Mary Age 22
July 2000
Milwaukee Trichnic
This was taken Nov. 1999
Mary Age 21
(with Jade 11 months!)
This is my story
(more pics at bottom)
I am currently a lash, brow, and leg puller. This is an accomplishment for me, because I don�t pull scalp
anymore.
I began pulling LEG hairs when I was around 9 - 10 yrs. old. For some reason, my Mom thought that it
would help to tell me that my Aunt (her sister) used to pull her eyelashes as a kid. Of course, it only
made me curious and led me to start on the lashes (that, and the part of Rescuers Down Under where the
evil lady rips off her false eyelashes... the crazy things that make us pull, huh!) Then I moved to scalp,
then every other place on my body that grows hair.
My mother had me in counseling by around age 11....which, after seeing the stories on the Farelite BB, I
am a VERY VERY lucky girl!! Even luckier, that it was a GOOD shrink. We dealt with a lot of issues,
and I was able to move the pulling from the scalp (which was the worst and caused the most teasing) to
focus on the other parts that I pulled from. She started by having me �hide� behind a hat. I guess so that I
could get control of myself and maybe get a little self esteem?? Then we worked on stopping the hiding,
and facing it, and dealing with it. Behaviour modification was the MAJOR area of focus. We also used
the rewards method of getting control, I got a Reeses Peanut Butter cup, everyday I didn't pull. And
eventually, I was pull-free!!! It was a huge huge struggle and long journey. I was on prozac for a little
while, but it didn�t help the trich at all, and instead, made me lose concetration in school, and made me
very hyper all the time.
I have heard that trich is brought on by strep throat.... and I did have strep throat within a month that I
started pulling. When I had the strep, I was out of school for 3 weeks. When I got back to school (5th
grade), things had changed, my friends had new friends.... before that I was always popular, and at this
point, no one was my friend. It was quite a drastic change. I also had allot of other stresses. My father
had died when I was 7, leaving my mother with 7 children, the oldest was 12. It took my mother a long
time, and allot of counseling, to be able to function again, without my father. So, my oldest brother did a
lot of the basic child care. I really don�t remember ANYTHING from that time period. I just have a bad
feeling about it. My brothers, I am sure they were all upset over the death and didn�t know what to do
with their emotions, were very hard on me. They all took out a lot of their stress and frustration on me.
The 7 of us were always fighting and yelling at eachother. . This contributed to the pulling a great
deal.
My hair was completely buzzed, with several bald spots, by 6th grade. I had a few good friends. I rarely
had lashes or brows. I was a pretty freaky looking kid. I wore my hat during most of 6th grade, but by the
end of the school year I wasn�t wearing it anymore. By 7th grade, I had about 3-4 inches of hair, that we
permed to blend in the different lengths.....by 8th grade, I had a normal head of hair. I have never pulled
scalp again. My lashes and brows also started to grow back in then..
I think the most important factor in me getting control of my trich, was that in the middle of 7th grade, I
moved to my Grandmother's house, about 4 hrs away....different school, no more teasing (I still looked a
little weird, as regrowth is slow, but at least I just looked like a dorky kid, rather than bald!) no more
terrible family life with mean brothers, and neglecting mother, no more mean, mean kids (the kids at
school were horrible) It was finally a time with a little bit of peace! And most of all, no more trying to
explain what �trichotillomania� is to a bunch of school kids. With out all the stress, I recovered and
moved back with my immediate family about a year later, and life was OK. I was still a miserable, lost,
teenager. Then, and even now, I felt like everyone stares and laughs at me because of my experience, but
I was able to relax and have a bit more of a life.
Then, things got stressful in life again... I got pregnant when I was 16. And what do you know...pulling
pulling away. I am able to, and I think I always will be able to, not pull from scalp. I could not live with
the humilliation again. The thought of pulling from my scalp makes me shudder. But, the �monster� was
back in full force. I began to pull lashes and brows again. Only this time, I had learned to control it for
the most part.
About 2 wks before my boyfriend (now husband) and I told our parents about the baby, I did away with all
my eyelashes. It was awful. I knew David would notice. I cried and cried to him, and finally told him... he
just looked at me a little funny... and hugged me... and didn't really say anything...but, I knew he
supported me. We were married, now have 3 kids... and I still pull. (wow, I said it "I STILL PULL")
However, an occasional bald spot in lashes or brows is the worst damage I have done.
It is hard for me to admit my trich... because most people I know, think that it was a disease or something
that I had and got over...like the flu or something. They don't understand that this is something I will have
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! It will not go away. I have to be strong and control it. Unfortuantley,
because this disorder is not widely known, I feel that I (and the rest of the trichs) don't get credit for the
daily battle we have with that inner monster. There is not a day that goes by that I don't imagine what it
would feel like to just start pulling... every hair out of my head. I feel that pulling is addicting and The
monster tells me that it would feel sooo good, and I would be sooo relaxed afterwards... and it would make
all my troubles go away. But, the logic in me is strong, and not naturally, I have worked hard to get to this
point... but I am able to control myself. I hate this, because I am always fighting with myself. I wish
myself would leave me alone sometimes!!!!
Controlling trichotillomania has become vital in maintaining my appearance. That is something very
important to me. I don�t even attempt to completely stop pulling, mostly because I know in my heart, that
if I wanted to, I could stop again. If I didn�t know that, or my trich was �out of control� I would stop
again. But, I don�t mind the pulling as long as I look �normal�. To keep track of every hair on a daily
basis is much too hard for me. That pressure just makes me pull more. I think that as long as I am
content with myself, then I don�t need to change.
I am now a normal looking lady with long hair that I adore and treasure, probably treasure a little more
than I should...but I think I have a damn good reason!! I still wear allot of eyeliner. Partly because it
makes me feel secure from all the years that it took the place of lashes, and partly because my lashes grew
back pretty thin. I have heard that they will always grow back normal, but I am not the case there! Same
with my eyebrows. I have allot of really long eyebrows, but underneath the long ones, is allot of bare
skin.
Even though I don't pull my scalp hair, I still relieve stress on it. A stressful time in my life will always
result in a new color, or me attempting to cut it myself, and ooooops, the hairdresser has to fix whatever
cut I have given myself (it ALWAYS looks awful when I am done with it!). Or, I will start wearing it
differently.... little things like that, that may seem normal to others, but to me inside, I feel the
MONSTER! Sometimes, I have to hide all the scirrors, from fear that I will start trimming, and end up
looking very silly, and loosing my beautiful hair in the process. I think this is sort of a defense
mechanism to defer myself from actual pulling.
Now, I pull mostly from my legs with tweasers, digging and pulling slow, with the right pressure to get
the root out. I pull every single day. I pull a few lashes and brows a day, not enough to do damage, but I
pull them all the same. I occasionally go into a �trance� on my legs, where I can spend hours and hours,
just sitting on the bathroom counter, plucking and plucking. This is referred to as a spree, and my legs
are the ONLY place I allow that to happen. Occassionally, I spree on my lashes or brows during hard
times when I am not in control. Chewing the hair is a big part of it for me... the thicker the hair, the
better to chew. It is a part of the ritual. I also prefer lashes to chew because of the texture.
Stepping back and looking at trich from a distance, I feel pretty silly about the whole thing.... but, it is me,
it will always be me. I feel that if someone has a problem with it and cannot accept me for who I am, then
I do not to know them. This has been a MAJOR issue in my life for the last 10 yrs. It is an issue everday
that goes by. I have let people think that it is something of the past, but not anymore. I want people to
know about this.... most of all, because there is another 10 year old girl out there, who doesn't understand
why she is pulling out her hair (of all the absurdities) and I want her to know that it is not her fault!!! I
want everyone to know that this is not something that is controlled easily. I want the friends and family of
EVERY single trich, to know that this is a disorder, not just a freaky habit. And it won't just go away.
There IS hope for pullers. Trich CAN be controlled. I think that in order to control trich,
you must be able to completely stop, to be entirely �in control�. In my opinion, behaviour
modification is the best way to deal with trich. Paying very close attention to when and
where and why you pull, and intercepting the pulling before it even starts. I had a calendar
in which I marked a happy face for no pulling, or an X if I pulled. Of course, at first there
were a lot more X�s than happy faces. Gradually you get one, and another, and another...
until they overpower the X�s. Its a HUGE effort, and takes awareness every moment of
the day. I would not count off for true mindless slip-ups, where you habitually pull out
ONE hair while thinking, reading or whatever. The important thing is that you catch
yourself, and DON�T pull anymore. I didn�t keep track of the days in a row, either. That
was too much pressure for the days that I did slip. All that mattered was that there were
more good days than bad.
Medicine can help some in dealing with trich, because of the different things that trigger us
to pull. If medicine (prozac, zoloft, etc..) will help calm some of the emotions that lead to
pulling, and make life easier in general, then they will help trich. However, in my readings
and experiences, and talking with other trichs, I don�t know of anyone who has been able
to stop just by taking medinice. It is up to the individual to NOT PULL.
Thank you for reading my story. Feel free to email me at [email protected]
The first pic was just when trich was starting, the brows are getting thin, and I had just gotten a haircut, that I didn't like, I think that was when I moved to scalp. The next 2 pics were during 6th grade. I remember making that bald spot on my head, because I was trying to get a perfect circle.
There is one of the many hats I hid behind. The last two were taken within the last 6 months.
I was 19 here:
Of course... I have to have a picture of the kids, too!
Aspen, Caleb, and Jade!!
