| There were two people in my life that meant everything to me! They shared my heart equally between them. But now they are gone and the two halves of my heart have been torn out! Chris and Alex are my two best friends. I have only had four people ever in my life that have had the title of being my best friend. Good friends of any kind are extremely hard where I live and I was blessed with the chance to meet them both. But all good things come to an end. Nothing lasts forever, and unfortunately this had to end. I was faced with the decision of who of the two I wanted to be with. They both wanted to be with me and they are so different from each other I couldn't even compare one to the other. They both mean so much to me and I fgured if I have any dignity left within me after all of this that I had to do what was fair for everyone, so I didn't choose either. I choose to be alone, and that right there took guts. But now I risk losing my best friends. the closeness of a best friend, the comfort between two people when they are great friends. The trust. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, and some people may think it is a petty little decision. It is everything but that. I am past the point where dating means anything to me anymore. I know what I want and I know how to find it, and dating to me isn't the way. I found two people that I know I could be good with and I don't feel the need to find any more people like this, although I have lost the chance with both in any way of a relationship in the future. I hope my friendship's with them will rekindle themselves at some point. If not I will still be grateful for the times I did share with them. But things will be drastically different from now on. And I must find some way to deal with this, but I've always been strong in the past and this isn't going to stop me from being that way now! I have tod eal with it in whatevevr way I can, and whatever way will be healthy for everyone. Ive got a good head on my shoulders and hopefully that can outwiegh the way my heart feels at the moment. I'm going to get through this and that's all that matters now! Wish me luck, I may or may not need it but it's always good to have luck=) |