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Did I mention that I’m only 16? |
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I went to Dominican
republic on vacation with my family. One night I saw a friend that I knew
from before and since I still had feelings for him I decided that I wanted to
hang out with him that night but just as friends since I already had a
boyfriend that I loved and still do with all my heart. That night my friend,
Jose, and me went out drinking with his friend. I got kind of drunk and we
ended up at his friend’s house. I was so drunk that I had a blackout for I
don’t even know how long. All I know is that when I finally woke up I saw
Jose and his friend naked with me also naked on a bed. I started to curse him
out and left to my home. The next day I woke up with a headache and a
stomachache. The first thing that was on my mind was HIV and STDs. I was so
scared I didn’t tell anyone because first of all I wasn’t supposed to be
going out with Jose that night. By reading up on HIV I thought that every one
who gets HIV gets the symptoms after about a week. I was so scared because in
about exactly 6 days after the incident I started to get a painful swollen
lymph node under my jaw, I had diarrhea, and night sweats sometimes, and a
yeast infection. I was so scared and wanted to come back home so that I can
go to the doctors. I still had 3 weeks to go before I came back home. I came
back home by myself since my family had to stay. When I got home the first
thing I did was cure my yeast infection with Monistat. Then when I called my
boyfriend I found out that he was in jail. Then I even got more nervous about
HIV when I got a canker sore in my mouth headaches, still had diarrhea, and
more lymph nodes were getting swollen and some joint pain. I started crying.
I was looking for HIV symptoms on the computer and the same symptoms I had
were the same you get when you get HIV. |
Ok, so I've
messed up again. Every time I have screwed up in the past I have made a plea
with God: this will never happen again if you let me be healthy. Well, God,
it's happened again, and again, and again...multiple times with two different
men. How stupid can I be? Well, being a 21 year old, female college student, I
guess it's easy to mess up. My long-term boyfriend and I broke up and I decided
it would be fun to hit the dating scene. It was fun, but why did I NEED to
cross the line? Am I that naive? NO, I am an intelligent young woman, quite
aware of everything that is going on around her...or so I thought.
What was I thinking? I went on a date with someone I knew in high school. A
nice guy, nice family. The date went well, maybe too well. We went for a couple
drinks, played some pool, had some more drinks, and then he took me back to my
car, which was conveniently parked at his house. Why did I have to go in his
house? Why was I so stupid? "Why don't you come in. We can watch a
movie," he said to me, and I believed him. A movie, right! I am not saying
it is his fault, but one thing lead to another, and boom I had unprotected sex
with someone I barely knew. It didn't phase me for a while. I actually had
unprotected sex with him a few times after that as well. How could I have been
so careless?
Guy number two I met at a bar. Nothing happened with him until about a month
and a 1/2 later when we met up one night after we had both been out with our
friends. Ya, and this time it wasn't even "let's go watch a movie,"
like the other guy. It was "hey let's meet up and talk." Ya, lets
talk, at 2:30am, in a parking lot, in the back of a car. Ok, lets get serious.
How stupid could I have been? I also slept with him a few more times after
that, unprotected.
You would honestly think I didn't have any idea about HIV/Aids. I have been
educated about it enough throughout my life to know the risks! Every year I go
for a GYN exam, and last year was the first year I had an HIV test because I
had unprotected sex with someone on spring break (when I was on another break
from my bf). It came back negative. I have never had any real HIV-related
symptoms since my last test (June 2003), but I can't help but think I might be
infected.
Last week I had a sore throat, itchy eyes, no swollen glands, a little tired,
but maybe it's just the flu. I've had the flu probably twice in the last year,
but like I said, nothing really matching HIV symptoms. I won't know until I get
tested tomorrow. I am so scared. My boyfriend and I have been together for six
years on and off. I love him. There has never been any indication he was ever
unfaithful to me, even when we took many-a-break. I can't say the same for me.
I have been with at least 20 guys, since the beginning of college (most
protected), but I can't help but think this is the way he would find out that I
have been with so many people: I would tell him I have HIV. He has no idea what
an absolute slut I've been. I really don't know what to feel right now. I am
scared because now he isn't feeling well. I feel a little bit better because he
has the same exact sickness I did last week: sore throat, tired, flu-like
symptoms. I know from reading up on the virus that it spreads very quickly when
the person has these symptoms, but what are the chances I gave it to him and he
is already feeling this way. I'm so worried.
I know I should be concentrating on myself and not worrying what I am going to
tell him, my family, or my friends, but I can't help it. I worry they will not
want to look at me, hug me, be near me. Especially my wonderful boyfriend. I
couldn't bare losing him.
Someone, if you're out there and can understand my pain, please respond. I'll
be waiting. As for right now, I am getting mentally prepared for the test
tomorrow. Even though I'm scared, I know it's the right thing to do. I have to
know either way.
Questions:
1)
What
would it be like to live with HIV?
2) Would you agree that the worst part about HIV is worrying about whether you have it or not?
3) What would you recommend the 16 year old to do?
4) What would you recommend the 21 year old to do?
5) How could have both individuals avoided these situations?
6) Do you think these individuals were educated properly on the effects of HIV?