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April 4th, 2007
I was flipping through the t.v. channels the other day, and on Much Music (Canadian MTV, except MM actually plays music videos) I saw something that almost made me brain dead.
It was the video for �My Humps� by Black Eyed Peas.
I�m sure you�ve all heard this abhorrent, abominable, appalling, awful, detestable, disagreeable, disgusting, dreadful, execrable, frightful, ghastly, grim, grisly, gruesome, heinous, hideous, horrendous, horrid, loathsome, lousy, lurid, nasty, obnoxious, offensive, repellent, repulsive, revolting, shameful, sickly, terrible, ungodly, unholy, lump of SHIT, as it was pumped through every audio orifice for a year or so.
Now, to me, most of the rap/hip-hop genre of music is total trash anyways, but I used to have a faint shred of respect for Black Eyed Peas, due to their song "Where Is The Love?".
That song is fairly intelligent, and political, and has some meaning, and a message. I�m not saying every song needs to have political meaning, or a deep message. I got enough of that from Rage Against The Machine, thank you.
But this "my humps"...sweet motherfucking Christ, kill me if I ever have to see that again.
Do women really refer to their breasts as "lovely lady lumps"? I always thought if your breasts were lumps, you had cancer and would die. Oh please God, let that Fergie beast have cancer!
If the�what's a word that means dumber that retarded?�if that (insert new word that means a trillion times beyond brutally retarded) songs lyrics weren�t enough to make you smash your own head with a hammer, the terrible, "made by a 12 year old on a 20 year old keyboard", music should do the trick.
Or, how about Fergie, with her face that looks like it�s made out of tree bark, shake her 32 year old, wrinkly bits at us in pants that must�ve taken a bucket of pork fat to slide her �humps� into. Fucking sick. Her and Madonna should have a Crypt Keeper Look-A-Like dance off, and then both be sucked into a magic black hole, that simultaneously erases all existence of them from everybody�s memories.
I hate text messaging. Writing letters to each other, be it electronic or otherwise, defeats the whole purpose of having a fucking phone.
Until we develop telepathic abilities, the verbal word is still the quickest, and most efficient way of communicating. If I gave a shit, I�d record this rant, and it would take me about five minutes to do so. Then, you could listen to it and in five minutes, your life would be perfect. Instead I have to type this fucker out, which seems to take forgoddamnever.
Anyways, back to the point�why the fuckcockhell would you type a fucking text message, instead of dialing seven little numbers and talking to that fucking person?
It�s fucking stupid. Stop it. Use a phone, you disgusting r-tards.
I hate screaming children.
I hate the weather.
I hate Easter.
I hate having to add breaks at the end of each paragraph, just like I will have to do right here.->
I hate Tostitos cream cheese and salsa chips for being so goddamn addictive. Cream cheese and crack cocaine is more like it.
Fuck off.
-Mr. Attitude
(My resolution stands as a true monument of how awesome saying one word, and one half word, can change your life for the better. You don�t believe me? Just ask my mom, you slow-minded wanker.)
There you go. That's all you get for now. So go back to your pointless little "life." Back to your jobs, your boyfriends or girlfriends. Back to cable t.v., shitty music and numb minds. But never forget, wankers I'm still here, and as long as Mr. Attitude lives and breathes, your minds will not be safe.
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