lips against his own, Spike moaned and dove into the kiss headfirst. He wasn't thinking about Buffy, or the fact that he had done this very thing with her only hours before. In fact, he wasn't thinking about much of anything outside of 'damn, the boy really can kiss' and 'hope he knows to breathe through his nose'. Lips opened, tongues battled and legs twined together as Spike's weight pressed Xander further into the cushions.

Fingers plucked at his shirt and then warm hands slid beneath the fabric. Spike moaned as Xander's hands ran across his back, the work-roughened skin such a contrast to what he was used to. It had been far too long since he had felt another man's hands on him in any way other than fighting. He pulled back slightly from the kiss, allowing Xander to remove the shirt entirely. He had little patience for the buttons on Xander's own shirt, so he simply pulled the garment open, scattering the buttons.

"What the fu..." Xander trailed off as Spike's soft, cool skin rubbed enticingly against his own heated flesh. More kisses followed, rough needy kisses. Kisses the likes of which Xander had never experienced before. Before he realised what was happening, his hands were at the waistband of Spike's jeans, fumbling with the button-fly.

Things were just starting to get interesting, as far as Spike was concerned, when the phone rang.

The shrill sound seemed to remind them both of whom they were with and what they were doing. They both pulled out of the kiss, eyes opening and locking with one another. Spike reached for the phone, his eyes not leaving Xander's, and brought it to his ear. "What?" He snarled and then fell silent.

"Are you certain?" Was asked a few moments later, followed by, "Right. I'll take care of it."

Reluctantly, Spike shifted up and off of Xander, reaching out a hand to help him to his feet. "Not that I wasn't enjoying what we were doing," Spike smiled as Xander blushed and lowered his head slightly. "But it looks like the Bit decided to drop in on Peaches, and I doubt it's a social call."

Xander looked up at Spike, all traces of embarrassment gone from his face. "Dawn? She's here? Are you sure it was her?"

"Yeah, she is, I am, and I know this 'cause the blighter that stopped her at the elevator got her name. She said she was comin' to see me, so's he let her pass." Spike shrugged his shoulders, "I wish she was, but seeing as she doesn't have the pass code, we both know where she's really headed."

"Fuck!"

"Yeah. I agree. Question is, do you want to save Angel? Because I do believe if she wants to badly enough, she'll kill him." Spike tried for a look of indifference, but he was pretty sure that Xander wasn't fooled. He didn't know what the future held for him and Angel, but he kind of hoped the older vampire lived long enough for them to find out.

"Not really, but I don't want Dawn to be the one who dusts the bastard. She'll regret it later. Maybe." Xander scowled at the state of his shirt, ran his fingers through his hair, and headed for the door; he couldn't believe he was going to save Angel.

Spike picked up his discarded shirt, pulled it over his head, and followed right behind him.

~!~

The elevator ride down had been made in silence, both men acutely aware of what might have been happening instead, had Dawn not chosen to show up with a plan of revenge. Spike licked his lips, tasted Xander on them, and felt himself harden - again. He shook his head; it was all too weird. Less than 24 hours ago, Xander had just been his friend. Now, he had slept with the man's girlfriend - resulting in the loss of his friendship, gotten a decent beating - therefore regaining the previously lost friendship, and then snogged the man silly on his sofa. He had to wonder if the building hadn't picked up and moved to the former sight of the town of Sunnydale - cause things like this only happened on the Hellmouth.

Xander was thinking similar thoughts. He couldn't figure out when Spike had gone from acquaintance, to friend, to enemy, and then to someone he wanted to kiss. And apparently more. On top of that, he couldn't help but wonder what Buffy would think of all this. He had come here with every intention of beating Spike into a fine white paste; instead, he almost wound up doing the exact same thing she had done last night - having sex with him. And since when was he attracted to guys?

As soon as the doors slid open, Xander followed Spike as they ran toward Angel's office. Spike threw the door open and they charged inside.

Xander drew in a breath and Spike snarled. Dawn was there all right, and so was Angel. But they weren't alone. There were half a dozen guys decked out in assassin-wear, training rifles on Dawn. She didn't look too concerned about it. In fact, she was smiling. In that moment, Xander could see the influence Spike had on her; it was the same expression he always wore when facing his own death - one that spoke of confidence in his superiority. Xander just hoped Dawn could pull it off.

Angel looked from Dawn to Xander and winced. He could see the man wanted him dead, but he knew that he wouldn't sacrifice Dawn to see it done. He moved his hand toward his shoulder - intent on removing the stake that was lodged there - but stilled as Dawn flicked her wrist and another stake slipped into the wrist launcher.

One of the riflemen made to shoot Dawn, and Spike stepped between them. "Put the gun down, mate; you don't want to be shooting at her." He waited until the man lowered his rifle before turning to look at Angel, disapproval in his eyes. "I can't believe you called these wankers in here! What the hell were you thinking? Buffy finds out about this, your arse is dust, you know."

Angel grit his teeth. "I didn't call them. They must have my office under surveillance." He looked imploringly at Spike. "I wouldn't do that, Spike. You believe me, don't you?"

Spike sighed. "Yeah. I do. Tell them to leave and we'll all talk this out like rational adults."

"I tried that. They wouldn't go."

Spike chuckled. "And you call yourself the boss?"

"Not now, Spike."

"All right, all right. Just so you know, I find this entire situation highly amusing. Well, except for the part where these wankers are pointing guns at my Nibblet." Spike moved so fast that no one saw him; he had Dawn disarmed and in his arms before anyone could blink. Dawn was too shocked to even try to get away, and Angel took the opportunity to pull the stake out of his shoulder.

He looked at his 'security' people and frowned. "You're all fired. Get out."

~!~

Buffy wandered from room to room, picking up and examining various knickknacks and photographs. Everything they had here was new, or at least new-to-them. All of her belongings, all the things that were her mother's that she had always imagined having when she had her own home, were gone. The dressing table that had been passed from her great grandmother, to her grandmother, to her mother and then to herself; the photos of herself as a child; the wedding dress that Joyce had kept all those years in the hopes that someday Buffy would wear it and be as happy on that day as she herself had been the day she married Hank; the Christening outfit from the day she'd been baptized; and the scrapbook that her mother had recorded her childhood accomplishments in. They were all gone. Like so many other things, they'd been destroyed by the decimation of Sunnydale, never to be seen again.

She knew that Dawn had things - material possessions - that she missed as well; her teddy bear, the music box Xander had given her for her sixteenth birthday, the bracelet she had gotten from Spike. She knew that she missed that thing the most, that because she was angry at Spike she had stopped wearing it. That she cried sometimes because she still had Xander - even without the music box, but Spike was gone and she nothing tangible left to remember him by.

Feeling lonely and wanting to make up for her selfishness, Buffy went to Dawn's room and opened the door. She was expecting to have to wake her sister, but she found the room empty. She panicked. "Where the hell could she have gone?"

After searching the house, even though she knew it was pointless, Buffy called Xander's cell phone.

~!~

Xander faced Angel with a look of hatred that the vampire hadn't thought he was capable of. He soon realised that this wasn't the boy that had sent him to hell; this was the man who had survived it on his own. Gone were the innocence, the laughter, the self-deprecation, and the smug, superior attitude. This man who looked at him now was as different to the boy he remembered as he himself was to the demon he had been before the soul. He had a brief moment to wonder if they might have been friends now, before Xander spoke.

"Spike, take Dawn to your place, would you? I want a moment alone here with Deadboy."

Spike nodded, kept his arm around Dawn and steered her toward the door. At the doorway, Dawn looked back at Angel and with fierce determination, spoke to him for the first time since she had barged into his office. "If you hurt Xander, I will kill you. You won't know when, you won't know where, but you will die, and I will be the one to send you to hell."

Angel nodded, his appreciation of her fierce loyalty kicked up a few notches. "Understood."

Spike looked at Xander; Dawn watched with curiosity as their eyes locked and a look passed between them before Xander blushed slightly and lowered his gaze. She wanted to ask what was going on, but Spike led her away, and before she thought to protest, they were in front of the elevator.

~!~

Once he was sure Dawn was out of sight, and that she was in no danger, Xander rounded on Angel. "I don't know what kind of business you're running here, Angel, but I'm not happy about what I just saw. Mercenaries? I mean really, you employ people who have no qualms about killing little girls?"

"She's hardly a little girl, Xander. She's seventeen years old."

"She's only seventeen years old; I know that to you, that might make her all grown up - I remember what happened with you and Buffy when she was seventeen - but Dawn is different; the first fifteen years of her life never happened. She's lost everything that mattered to her at one point or another, and she's been through hell. What you did..."

"I'm sorry, Xander. I know it was wrong..." Angel interrupted only to have Xander continue as if he hadn't spoken.

"...was unforgivable. If it were anyone but Dawn, I'd have let them kill you." Xander turned away from Angel and headed to the door. He stopped and spoke without looking back. "Stay away from my family, Angelus. If you come near us again, I'll make you wish you were never sired."

Angel watched as Xander walked away, "Some days, Xander, I wish I hadn't been."

~!~



Part 10

Dawn had been silent after her little speech to Angel. Spike wasn't sure how to take it; the Dawn he remembered had always been talking. If she wasn't bubbling over with enthusiasm over boys or slaying, or music or dancing, she was complaining, usually about the same things, loudly, to anyone who'd listen. Then again, maybe she was angry with him, too. They'd never gotten back the bond they once shared. After what happened between him and Buffy, after she found out from Xander and threatened to set him on fire, things were never the same between them. He missed her, missed them, what they had shared. She was the closest to family he'd had in a very long time. He wished they were still that close; he'd know what to do if they were - he'd hold her, stroke her long dark hair, and promise to make everything better, then he'd do everything in his power to keep that promise.

They had reached his rooms, and he'd led her inside. She remained silent as he steered her to the sofa, but her eyes took in everything. She had noticed the obvious lack of buttons on Xander's shirt earlier, and now she knew where they were - scattered across the sofa and floor in front of it. She turned to Spike, who stood close by, almost hovering.

"Did you and Xander fight?" Her tone was calm, conversational even. But Spike saw the fire in her eyes, and knew she was far from serene.

"We did. But then we made up. He hit me some, I let him. He cried some, I held him. We talked, made peace even. You okay with that?" Spike looked at her, seriously looked at her. He had memories of this girl from when she was a child. Remembered seeing her hiding behind her mum as the older Summers woman brained him with an axe. She was just a child then; this was no child sitting in front of him now, too much had happened for her to retain her innocence.

Dawn thought about it for a minute then she stood and faced Spike, they were practically the same height now. She stood nose to nose with him; he held her gaze and waited for her answer. "Would it matter if I wasn't? If I said I wanted you to leave, to never bother Xander or Buffy again, would you go?"

Spike considered it; he didn't want to leave even though he knew he probably should - what had happened earlier with him and Xander was proof enough of that, but could he actually go? He wasn't too sure. He looked into Dawn's eyes, saw the fear she had; fear of losing her family once again and knew what he had to do.

"Yeah, for you I would go. If that's what you really want, I'll leave LA tonight; I'll never contact Xander again. But Dawn? If I do, if you ask me to go, you have to let me explain why I'm leaving to him. I owe him better than that."

Dawn saw the sincerity in Spike's eyes and nodded her head. "Okay."

Spike blinked in confusion. "Okay what? Okay you'll let me explain to Xander before you ask me to leave?"

"No. Okay, I believe that you've changed. That you didn't set out to hurt Xander by sleeping with my sister. If Xander offered you his friendship, you'd be a fool to throw it away, even for Buffy. Friends like Xander aren't easy to come by, even if you are immortal."

Spike grinned at her. "So I've learned." He sat down, scattering a few loose buttons onto the carpet and motioned for Dawn to join him. She sat. "So", he tilted his head in classic Spike-style. "What about us? Are we friends again? I've missed you."

It was almost too much too hope for, but when Dawn threw herself into his arms, he knew he was forgiven. He held on tight as she wept and poured out her heart to him, telling him how much she missed him, how horrible she felt when she'd learned he was gone. How she wished she had forgiven him before he died and that it was the one thing she regretted the most about the last year in Sunnydale.

Spike closed his eyes as he petted her long, shiny hair; he inhaled her scent and felt one more piece of his shattered soul fall back into place. He would have been happy to stay like this for hours, but just then, a shrill ringing began.

~!~

Buffy paced the house as she waited for Xander to answer the phone. She was worried about Dawn, knew she had taken off somewhere, but she didn't know where. Oh, she had a few ideas, but none of them were good; she highly doubted her sister had gone for ice cream.

Needless to say, she was shocked into silence when Spike answered Xander's cell phone; when he cautiously said hello, she hadn't replied. After the second 'hello', this one more of a question then a greeting, she found her voice. "Spike?"

After confirming that it was, indeed, Spike who had answered, she asked for Xander. After learning of his momentary absence, she broke down and told Spike about Dawn's being missing. She couldn't keep the tears from her eyes, or the wobble from her voice as she finished off with, "I'm just so scared that something will happen to her."

A look of such relief passed over her face when Spike told her Dawn was there, that she was safe, and that Xander would bring her home as soon as he got back. Buffy thanked him, and asked to speak to Dawn.

~!~

Spike handed the phone over to Dawn, glad to be out of the middle of things. He didn't mind reassuring Buffy that Dawn was okay, but he didn't know how to talk to her now, not on the phone, not with Dawn sitting right beside him. Besides, there were some things he didn't want her to hear from him; he didn't want to tell her about Angel, or what Dawn had attempted to do. That was between Dawn and Buffy. And Xander, of course. Xander, who was still not back from Angel's office. Xander who had kissed him, who had been about to open his jeans before they had been interrupted by the shrilling of the phone.

Spike barely registered Dawn saying goodbye to her sister; his focus was solely on the door and wondering if he shouldn't go after Xander. He had a brief flare of panic imagining the man trying to finish what Dawn had started, and those goons with the guns coming back. He was halfway to the door, turning back to tell Dawn to wait there for him, when it opened, and Xander stepped inside.

The relief he felt at seeing him was short-lived. Xander wouldn't meet his eyes; he went directly to Dawn, crouched in front of her, and pulled her into his arms. "Don't you ever do something that stupid again! You hear me? You could have been killed, my god... If I'd lost you..."

Dawn looked to Spike, horror in her eyes. Xander was crying. Xander who had always been strong, who had always been the one to hold her, to be her rock, was crying, and she didn't know what to do.

Spike went to Dawn, he sat next to her and whispered in her ear, "Yer doin' fine luv, just hold him; he thought he'd lost you." Dawn blinked, tears ran down her cheeks and she slid to the floor; wrapping her arms around Xander, she held him and they cried together. Dawn told him how sorry she was, that she would never do something that foolish again. She promised him that she would never put her life in danger on purpose.

~!~

It was early evening by the time Xander and Dawn left the Wolfram & Hart building. As they walked outside to the parking lot, Dawn groaned and smacked herself in the forehead. "Mrs. Whitby's litter!" Xander blinked in confusion and Dawn elaborated. "I borrowed her car to get here, and she asked me to pick up kitty litter since I was going to the grocery store anyway."

Xander chuckled and shook his head. "Well, that would have been a fine way to top off your afternoon then, huh? A little vampire slaying followed by a trip to the Lucky Market for cat litter, and then back to the house with no one the wiser?" He gave her a 'parental' scowl and she shrugged her shoulders.

"I hadn't really thought beyond the 'dust Angel' part of the plan. I know, pretty stupid, huh?" Dawn bit her lower lip and scuffed the toe of her shoe on the pavement. Xander crossed his arms over his chest; he wasn't going to be swayed by her innocent act. "Yeah. It was. Not that I haven't done my share of stupid things� When I was your age, I think I did Willow's share, as well. Maybe some of Buffy's, too. Point is, did you learn from this?"

"I did. I learned that trying to kill Angel in his own office was a stupid thing to do. Next time I'll wait until he's in the open and I have a high-powered crossbolt - maybe a gun that shoots wooden bullets." She smiled at him and he smiled back before putting his arm around her shoulders and walking her toward Mrs. Whitby's car.

~!~

As Xander followed Dawn back to the house, he couldn't help but replay the quiet conversation he'd had with Spike just outside the vampire's door. With all the commotion of rescuing Dawn from the security guys, and rescuing Angel from Dawn, his lip-lock with Spike had almost slipped his mind. Almost, but not quite.

Spike had asked to speak to him in private after he'd pulled himself together. They had stepped out into the hall and Spike laid his hand on Xander's shoulder; Xander flinched. Spike nodded to himself and stepped back. "So, that's the way it is then,� he had muttered to himself, but Xander had heard him.

"Look, Spike," Xander began, but was interrupted.

"Are you gonna tell the slayer - Buffy; are you gonna tell Buffy what happened here? What almost happened here? 'Cause I think I'd like a bit of warning. She hits harder than you do." It had been meant as a joke, a way to lighten the tension that hung between them, but Xander could read the truth in the request, as well; Spike didn't want to hurt Buffy, but he didn't want this to be a barrier between the two of them either.

"I don't know; I mean I kinda have to... She won't like it, but I think she'll understand. I mean, it was only a kiss..." Xander trailed off at the scathing look on Spike's face. He sighed. "Okay, so it was more than a kiss, but we didn't do anything!"

"Because we were interrupted. If the phone hadn't rung, what would have happened, Xander? Would you have put a stop to it? 'Cause I wouldn't have." Spike had looked him straight in the eye. "I wanted you, still do, but I want your friendship more. I don't want to let what almost happened get in the way of what we are; you're the only friend I've got, and I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me. We can play the 'it never happened' game if you like; I'm real good at that one, but I need to know what you want."

Xander had thought about it for a minute and then shook his head. "I don't want to play games, Spike. I wanted you, too; I'm just not sure why, you know? I mean, I love Buffy, she's it for me. We kissed, we did a little naughty-touching, but hey, I'm still friends with Wills and we travelled that road as well. I don't want to be awkward around you either." Xander stepped closer to Spike and put his hand on Spike's shoulder, smiling when he wasn't rebuffed. "I still want to be friends, but I think I have to be honest with Buffy - I have to tell her what happened."

Spike had nodded again, then a reluctant grin broke out on his face. "At least she doesn't have the passcode; she'll have to catch me outside of the building if she wants to beat the hell outta me." He waggled his eyebrows at Xander. "I might just have to stay inside for the next couple of years. You'll let me know when it's safe to step outside again, right?"

They had parted as friends, manly insults and a friendly squeeze to the shoulder as Spike walked him and Dawn to the elevator. It wasn't until he had pulled into the parking lot of the Lucky Market that he remembered Dawn had to buy litter for their neighbour.

~!~



Part 11

Buffy heard the car pull up and watched out the window as Xander walked across the street to Mrs. Whitby's house and began unloading her trunk. She squinted into the darkness trying to make out what he was doing, when Dawn got out of the driver�s side of the car and went to help him. "Cat litter?" Buffy muttered as she shook her head and continued to watch as the porch light came on illuminating the figures of her sister and her lover as they carried the large bags into the old woman's house and the door closed behind them. At least now she knew how Dawn had gotten to the law firm; she hadn't thought to ask when she'd talked to her earlier; she had been too concerned about her sister's safety.

Several minutes passed while she watched the house across the street, wondering what was going on inside. Finally though, the door opened and Dawn, followed by Xander, walked down the steps and around to the side of the house where Buffy could just make out the shape of the trash bins. She giggled as she realised that Xander must have gotten duped into taking out Mrs. Whitby's garbage for her. Sometimes, Xander was just too nice.

~!~

"Ugh!" Dawn shuddered as she wiped her hands on the legs of her jeans. "I can't believe you made me empty her cat pans!"

Xander chuckled and turned her towards him. "I felt it was a suitable punishment. You ran off without telling anyone where you were going; you could have gotten hurt, or killed. You don't know what Wolfram & Hart are capable of, Dawn; they could have made you disappear without a trace."

"But I thought Angel was in charge; he's supposed to be a good guy." She crossed her arms over her chest and pouted slightly.

"And that's why you tried to make him fit in an ashtray? Because he's a good guy?" Xander shook his head and sighed. "There are a lot of things about Angel that you don't know. Some that I only found out tonight. He's not the champion everyone makes him out to be; when push comes to shove, Angel will take the easy way out. Every time. He doesn't have what it takes to stick things out; when the chips are down, the rest of us dig in, but Angel? He walks away. Doesn't matter what he's supposed to be fighting for, he takes the easy way out."

Dawn looked at Xander; curiosity written clearly on her face. "What's this all about, Xander? Did something happen before I got there? Did Spike say something?"

"A lot has happened. Things I can't even begin to wrap my head around, but that's not important. The important thing is, I don't want you to go anywhere near Angel or Wolfram & Hart again. They're dangerous. You understand?" Xander's hands had tightened on Dawn's upper arms to the point of pain; she winced slightly and he released her.

"Okay, I don't know what's going on, but I promise I'll stay away from Angel."

"And Wolfram & Hart." Xander gave her the look - the one that said 'or else'.

"But Spike lives there! I want to see him." Dawn turned pleading eyes on him and he crumbled.

"Okay, but not at the building. You can see him, but somewhere else, somewhere in public or you wait for me and I'll take you to see him. Deal?"

"Deal." Dawn kissed Xander on the cheek and headed for the front door. She stopped and turned around at the top of the steps. "Xander? Spike told me you guys fought; is it true?"

"Yeah, but we're all right now. We worked things out."

Dawn fidgeted for a minute and then took a deep breath before asking the question that had been on her mind since she had first stepped into Spike's apartment and saw the buttons scattered on the couch. "How did you lose your shirt buttons?"

Xander's eyes widened and he looked away in a rush. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth to speak; when no sound came out he reached toward Dawn, but at the last moment pulled his hand back and lowered his head.

Dawn nodded to herself and then spoke to Xander. "That's what I thought. See, I kinda figured if you two were fighting, the furniture would have been overturned, things broken - that sort of thing. Spike told me you hit him, that he let you. That didn't explain your shirt being ripped open. I'm not a dumb kid anymore; I know what kind of things lead up to the ripping of clothes, and if you and Spike are making with the smoochies, I want to make one thing perfectly clear. You tell Buffy the truth - if the three of you are going to have some weird, freaky three-way thing going, fine by me. Just so long as no one gets hurt. I love you, Xander. You're like the brother I always wanted and the father I never had, and Spike is my friend - I love him, but Buffy is the only real family I have. My loyalty goes to her first."

Xander nodded and looked at her. "When did you grow up, kiddo? It seems like just yesterday we were watching cartoons together in the living room and eating cereal right out of the box."

Dawn smiled. "We were; we do that all the time, Xander. But I know what you mean."

"I don't know what's going on with Spike; we're friends. Today was just, I don't know. Emotional? I already told him that I plan on telling Buffy; no secrets. As for the 'weird, freaky three-way thing' I'm not even discussing that with you. I haven't even talked to Buffy yet." Xander ran his hands through his hair and looked over at the window; he could see Buffy watching them and knew she had to be wondering what was going on "We should go in; your sister's probably worried."

Dawn nodded and they went inside.

~!~

Spike paced his rooms. He went from the living room to the bedroom, through to the bathroom and back out to bedroom before stalking into the living room again. He felt trapped, like a caged animal. He could still smell Xander's arousal in the air, as well as his own, and it was only making things worse.

In retrospect, Spike realised that what happened, as well as what might have happened, was probably not the best thing. He and Xander had only been friends such a short while, and after what went on the night before with Buffy, having sex with him would only complicate things further. But he wanted, Christ he wanted. Xander had been so eager, so uninhibited in his passion, he wished for a moment - regardless of the consequences - that they hadn't been interrupted.

He remembered watching Xander and Buffy as they lay in their bed, their bodies intertwined as they made love. He could recall with perfect clarity every moan, every hitch of breath. Funny that he hadn't noticed at the time just how much attention his subconscious had been paying to Xander. He drew on his photogenic memory, and like a movie, played the entire thing back in his head.

Sitting with his eyes closed, and his head back, he slipped one hand down his body to rub against the bulge straining against his trousers. Feeling the need for more contact, he undid the first button, instantly bringing back the feeling of Xander's fingers plucking at his fly only hours ago.

He went with the fantasy and pretended that it was Xander's hand that was undoing his jeans, Xander's hand that was taking him out. Behind his eyelids, he let the scene change from memory to fantasy. He envisioned himself in the bed with Buffy and Xander. His own pale limbs entwining with the others.

He lifted his hips and slid his pants down his thighs, releasing his hard flesh for only a moment; he pulled his shirt up and over his head. He tossed it onto the other end of the couch and got back into the fantasy.

The sheets were warm, as were the two bodies wrapped around him. He leaned in, kissing first Buffy, and then Xander. He watched as they kissed, stroking over their warm skin with his hands, trailing small bites and kisses over the parts of them he could reach. He felt a warm hand surround his cock and he groaned as he thrust into it.

Spike reached his other hand down between his spread thighs and cupped his balls. He rolled them gently as his Fantasy-Xander slipped down his body and took him in his mouth. He was quite liking this Fantasy-Xander - he was a natural cock-sucker.

Back in the fantasy, Buffy was moving into position, straddling Spike's face as Xander continued to suck him off. He licked and suckled at her as she ground herself against his mouth. He felt a finger nudging at his sphincter and groaned loudly as it slipped in.

Back in the real world, Spike had wet his index finger and gently inserted it into himself. His other hand was busy stroking his penis in long, slow, strokes. He hadn't had such a good wank fantasy in a while and wanted to make it last awhile.

Xander was now pushing two warm, wet fingers into him; he had moved from sucking his cock, to licking his nuts. Spike couldn't have been happier about it. Buffy was shaking, she was so close to cumming, all he needed to do to push her over the edge was to reach up and twist her nipples, which he did, and she screamed his name as she came. So intent on Buffy, Spike almost missed the insertion of a third finger into his anus.

Spike was working his cock faster now; he had kicked his jeans completely off, and using his coffee table for leverage, he had spread his legs and scooted his ass to the edge of the sofa. He had three of the fingers on his right hand buried in his ass, and if Fantasy-Xander didn't fuck him soon, he was going to cum without him. The phone rang. Spike snarled, grabbed it with his left hand and squeezed it until it broke. He dropped the mangled plastic and wire and went back to what he'd been doing. He wasn't going to be interrupted again.

Fantasy-Buffy was now lying beside him on the bed, her legs spread, with Xander's other hand buried between her thighs. Spike turned his head toward her and they kissed. It wasn't a soft kiss; it was hard and desperate, full of teeth and tongues, and breathy moans of appreciation for Fantasy-Xander's magical fingers. Spike felt the removal of those fingers and broke off the kiss to growl his displeasure only to find himself being rolled over, on top of Buffy. He didn't question it, just slid himself inside and sighed in pleasure. He felt Xander move behind him, he opened his legs in invitation and groaned as he was filled with hot, hard, flesh.

His body remembered how it felt to move with two others, his years with Angelus and Dru having taught him that much. He used that information now to fuel this fantasy, replacing Angelus with Xander, Drusilla with Buffy, trading cool- temperature flesh for hot. He spared a quick moment of regret for being interrupted before he got a chance to actually touch Xander's cock, wishing he knew how it actually felt - whether it was as hot as he imagined it to be.

Fantasy-Xander wasted no time in teasing. He ploughed into Spike with precision and accuracy. Every thrust sent stars dancing across Spike's eyelids, and he could do nothing more than ride it out. He matched Xander's rhythm, pushing into Buffy, and then back onto Xander. It had been too long though, too long since he'd been on this end of a good coring and he felt his climax approaching.

Spike sped up the movement of his left hand, stripping his cock with speed and efficiency. His right hand was pumping in and out of his ass with the same enthusiasm. He felt his balls draw up, and he vamped out as he shot his load all over his chest.

Panting, Spike removed his fingers from his bum, reached for his shirt, and cleaned himself up. He was just pulling his jeans up when the pounding on the door started.

~!~

After enduring a lecture from Buffy, and then a tear-filled hugging session, Dawn excused herself for the night and went to bed. Xander knew she wasn't tired - that she was just making an excuse to give them some privacy - he appreciated the thought, but had no idea how to broach the subject with Buffy. He was thankful when she brought it up instead.

"So, before Dawn showed up and tried to dust Angel, how did things go with you and..." Buffy trailed off, she lowered her eyes, not able to look at Xander and speak the blonde's name.

"Spike? It's okay, Buffy. You can say his name. I won't get angry." Xander lifted her chin and made her look at him; when she did he smiled at her. "Actually, I kinda wanted to talk to you about that. I, well, I hit him. A lot." Xander ran his hand back through his hair in what was quickly becoming a stress-related disorder. "Thing is," He continued. "He just stood there and let me hit him."

Buffy blinked and looked at him, the confusion evident in her eyes. Xander knew how she felt. Everything about his visit to Spike was confusing, from the violence to the emotional breakdown to the kissing and groping on the sofa. He had no idea what had caused it, so therefore he had no idea how to explain it to Buffy. Finally he just decided to lay it all out on the table and see what she said.

"I yelled at him, then I hit him, then I cried on him and he held me." At the shocked look on Buffy's face, Xander laughed. "Yeah, threw me for a loop as well. After that, we talked. He told me that he knew it was only going to happen the one time, and that you had asked him, that he couldn't deny you, that he wanted one last memory to sustain him. I get that, I do." He held up a hand to stop whatever it was Buffy was going to say before continuing.

"I apologised to him. For hitting him, for laying all the blame at his feet. It was my fault, too. I should have told you; I shouldn't have let you find out like that. We moved on, decided to share the burden, so to speak, but then he brought up Angel's involvement." The hands were back in the hair again, and he wondered, not for the first time, if this was going to make him bald. But then he sighed and continued on, knowing that if he didn't get this out now, he never would and it would always be an obstacle between them. For good or bad, he had kissed Spike, and now he needed to face the consequences.

"I learned some stuff about Angel, stuff that, well I guess it was supposed to make me feel sorry for him, or at least make me understand why he did that to you, to me and Dawn. But it didn't, it doesn't. I get what Spike was saying, and yeah, Angel's had a hard time of it lately, but who hasn't? Point is, Spike told me some stuff, I shrugged it off; he boiled it down to this really disgusting lemonade analogy and then I kissed him."

Xander waited for Buffy to stop gaping like a fish.

A few minutes passed and he was still waiting.

Another minute and there was finger-pointing to go along with the gaping-fish look. He figured it was going to be a while before Buffy wrapped her brain around that.

~!~

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