Well Im back for good now. To Newfoundland. We kind of just packed up and left all of a sudden. I barely got to say goodbye to half I wanted to see. But all good things must come to and end to make way for new experiences and chapters in your life. This is my new chapter. We drove over 8000 kilometres to make it here and farther we drove on that road, the more I learned about myself and life. It's strange how some things you should know just come to you. Kind of supernatural in a way, but amazing none the less. Well Im in a new place now, moving on to new things and new relationships. Im going to make the best of it I can. Its hard to keep a constant reminder that things will turn out fine, and everything will work out in the end to reveal some hidden path. I have been breaking down alot lately and it becomes harder and harder to bring myself back up each time. Depression's a bitch that's for sure. There are some times when I feel so alone I will just close my eyes and tears will fall down my face. Alot of times I have no sense of time or reality. Its more like a dream Im living in than real life. Not a bad or good dream, but just a dream where you cant grasp consciousness and theres nothing you can do but sit tight until things wake up and offer better opportunities. Yesterday I found myself in the washroom with my head resting on the toilet seat. I was crying my eyes out for no aparent reason. Frustration I suppose. It was the second time Ive cried since I've been here. I sat in that spot for an hour. My mind stuck on this idea of lonelyness and abandonment. It's not like my life is hell or anything. It was just a simple move. Change in atmosphere. But each day feels like a lifetime, each minute like a year and so on. With every day things get tougher on my mind. Im very lucky to have people in my life like I do. Just people that have so much love to give and will offer their hand no matter how sticky things get. I smile just thinking about you guys. Sometimes you forget how much the people in your life mean to you. And sometimes they dont see how important they truly are. Tell them often. Thats one thing I have learned. Next I have to find a way to make myself happy without relying on others for support all of the time emotionally. Its totally natural to be dependent and society is so focused on independence that we lose touch with one another. people need other people to survive. If we were able to live on our own in seclusion we wouldnt have been born of our parents. And wouldnt have had to rely on them for our younger years. Well that all Ive got to say for now. Just a little update on my life and emotional status. Stay tuned=)
Heather Lynn Stone |